by Elbie Dee
I walked past the command center wall and entered the kitchen. I placed my empty mug in the sink, and opened the freezer to our white colored refrigerator. After pulling out the box of Eggo waffles, I loaded the last two into the toaster. In the time I walked over to the pantry to throw the empty box in the trash, and grab the syrup from the shelf, the waffles popped up from the toaster.
“Kash! Time to eat!” I yelled from the kitchen. Within seconds, I heard his little feet scurrying in to join me.
I pulled a ceramic plate from its shelf in the cupboard above the toaster, before sitting it down on the counter in front of me. Before I could get both waffles on the plate, I heard him struggling to get into his stool from behind. The thought of him falling and getting hurt didn’t sit well with me, so I paused from preparing his plate to help up.
“Mommy, where Da?” he asked, as I slid his plate in front of him once I had drenched the waffles with syrup.
With Bradson being gone for two weeks, he wasn’t used to his absence. I couldn’t allow him to become aware of the thought of Bradson not ever returning home. I had my own emotions to control, and wasn’t ready to handle dealing with Kash’s as well.
“He’ll be home soon, buddy. He had stuff to take care of,” I lied, as Kash followed the movement of my lips. He turned to pick up one of his waffles, and I took a breath in relief. I’m not sure if he believed me, but he didn’t question it any more as he shoved the breakfast into his mouth.
My heart and mind beat each other after the question Kash asked me, which led to an idea. As my son ate, I walked down the hall and into his room. Standing in front of his vertical five drawer chest, I pulled the top drawer open first. I pulled out a pair of his Nike socks, and a fresh Mickey Mouse pullup before closing it back, and proceeding to open the third drawer down. A pair of Levi jeans and a short sleeve, grey Old Navy shirt was the first outfit I saw, so I joined them in the hand that held his other items.
“Waah!” Kayo screams came from his bassinet in my bedroom, as I closed the drawer to Kash’s chest.
I threw Kash’s outfit onto my comforter before walking to my side of the bed. Kayo’s whimpers lightened as I picked him up from his bed, but I noticed he was hungry when his lip continued to quiver. I took a seat at the edge of my mattress with him in my left arm, and used my right hand to pull my shirt over my head. After switching him in my arms, I allowed the shirt to fall to the floor before latching him on to one of my breasts. In between one of his breaks to catch air, I burped him, and switched him to my other breast before Kash came into my room.
“Mommy, I done,” Kash’s two foot body walked over to me and said after I looked in his direction.
“Okay. Go wash your hands and face in the bathroom, just like I taught you,” I instructed. He had syrup all over his hands and face. With me in the middle of breastfeeding his brother, there was nothing I could do to help. If his father was home I wouldn’t have to multi-task so much. Since it was longer the case, I had to allow myself to trust Kash to fend for himself.
After I watched Kash scurry out of my room and into the hallway bathroom, I noticed Kayo was finished eating once he had my full attention again. I leaned over until I could reach my shirt with my fingertips, and pulled the shirt up and over my shoulder. I took Kayo from my arms and rested his head on top of my shoulder. I pat his back until he released a large belch, before I laid him down on the bed to change him.
“Kash! Turn off the water!” I yelled before hearing the faucet turn off. Behind me, I grabbed a diaper, a onesie, and a pair of sweatpants for Kayo from the shelf attached underneath the bassinet. I completed grabbing his things once the wipes and socks were in my possession from my nightstand, and took a step to the side to start getting him ready.
“All clean!” Kash said after he re-entered my bedroom, while he held his hands in the air for me to see.
“Good job! Now, be a big boy and put that outfit on,” I pointed to his outfit on my bed as I pulled the soiled diaper off of his brother.
Without hesitation, he began to strip from his clothing. Once he was bare and all of his items laid on my carpet, he struggled trying to reach his clean clothes. I paused from putting Kayo’s onesie on his tiny body, and leaned over to help Kash by tossing his stuff to the floor. I instructed Kash with each item, since it was the first time he was getting dressed by himself. By the time I completed Kayo’s outfit, the only thing left for me to help Kash with was socks and the jeans button. I was so proud of him.
