He nodded, but the sorrow didn't leave his face. “I hope you're right.” He turned back to the stove. “Fix yourself a plate. You must be starving.”
I piled a plate high with food and carried it to the table. I didn't wait for him to sit down, I just dove right in. He joined me and put two slices of French toast on my plate. His own plate was full of eggs and bacon and French toast.
I looked around for something sweet. “Where's the syrup?”
He smirked. “No more sugar for you.”
I sighed but didn't argue. “Where'd you get all this food?”
“I had it delivered,” he said. “You're going to have to learn how to cook. There's no way you can afford to eat out all the time with the quantity of food you'll need now.”
“I'll figure it out,” I said around a bite of food.
He cleared half his plate before he spoke again. “I think going to the gym is a bad idea.”
No. I wasn't going to let him take away fighting from me. “It'll be fine. I know how to pull my punches.”
He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, a move that made him look tough, immovable. “How can you pull your punches if you don't even know how strong you are?”
He had a point. I hated that he had a point. “I'll figure it out. I'll start on the punching bags.”
“And if you punch through a bag? You don't think your coach and the other fighters will wonder about that?”
Damn it. I really hated how much sense he was making. “I'm not giving up fighting. I'll figure it out.”
He sighed, his expression grim. “Fight me.”
I rolled my eyes. “I'm not fighting a pacifist. Do you even know how to fight?”
He grinned, not rising to my bait. “Just because I choose not to fight doesn't mean I don't know how to do it.”
It would be fun to kick his ass. “My coach won't like it. She doesn't like me to fight anyone she hasn't vetted.”
He didn't flinch. “Thought of that, too. Any chance we could have the gym to ourselves?”
My first instinct was to tell him no way, because I wanted my life back. I didn't want to be that diva fighter who asked everyone else to leave her gym, but I couldn't deny that his request made sense. It scared me that he thought it necessary. Just how strong did he think I was? “There are over twenty fighters who train there every day. I can't just ask them all to leave.”
“Okay. Then we'll go back to Darius's property.”
I shuddered. That guy gave me the creeps. “Do we have to see him again?”
“He'll be at work. Eat up and we'll leave now.”
“What's the rush?”
He looked away, not meeting my eyes. “Just been bored while you slept.”
He was the absolute worst liar. “What's really going on?”
He made eye contact then, his jaw tight, his expression pained. “I don't like to be away from the pack too long. Clarissa's good, but she…I just want to get back.”
I could have pushed for more information, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know. There was nothing wrong with wanting to get my life back, and I didn't need to feel any more guilt about that than I already did. I ate the last two bites of French toast and carried my plate to the kitchen. The sink was piled high with dirty pans, but I'd worry about that later. “Let's go.”
Axel drove this time, swerving in and out of the congested LA traffic like he had a death wish. “I thought you said werewolves weren't indestructible.”
“We aren't,” he said. “We're hard to hurt and we heal quickly, but we can be killed.”
“So if you crashed into that guard rail, we'd die?”
“I'm not going to crash into the guard rail. I'm an excellent driver.”
He wasn't wrong about that. “It's all the other crazy people I'm worried about.”
“I'm keeping an eye on them,” he said. “You haven't reached your full power, yet, but you'll understand when you do.”
“What kind of power?” Super-weird sense of smell, alpha voice, and night vision were cool and all, but I wasn't sure I wanted more weird powers.
“It's hard to describe. It's like you're moving slower than everyone else. When I'm in any sort of adrenaline-pumping situation, everything slows down and my senses become heightened. To you, we're moving insanely fast, but to me this is just a leisurely drive down a busy road.”
That didn't sound like a bad skill to have. It would certainly help me in the cage.
“How did you become alpha? Was it a fight to the death like in the movies?”
“Not quite,” he said with a faint smile. “It became clear pretty soon after puberty that I was going to be an alpha. Esmeralda tried to keep my dominance hidden, but by the time I was sixteen, my alpha knew what I was and he wanted me out of the pack.”
