by Alice Moore
“Here you go, my good girl.” Such a polite dog. Kiki was careful not to snatch the bunny, her big, hazel eyes sparkling in thanks before she shuffled to her paws. She was short; I couldn’t remember the exact breed she was, but my mind always went to German Shepard. Rolling the cooked animal around with her muzzle, she snapped open the rib cage to release a huge puff of steam. Smart as Hell, too.
Groaning as I took my first bite, I closed my eyes to savor the salted taste of rabbit. Hunting was a hit or miss most of the time, but this was definitely a hit. “God- that’s good…”
Kiki’s eating sounds echoed around mine, as if she was enjoying the top half as much as I enjoyed the bottom. The rabbits legs had been big and muscular, and two were more than enough for me. Pausing to lick the juices from my palm and forearm, I couldn’t help but grin a little crazily at what my father would say if he was here.
He’d fight me for one.
“I’d kick his ass, right, Kiki?” Twisting to watch my dog gobble furiously, I nodded to myself and took another bite to talk around it. “Damned right, I would.”
Only when the sun was about to set did I push myself up, and my full belly pushed a soft groan from my lips. Resisting the urge to wipe my hands on my clothes, I grabbed an empty bucket to shuffle heavily from the fire. The night was warm and moist, and I only briefly debated putting the flames out before abandoning the idea.
Trickling water entered my scope of comprehension, giving me a direction that I followed aimlessly. The stream wasn’t even deep or wide enough to encase me palm, but there was plenty of water to wash my hands and forearms. Cool and brisk, the clear, clean liquid smelled fresh, and I cupped my greaseless hands together to draw it to my lips.
“Where do we go tomorrow, huh?” My question wobbled as I rubbed my cheeks roughly, and I swiped away water and grime to glance at Kiki. Her keen eyes wandered, ears stiff and alert, and I smiled as I shook my hands wildly. “I guess we’ll just get there when we get there.”
Taking the 150 feet or so back to camp slowly, I stared down at my steps from under furrowed brows. Big, red welts rose around my ankles where my socks had rubbed away my bug spray. Every short advance made the bites itch, and I let out an irritated sigh and shoved my hands into my shorts’ pockets.
The night was quiet, and I crawled into my tent before my watch read 10p.m.. Snuggling into my sleeping bag, I stared at the plastic dazedly to loosen my mind. I only had two days left out here, and then I would be going back home. Against the front of the tent, Kiki laid down to send a groan through the tent poles.
“I could stay out here forever, you know, Kiki?” Closing my eyes, I nestled into my bag with a heavy sigh. “But then I’d go insane. It’s only been a week and I talk to myself all the time.”
Kiki didn’t answer, and I listened to the sounds of the night in a stillness I couldn’t feel in the city. There was nothing better than this, I knew; there was no sweeter smell than pine, and there was no better sound than the chirps and rustling that floated through my tent walls.
“Wake me up in the morning and we can go for a run, okay?” My mumble was met with silence, and a huffed a laugh. If it wasn’t for Kiki, I’d probably go insane out here; there was no other way to put it. Without my father around to talk to, she was the next best thing.
It’s kinda messed up to compare a person and a dog, but they’re basically the same. Quiet. Pushy. Anywhere is a good place to pee.
“Good night, sun. Good night, moon. I hope to see you both real soon…” Humming softly, I nestled into my bag to make an earnest effort to go to sleep.
Caroline
Time lost meaning out here where no one was telling me when to wake up or what to do. My eyes opened to the light of the sun, discolored by the pale orange of my tent. My ears twitched with the sounds of birds calling to each other into the warm air. No alarm clock blared, leaving the gentle noises of nature to work their magic on a body and mind that had become used to them.
And yet- they never ceased to awe and amaze.
For a long while I stayed in my sleeping bag, content to listen to the activity around me. Staring at the top of my tent through bleary eyes, I let my mind wander to what might happen during this last full day in the wilderness. Tomorrow I would be heading back to my truck and then an airport, and then I finally get home.
