I wanted to open my eyes but struggled with the morphine in my system.
“Coop,” I slurred, and I heard him laugh a little as he answered.
“Yeah, Bails, what is it?” His fingers traced a pattern on my cheek, and I leaned into his hand.
“I looooves you…” His voice when he answered was lighter than before, and he pressed his lips to my nose.
“I know. I love you too. Now let those magical drugs help you sleep.”
I wanted to stay awake in his arms, but the medicine was too good, and I slipped under, smiling as I did at the fact I was sleeping in Coop’s bed and it wasn’t an issue for anyone.
With the morning came all the problems that had been left at the door the night before. Shawn returned and was furious with my mom for letting Cooper and me sleep in the same bed. Their argument woke me up and Coop wasn’t even in the bed with me anymore. The door to his bedroom was open slightly and I watched the argument through the small crack in the door.
“Shawn, we’ve been in and out all night. Nixon needed to keep an eye on them both, so it made sense to have them sleeping in the same room.” My mom was firm and sounded furious. “She needed her friend and they’ve become friends recently, and he needed her. His brother attacked them both and regardless…”
Shawn cut in, livid, “Regardless of NOTHING! THEY ARE RELATED!” My mom gasped and stormed away from him, slamming a door. I glanced around catching Coop standing open-mouthed at the bathroom door as Shawn threw open the door of Cooper’s room.
“Bailey, get out of Cooper’s bed now.” He came towards me and grabbed my arm, pulling me roughly across the bed.
Coop moved like lightning and ripped his dad’s hand away from me. “What the hell is your problem?” he shouted at his dad and his dad glared at us both.
“You cannot be sleeping in the same bed. You cannot be in…” He paused sucking in a breath before speaking again, “In a relationship, because like it or not, you are related, and I will not tolerate you being together.” He glared at us and Cooper lost it.
“How many times do I have to tell you? BAILEY AND I AREN’T TOGETHER! WE’VE NEVER BEEN TOGETHER. SHE’S A LITTLE GIRL!” He shoved his dad’s shoulder and stood breathing hard with his back to me. Shawn stood glaring at us and Cooper shoved him towards the door. “Now get out of my room. She can stay in my bed as long as it takes because it was MY BROTHER who attacked her, and I convinced her not to press charges.”
He hadn’t needed to; we hadn’t even talked about any of that, but he knew I wouldn’t want to do that. It wouldn’t help. I tried to move, and I gasped holding on to my throat. Coop turned to me and gave me a hard look. His meaning was clear—stay still while he spoke to his dad—so I stopped trying to move.
“Fine,” Shawn murmured, “but if I get so much of an inkling you two are together, I won’t be responsible for my actions. Colleges will be out, any financial help gone. I will end your futures before they begin. You understand?” He glared and Cooper nodded at his father’s retreating figure.
“Bails,” he whispered as soon as the door closed. He turned to me and shook his head. I knew what he was meaning without him having to say it. He spun around and walked to the bathroom, slamming the door hard behind him. There was nothing for a second and then a loud crack sounded. I crawled up from the bed and tried to go to him, but I was slow and sluggish, and it took me a few pain-filled moments to cross the room.
I opened the bathroom door and he was running his hand under the faucet. Blood was running from a cut on his hand. His shoulders were slumped, and the mirror was cracked. His face splintered into hundreds of pieces in the reflection.
“Bailey, get out, it’s over. I can’t do this anymore,” he hissed and I stepped back in surprise. I paused by the door, and he glanced around. “What are you waiting for? Just go. I never should have started this shit, you’re not worth all this…” His eyes tightened as he spoke, but other than that he didn’t react to his words and I knew we were over.
I gasped and turned away from him holding my hands around my waist as I tried to stop the tears from flowing. Everything hurt, my neck, my face, my heart, my soul. I moved slowly to the bathroom downstairs and as I passed the mirror, I caught a glimpse of my face. I was a wreck, my lip was cut and swollen and my eye was black and blue. Not to mention the array of colors on my neck. My legs gave way and I sobbed in the bathroom at the turn my life had taken. He’d ended us. We were over.