“Harsh.”
He shrugged. “Some alphas are cool with having another dominant male in the pack, but not our alpha. He wasn't very popular and he couldn't take the risk of me becoming more powerful than him and taking him out. Darius took me in for a few years, so I could finish high school and mature before I became alpha.”
“How'd that go over with the wife and kids?” I kept my tone light, but I was feeling pretty bad for Axel. It couldn't have been easy to have been forced out of his pack and away from his adoptive guardian.
He smiled. “The kids were toddlers and Darius hadn't married their mom, yet. He told them I was his nephew, that my parents were out of the country on missionary work. It worked out.”
“So you lived there until, what? You became alpha of the Mule Creek pack?”
“Darius and the council made sure I got a college degree,” he said. “There were…Problems with a lot of the packs that hadn't accepted the world was changing and thought they could live the way they'd been living for the past hundred and fifty years. The council wanted the packs to be more a part of the modern world and they thought making sure all new alphas were college educated would help with that.”
“What did you major in? Werewolf pack management?”
He slipped between two cars and onto the exit ramp. His lips twitched, but he didn't smile. “I majored in psychology and history. Darius wanted me to major in business, but that was never going to be a good fit for me. I figured it was more important for me to learn how to mediate disputes and understand the drives of even the least dominant members of the pack. In history, I wanted to learn about the best leaders and try to do half as good as them. For the most part, I manage people as pack leader, I look out for mental health problems, and try to keep the pack from killing each other or themselves for one idiotic reason or another.”
“So, you finished college and then you went and fought the Mule Creek alpha to the death and took over?”
“I was assigned to the Mule Creek pack. They'd been having trouble for years, getting into fights with other packs and the vampires in Aspens Whiten. Darius wanted me to take over and calm things down before they did something irrevocably stupid.”
“And the alpha just stepped aside and let you take over?”
“The alpha was not as strong or as dominant as me and he'd long since stopped being able to control his pack. It should have been a smooth transition, but not all the pack was in favor of my pacifist philosophy.”
“You fought them to the death?” At this point, I was just trying to get him to smile. He was way too serious, way too somber.
“Nope,” he said. “I let the pack members who were opposed to pacifism leave, and the alpha left with them. They're in Aspens Whiten, now.”
“That town in the valley I had to drive through to get to Mule Creek?”
He nodded. “The alpha moved with them and they seem to have settled down. That or the alpha has an easier time controlling a smaller group. We still have wolves leave the pack to go to the valley a couple times a year. I let them go. I'm not going to force anyone to stay where they don't want to be. Sometimes, wolves leave the Aspens Whiten pack to join us.”
&n
bsp; “And this all went down with no bloodshed or harsh words?”
“I didn't say that. Just no fights to the death.”
He pulled down Darius's drive and parked near the woods.
“Sounds like there's a story there,” I said.
“Not one I'll be telling today.” He got out and waited for me to join him. I wrapped my hands and stepped out. He was in jeans and a t-shirt. He claimed he hadn't brought workout clothes to LA. He spread his legs, bent his knees, and raised his fists. “Okay,” he said. “Hit me.”
I bounced on the balls of my feet a few times, warming up, then I lunged and snapped out a hard right jab. He blocked, but only managed to divert my punch to his temple. I didn't think I'd hit him that hard, it felt more like a grazing punch, but Axel's head flew to the side, something snapped, and he dropped like a jellyfish, all loose limbs. I fell to my knees next to him. “Very funny,” I said. “Get up, you big baby.”
He didn't move, his eyelids didn't flutter. He was so still, I had to check his pulse to make sure his heart was still beating. I rolled him onto his side and paced in front of him. There was nothing I could do but wait for him to revive. I couldn't exactly call 911. They'd probably recognize he wasn't human.