To my white picket fence house in a quaint, little city bristling with military personnel. Sucking in a deep, hard breath at the thought, I shook away the images that blossomed in my mind’s eye. Home was such a relative word; it could be interpreted so many ways. The forest was my home- the place where I felt the freest and almost weightless. My house is where I was loved- by my father, my dog, and my handful of neighbors that greeted me whenever we were outside at the same time.
Sluggishly pushing myself up to sit, I groaned loudly as I reached to swipe my hand through my hair. Against my feet, Kiki lifted her head to watch me stretch, and I scratched my scalp absently. Warm, stale air caressed my bare arms, and for a moment I was content to just sit.
Grabbing my camera, I kicked my way out of my sleeping bag to crawl out of my tent. As usual Kiki wiggled her way beyond the flap first, and I winced at the harsh flash of sun that spears my eyes. Shuffling into the open air, I scrambled to my feet to stretch tall, flexing my toes and tightening my grip on my camera strap.
“Oh-h! Fudge!” My back popped loudly, and I slumped as my groan echoed around my camp site. “God- that’s the good stuff.”
A soft bark broke my small pleasure, and I tilted my head to watch Kiki circle twice. Smiling at her impatience, I slipped my camera strap over my head before taking my first step of the day. Slinking into the sparse trees, Kiki nosed and wandered as I followed leisurely. Birds fluttered and chirped with activity above my head, and I spied a particularly sturdy looking tree just as my bladder began to strain.
Jerking up my pants after relieving myself, I took a large step away from the tree to scan the forest. The sun was already climbing high above the canopy, and I squinted slightly before glancing at my watch.
“10:33a.m…. Like I could do that anywhere else…” A small huff of a laugh escaped me; peeing against a tree and waking up after 10a.m. were both socially unacceptable. There wasn’t even a reason for the latter, and I adjusted my camera straps before making my way into the wilderness beyond my campsite.
There was an actual campsite a mile or two away, but I didn’t want to be second-hand involved with the stench of beer and burning marshmallows. I had no interest in being kept awake all night, listening to drunken stories I couldn’t even imagine.
My boots crunched dry leaves and sticks with each step I took, and the sound reverberated up to the roots of my hair. Shaking my head wildly, I glanced around through narrowed eyes as sweat glazed the back of my neck and under my arms. The forest around me was quiet, peaceful, and even Kiki’s near silent presence wasn’t enough to disturb it. She trotted alongside me, ears high and tail rigid, and every so often her coarse fur brushed against my bare calf.
A tiny movement caught my eye, and I whirled around to watch a chipmunk scurry from one tree branch to another high above my head. He was fast, small, and before I could even get my camera to my eye, he was gone again. Disappearing among the vast shades of brown, the chipmunk didn’t even squeak to give away his position. Holding my breath as I stared through the lens at the last place I’d seen him, I pursed my lips together tightly before slowly lowering the device from my cheek.
“Danmit. Chipmunks always sell well.” Grumbling to myself, I swiped back stray strands of hair in irritation before turning away from the tree. The large trunk was wider than my shoulders, and I frowned at the leaves above for a long, heated second. “I wish I could just get that shot…”
My mind’s eye blossomed with color as I continued on my aimless journey; every photographer wanted that shot. Anyone that had ever held a camera dreamed of snapping that one, incredible, life-altering photo that would change the world. It could be taken
on accident or fully intentional; it could take hundreds, even thousands, of shots, or be taken in the spur of the moment.
But I can’t even find a deer to take a picture of. Great, Caroline- getting lost in delusions of grandeur again. Good for me. Awesome.
“Ugh!” Kicking a rock with my steel-toe boot, I clenched my hands into fists as my groan ricocheted off the trees around me. Beside me Kiki let out a soft woof, as if she sympathized with my frustration, and I wrapped my hands around my camera to slump my shoulders. “I just have to try harder to find a buck. I just want one- so, I’m going to get it. Do you think you can find a buck for me, Kiki?”
Turning my gaze to my dog, I smiled when Kiki cocked her head inquisitively. Maybe she understood what I wanted, or maybe she didn’t; in this moment, I didn’t really care.
“Let’s go. Tzzt.” My soft sound sent Kiki into action, nose to the ground and ears twitching for the slightest sound, and I followed with tense legs. Watching her work, I couldn’t even begin to understand why she’d been rejected by the Marines. The adoption officer had mentioned during the interview that Kiki was prone to violence, but never once did she so much as twitch a lip at me.
