He sat down across from me and sipped his coffee without a word. For a while, we sat in companionable silence, and then he turned to face me.
“I know I keep saying the same things, but I truly am sorry, Bails. I’m sorry you felt like you weren’t worth saving. I’m sorry I keep pulling you in and then pushing you away.”
I didn’t look at him as he spoke. I watched the snow landing on the frozen lake and he stood up and didn’t move for a moment.
“I wish I could change everything for you, but I need you to know that you are worth saving.”
With that, he turned and rushed back to the house.
That was the last interaction I had with him for weeks and I replayed it over and over in my head.
Zane came home in early January and it was freezing cold. School had been called off on more than one occasion through January and February because of the snow, but Coop and I were never alone for long. As the end
of February approached, Shawn whisked my mom off to Mexico for a romantic break for her birthday, and the three of us were left in icy conditions.
Zane had gone back to work, leaving Coop and me alone in the house for the first time. I was lying on my bed studying and Coop was in his room listening to music when a crash sounded downstairs. I ran out into the landing and was knocked on my ass by Cooper as he came out of his room.
“Sorry, Bails. Was that you?” he asked turning towards the stairs.
“No,” I murmured as I stood up and rubbed my ass. He moved towards the stairs as the house plunged into darkness. My squeak of surprise and racing heart sounded loudly in the sudden silence. Coop moved back towards me.
“Come with me,” Coop said, grasping my hand in his. His finger ran along the jagged scar on my hand and I shuddered. He led me past the stairs and opened a panel in the wall, pushing me in. It was pitch black and I couldn’t see a thing. He closed the panel over and moved around behind me in the darkness.
His whispered breath on my neck as he spoke quietly to me caused shivers to run up and down my spine.
“This is the first time since November we’ve been alone together. I think Phil’s come back to finish what he started.” His lips met my ear and my breathing sped up as his hand pressed on my stomach. He moved by me and I couldn’t think. It was too dark and being alone with Coop was dangerous.
He grabbed my hand and shushed me, leading me into more darkness. After a few minutes, he stopped walking and I slammed right into his back almost falling over. I hmphed as I fell backward but I didn’t hit the floor. Coop pulled me back up by the hand and when he let my hand go, I felt bereft and wanted the contact back straight away. In the darkness, I heard a door close and a lock twist, and my stomach twisted with desire and fear, desire for Coop, and fear for what was happening in the house.
I blamed the darkness for the desire that surged through me. He didn’t want me, I made him sick. As soon as that thought registered, my heart dropped. A small cellphone light lit up Coop’s face and his breathing was ragged. My eyes lingered on his and his hungry eyes drank me in like I was an oasis in the desert, as he moved slowly towards me.
“Come sit down.” I moved my eyes from his with effort as I glanced around the room we were in. The furniture was old-fashioned but looked comfortable enough. A huge couch sat in the corner, next to a boarded-up window. There was an antique-looking table in the corner, and an old-fashioned black telephone sitting atop it.
The other side of the room had old cabinets with photos behind the dusty glass. My whole body itched to go and explore, but my eyes went back to Coop who stood watching me with a small smile on his face. In his hand was a small bear that I instantly recognized. Louis bear, he’d repaired it for me.
My eyes filled up and I rushed towards him. I threw my arms around him, not caring for a moment about everything that had happened between us. His gesture touched every part of my heart and soul, and I shuddered as his lips pressed down onto my head. As his arms circled my waist, I wanted nothing more at that moment than to kiss him.
His head lifted as soon as I pulled my head out from under his chin, and he pressed his cheek to mine, whispering, “God, Bailey, I’ve missed touching you. I know I messed up badly, and what I said as I tried to fix it wasn’t right.” A loud crash sounding nearby stopped him, and I pulled him tighter.
“Are you sure we’re safe here?” I muttered against his chest as I listened to his heart, trying to calm my erratic breathing down.
“Yeah, babe, it’s fine. I called the cops when I heard the bang. They’re on their way and will be here in a few minutes.” I nodded against his chest, and he stepped backward and pulled me onto the couch beside him.