The next few days passed quickly; my birthday went uncelebrated. No one felt like celebrating and I’d asked my mom to just let it pass. I couldn’t manage to plaster a pretend smile to my face around Cooper. We avoided each other completely and as soon as Nixon cleared me, I spent my time at my grandparents’, hanging out with Jay.
He didn’t ask about Coop and I didn’t tell him. We talked about senior year, college choices, and what he was going to do with his trust fund when he had access to it. Everyone, including Coop, assumed we were a couple, and I didn’t have the energy to correct them.
August arrived quickly, and I started my senior year, settling into the routine of school. I found out that Jay was attending my school for his senior year which made me so happy. Coop was dating again, but I ignored it, and anytime I saw him I didn’t acknowledge the twisting of my gut at the sight of him.
Time passed quickly and too soon it was the night before Cooper was going to college, Shawn had arranged a family dinner for us, minus Zane, who’d disappeared with ten grand and some jewelry of Cooper’s mom’s.
I didn’t want to go. In fact, I never wanted to go to anything less, but I knew I had to at least try. I missed Cooper so much, but I also hated him and I couldn’t stand being around him. I’d protested to my mom and she’d told me that I had to be there. It wouldn’t be okay for me to miss it.
I dressed carefully in an off the shoulder black top with dark skin-tight trousers, a silver belt, and a silver necklace. I did my makeup light and took my hair down from the plait it had been in all day which left me with loose curls.
Once I deemed myself presentable, with an ever-present ball of dread sitting in my stomach, I slipped my feet into my boots and went downstairs. Cooper was standing by the window looking more handsome than ever in a dark grey shirt with black slacks on. He turned as I entered the room and a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips.
The car ride was awkward as Cooper and I were forced to sit in the back of his dad's car. I was squished into the door and refused to even look across at him as him and his dad spoke about Harvard and how excited Cooper was to start school. I tried to keep my expression neutral, but my heart hurt every time Cooper spoke.
Dinner was strained, and we didn’t look at each other at all. As dinner ended Shawn toasted Cooper going to Harvard and I tried to smile and join in, but I wasn’t feeling it. It still hurt that he’d ended us, and he’d been screwing around. On my birthday in June I walked into the sitting after going out for a walk to find some girl giving him oral.
The knife that stabbed into my heart seeing that was like nothing else I’d ever experienced because I’d never expected him to stoop as low as that on my birthday. I stood frozen as my mind took a minute to make sense of what I was seeing. He glanced up and raised his eyebrows and I wanted to throw something at him. He sneered at me and I spun on my heel, stuffing my hand in my mouth to stop the sob coming out.
After that day, I’d completely avoided him. I didn’t speak to him at all. I hated him so much, but I missed him so badly I ached. I couldn’t sleep at home, so I stayed out much more.
The morning Cooper left for college, I’d been up since five a.m., hoping to get out before everyone else was up. It was the first Saturday in September, and I was hoping to go sit at Louis’s grave until I could go to Jay’s. I made my way downstairs and walked into the kitchen to find the coffee pot brewing. I walked out onto the deck and prayed he’d leave without me seeing him, but no such luck. He was at the water’s edge looking over the wat
er, but as my eyes made out his form in the early light of dusk, he turned, and his eyes pinned me to the deck.
He nodded at me and turned back to face the water. I didn’t acknowledge him as I turned and went back into the kitchen, grabbing a muffin as I sat down and waited for the coffee pot to finish brewing. A cold draft washed over me, surrounding me in Cooper’s scent as he walked into the kitchen. He stood at the coffee pot and waited until it finished, pouring coffee into my leopard print travel mug.
He brought it over and set it down in front of me brushing my fingers as he moved away from me. The shock of his light touch sent a frizzle of desire through me and I glanced up meeting his eyes for the first time since the end of June.
