I don’t know how long I sat there, staring into her green eyes, waiting for an answer. Eventually, I heard the front door of the trailer open, so I stood and turned off the light, and I quietly closed the closet door behind me.
Before I left the room, I pressed my ear against the door and closed my eyes. But inside the closet, it was still and silent.
* * *
—
When the morning of the field trip finally came, I went through the motions of getting ready. My head was lost in a bubbling stew of fear and confusion. Somehow I managed to dress myself for school and get out the door, though I didn’t remember doing any of it.
The sky was thick with dark, brooding clouds. A slight breeze shivered the leaves of the ginkgo. They were yellowing now, but the ground at its trunk was still untouched by fallen leaves.
“Hurry up!” Antonia yelled. She was already waiting at the bus stop.
“Wait! I forgot something,” I yelled back, and before Antonia could complain, I ran back into the trailer. I dashed into our room, unzipping my bag along the way, and threw open the closet door.
Before I could change my mind, I pulled Hush-a-bye off the cardboard box. I laid her in the bottom of my bag and covered her up with a couple of notebooks and the bag lunch Mom packed for the field trip. Then I slammed the door shut and raced back as quickly as I could, my heart beating so hard I thought the whole world could hear it.
15
“LISTEN UP! LISTEN up!” Ms. Crozzetti banged her clipboard and stomped her feet on the bus aisle floor until the last bit of conversation was crushed under her stony glare.
“You all should have your packets and your maps of the village. From ten thirty to noon, you need to make sure you visit at least three buildings and write down three specific facts you learned from each one. At noon, we will meet at the village green for lunch. Do not be late. After that, you’ll have forty-five minutes to explore on your own and then at one thirty—exactly one thirty—the bus is leaving. With or without you. Capisce?”
“Ca-what?”
“Do you understand?”
No one admitted to not understanding, so we were let off the bus. It was a relief to finally stretch my legs. I’d been sitting like a block of ice for an hour, pretending to look at whatever was passing outside the bus window.
The sky was slate-colored, and the air felt damp, but the rain had held off. Good thing too. I’d only packed a cheap plastic poncho Mom got from the dollar store. With any luck I wouldn’t have to pull it out. I’d have to be careful getting anything out of my bag so no one would see Hush-a-bye.
I’d regretted bringing her the moment I stepped on the bus. What was I thinking? What made me think she’d help me at all? And what kind of help was I looking for anyway? Worst of all, if anyone found out I was carrying a legless, armless doll around, I’d be marked the rest of my life as something worse than Trash Licker. Especially if Madison found out.
“Come on, Lucy,” Madison said once we piled off the bus and Ms. Crozzetti threatened us one more time. “We’re going to visit the blacksmith first.”
Madison smiled at me with brilliant white teeth. Even in the middle of this dull gray day, she shone like a new penny. I couldn’t find a hint of poison in her copper-brown eyes.
Could I be wrong about her? I wondered. I mean, after I threw up on her desk, did I ever say I was sorry? Maybe she thought I hated her. And now she’s giving me a second chance. People do change. Occasionally. Warily, I let the icy fingers clutching my spine melt a little. Very little, since Ashley and Gretta were joining us, and I still didn’t exactly trust Madison.
At the blacksmith shop, a sweaty man in a thick apron heaved a bellows until the iron bar he held turned a fiery, angry red. He banged and twisted and hammered the end of the bar until it became a sharp black nail. Then he snapped it off with a quick motion. After dousing it in a bucket of water to cool off, he offered it to Gretta. She giggled and accepted it.
“What am I supposed to do with one nail?” asked Gretta with a pout as we walked out of the shop. She looked over her shoulder quickly, then dropped it to the ground.
I thought about scooping it up and taking it home for Antonia, but there were too many kids around. I didn’t want to become the girl who picked up trash and put it in her pocket. It would be just the kind of thing Madison would say I’d do. Or she used to, anyway.