My father and his Army buddies were a different story, though. I knew the Army and the Navy had a love-hate relationship, and it must’ve extended to service dogs. Otherwise there was no reason for Kiki to hate my dad so much. At least living together was easy since they both seemed to ignore each other most of the time.
A quiet, throaty whine pulled me from my thoughts, and I blinked hard to return to the present. Laying stiff close to a tree, Kiki glanced back at me as I ducked to crouch next to her. Peering through the undergrowth, my eyes narrowed on the half dozen deer that stood, fat and lazy, in the sun. There were four does and three fawns, and I reached to scratch between Kiki’s ears before lifting myself a few inches.
In my palms, my camera was heavy, and I took a deep, stabilizing breath as I peered through the lens. The deer weren’t alert, gazing under the warmth with nothing more than a few, weak twitches of their ears. Between the adults, the babies played on fairly stable legs, and my shutter finger tensed as I zoomed in on them.
“Stay still for me, baby deer… you can do it. I got this. Just stay still… just like that.” Muttering to myself, I leaned to prop my elbows on my knees just as the fawn’s spots caught the golden sunlight that breached the canopy. The shot was beautiful, and I managed to take a few before my target shuffled away. Moseying my way through the scene, my chest tightened in accomplishment with each click of the shutter.
This was what I pursued photography for- these beautiful, one of a kind photographs that couldn’t be compared.
The heat flushed my cheeks by the time I settled on my butt, and I sighed heavily as I watched the deer make their way out of my field of vision. Whatever they’d been doing, they were finished now; and so was I, apparently. Rocking backwards slightly, I flung out my arm to pet Kiki’s still, anxious body before turning my gaze to her. Soft pants slipped from behind shar, pearly white teeth, her tongue hanging out and eyes darting around, and I ran my palm down her lengthwise before opening my mouth.
“… Tszt…” In a silent flash of pure muscle Kiki was gone from my side, leaving nothing but air swirling under my skin. Sitting there for a moment, I listened to the not-so-distant sound of frantic struggle beyond the trees, but I didn’t move. I didn’t have to do anything; Kiki knew better than to go for the adult deer.
My lips picked up at the memory of my father’s face when he first took me hunting. I wasn’t particularly confident with a gun, though. The second time we went out, my father gave me a bow. When that was even worse off for me, he made the decision that I was better at cleaning and cooking than I was at shooting. From then on there was a silent understanding between us- I could shoot if I wanted to… or he could.
After a moment or two Kiki barked loudly, and I pushed myself up to swipe the debris from my butt. Clutching my camera to my chest, I followed the sound of my dog for a few yards until she came into sight.
Blood and gore had never bothered me, and this time was no different as I crouched down next to the dead fawn. Red, warm liquid seeped from a deep gash in its neck, and its eyes were glassy and lifeless as they stared into the distance. Carefully tightening the strap that held my camera, I reached for the fawn’s back hooves while Kiki once again grabbed its neck.
Caroline
“Don’t be greedy, Kiki- you glutton.” Scrunching up my face as Kiki paused her creeping towards the stripped fawn, I shook my head with a smile. She’d eaten quite a bit more than I had expected, and happiness bubbled up in my chest at how much she liked deer meat.
Glancing around my campsite, my pupils narrowed to take in the shadows that combated the fire light. Yellows and oranges flickered off tree trunks and my tent, and I pulled my legs up to rest my cheek on my knee. I couldn’t let my mind wander to the next day, and I ran my tongue along my teeth absently as I sought something else to think of. The sun had set a while ago, making traveling to the stream dangerous; it might’ve only been a short ways away, but the forest changed in the dark.
“Do you think I could get my dad to support me moving out here, hm?” Posing my question even though Kiki couldn’t answer, I was met with a silence I expected. Staring into the fire, I rubbed my greasy palms together and furrowed my brows. My father took care of the bills no matter how many times I’d offered to cover my portion. He’d shut me down about even talking remotely of finances, and there was no way for me to break that ceiling.
His argument was that I was his child- his only child- and as long as I lived under his roof, I’d be treated as such.