As I looked into his eyes they watered, and he shook his head, turning away from me. “Bailey, don’t.” I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath before standing and heading towards the garage. As I opened the door, his devastated voice called out to me across the kitchen, “Aren’t you going to see me off?” I shook my head without looking at him because my eyes were full of tears.
“No,” I whispered in a cracked voice as I let the door close between us.
I walked across the garage to my car and the door to the kitchen opened again. Loud footsteps sounded and rough hands grabbed me, pulling me into their embrace.
“Bails, I’m so sorry.” He kissed the top of my head for a moment, before backing away. “Take care of yourself,” he murmured before he turned and walked back to the kitchen.
I stood for a second with a hollow sensation in the pit of my stomach and then, as I heard my mom and Shawn in the kitchen, I threw myself into the car and took off. The day passed quickly as Jay and I sat together singing and watching our favorite TV shows. Much later than normal I knew I needed to go home, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be left there without Cooper.
He’d made me feel at home there, and without our volatile love-hate relationship, I didn’t know who I was. On the drive home I was listening to country songs and singing them at the top of my voice, trying to ignore the pain of Cooper’s parting.
I made it home, ordered some takeout, and sat on the sofa eating chicken lo mein and shrimp noodles. I eventually clambered up to my room and instantly saw there was a new bear on my bed, with a note underneath.
The brown bear had a broken heart and half of the heart was missing. It looked like the half heart had been taken out by inexperienced hands if the loose stitching was anything to go by. I opened the note and it broke me apart as I read it.
Bailey,
I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you.
You were like a breath of fresh air in my life.
It was always you that I loved.
I had to end things; my dad was serious.
He threatened you, and I had to protect you
since I hadn’t protected you from Zane.
This bear is my promise to you.
My heart is yours. It has been since I saw you at school.
You have my love always and forever.
Cooper xxx
Ps I have half the heart with me, so when you’re holding your half
I’ll be holding mine.
I broke down into tears and called Jay sobbing. He arrived over and spent the night consoling me. My mom and Shawn were spending the night by campus, so I was alone in the house. The following morning, I put the note all into my hiding place with Louis’s stuff and the other note Coop had given me.
The days passed, and I spent time with Jay, my friends, and my grandparents. All too soon months had passed, and as senior year got more intense, with choir practice, art class, and dance class that Selene and Lish made me attend kept me active and busy. I was out most days and nights, and I barely saw my mom and Shawn, which was just how I liked it. I still missed Cooper, but the ache was small and getting smaller each day.
I didn’t see Cooper again until Thanksgiving break, but he was only home for two days, and we didn’t get a chance to talk. He didn’t come home for Christmas but went away with friends. I saw him for a day at spring break, but when I’d found out he was coming home, I’d arranged to spend the week with my grandparents in Fort Lauderdale in their holiday home and I flew out the day after he arrived and flew home the day after he’d left. We didn’t speak or even look at each other when he was there.
My final year passed in a blur and Jay took me to senior prom where he was in the prom court. I wasn’t, but I wasn’t bothered about it and when my results came back, I’d passed all my finals with flying colors and my mom was delighted. My college applications had gone in and I’d been accepted to Princeton, Yale, Harvard, and Stanford.
I’d chosen to attend Princeton and had decided to study art history, criticism and conservation because I loved art. I adored spending my days at the gallery and exploring the work of artists seeing how the brushstrokes looked on different canvases and exploring periods of art and art movement. Jay was studying art but wasn’t going to Princeton. He was going to the Royal Academy of Art in London, England and I knew I would miss him enormously while he was overseas. He’d be at an excellent school and would be an excellent artist, although he was already wonderful.
As I started college and started going out and making friends, I found I missed Cooper less and less and I started seeing a guy in my Sophomore Year, but the fire wasn’t there. After a few lackluster romances, it was clear I wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I chose to give them a miss for a while, at least until I owned my own gallery. I decided to skip going home for summer in my Junior Year and went to Paris and studied at the Louvre and worked in galleries around Paris, networking and finding new artists with my friend Marie.