“Ow, fuck,” Axel said. I dropped back down next to him and helped him sit up. He put a hand to his head.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He narrowed his eyes and turned his head slowly to look at me. “I tell you that you have superhuman strength. I say you might not be able to control it. And you aim for my head, anyway?”
“Um, habit?” I said, because it was the truth. If I was going to hit someone, I always aimed for the head first. “I was aiming for your jaw, but you blocked and knocked the punch into your temple.”
“If you'd hit my jaw, you'd have broken it.”
“I can control it,” I said. “I just need to get a handle on it.”
He breathed deep and got to his feet. “You're lucky I heal quickly. If I'd been human, I'd be dead.”
That made it suddenly hard for me to breathe. “So, I need practice before I go up against a human.”
He shook his head and winced. “First, let's see what we're dealing with. Punch that tree.” He pointed out a huge old Oak near where yard ended and forest began.
I looked over to see if he was joking. He had to be joking. I might be super-strong, but I'd still break my hand punching a tree.
He sighed. “You'll heal. Just give it a try. I don't want to die today. Hit that tree with everything you've got.”
I went back to the car, dug through my gym bag, and pulled gloves on over my hand wraps. I was sure I was about to do the dumbest thing I'd ever done. I walked over to the tree and faced it, widening my stance so I could use my body weight behind the punch. I pulled in a deep breath, pulled back my arm and punched forward with every bit of force I could manage. My fist hit the bark of the tree, but it didn't stop there. It continued to plow about a foot into the tree. I yanked my fist back out and looked at the hole I'd made. This was very, very bad. This wasn't just accidentally-kill-someone strong, this was accidentally-rip-someone's-heart-from-their-chest strong. I looked at that hole and I saw my future, I saw any shot at fighting again, vanish. I was a freak, a monster.
Anger fired through my veins, chasing away my sadness, and I punched the tree with a left cross. I didn't make quite as large a hole with that punch. I punched again and again, harder and harder, trying to find some relief from the maelstrom of emotions, chief among them fear, because if I wasn't a fighter, if I couldn't get in a cage and kick ass, then who the hell was I and what the fuck was I going to do?
Strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back just as the tree split and toppled to the ground right where I'd been standing. I didn't feel grateful to Axel. I fought my way out of his arms and spun to face him. “You knew,” I said. “You knew I'd never be able to fight again.”
“I suspected. I've never in my life seen anyone as strong as you in your human form. I didn't realize-”
“You knew.” I stabbed my forefinger into his chest. He winced but didn't step back. “You knew, and you let me think I might be able to do this. You let me think I might be able to go back to my old life.”
“I wasn't sure. I'm still not sure. You haven't tried holding back. You haven't tried fighting without putting everything you have into it.”
“And if I forget for a moment? If I get caught up in the adrenaline of a fight and I stop holding back, that's how my opponent will look?” I pointed at the tree I'd demolished. “I can't take that chance.”
I wanted him to argue more than I wanted my next breath, but he didn't. “It would be a huge risk.”
“One I won't take. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I killed someone, especially when I know how easily I could do it without meaning to.”
He nodded, his expression bleak, and something occurred to me. “That's why you're a pacifist. Not because you're scared or self-righteous.”
“Because I understand how fragile life can be.” He reached over and brushed a tear from my cheek. I hadn't even realized I'd been crying.
“What will I do now?”
“Come back with me to Mule Creek,” he said. “You could help me.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don't need a pity job.”
“It's not a pity job. We've had some trouble lately. I don't want to fight, but as you said, it's a lot easier to remain a pacifist when everyone is afraid of you.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“Nothing for you to think about now. Just know there'd be a place for you in the pack, a job. If you decide not to stay in LA, you'd be welcome in Mule Creek.”
I nodded, because I didn't see that I had any other option. Unless I stayed in LA, with a need to shift and an increasing amount of power I didn't know how to handle, and tried to find a new livelihood…It just didn't seem like a viable option. “I'll go back with you. At least until I get a grip on wolf-Julie and figure out what to do next.”
