by Pavan Kaur
“Okay, I’ve prescribed you some medication if you want to continue with this pregnancy—”
“We do,” Hope cuts her off and the doctor looks at me for a moment. I can see her worried expression. She’s been concerned about Hope from the moment she walked through the door.
I hold up my hands. “I’m not putting pressure on her,” I say, letting the doctor know that I’m not making her keep this baby for me, but we’re keeping it, for us.
"Okay, this medication will help with the Lupus, and it will still be safe for you. I'm going to remove your implant now and Leo you asked for a scan, which we can do tomorrow just before lunch." She begins to take a few things out of her bag.
“You’ll need a full bladder,” my mom tells Hope with a smile.
“Okay, Mrs. Masters,’ Hope replies as she lifts the sleeve on her right arm.
“I’m so excited for you both, you promise to make sure that Hope eats and sleeps well.”
“I promise Mom.” I kiss her on the head and grin. I love seeing my mom so full of joy.
“Hope, can you relax a little.”
I glance over at my girl. She’s thinking about something, she always has that faraway look in her eye when she does. I go to kneel next to her. “Hey sweetheart, you want to look at me for a moment?” I move the hair out of her face. “Just so you know, Jackson said he’s going shopping later.” I give her a light kiss.
“Done,” Doctor Adams announces. I’ll see you tomorrow and please read the information that I gave you.” She smiles at my mom. “But I think you are in good hands and if you can’t get in touch with me, I think you have four people that are more than happy to help.” She starts laughing with my mom.
“Doctor Adams, I’ll walk you out.” My mom helps her with the bags.
“You know that my mother will be phoning me or you every day now.” I help Hope to sit up and take the seat next to her. Hope places her head on my shoulder. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Lies. Hope, you really need to start talking to me a lot more now.”
“I am fine. I’m just scared that’s all.”
I stop myself from laughing. “Well, that makes both of us.”
Never been so scared of anything in my whole life. I’m about to be looking after a little person. A little person that will look up to me. I’ll be the hero in their eyes. That’s a lot to take on board.
Chapter 33
Hope
I stare at the fireplace in Leo's room. We didn't get back until late. The meeting about the charity went on for a lot longer than I think anyone wanted it to. They finally have permission to get things sorted for the building, and all that will start next week. They said they're hoping for it to open at the end of spring, so the company is working on a marketing plan to get the word out. Leo is trying to get his dad to be the face of it, so he won't have to be in the newspapers, or do any public events for it, but his dad said no. I didn't really listen to the conversation too much, as Leo's mom was talking to me.
She mentioned a few things for me, one thing was making sure that I get some sleep and that I stay comfortable. I'm not sure if Leo told her that I sleep on the floor, but she kept telling me to look after myself. I thought about sleeping in a bed, and my heart started to beat even faster than I thought it would.
"You promise to stay with Jackson the whole time?" I look over my shoulder at Leo watching me from the bathroom.
Leo and Jackson spent a long time talking about tomorrow, they said they wanted to talk about work, but the way Jackson looked at me told me they weren’t. In the end, they both agreed to the plan and said I have to stay with Jackson and not leave his side.
"I promise." Leo sits behind me, legs on either side of me as he pulls me into him. His hands rest on my stomach, and I can't help but smile. "Your parents are very excited about this."
“They are. Dad is going to open a savings account.” I feel the vibration of Leo laughing through my back. “And Mom said that she might start knitting.”
I take a sip of my drink, as the flames flicker. No matter how much I try to push the thoughts out of my head, the rules, they'll always be there. No matter what. My body still shivers with the thoughts, and Leo's picked up on when those moments are.
“What are you thinking about?”
“The bed.”
I’ve thought about it for a while now, the moment Leo said the next time we have sex will be in his bed. Every night I’ve been thinking about every time I was put on a bed, everything they did to me on there. I’ve not been able to sleep as the flashbacks wake me up.
“I’ve told you when you’re ready.”
“I know.”
This is one thing that I respect most about Leo, he respects me.
Leaning forward so that I can turn around to face him, I run my hand through my hair. I’ve thought about this for most of the day. Tomorrow anything could happen. Uncle Jack could get me, he could kill Leo. The list is different every time I think about it. But there is one thing that I keep telling myself, one thing I’ll regret.
Not letting Leo show me how amazing having sex in bed can be.
Does it scare me? To the point, I just want to hide in the corner, but if tonight is my last night with Leo, I want to make it count.
Leo's eyes search mine; I'm not sure what he's looking for. The only thing I see in Leo at this moment is safety. Leaning forward, his hand comes up to my face, and I feel the softness of his thumb caressing my cheek.
He eases closer to me, his lips pressing against mine and the small kiss slowly turns into a deep passionate kiss. I don’t fight him; I let my body become his.
There’s something different about this kiss, it’s longer and a lot more heartfelt. I let my tongue dance in rhythm with his as I take in the taste of whiskey and cigarettes.
I run my hand up his chest. From the moment I first touched his chest, it’s been the one part of him I love the most.