From there we visited a one-room schoolhouse with a potbellied wood stove and tiny, cramped desks that made my butt sore just looking at them.
“This is the whole school?” Ashley asked, sniffing at a row of old books. “That’s so weird.”
“Totally weird,” Gretta agreed.
“I don’t know,” Madison said. She looked dreamily at one of the desks and trailed her manicured nail against it. “My father told me he used to go to a one-room schoolhouse back in South Dakota when he was a kid. He liked it.”
“No way!” Ashley said. “Did he really? That is so bizarro! Why did he do a thing like that?”
A flash of anger brightened Madison’s eyes for a brief moment, and then she smiled as she set her hand on the potbellied wood stove in the center of the classroom.
“I’d hate to be the one who had to sit next to this,” she said, ignoring Ashley’s question. “All that heat would murder my hair.”
“Do you think?” Ashley asked, twirling a strand of her own hair. I couldn’t tell if she’d already forgotten her other question, or if she’d seen the look in Madison’s eye and decided to let it drop.
We moved on to the general store. A sweet, spicy smell of ginger and lemon drops filled the room. It was stocked with candies, lumps of soap, marbles, and Jacob’s ladders. Madison bought a bottle of eucalyptus oil. The twins split a bag of licorice. I didn’t have any money, but I pretended to browse until the girls were done making their purchases.
We ended up on the green lawn in front of an old-time tavern. Most of the class was already parked in small groups along the grass. They rustled paper lunch bags and jabbered like mice.
Madison and the Oslo twins sat in a tight circle, talking more than eating, but at least not about me. Not about anything, really. I sat next to them, like the tail on a Q, and listened.
I was in the middle of chewing a big bite of meat-loaf sandwich Mom had brought me from the diner when I realized a strange thing. It had snuck up on me bit by bit. But once I recognized it, I stopped chewing. Was it really possible?
The icy fingers had slipped away. More than that, I suspected there was a small chance I was enjoying myself. Sort of.
Now, Madison and Ashley and Gretta and me hadn’t exactly been all buddy-buddy. I hadn’t magically broken free of my shell either. I hadn’t said a word to any of them, and they hadn’t tried to speak to me all that much. But we walked together and filled out our packet questions together and gawked at the displays together and ate our lunches together. And through it all, not one unpleasant word about me wormed its way out of any of their mouths.
It wasn’t exactly friendship, but it was as close as I’d been to it so far at this school, except for May. I swallowed my sandwich and watched the three girls move effortlessly in and out of each other’s conversations. It was so easy for them, and it dawned on me how much I’d been missing.
I wanted to be that way—one of them. I wanted to laugh and talk about silly, pointless things. I wanted it more than anything.
I looked over to them with a little bit of hope warming me. Their heads were clustered together tightly, and I could not hear what they were saying, though I could hear Ashley giggling about something. I leaned in slightly to see if I could catch their conversation. But before I could, they broke apart and Madison turned around. She gave a start, like she wasn’t expecting I’d be looking right at her, then eased into a smile.
“Are you ready, Lucy?” Madison said. I blinked and stared stupid
ly at her. “Remember? The extra credit project about the Gypsum Man. It’s not too far from here.”
“Uh, yeah,” I managed to mumble, and tucked my half-eaten lunch into my bag, careful not to reveal Hush-a-bye. Why did I bring her here? I thought to myself. Grow up already.
The Gypsum Man display was in a large, candy-striped shack. It was set back from the village at the foot of a low hill dotted with spiny shrubs. Next to the door was a large white sign.
THE GYPSUM MAN
TWELVE FEET, NINE AND ONE-HALF INCHES TALL
THREE THOUSAND AND FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS
TALLER THAN GOLIATH, WHOM DAVID CONQUERED WITH A SINGLE STONE
“So . . . is this a real giant?” Gretta asked, wrinkling her nose. “I bet it’s not.”
“Twelve feet’s kind of short for a giant,” Ashley said, and snorted. “I thought he was going to be like a hundred feet or something. He’s puny.”
