by Pavan Kaur
I sit at my desk looking through another proposal that I've said no to. The company that my dad wanted me to get on board with have sent me their whole product now, and I've spent most of the day fine-combing through that. I really didn't think I would care about that, but I've added more notes than I thought I would. This product is going to take more time than I thought it would.
Walking outside to the balcony, I light up a cigarette and sit on the chair. Closing my eyes, I lean back. Hope’s question about wondering where my mother is got me thinking. I haven’t thought about her in a long time but do I want to know where she is now? My finger moves over to the scar on my left hand. Why the fuck would I give a shit about her? She never thought about me when she sold me. Inhaling the smoke, I think back to Hope. How can I make her feel one hundred percent safe? How can I make her walk outside without having to look over her shoulder?
***
Walking through the door, I look around for Hope. She's sitting in the yard, and I'm not happy about that, it's cold out there. I'm going to buy her an outside fire pit; at least she will stay warm a little more than she is now. Grabbing a blanket from the sofa, I head outside.
“You need to keep yourself warm,” I tell her walking around to her front and placing the blanket over her. “Have you been putting the lotion on today?”
“Yes, shall I warm dinner?”
“Not yet, I’m going to have a shower. I thought we could watch a movie tonight.” I see her eyes light up. Now that I know she never got to watch TV, I’m planning on having a movie night with her as often as I can.
"That sounds nice." She looks up at me and bites her lip, it's like she wants to ask me something, but is worried about it. This is what I want to stop her from doing; I want her to ask me everything and anything without fear there. "I was playing on the phone, and I got this free book which I really enjoyed reading and I wanted to get another book, but it wouldn't let me." She hands me her phone, and I sit down next to her and have a look.
“First, if you want to read books go to the bookstore and buy the ones you want to read and one day we might get you an e-reader, that you can read on. Have you always liked reading?” I ask her. I would buy her one now, but if I do she would never leave the house, and I want her to go to the store and feel confident to leave the house.
"My mom used to read all the time, but when my parents died, I was never allowed to read. I thought I would try to read today and I really liked it."
I can't help but smile at her. Standing up, I lean down to give her a kiss on the head. "I've ordered you something special, it'll be here tomorrow. I thought that I would get you something nice and comfy to sit on while you read your books. So, I got this really comfy lounger for you, and once I've had a shower, we're going to the bookstore so you can get some more books." I see her body tense up a little.
"Can we go tomorrow, please? I want to stop at the coffee shop, the same as last time."
“Sure, what time do you want to leave? It’s the weekend. Do you want to go visit your friend too?” I ask her. I don’t want her changing her routine just because she’s here.
"No, I see her every other weekend, as she moves around. Can we go in the morning?" Hope's voice goes a little quieter now, and all I can do is wonder what's got her on edge about tomorrow.
"Sure, I'll be down in a little while. Go inside and choose which film we should watch," I tell her, but I just want her to go inside where it's warmer.
Chapter 21
Hope
Last night was so nice, it felt right to be in Leo’s arms and watch the movie. I was sitting on the other side of the sofa then he pulled me closer to him. I leaned into his chest as he put his arm over my shoulder while we watched the film.
Putting my thick jumper on, I head downstairs. I was going to clean up after breakfast, but Leo told me to get dressed, and I've learned not to fight with him anymore, as he'll win, but never in a way to make me feel scared of him.
Leo looks up from his phone. "Ready?" "Yeah," I tell him. I haven't told him what today is and if I can go all day without telling him, I will. I'm about to spend my birthday free. I'm not a prisoner or tied to the bed, I'm free, and I want to finally enjoy it. Last year I was free but scared; this year I have Leo. I never feel scared around him, I know he'll look after me and won't let anyone hurt me.
“Bookstore or coffee first?”
“Bookstore please,” I say with a smile. I’ve never been in a bookstore before. “I don’t really know a lot about books, but I’ll be quick, promise.”
“Take all the time you need, the day is yours. What did you read last night?”
I pull out my phone to look for the title. "This one." I hand him the phone.
"Stephen King?" I look up at him as he laughs. "How about we get a few mystery ones, a few funny ones, and some sweet reads? I mean King is an amazing author, brilliant books but maybe a little fun would be nice to read too."
I’ve never lived a life where I think that everything can be so nice and fun, but I’d love to read a story that makes me laugh.
“Sounds nice,” I tell him taking my phone back as we head out.
I stand close to Leo as we walk past his driver John. I’ve only seen him twice, but I’m not comfortable around him.
John nods and smiles. “Leo, Hope,” he says as we climb into the car.
"John, can you drop us off on Fifth Avenue? Then you can take the day off, and I'll see you on Monday."
The car door closes, and I look down at my hands. The lotion is making them better for me, and the skin doesn't hurt as much as it did before, but it's still peeling a little.
Leo stays quiet, but I hear him tapping away on his phone; he’s been on that all morning and from the time I’ve spent with him I know the only person he really talks to is Jackson. The other thing I’ve picked up is that he smokes, a lot. The smell doesn’t really bother me. I kind of like it, it reminds me of Leo now.