His hand gently strokes the side of my face as he pulls away from me for a moment, just enough to get our breath back. And then his lips are on mine again. As our kiss begins to get intense, his hands move to my shoulders, down my back. The kiss, the feel of his fingertips it’s lighting a fire in my blood like it does every time he touches me.
Whatever friction just ran through my body must have run through his, as he tilts his head back a little. I lean back, and he begins kissing softly down my neck, nuzzling and nibbling. His hands move to the hem of my shirt and he pulls it off. His hands move lower as his lips are on my collarbone.
My nails run lightly down his back. Pulling away from me, Leo’s eyes are telling me everything I need to know, making my body tense up.
“I will never hurt you.’ His hands stop on my hips as he gets me to stand.
His touch doesn't leave as he takes a step back pulling me with him. Not breaking away from my lips, we stop, and my body begins to shake just a little, but I keep telling myself that Leo won't hurt me. Leo loves me.
He breaks away from the kiss. "Look at me, think of me, nothing else. Just think of me," he whispers in my ear and before I know it I feel the cool cotton sheet beneath my back, and I take a deep breath.
Leo leans on his elbows, his eyes focused on me. "Touch me, Hope, I'm right here." He takes my hand and starts rubbing it for me to relax it and the moment that it does he brings it to his chest and I feel the beat of his heart. "I'm never going to leave you." Leaning down, he starts to kiss me again, and the longer he kisses me, the more I relax.
His mouth kisses a trail down my neck, his hand moving up my torso. As he reaches my breast, he takes my nipple between his fingers massaging it. I moan into his mouth, as his touch gives me such pleasure.
Lifting away from me, his hand begins to move down my stomach. Keeping my thoughts with Leo, I try hard not to think of them. My eyes lock with his. I always feel my heart melt when he looks at me in this way; a way that tells me that nothing else in the world matters to him, but me.
I arch my back a little as his fingers start teasing my clit, his touch is soft, but it sends electric shocks running through me, and I moan. His mouth is on my neck and my hands move to his hair as I gasp out his name.
Pulling away from me, Leo stands between my legs, and he pulls my pants and panties down, not breaking eye contact. He slides his own pants and boxers off.
Closing my eyes for a moment, I take in a deep breath.
“Hope, look at me. I’m right here.”
Opening my eyes I look up at him, he leans down and straight away his lips are on me, his tongue moving across my lips. I open and soon his tongue is dancing with mine. Our kiss deepens; I can feel how hard he is against my thigh.
“Please, don’t stop kissing me,” I say as we pull away to catch a breath.
“Never.”
Leo's lips return to mine, and I feel him entering me. I press my hands on his back as he moves. His hands rest on the pillow on either side of my head, as I feel him inch by inch. The moment I feel him fully inside me, my hands relax as he holds himself there for a moment.
I moan his name as he moves slowly. Breaking away from my lips, his hand caresses my cheek, and his eyes lock with mine, as he moves in and out of me. I bite my bottom lip as the pleasure takes over me; his touch is the only thing I want.
The speed of his movement increases, he knows me well enough now. He knows that I don’t want him to stop.
“Leo,” I whisper, arching my back as a rush of blood speeds through me, the pleasure of him getting closer and closer.
I begin to move with him, our bodies in perfect rhythm as I feel myself getting closer to the edge.
“Hope,” my name leaves Leo’s lips as my orgasm rushes through me. His speed picks up more and more, as I feel him so close to his own release.
Both his hands move to my hips, and my name escapes his mouth as he cums. Slowing down his thrusts, he moves my hair from my face and places his hand on my cheek. He leans down and gives me a kiss. "Are you—"
Placing my finger on his lips, I know he wants to ask if I'm okay, but I just want to take this moment and enjoy it for a while. I give him a small nod, and he collapses on top of me and nuzzles my neck.
After a few moments, he gets off the bed and puts the blanket over me, but I move it off my stomach and leave it on my legs. I turn to look out at the night sky.
“Are we sleeping here?” Leo asks.
I close my eyes for a moment, just to get my thoughts out of the past. “Yes.” I know that I won’t be able to go to sleep, but I need to start trying. I need to do this for my baby.
Leo was right. He made love to me, and it felt like I was in heaven and I want to go there again with him.
Chapter 34
Leo
Hope didn't sleep at all last night; she looked out of the window the whole time. I even got her to cuddle with me, hoping that would help her sleep but nothing. I wanted to stay awake with her, but my body and mind were both tired, and I slept for a few hours.
We didn't talk really after last night, and I didn't want to push it with her. Last night was a very big step for her, telling me how much she trusts me. For me, that was a way to say to me she will always be with me. She didn't have to say the words to me; I just felt it last night with her.
Hope and I have this connection that is not your simple soulmate thing. This is a connection that's not even physical. I mean the sex between us is incredible, she makes every fiber of my being stand to attention, and just thinking about her in my bed makes me hard. I love everything about her. But if she said she never wanted to have sex with me again, I would still like her. The connection we have is so pure, so true, so emotional, and so powerful, that no matter what it will never break.
***
The doctor's appointment went really well, our baby should be making their appearance early July, and when Hope saw the baby on the screen, I could see the tears of joy in her eyes, which didn't once leave the screen as she watched the doctor checking to make sure everything was okay. I smiled more that second; the joy that was in her eyes is a moment I won't forget.