“I already explained this,” Madison said with a sigh. She pulled out a folded sheet of green paper. “What I found out is that about a hundred years ago there was a guy who came up with the idea of carving a big piece of gypsum stone to make this giant, and then he buried it in a place where he knew someone would dig it up and find it.”
“That’s stupid,” Gretta said. “What did he do that for?”
“Because whoever dug it up would think they’d discovered the body of some lost race of giant people, and this guy who’d had it buried in the first place would make a fortune charging people to look at it. People love looking at weird stuff.”
“I bet he made a lot of money,” Ashley said. “My cousin Rachel once got two hundred dollars online for a baby-Jesus chimichanga.”
“Did not,” Gretta said, wagging her finger. “It was a burrito. A frozen burrito.”
“Whatever.”
Madison cleared her throat loudly. “So anyway, they figured out pretty quickly it was a fake. But he did end up selling it for a few thousand dollars. Let’s go look.” Madison turned to me and smiled. “Come on, Lucy. He won’t bite.”
“I . . . I sure hope not,” I said, and offered up a thin smile. I cringed a little at my lame attempt at a joke, but Madison didn’t roll her eyes at me or make a face, so it almost felt like we’d made a tiny connection. It was a start, anyway.
Inside was a single, brightly lit room. The walls were covered with large black-and-white photographs from a long time ago. A few small round tables were scattered about the room with uncomfortable-looking metal chairs pushed under them.
In the center of the room was an enormous box resting on a black marble pedestal. White-painted wooden steps surrounded three sides of the box.
“Creepy,” Ashley said.
I had to agree. We all stood there scuffing our sneakers on the floor. Then Madison groaned.
“It’s only a big dude-shaped rock,” she said. “Let’s go already.”
Madison strode up the long middle steps. Ashley and Gretta followed sheepishly behind her. I shuffled toward the far end of the box and crept one step at a time. We all reached the top step together and looked inside. Gretta shrieked and covered her mouth.
“No . . . way,” Ashley said. She drew the words out in a long, breathy rasp, rapping her palm against her chest after each one. “He’s naked!”
The Gypsum Man was laid out in what looked like an open cement coffin. He looked like a big dude-shaped rock, just like Madison said. He was also very, very naked.
My face grew hot, and I tried to look up at the hanging lights. I didn’t dare move away while the girls were still there. I didn’t want to look ridiculous.
“Now look what you’ve done, Ashley,” Madison said. “You’ve embarrassed Lucy.”
And there it was.
The familiar mocking tone, the one Madison usually used to trash-talk me in the hallway. It had found its way back into her voice.
My hands gripped the edge of the box. I should have known it was too good to be true. I’d let my guard down. And now I was all alone with the three of them. Idiot!
I braved a look at the girls. They were huddled together, whispering with their hands over their mouths, glancing at me now and then. The friendly masks they’d been wearing were gone, and their glances were full of bad intentions.
Especially Madison’s. I knew those eyes well. I could practically smell the poison in them.
The icy fingers returned with a vengeance. They squeezed themselves tight around my throat.
Madison strolled over to me. Ashley and Gretta followed close behind, giggling. I tried to move down the steps, but Madison hopped over quickly and placed her hand on the small of my back.
“Not so fast.” She shoved me to the top of the stairs.
I didn’t try to resist, even though my legs felt like rubber. I grabbed the railing again.
Madison laid a cold hand over mine. I couldn’t stop trembling.
“You like him, don’t you?” Madison whispered. She pulled at my fingers and peeled them away from the railing.
“I bet she wants to kiss him,” Gretta said. She stood at my left side and pried my other hand away. Ashley giggled from behind.
“See her shaking? She can’t wait,” Madison said. I could feel her hot breath in my ear. “You two were made for each other. He’s an ugly Trash Licker—just like you.”
Madison yanked my hand and grabbed hold of my arm. Gretta wrenched the bag off my back and tossed it across the floor. Then she lunged for my legs while Ashley grabbed my other arm.