***
“This is a terrible idea,” Axel said. He looked sharp in dark slacks, a deep purple button-down, and a tie. His hair was slicked back, though stubble had already started to mar his smooth skin. He was a combination of rugged and smooth.
“It'll be fun,” I said. “It's our last night in LA, we should have a good time.” I was in a teeny-tiny dress that was the same purple as his shirt. Yeah, I'd taken him shopping so we'd be color-coordinated. He couldn't get into the club without a tie and I thought it would be fun for us to match a little bit. I'd told him we were going out because I wanted to say goodbye to LA in style, but the truth was I needed to get laid. That same nervous, itchy energy was rolling through me again and I knew a run wasn't going to cure it. I needed some action or I was going to jump Axel and that would be a bad idea for so many reasons. I couldn't actually name any of the reasons at the moment, which was why I was at a club with him, already scanning the crowd for my target.
“Does alcohol get me drunker than normal now?” I yelled to him over the music.
“The opposite,” he shouted back. “You'd have to drink a keg to get drunk.”
Damn it. I'd just order a soda and that should take the edge off enough for me to approach a good-looking guy. I'd had a one-night stand or two in my life, but it had always just kind of happened. I'd met someone out and we'd hit it off and decided to have some fun. I'd never gone on the prowl and I was a little nervous, or overeager. Either way, sugar should help. Before I could do anything, though, I needed to lose Axel.
I popped onto my tiptoes and whispered in his ear. “Why don't we dance?”
To my utter shock, he shrugged and led the way to the dance floor. I'd planned to lose him before we hit the dancing crowd, but now I was curious. Axel found an open space among the crowd of gyrating, twisting dancers and just started to shake it. I mean he literally started shaking his ass like he didn't give a damn what anyone thought of him. It was kind of adorable. I d
anced with him for two songs. He'd never win a dance competition, but he was fun, I'd give him that. I pointed toward the bathrooms and pretended to shout, then dove into the crowd. I went the long way back to the bar, pushing my way through the crowd and dodging drunks. I got to the bar and sank onto a bar stool with a sigh.
“You're a terrible liar.” Stubble grated against my cheek in the most delicious way. My thighs spasmed in anticipation. “What are you really up to?”
I huffed and spun to face Axel. “I need to get laid,” I whispered back, pressed close against him. I tried to ignore the way my whole body shivered at the contact. “I don't want an audience.”
“That's a horrible idea,” he whispered leaning in closer.
I narrowed my eyes and glared at him, but he just shrugged. Good to know he wasn't interested in solving my problem. At least, my rational brain knew it was good, the rest of me was a teensy bit disappointed he hadn't jumped in and offered to help me out. He didn't argue when I ordered a soda and chugged it. And he didn't follow me when I headed back to the dance floor to hunt out a good candidate. I was glad he didn't follow. Really, I was.
It took me three tries, but I finally found a guy who wasn't gay, wasn't there with someone else, and was up for a quickie in the bathroom. I know, real classy. I was desperate, but not stupid enough to go to some stranger's place or bring him to mine. Plus, that might be awkward with Axel around.
The sugar had done its job and I was feeling loose and happy as I led the guy back toward the bathrooms. He wasn't the best-looking guy I'd ever seen, but he was smooth and leaner than me, his nails manicured, his clothes tailored. I pulled him into the men's room, since there was no line there and it seemed the better bet. Honestly, I'd never hooked up in a club bathroom, but if I was going to do it, this one was a good choice. It was clean and it was, mostly, empty. Some guy in a leather jacket fist-bumped my new friend and left quickly. I darted into a spacious and very clean stall and spun to face my new friend. He grinned like he was about to get lucky, because hello, and I waited to feel something for him. I'd been jonesing for action all evening, I couldn't even look at Axel without remembering that glimpse I'd gotten of his naked body when we'd undressed for our run.
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