I look out the window as the wind starts to pick up now and it's also coming to the time I hate most; Halloween. The monsters come out, and it scares me.
"You okay?" Leo's hand is on top of mine, and I look over at him. "You seem a little lost today."
"Yeah, just having to leave the house that's all," I tell him, and that's not a lie. I hate leaving the house when I know there are going to be a lot of people out there.
"I'm with you; I won't let anyone ever hurt you again," Leo tells me as he leans closer. "I'll always protect you now." He gives me a kiss, and I can't help but smile. "I do enjoy watching you smile."
Shaking my head, I start to feel hot in my cheeks. I do like when Leo says nice things to me, and I like it more than he doesn't just say them to make me feel good, he says them when he means it.
The car stops and John opens the door for me, and I look around at all the people. "I'm right here," I hear Leo behind me. Biting my lower lip, I get out of the car and wait for Leo to stand next to me.
I walk along with Leo into a store, and I'm amazed at how many books there are. A smile spreads over my lips, as I look around. Leo is talking to someone, so I walk over to some of the shelves.
“I’ve told one of the sales assistants that we want a few different types of books, so she will get them for us. Do you want to walk around?”
“I don’t even know where to start,” I say gazing longingly around the store. I see stairs going to other levels.
"How about we go and find Mr. King's books?" Leo puts out his hand for me, and it takes me a moment to place mine in there. I've never had the choice to do this. Before they took whatever they wanted and whenever. But Leo always asks. I feel at peace knowing that he will never take anything from me that I don't want to give. Soon as I take his hand, a weird thrill runs up my skin, and I follow him. Whatever Leo is doing to me, I want him to keep doing it. I want him to hold me when we watch a movie, I want him to hold me when we go to sleep, and I want him to kiss me every chance he gets.
So, we now hav
e a lot of books. So many, that Leo has called John just to take the books home as they’re too heavy to carry around.
“Shall we go to the coffee shop?” Leo asks me as I move closer to him. A rush of people comes towards us and he pulls me in as we walk around them to the coffee shop.
Walking in, I take a quick look at who's behind the counter, and I'm relieved when it's who I want it to be.
The man behind the counter smiles at me in recognition. "Hope, just like I promised I worked today just for you, shall I take your coffee order?" the guy says. Last year, I came here to get some coffee, and I don't know what it was about him, but he asked if I was having a good day and I told him that it was my birthday. That day he said he would work every year on my birthday so that he could give me my cake order. I have been coming to this cafe from the moment I got to New York, and it took me a long time to talk to him, but he's never pushed me to talk to him.
"Please," I tell him, and Leo stands next to me as the man walks over to the back.
"Why is he working for you today?" Leo asks, and I ignore his question as the man comes out with my order in a bag for me. Leo pays him and leaves a big tip for him, which I asked Leo to give him if he didn't mind.
As we go to leave the café, I hear the man call my name. “Hope!” I turn around and lift my head up just a little. “One day you will look at me, maybe next year that can be your gift to me. Happy Birthday, Hope.”
"Thank you, Will," I tell him and walk out of the cafe.
Once outside Leo pulls me closer to him. "And you thought it wasn't important to tell me it's your birthday today?" He sounds hurt, and I've not heard that from him before. I feel horrible that I've made him feel like that when all he's done for me is make me smile.
“Ju... I... Sorry,” I say cringing. I don’t really have a good reason to tell him. I have all the bad reasons to tell him.
“Hope?”
“My birthday isn’t really a happy day—”
"I want to know." He cuts me off, and my body shivers at the thought.
“They just made me do things to them. They did things to me that … that I never want … to relive again… so please—”
Leo pulls me in for a hug as the tears escape me and I cry into his chest. He has given me a life that I want to share with him; he's given me something to wake up for, and that's him.
“Let’s go home.” Leo kisses the top of my head and hugs me a little tighter as I nod into his chest.
Pulling me closer to him, his arm is around my waist, he shouts for a taxi. When one pulls up alongside us, he opens the door for me, and I climb in. Leo follows but the moment the door closes he pulls me to him as he tells the driver where to go.
***
Walking into the house, I go straight to the kitchen to put the bag from the café on the counter.
“Do I get to know what’s in the bag, birthday girl?” Leo asks as he types a message on his phone.
Pulling out the boxes from the bag I tell him, "Last year was the first year since my parents died, that I got myself a cake. When I went to the café Will was just there and he gave me four extra cupcakes as a gift and he's done the same this year." Opening the box, I look at the pretty cupcakes, and I open the other to see a cake with a candle in the center that says, Happy Birthday Hope.
Leo stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my body. “So, is there anything that the birthday girl would like? Anything?” he asks as I lean against him.
“No, because of you I have the only thing that I’ve ever wished for. To be free.”
"You'll always be free now," he whispers in my ear, and I smile as goosebumps appear on my arm.
I am free. I don’t have to pretend to blow out a candle; I don’t have to sing happy birthday to myself in my head.
"Well, let's make a wish," Leo says as he lights the candle and I look up at him. Taking his thumb, he wipes my tears.
Leo moves in closer to me and, tip-toeing, I lean into him as he kisses me. This time it feels different. I don't know why, but I'm lost in him. Every part of me is with Leo, and I don't want it to change.