“Bailey, I…” Another crash made me jump, and he pulled me from the puffy cream and red couch onto his lap. His hand rubbed in rhythmic circles on my back and my eyes closed. I’d missed his touch more than I could say. The past few months had been lonelier than ever for me and I didn’t realize that day when he left my bathroom, he’d not want to be in the same room as me ever again. I’d thought we’d work it out, but he hadn’t even tried.
The thought of him not even trying made me sad, and my face tightened. His soft finger pressed under my chin, and he lifted my head, so my eyes met his. He sighed for a moment and then brought his lips to mine, pressing gently. Our breaths sped in unison as he held his lips there. He didn’t move them or try to do anything more.
My eyes closed as a cascade of emotions washed over me, but I opened my eyes in surprise when a drop of water hit my cheek. Coop’s face was scrunched up. I tried to move back, but his hand snaked up my back and held me there. His breathing became ragged and more tears hit my cheek. I didn’t know what to do, Coop hurting caused agony to shoot through me.
“Coop,” I whispered against his lips, tasting the saltiness of his tears. He breathed in a ragged breath and slipped his tongue into my mouth turning my head slightly to give him better access. His kiss was tense, passionate; he was holding back, and I didn’t know why.
I pulled away and his face crumpled. “I really did it, didn’t I?” My confusion rose to the surface and I lifted my hands to his face. He couldn’t even look at me.
“Coop, what? What is it you think you did?” His eyes widened in surprise, but his tears continued to fall as he stared at the floor. I wiped gently under his eyes and he shuddered. “Cooper, please?” My words were laced with the pain and uncertainty I felt around him. He pressed his lips together and lifted his eyes, staring over my shoulder.
“Bailey, I freaked okay?” He shivered and held me tighter, pressing his lips to my head again before continuing. “That message on your wall, your mom sending you on a date with Phil, when I could do nothing about it, and then you getting hurt because I wasn’t there to save you.”
He broke off again and swallowed as my eyes stung and a tear rolled down my cheek. “We’ve been through so much and I can’t stand it anymore.” He kissed the tears on my cheek and spoke with his lips against my skin, his hair tickling my forehead. “I don’t deserve shit from you, but I’m asking. No, I’m begging you, Bailey, please. Can you forgive me?”
My body started shaking and he kissed my cheek again. His words resonated in my head as he continued speaking. He caressed my palm on my lap and the back of my neck with his deft fingers.
“I haven’t been able to sleep properly since November. I’ve missed you so much and I know how much I hurt you, but you have to believe me. I’m so fucking in love with you I can’t think straight.” Another series of bangs sounded in the house, and he smirked. “Guess the cops found him.”
He pressed his lips to my forehead, and we sat there for a few minutes breathing each other in. “Bails, answer me, please.” The sound of his voice brought me back to myself, and he sat back watching me intently. I moved away to stand, and his sharp intake of breath told me how scared he was; he was terrified that I wouldn’t forgive him.
As I turned and looked into his eyes, his cell chimed, an
d he grabbed it, half-smiled at it, then nodded. “It’s…” He drew in a jagged breath. “Bails, it’s okay, you don’t need to say anything.” A tear rolled down his cheek and I turned again so I was standing fully in front of him. I moved, placing my knees on either side of him as I sat down on his lap.
“Coop,” I whispered as I leaned above him, and he raised his eyes to me, hope shining through the pain.
He watched me hungrily as I lowered myself over him. “Don’t hurt me like that again.” I pressed my lips to his, and he groaned as I settled myself over his crotch.
“Never again, Bailey, you are my home, my one, and I promise to make you happy if you give me a chance.”
His lips lifted to mine and I bit down gently on his bottom lip, sucking it into my mouth softly. His body responded automatically, and he ground his hips into mine.
“Good,” I mumbled into his open mouth before sliding my tongue between his lips again.
“Are you sure though, Bailey?” he asked, groaning as I ground on his hips.