We pick up all her new medication, and the doctor has double checked that everything will be safe for our child. Then, as instructed by the doctor, we pick up some vitamins and a book about pregnancy. The doctor spoke to Hope peacefully, about why it was a good idea to read the books, how she would be able to prepare herself for everything. Hope was a prisoner, so a lot of the things she should have learned at school were never taught to her.
We stand in the bookstore, and I realize that there are a lot of books out there about what to expect with pregnancy and neither one of us knows which one to buy, so I decided to just buy them all. Hope says that we only need one or two, but I'm not taking any chances. It won't just be Hope reading them but me too. I’m going to make sure that Hope has a stress free pregnancy.
“Shall we get some lunch before we meet Jackson at home?”
“Can we have a hot dog?” she asks as she moves closer to me; we’re getting to a busier part of the city. “I’ve never had one.” Her voice comes out quiet. I’m not sure how long it’s going to take for her to get the confidence to walk around the city alone, but one day she’ll do it without even thinking about it.
"Sure." She's been quiet all day and to be honest, I'm not really in the talking mood. Today is going to put an end to a five-year hunt for a man that made my life hell. If I lose today, then I've lost it all, he'll never be in front of me again.
I’ve been working on other ideas where I don’t have to put Hope in danger, but nothing. Not one thing is coming to me, nothing to even give me a one percent chance of winning. Everything I think of ends with him walking away with Hope. So, not only do I lose the woman and child I love but the man I want dead.
"Do you want to buy some clothes? You haven't really bought any since I got you some," I say as I pay the vendor for the hot dogs. We continue to walk as Hope takes a bite of her hot dog. Even if she eats half of that, I'll be happy. She might not eat a full meal yet, but she's eating a lot more than when we first had dinner together.
Her eyes widen, and she grins. "This is really nice," she says through a mouthful.
I laugh heartily at her expression. Amazing how such things can be so normal to some but a huge thing to others. "Good to know, we can get another one later." I bring my thumb and wipe off the mustard from her lip. "Clothes?'
“No, thank you.” She moves her focus to the distance but quickly steps closer to me as a loud group of men start walking to the store behind me. I wrap my arm around her as we continue along the street back to the house. I could have asked John to drive us, but I figure if she starts walking around the city with me it will help her a little.
We walk back to the house in silence, and my mind goes back to the conversation with my parents this morning, how I wasn't expecting it and it took me by surprise.
They told me that Hope and I should get married now that we’re having a baby and I said no to that straight away. I told them that neither one of us is ready to get married; at the moment I don’t think either one of us wants to get married. I know I don't, or I didn't until Hope, but still, I don't think marrying someone because they're having your baby is the best move.
My dad saw through that. I mean I wasn’t lying about it. I do feel that way, but my dad called me out on it and asked for the rest of the story once my mom and Hope went into the kitchen.
I told him that I love Hope and I will never let anything happen to her and will fight for her every day for the rest of my life, but at the moment I’m scared.
Scared that I don't have any connection to the baby, all my focus is on Hope, making sure that she's okay. I love her so much that the thought of having to share her or the thought of her having to go through pain when she gives birth; my reasons went on for a while, and they all revolved around Hope, not the baby, but Hope.
My dad started laughing, laughing so hard that he had tears co
ming from his eyes. Once he finally stopped, he sat next to me and told me not every man connects with their baby until they're born and in their arms, which I thought sounded right. And when it came to Hope his words were: The amount you love that girl, you get married, or you don't, she'll be the only woman to take your heart and no matter what, no one, not even a baby will affect that. He also said I needed to stop worrying about it, that Hope and I will be fine, as we're made for each other.
When we were at the doctors, I looked at our baby, and I felt so happy, but again, all I wanted was to look at Hope and know how she was with all this. So, I do pray my dad is right, and I connect with the baby once it's born.
***
My heart is pounding; my skin is damp from sweat. I’m not scared for me, I’m scared that I can’t protect Hope and Jack will take her. I can’t let him take her again.
"Are we all ready for this?" Jackson asks as I pull Hope closer to me.
“Yes,” I answer and Hope nods her head. “What time is your friend telling them that we’re going to see her?”
“One.” I can feel her body shaking, so I pull her tighter into me. Letting her know that I’m here, not leaving.
“When are all the others coming?” I look at Jackson and frown. We’ve been over this five times already.
The notes that Hope gave Jackson asked that her friend get some of the army veterans she knows to be there. If Jack brings too many men, we have a chance to level the numbers. When John found out what was happening, he said that he'd be there too. He wouldn't take no for an answer. I have Jackson with Hope, and there is no one else I would trust; I trust that man with my own life.
“One.” I glare at Jackson to stop him from asking any more questions.
Taking my coat from the back of the stool, I take the gun from Jackson and the knuckle rings and we stand there for a moment in silence. So many years of friendship and we both know what we’re saying to each other without speaking a single word. If anything happens to me, you take Hope and get out of New York. Giving each other a nod, I take Hope’s hand and leave.