“You did great!” I complimented, after I rested Kayo in the bassinet to help Kash finish. He smiled from the feeling of pride, and we walked into his room together.
After I pulled his black and white Adidas from the shelf in his closet, I lifted him and sat him on his twin sized bed. One after the other, I slid his feet into the shoes before lacing them tightly. Both of my boys were ready to go and I hadn’t started getting ready myself. I told Kash to finish watching Paw Patrol, and we would leave as soon as I was ready. He darted into the living room as I walked back into my bedroom.
Already exhausted, I pulled a grey, cotton sundress from one of the hangers in the closet. Since I couldn’t wear a bra with the particular dress, I pulled it over my head after I took it off of the hanger. I put the plastic hanger back on the rack, and leaned over to inch my striped pajama pants off of my legs. As I was crouched over after taking my pants off, I grabbed my only pair of Rainbow sandals and slid my feet into them.
I ran my fingers through my curly hair to pull the small knots out, and we were all ready to go. Normally, I would do more with myself but I didn’t have the energy. With Bradson not around, I didn’t have to impress anyone. After I enforce my plan to find where he’s been, hopefully that would change, and he’d come back home with his family again. There was no way I was going to allow him to walk out of our lives without a conversation at the very least. I wasn’t made for the life of a single mother. He wasn’t going to force me to suffer if I could do something about it.
4
Alynn
A couple of weeks went by and I hadn’t heard a word from Brilese, which caused me to worry. She never ignored my calls and when she couldn’t answer, she’d send me a text letting me know she was busy and would get back to me as quickly as possible. Lately, my messages have been left on read and I always get sent to voicemail after the third dial tone. Without any type of argument or disagreement between us two, it was highly unlike her to ignore me.
The last I heard from her was when I was the comfort through another hard time she was having with Bradson. That day, she looked stressed and distraught from what we both witnessed at the photo shop. I was afraid she had fallen deep into depression and was letting herself go. Although she didn’t like uninvited guests showing up at her house, I couldn’t help but to show and deal with the attitude later.
“Brilese!” I yelled, as the echo bounced from the walls inside of her house. Since I had a spare key for emergencies, I let myself in. It wouldn’t have done any good to knock. since I pulled into her driveway and her car wasn’t home. Still, I needed to check the house to make sure. If anything, she was probably running errands since the kids were at school, and would be home shortly.
“Brilese!” I repeated once again. After closing the front door, I took a few steps until I was able to rest my keys and phone on top of the arm of the couch.
I froze, and directed my attention toward Brilese’s bedroom door as I thought I heard a creaking sound. As I watched the door crack open, my heart began to thump and I felt the roses appear on my pastel cheekbones. Small drops of sweat covered the microscopic blonde hairs above my lip, as the pit of my stomach began to turn in fear. I waited, and watched as the door finally opened.
“You fucking scared me!” I yelled at Brilese, while she stood in her doorway staring back at me.
“Um. This is my house! Remember?” she tilted her head as she sarcastically replied. Instead of apologizing for scaring the living hell out of me, I w
as ignored. Without looking my way at the least, she walked past me and entered her kitchen. I sprinted across the black and white, checkered floor until I joined her in front of her Kerig coffee maker.
“What’s your deal with me Brilese?” I asked furiously, before slamming my right hand on the ledge of the stainless steel sink. It didn’t phase her. She continued watching the brew leak into the glass pot. I kept my stare at her and waited for her to reply.
“Excuse me,” she said, which was the first sound I heard since asking her what the issue was. Unbothered at how close I was, she leaned her backside against the stove before placing her pink lips on the rim of the mug. She sipped as she waited for me to move, but it took me a minute to snap out of the shock.
“Fine then! I was just trying to check on you!” I huffed. I turned away from her before jetting into the living room, and grabbing my possessions from on top of the couch’s arm.