Which is fine. It’s not like I don’t have a job or am a loser. My smile dulled to a frown at that thought, and I expelled a heavy sigh. Despite his mile long stubborn streak, my father wasn’t a bad dad in any way. And yet, here I am- nearly 27 years old and still living with him because I’m too lazy to do all of the work for an apartment I might not even use much.
We were two birds of the same feather- my father and I. He understood why I didn’t go to college or get a job at a cube farm like all of my high school friends had. In the same way he went into the military at 16, I started on my own journey.
But that didn’t mean I felt comfortable effectively mooching off him for the past ten years.
“Maybe I’ll look into it when I get back.” Muttering into my bare knee, my frown only grew deeper; I knew even as I said it that I wouldn’t look into anything. The wilderness was great for putting things into perspective, see?
“Come on, Kiki. Bed time.” Sweat caused my hair to stick to my cheeks and the nape of my neck, and I shook my head wildly as I stood up. Running my hand through the oily, thinning mass, I grabbed a bucket of water and dumped it onto the already low fire. A sharp hiss followed the darkness that blanketed my campsite, and I poked around the pit with a stick before turning to my tent.
Sleep refused to come easy to me; whether it was because this was my last night in paradise, or because of what weighed on my brain, I couldn’t tell. Staring at the curved ceiling above me, I propped my head on my arm to listen to the bugs beyond the polyester. No matter where I went, the sounds were usually the same at night. Crickets sang their songs, and nocturnal animals rummaged around for something to eat after a long day of sleep. The chorus couldn’t lull me to unconsciousness like it usually did, though.
Against my feet, Kiki’s powerful, compact body was hard but relaxed, and her huffs created a steady backdrop to nature’s music. Closing my eyes, I rolled my shoulders as the sounds grew slightly louder and hoped that I could sleep tonight.
“Good night sun, good night moon, I hope to see you both real soon…” Mumbling my little mantra, I sunk into my sleeping bag with a sigh. The fact that this was my last night here, coupled with how gross I felt, made my muscles twitch and skin itch. In mere hours I would be hopping in my truck to take the two day journey home, but there was
still so much to see and do.
At least, that was what my busy mind was telling me just to get me out of this tent.
“Ugh.” Groaning softly, I pushed myself up to sit and grabbed a water bottle from the corner. Yanking off the cap, my fingers slipped on the smooth plastic a bit, and frustration welled in my chest. “Fudge this. I can’t sleep like this.”
Crawling miserably out of my tent, I shoved my feet into my boots to tromp in the general direction of the stream. Mine was a terrible idea, I knew; I should just deal with it until morning. Shadows within shadows surrounded me, and the insects around me quieted when I passed, leaving me in an ominous silence. Squinting through the darkness, I stepped slowly, carefully, as I made my way to relief.
Slapping my thigh hard, I let out a pained yelp from the sting even as the sensation of being a meal disappeared.
“God-! I forgot the bug spray!” My palm hit my elbow as I grumbled harshly, and Kiki whined as she slunk through the undergrowth beside me. Scowling at her silhouette, envy clogged my throat at her naturally thick fur that warded off mosquitoes. “Next time, just stop me from leaving the tent, okay? I’m an idiot. It’s dark, I don’t have bug spray… I’m going to break my ass out here.”
Kiki didn’t respond in any way, and I growled as if I was the dog. Maybe that’s why she’s ignoring me. She knows this is my fault, and I’m just being a whiny brat.
We’d only been walking for two minutes, but we were already closer to the stream than the campsite. There was no reason to back track, and I held my hands out in front of me even as the moon began to shine brighter through the canopy. Water trickling hit my ears like the call of a dinner bell, causing my skin to crawl with goosebumps and my stomach flip expectantly. My legs tightened, and I picked up my pace a bit with excitement and relief chasing away my irritation.
“See- I knew we could do it, Kiki. I had faith all along. And when we get back, I’ll be all s-!” A sharp shriek cut me off, and I didn’t even realize it’d come from my own mouth as the sound rang in my ears. My flailing arms did nothing to help me as I slid down the embankment of the stream. Against my ribs, my heart stuttered and jolted, and my vision blurred and spun.