I nodded once before fusing my lips to his again. His fingers ran up my back and my tank lifted with his touch. He moaned and my confidence rose; I ran my fingers down his back, lifting his shirt up and leaning back to take it off, moaning at the sight of his sculpted abs. I ran my fingers over the ridges in his abdomen, and he sucked in a sharp breath before whispering, “God, Bails, you’re killing me.”
His lips found my neck, and he tugged at my tank, pulling it over my head, before, his gorgeous brown eyes met mine and his pupils were the size of saucers. He returned his lips to my neck and moved me towards him.
As our bare skin touched, fire raced through me and I didn’t care about the consequences. He’d been my first kiss, I wanted my first time to be tonight, with Coop. I kissed him hard and ground on him, feeling a tightening inside me.
“Bailey,” his strangled voice hissed out and I paused glancing down at him. He met my gaze and I nodded at him. That was all it took before he brought his lips back to my neck, kissing and sucking hard. His lips roamed around my throat and collarbone, before dropping down to nibble on my erect nipples after his fingers lifted my breasts from the cups of my bra.
Each light bite caused a shot of desire to shoot downwards and my body shuddered. His breathing increased, and he picked me up, spinning around and laying me down on the couch. Dust particles rose in the air and swirled about in the small light from his cell. He kissed down my stomach and wrapped his hands around my sweats, ready to pull them off when his cell began ringing.
He leaned back breathlessly, lifting his eyes to me guiltily for a second. He stood up and walked towards the cabinets, standing with his back to me as he answered the call. His words carried over to me, and he glanced back again at me as I stared at his toned back. My eyes went to his ass and I couldn’t wait to wrap my hands around it as he thrust into me.
“Sure, babe,” he said into the cell and my visions of our first time shattered. I shuffled to sit up and my face burned as I realized I’d nearly become his dirty little secret. Jagged pains shot through me and his eyes spun to me as he heard my sharp intake of breath.
He moved towards me with his hand outstretched, but he was still on the phone and when he caught my glare, he dropped his hand. I grabbed my bra and pulled it over my breasts, ignoring the pleading looks he was giving me. As I pulled my top on and rushed towards the door, he met me there shaking his head as he ended his call.
“Bails, don’t go. Please, I can explain.” His voice cracked and I spun to face him, slapping him hard across the cheek.
“You almost had me fooled. Don’t speak to me again, Cooper. I mean it. I won’t be the other woman.” He held his cheek watching in dismay as I sprinted from the room and after a few minutes I was back in my room.
As soon as the door closed, my dam broke and I collapsed onto the floor sobbing. He’d done it to me again. I heard him thump against the door.
“Bailey,” he spoke and thumped at the door, “please just let me in. I’m not with her anymore, but she’s going through shit, and she needs me.”
My heart was already broken, and he was stomping on it.
“Go away, Coop,” I called, and he stopped hitting my door. A loud bang sounded and then silence. The tears streamed and I couldn’t feel anything but pain. I hated how I’d let him hurt me again. I had to stay away from him and keep him at arm’s length. It wasn’t fair that he kept using me, and then dropping me.
If I thought going to my room and closing the door would give me respite, I was wrong because every emotion hit me as I sat there alone. I felt dirty and used, unloved and unlovable and unattractive. I forced myself to stop crying and went into the bathroom, washing my face, and drying my eyes. I couldn’t stop the pain from hitting, but I could try to stop myself from reacting to it.
After a few minutes’ silence, there was another knock on my door and I wanted to bury my head under my pillow when I heard Cooper speaking softly through the door.
“Bails, the cops want to speak to us. Can you come out, please?”
I lifted my pillow and screamed into it, before pushing myself up and going to open the door.
Cooper glanced at me once, nodded through hard eyes, and walked ahead of me down the stairs. We spent the rest of the night separated and giving statements to the police. I found out that Cooper had called the cops as soon as he’d heard the crash and that they’d responded because they knew that Phil was stalking me.
The police had kept a watch on him and knew he was going to target me. Shawn also knew and it turned out Cooper knew as well. My head was pounding as we went over and over our statements, before finally being allowed to go to bed.