“Bye,” I barely heard her from the softness in her tone, and I snapped my head back. When I noticed her attitude was still active as she stared, I latched onto the door handle and slammed the door shut after I was out. Waves of vibration shocked the nerves in my arms from the force I used.
I jogged down the stone pathway until I reached the concrete pavement where my car was parked. I manually inserted my key into the lock on the door handle of my 1996 Toyota Camry. While balancing myself by gripping the steering wheel and placing my right foot onto the floorboard, I allowed the rest of my body in. I cranked the ignition once my phone was in my door panel, and shifted to reverse before backing out from the driveway. My neck jerked from the end of the high speed when I pressed the brake pedal before shifting into drive. Before I continued down the road, I was sure to flip the bird in hopes she was looking out of her blinds.
Thirty seconds into driving down the road, my heart filled with distress. Brilese never treated me like an evil stepsister, or anything else along those lines. As I tried coming up with conclusions, I immediately was able to rule out the possibility of being an unsupportive friend. She received all of my sent texts and unanswered calls, since I wasn’t blocked. The only thing that seemed possible for her attitude to turn on me was showing up at her house unannounced. Even then, she wouldn’t treat me so coldly.
* * *
The moment Brilese and I met last summer I felt like she was my friendship soulmate… thanks to my best friend of four years, Dezire. Ever since Junior year at South Pointe High School, Dezire and I had become more like sisters. We’ve had our shares of cat fights and arguments, but we always made things right within a few days just like siblings do.
It was my second season returning home from college in Charlotte since I chose not to get a permanent living arrangement in the city. My parent’s only lived thirty minutes away, and my dorm was calculated into my loan amount during semesters. My own place would only be a waste of money. A week before leaving UNC, I informed Dezire through a text so she wouldn’t make plans without me. We were inseparable in our high school days, so the months we had to spend apart as legal adults only made us eager to see each other at the first possible moment.
Me: Guess who’s coming home next weekend?!
Dezire: Yessss! I miss you and can’t wait to see you!
Me: Same babe!
Dezire: I have another friend you’d love to hang out with! We can party at her house!
Me: Sure. Do I know them?
Dezire: Probably not. She’s a new employee at The Hilton.
Me: Can’t wait!
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of my best friend having another friend she felt comfortable with. I knew she would find other friends to confide in after I shipped off to college… although I hoped she wouldn’t. She didn’t want to waste money on college without being certain about her career. Instead, she got a job at the hotel until she could find her passion. We both were aware of, and agreed to tackle any obstacles that tried to damper our relationship while we were departed.
Deciding to put my emotions to the side, I met with Dezire the next week at a hole in the wall coffee shop to catch up with her alone. I told her about all of the classes I succeeded in, as well as failed. As I shared with her my discouragements, I began to feel the weight of the Criminal Justice major overwhelm me.
“Without hard work, you will succeed in something, but you will never be happy with the outcome,” she said after she noticed me beginning to panic. That was the line her parents always have used with her, but she was right. If my dreams of becoming a police officer were going to come alive, then what’s a little paperwork as opposed to dead bodies.
As for her, she seemed to love working as one of the event managers at The Hilton and didn’t have plans to terminate her employment anytime soon. It bummed me a bit to know we’d never attend a year in college together, but my hopes were settled with peace out of happiness for her. She always had the mind for making cold and gloomy rooms become warming fairytale endings. It would have been selfish of me to try and convince her that college and a set career was a good option for her creativity; I only wanted her to follow the journey with me.
The coffee shop was about to close when our three hour long conversation came to an end. I accepted the fact that she wasn’t leaving Rock Hill anytime soon, and needed friends around the area. By the time we were going to meet her other friend, Brilese, jealousy left my soul. I grew ecstatic to meet a new friend.