As we started our senior year of college, she was considering where she wanted to go, but I was set on my path. Owning a gallery was my dream and I’d work hard to make it happen. I hadn’t heard from Coop for three years, but during my trip I bumped into Zane, while on a trip to New York with friends.
We’d been there for a few days with only a few more to go, and we were at the ferries to Liberty Island waiting on entrance when one of the guides changed over. The person was instantly familiar, and my back tensed. I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to answer questions about why, so I stayed in the line praying that another of the guides would be responsible for our group. But as we reached the front of the line, I knew luck wasn’t with me.
Marie had her arm linked through mine and I stared straight ahead as the group in front of us were given their tour guide. I hadn’t wanted a guided tour and could have strangled Marie for suggesting it. She was tenacious though with her gorgeous raven hair, athletic body, and stunningly pretty Puerto Rican skin. She was like a ball of fire, but I adored her and owed her for getting me through my Freshman and Sophomore years at college.
We reached the front and I heard Zane’s intake of breath as he took me in. “Bailey?” he asked, sounding dumbstruck. I nodded keeping my eyes on the ferry as it moved away from me.
“Can I have a word?” I shook my head as tears clouded my vision and he nodded, stepping back away from me.
The tour started and it was a little awkward, but after a shaky start Zane really got into it and I ended up enjoying it. At the end, Marie invited him out for a drink, and he accepted. My eyes widened, and he tried to backtrack, but Marie wouldn’t hear of it. “Bailey has no problem, do you, honey?” I knew I had to say no because if I said yes, she’d never let it go.
“It’s fine,” Zane spoke and I met his eyes for the first time, seeing so much of his brother in them almost robbed me of speech, but I managed to croak out, “No, come and have a drink with us.” He smiled at me sadly and nodded. He grabbed his cell and sent a message.
Marie had picked the bar and since we were a mixed crowd, it was perfect for everyone. There was karaoke, a dance floor, a cocktail bar, and a nightclub in the vicinity. We sat in a quiet section and somehow, I ended up next to Zane. As everyone relaxed, I became more tense, unable to relax be
cause every time I tried, his behavior flashed back to me.
His face had changed, and his hands looked rougher, but he was still the same in the looks department. His heartbreaking green eyes, brown hair, and figure were still the same, but something in the depths of his eyes had changed.
“Bailey,” he whispered, sipping his beer slowly, “how are you?”
I smiled -or tried to- at him and spoke, “I’m good, I guess. I got into Princeton and I’m studying art history.” He smiled as I spoke and covered my hand with his, giving it a gentle squeeze. My whole body froze, and his smile slipped a little.
“This was a mistake. Bailey, I’m sorry, I have to go. Thank your friends for me.” He shrugged out of the booth and after a second, I followed him.
We reached the street and I called his name, making him freeze.
“Zane, wait up.” He turned as I moved towards him and his eyes were watery. We stood apart, and he glanced at me and then down at the sidewalk.
“I’m so… I’m so, so sorry… Bailey, I never meant.” His broken voice hurt me, and I moved towards him. He pulled me into his arms and sobbed into my shoulder, “Since I got clean all I wanted was a chance to apologize to you, to my dad, and Coop, but my dad won’t hear it. He told me if I go near you or Coop, he’ll have me arrested, so I stayed away.”
His breath against my neck was comforting and I kissed his cheek before I murmured,
“It’s okay. You weren’t yourself; I forgave you a long time ago.” He nodded and stepped back smiling at me.
“I’m so lucky to have seen you, Bailey.” We walked back into the bar and sat catching up for the remainder of the night.
“Do you still see Coop?” he asked as we sat beside each other, and I closed my eyes.
“No, I haven’t seen or spoken to him in two years.” My voice was sad, and pain still shot through it as I thought about Cooper. I opened my eyes and found Zane watching me.
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