The cops told us to do something, but I was distracted by the arrival of Jan. I couldn’t hear anything around the buzzing in my ears, so I just nodded until no one was speaking to me anymore. I sat numbly on the sofa, watching as Cooper showed the cops out and as soon as they were gone, I sprinted to my room, locking the door behind me again.
The next morning, I woke up and there was a note under my bear beside my bed. I wanted to tear the note up, but instead, I shoved it into my school bag. As I went downstairs the house became colder and colder until I shivered in my shorts and tank. Coop walked out of the family room, followed by Jan.
I ignored them and padded barefoot along to the kitchen. As I opened the door to the kitchen an arctic breeze whipped around my ankles and I shivered. Glass littered the floor because the windows around the kitchen had been smashed. I almost walked into the mess needing caffeine, but Coop’s hand closed over my wrist.
I sucked in a frozen breath and turned towards him.
“Coop?” My voice was low as I shivered in the cold. His eyes locked on mine the moment I turned around.
“Did you read my note, Bails?” he asked slowly, his eyes roaming all over my face. I shook my head, and he ran his fingers through his hair. “Okay, come find me when you read it, please?”
He bent down and pressed his lips to mine, before turning and walking away.
The kitchen was so cold that polar bears would have been comfortable in it. There was no way I could grab a coffee only dressed in my pj’s, so I decided to go back to my room and get dressed.
I padded along the floor and as I climbed the stairs, I kept my mind intentionally blank, but as I passed Coop’s room I glanced in and saw him and Jan sitting on his bed. She was facing away from me but curled on her side in Coop’s arms. My breathing stuttered and Coop’s eyes met mine. His look was sad, and his eyes sparkled as though he was pleading with me, but I shook my head with tears in my eyes as I turned away.
His sigh followed me as I went back into my room and crawled under my duvet, pulling it over my head as I shivered with cold and heartbreak. After a while hiding from the world, I drifted off into sleep. When I woke up Coop was snuggled in beside me. My head was on his arm, my arm flung across his bare waist, and my leg sandwiched between his
As I gasped in s
urprise, he opened his eyes and smiled at me.
“Coop,” I whispered hoarsely, and he smiled widely, licking his lips as he looked at me. I could feel him hardening against my stomach and when he brushed his lips against my own, fireworks went off in my stomach. I felt like a Catherine wheel on the Fourth as fire raced through me from his warm touch and I shivered against him. His gaze heated, and he grazed my lips with his again.
As our breathing sped up, there was a knock at my room door and Jan walked in. Her eyes widened in surprise as she switched on the light, seeing us. I buried my head in Coop’s neck, hiding from the light. Coop spoke and his voice rumbled in his chest. “Jan, what happened?” His voice was hoarse with desire, but there was something else in his voice I couldn’t identify.
She spoke again and I pulled back slightly to look at her.
“I tried to go home, but I didn’t make it. The road into town is blocked and since I didn’t want to sleep in my car, I needed to come back here.” Coop shrugged away from me and the coldness at his distance worried me. He crawled out of my bed and busied himself looking for his clothes.
As he pulled them on, Jan watched him with appreciation in her eyes, and whenever she caught me watching Cooper, her mouth narrowed into a thin line. She shook her head at me, and I knew she was playing some sort of game with Coop. I suddenly realized that the letter Coop left me would have the answers.
He stood up, brushing my hand as he did, and he walked towards her at the door. Her face lit as he left me lying in the bed and my gaze sharpened. Coop caught my glare and shook his head at me. He closed the door and I wanted to smack him around the face. He made me feel like a silly little girl, but he’d just walked out of my bed to another girl.
“FUCK!!” I screamed into my pillow, so sick of the whiplash he was giving me. He needed to decide if he wanted me, really wanted me once and for all because I was so over all this shit. I got up and headed towards the big bathroom for a soak in the tub. It was his bathroom, but I knew he wouldn’t mind me wanting to escape from my emotions for a little bit.
Stepbrother Page 16