Only five minutes down the road, I followed Dezire to a one story, white paneled house. She parked her burnt orange, Hyundai Sonata behind an older model Lexus. Without any space in the driveway for me, I parked my Toyota next to the mailbox beside the curb on the road. I opened my car door before stepping out onto the pavement of the road. I leaned into my car to grab all of my belongings.
“Come on Alynn!” with my head inside of my car, I heard Dezire yell.
I grabbed my Michael Kors bag from the passenger’s seat before inching my upper body from the car. After the door was closed, I locked the door from the outside of the car. I walked down the driveway to join Dezire as my heart began to thump. Meeting someone new has always made me nervous.
I met Dezire at the door, and she opened the screen and let us in without knocking. Immediately, the flutters in my stomach disappeared from the warmth of the home. The decor was the first to catch my attention. The light scent of paint coming from the canvases that hung on the walls assured me they were homemade. The grey distressed coffee table sitting on top of an off white wool rug, matched perfectly with the sheer curtains. The burgundy, grey and white couch pillows sat neatly on the furniture. The vanilla aroma coming from the Febreze plugins helped set the home’s mood. I couldn’t imagine somebody walking into her house and not feeling comforted.
“This is my best friend, Alynn,” Dezire introduced, after we joined Brilese in the attached kitchen from the living room. She looked my way as she loaded the oven with a full pan of lasagna. After the oven door was closed, she wiped her hands on the cloth hanging from the handle.
“Hey. I’m Brilese,” she introduced herself to me.
“Alynn, again,” I chuckled. I felt a tad awkward since Dezire already introduced me. Hoping to play it off, I reached my hand toward her to give her a handshake.
“We hug in this house,” she smiled, and tugged my hand before pulling me in for a squeeze. Her toned muscles pressed against me, and I was amazed at how strong her body felt. As my head rested above her shoulder, I got a whiff of the coconut scented shampoo she used. She looked good, she smelled good, and her energy made me feel whole.
The three of us began to chat at the kitchen table as we ate the flavor bursting lasagna Brilese made. I learned so much about her, and grew intrigued from her strength. She was raising a son and a daughter, while maintaining a full time job. Doctor’s appointments, school events and all of the other responsibilities that come with motherhood began to sound stressful to me. The only time she caught a break was when they visited their grandmother on the week
ends. I didn’t have kids and began to think I shouldn’t indulge, until she explained why becoming a mother was the best thing that ever happened to her.
We all finished our meal and participated in the clean up process. Afterwards, Smirnoff’s whipped cream vodka mixed with orange soda quickly changed the energy. Our second glass in, Brilese turned on the television and connected her phone with a HDMI cord. I watched the volume rise to one hundred percent, before she started blaring Cardi B’s song, Money.
Music genres ranging from country to soul played all night as we danced around the living room floor. We were using hair brushes as microphones while we lip-sung music lyrics. That was the last I remember before waking up the next morning with a scorching headache… with glares from the sun beaming through the blinds.
“Get up Alynn,” I heard Dezire echo from behind me, as I listened to the chirping birds. I had a sudden urge to vomit after straining my eyes open. Once I sat up, I realized I was the couch. Not wanting to damage the fabric, I shot through the living room toward the bathroom. I made it right on time to the toilet bowl, before the alcohol started releasing from the pit of my stomach.
“Good morning!” Brilese chuckled when I joined her and Dezire in the kitchen.
I took a seat at the table, and Brilese slid two Tylenol Extra Strength pills to me. She got up from her breakfast and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. After accepting the bottle and shoving the pills down my throat, I ate the turkey sausage and eggs that Brilese served me. I felt a little better after breakfast, but I still wasn’t fully recovered.
I decided to stay and completely sober myself. With my parents’ being religious, it would be disrespectful of me to walk through the doors of the Christian home drunk. Unlike me, Dezire left the house around two in the afternoon. She had to prepare for her shift which started at four, so it gave time for me and Brilese to get to know one another personally. After chatting for a few hours, we exchanged phone numbers before I left to return home at five in the evening. I sent the first text when I got into my car, and our friendship grew from there.