Leo leans his head on mine. “So, what are you wishing for?” “I always thought if I tell my wish, it won’t come true.”
He smiles widely. “I’ll always try to make your wishes come true. Just tell me what it is?”
“To be happy,” I whisper as I close my eyes and blow out the candle. Slowly opening my eyes, I feel Leo’s gaze on me.
“Get ready for your wish to come true,” he whispers.
I think back to my last birthday with my parents. As I get older I’m forgetting them, the years they had me, they beat out any of my childhood that I spent with my parents, so they’re slowly becoming blurs to me now.
Leo nudges me playfully. “I have something being delivered for dinner. It’s my special birthday meal that I get for my day.”
“When is your birthday?”
“August 20th." I watch him cut the cake and place it on a plate. "Happy Birthday, Hope." He brings a spoonful of cake to my mouth, and I open up letting him feed me.
"You grab one of your new books, go sit down, and today I'll be in charge of serving dinner when it arrives." I go to open my mouth, but Leo puts his finger on top of my lips. "Don't argue with me about it, sit, read and let me treat you." Placing his hand on my left cheek, he gives me another kiss.
I go to walk to the bag of books, and he laughs. "Don't read anything too fucked up. I know there's one in there that has a colorful cover so read that." I look over my shoulder, and he's smiling at me.
Looking through the bag, I grab one of the colorful books as instructed by Leo. I narrow my eyes and read the back of the book. Seems interesting.
Sitting on the sofa, I look over at Leo in the kitchen. For someone that has ordered food, he’s making a lot of noise over there. But I can’t stop watching him. He glances over at me a few times then gets back to whatever he’s doing.
Thirty minutes later, Leo sits next to me with our food.
I point to the pizza with a grin. “This is your special birthday meal?”
“When my parents took me in, the only thing I wanted was pizza. So, every year my dad takes me to this place and it’s the best pizza on the planet.” He gives me a slice.
“This is good pizza.” I look over at him, watching me.
He winks. “Told you.”
I've started to feel so much more relaxed around Leo, to the point where if he's not there I feel alone. I look back over at the TV, as I start to feel hot in my cheeks. I can feel Leo's eyes continuing to watch me.
“How’s the book?”
I glance at the book on the table and shrug. “Okay, just a little too happy for me.”
I hear him laughing next to me. "One day you're going to really enjoy these happy books, but in the meantime, you enjoy the dark world." Leo picks up the book and starts reading the back of it.
I don’t reply as I watch the film. “You back at work on Monday?” I ask as the silence is a little annoying. Before I loved it, but now with Leo and Jackson around who are always talking—Jackson more than Leo—I like the sound of their conversations.
“Yes, would you like to come see where I work?”
“No.” My answer comes out fast, I know, but I feel safe in the house. Being outside and being seen is not good for me. I know he’s looking for me; I know that he has people looking for me.
"Maybe one day." Leo grabs another slice of pizza and goes to put it on my plate, but I move my plate out of the way. He frowns at me. I haven't even finished the other one; I've started to eat more food now mainly because Leo makes me sit there until I eat a little more. "Come on, one more. I've made dessert too,"
I look over at the kitchen and see a pie on the countertop. It smells delicious but I'm full. "I don't think I can eat anymore," I tell him. I'm trying very hard to eat more because I know that it upsets him, but too much starts to hurt my stomach.
“We have all night, eat sl
owly.” Leo leans back and pulls me with him. “I have a lot of movies planned now that I know you like the scary stuff.” I feel his lips smile against my cheek as he gives me a kiss.
Chapter 22
Leo
I slap my hand on the floor next to me as I feel for my phone. “Hello?” My voice is full of sleep.
"You ready?" I hear Jackson ask and my eyes are wide open now.
“Where?” I ask, turning to my left to where Hope should be but she’s not there. I make a quick scan of the room and see her standing in front of the window. I can’t help but smile at how beautiful she looks when the moonlight hits her skin.
I finally got to see her face with her hair tied back at dinner today and I think she looks beautiful with her hair down, but when it was up, you could really see all of her face and how pretty she really is.
"John is coming to get you. He'll tell you what to do." The line goes dead, and I put the phone back on the floor and crawl over to Hope.
“You will make it hurt won’t you?” Hope asks as she looks out the window, playing with the skin on her hands. She asked me that once before. I told her I would, but I know that this man hurt her in ways that I don’t want to imagine.
"Yes," I turn her round on the floor to face me, "I promise." Her eyes meet mine, and all I want to do is kiss her so she knows that he can't hurt her when she's with me.
She gives me a nod, and I lean in to give her a kiss. "John's outside waiting for me. I don't know how long I'll be." I grab my phone from behind me. "Call me if you need anything," I tell her as I stand up to go to my room and get changed.
“I will. Leo, be safe. Like I was told over and over again, he’s only the pawn in this game.”
I stand by the door for a moment to see if she's going to say anything else to me, but she doesn't, and I don't think it's because she's scared. I think it's because the man that hurt her for years is about to be taken out of her life and she doesn't know how to live knowing that she doesn't have to fear him anymore.