I squirmed and twisted as they lifted me off the steps, but I couldn’t loosen their grip.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to howl at the top of my lungs and spit in their faces and batter them with every curse word I’d ever heard.
I wanted to—but I didn’t.
They carried me, silently thrashing, to the front of the box. They propped me on the edge of it, and then they shoved me over the side.
My hands flailed wildly as I fell. The air was sucked out of my lungs. I scraped my palms and knees against the rough surface of the Gypsum Man’s torso. Sharp pains shot through them, and I cried out.
“How about that?” Madison said. “Trash Licker finally said something.”
“She must be hot for her new boyfriend,” Ashley said, and they all laughed.
For the longest time, I stayed there on my hands and knees, staring into the blank face of the stone man. My whole body shook like there was an earthquake right below me. My stomach lurched. I thought I was going to puke. I closed my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek until the feeling passed.
I slowly turned one hand up. It was covered in dust and blood. I lifted my knees, ignoring the stabbing pains inside them, and tucked my feet underneath. My hair had fallen in front of my face, drenched with sweat. I pulled my wet bangs aside.
Madison stood there with her phone. A light flashed, and she showed the pic she’d taken to Ashely and Gretta. I half wondered if their high-pitched laughter would shatter the windows. I wished it would. I wished it bring the walls and whole ceiling down and crush us all.
“Can you send me that pic?” Gretta asked as I slid off the giant and hobbled to the far side of the box.
“Oh, I’m going to send them to everyone,” Madison said, “but first I’m—”
“No way!” Ashley shrieked.
I’d managed to climb over the side of the box and was slowly making my way down the steps when I saw what Ashley was hollering about. Before I saw it, I’d felt like a lamb after being attacked by a pack of wild dogs. I may have been bloodied and mangled, but the dogs already had their fill of me, so at least the worst of it was over.
Once again, I was wrong.
There was always something worse. Always.
And there it was in front of me.
The three girls stood openmouthed in a half circ
le around my open bag. And dangling from Ashley’s hand was the limbless body of Hush-a-bye.
16
A COUPLE OF years ago, Mom took Antonia and me to a prehistoric exhibit at a science museum. Along with the trilobite fossils and the plaster T. rex jaw, there was a display of tiny insects that had been trapped in amber millions of years ago. They didn’t look dead suspended in that smooth brown glassiness. Just stuck in a single moment forever.
I knew how they felt now, because I was rooted to the spot near the Gypsum Man exhibit like a bug in amber. If a wrecking ball had come crashing through the wall and headed straight at me, I couldn’t have budged an inch.
Ashley’s painted fingers were twisted through Hush-a-bye’s long blond curls. The doll’s body swayed gently back and forth. Her green eyes, even from across the room, shone bright. I watched them staring back at me like we were the only ones in the room.
But the spell between us didn’t last. Once Madison spoke, everything came back into focus.
“I thought Trash Licker was just a name everyone called you,” Madison said, her lips curling in a sneer. “Turns out it you really are a Trash Licker.”
“Ew! Ew!” Ashley shrieked. “Take it, Gretta. I don’t want to hold it.”
Gretta backed away and waved her hands. “No way! That thing is probably full of lice.”
Ashley screamed and shook her fingers until Hush-a-bye came loose. The doll crashed to the floor.
“Ew! Gross!” Ashley made a big show of shivering from head to toe. “Now I have to go wash my hands. Gretta, come with me. Please!”
Gretta rolled her eyes. “Fine. You coming, Maddie?”
Madison shook her head and smiled. “Think I’ll get a few pics of Trash Licker’s nightmare doll and send them out with the other ones. Meet you back at the green.”
“Okay. Bye-bye, Trash Licker!”
“Yeah, so long, weirdo.”
The twins ran out, squealing and giggling, leaving the door halfway open. Madison picked up the doll by its neck. She pinched the frills and poked at the eyes. Then she turned Hush-a-bye around, and her eyes widened.
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