“But totally worth it,” Lexa insisted as they headed out the door.
“I’ll take your word for that.”
“I need to—” She walked right into a tall man in the doorway.
“Whoa,” he said as they collided.
Lexa squealed and then laughed and blushed. “Sean! I’m so sorry.”
Joshua froze behind the counter, eyes darting past the stranger in dread (hope?) of seeing a familiar face behind him. But Sean was alone.
“No problem,” Sean said easily, stepping aside to let Lexa and Ali leave.
Not that they looked like they wanted to go anywhere now. “I didn’t think you were coming back until the weekend,” Ali said, smiling and giggling.
“Well, my brother flew in early, so we decided to come up here a couple days ahead of Tejana.” He gave an easy grin when he saw Lexa and Ali bouncing with excitement. “I left Finn back at the house. He’s still on west-coast time. And, anyway, he’s a lazy bastard in the morning.”
The girls giggled and Joshua turned away, trying not to remember Finn sleeping next to him, dawn sunlight streaming into the little trailer and burnishing his tawny hair. But the memory took hold so powerfully it was all he could see, all he could feel as it coiled up in the pit of his stomach.
“... Newt?” He started at the sound of his stupid nickname and Lexa frowned at him over the counter. “Earth to Joshua Newton,” she said. “This is Sean.”
For his part, Sean stepped forward with a friendly smile and held out his hand. He had a handsome, open face. “Joshua, I’ve been wanting to meet you.”
Pulling himself together, he shook Sean’s hand. “Yes,” he said stupidly. “Hello.”
Sean’s mouth tightened. Was he about to say something about Finn, about water under the bridge? Joshua flushed in anticipation. But when Sean spoke, he said, “I hope it’s not too awkward about the house. It must be difficult for you.”
“The house?”
Sean gave a nervous laugh. “Um, Hanworth Hall? I just bought your family home.”
“Oh,” Joshua said, because all he could think was, He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know about me and Finn. “Right. Yes, of course. No, please don’t feel awkward about that. I’m only glad we could sell it. My father... Well.” He trailed off because no one wanted to talk about Charles Newton, Joshua least of all.
Sean nodded. “I get it. My dad wasn’t exactly father of the year, either.”
Joshua caught himself before he said, Yeah, I know, and they stood there in an awkward silence until Sean cleared his throat. “So,” he said, “I heard this is the best coffee bar in town?”
“By default.” Joshua chanced a smile. “It’s the only coffee bar in town.”
Sean grinned. “Then I’ll have your best latte, please. To go.”
“Coming right up.” Joshua turned to the machine behind him, hands working mechanically as his stupid mind tried to trace Finn’s features in Sean’s face.
Sean’s eyes were milder, more hazel than Finn’s clear green, and although he had a handsome face it didn’t equal his brother’s classical beauty. He burned less bright than Finn, gentler in every respect. More approachable. Joshua decided he liked him, just like Finn had predicted all those years ago. Of course, that just made it hurt even more. In another life, this man could have been a brother to him—a better brother than his own.
Lexa and Ali propped up the other end of the bar now, whispering together. Joshua sent them a stern look—Leave the man alone!—but they’d always been willful and he had no authority over them.
Lexa grinned. “So, Sean, have you checked out the Rock House yet?”
Joshua kept his back to Sean and finished steaming the milk so it was aerated just right.
“That’s the bar on the edge of town?”
“Yeah. They have live music Tuesday nights. You and Finn should come along.”
Having never been able to flirt, Joshua found himself amazed by how easily it came to others, how little it seemed to embarrass them or look awkward. Lexa was too young for Sean and he was married anyway, yet she flirted with him brazenly and, through him, with Finn. Joshua didn’t know whether to be disapproving or envious.
“Actually, that sounds good,” Sean said. “We might do that.”
So easy, Joshua thought as he poured the steamed milk slowly into the middle of the cup, letting it mix with the espresso. These people who said and did exactly what they wanted astonished him. He wished he was more like them. Perhaps things would have turned out differently if he’d just taken what he wanted and said to hell with his responsibilities.
“Cool,” Lexa said as Joshua turned around and slid Sean’s latte across the counter.
“There you go.”
Sean thanked him and took a sip, eyes widening in surprise. “This is good,” he said with an appreciative nod. “This is excellent.”
Sean meant it as a compliment, of course, and Joshua took it as such. But he found himself wanting to explain—wanting Sean to know that there was more to him than this. Or maybe it wasn’t Sean he wanted to know, maybe it was himself. Or maybe it was Finn.
But what else was he? A rootless teacher of music and wannabe professional who never made it—who never even tried, in the end.
“Listen,” Sean said as he got up to leave, “maybe we’ll see you guys at the Rock House tonight? My brother’s into music, so it definitely sounds like his kinda thing. But don’t tweet it or anything, okay?”
Joshua simply nodded, felt himself freeze like the proverbial deer in the headlights. Luckily Lexa and Ali squealed loud enough to drown out any need for a response.
And so he found himself counting down the hours until the evening, so preoccupied that he gave three people the wrong change and Dee peered over the pink rims of her glasses to ask whether he was unwell and needed to go home. It would have made a good excuse to skip the Rock House, and the fact that he didn’t seize the chance only demonstrated the depths of his turmoil; he dreaded meeting Finn almost as much as he longed to see him again. Either way, the encounter was inevitable and he figured it would probably be easier at the Rock House than somewhere with fewer places to hide.
So, as much as music bars weren’t his scene, Joshua resolved to go along and get the meeting over with.
Dee’s closed at half past five and Joshua headed home, showered, and spent longer than he could justify deciding what to wear. He hesitated over his blue shirt—the one Liz once told him made his eyes “pop”—or just a casual T-shirt. He didn’t want Finn to think he was trying to look attractive. Not that he was that attractive. Eight long, difficult years had worn him down and there were shadows under his eyes and new lines at their corners. He wished they were laughter lines, but he knew he just looked melancholy.
Disregarding the blue shirt, he opted for his favorite Led Zeppelin T-shirt instead. Old and faded, it probably made him feel better than it made him look. But that was okay; tonight he needed all the help he could get.
With butterflies in his stomach, Joshua headed out early. He figured the bar would be quieter then and all he’d need to do was wait for Sean and Finn to show up, get the awkward meeting over with, and then fade into the crowd and away. He drove there, even though he could walk, because he needed an excuse not to drink—being drunk would be a disaster tonight—and he’d just turned onto Main Street when he saw a commotion outside Dee’s.
Pulling over, he got out to find tables and chairs on the sidewalk, the coffee shop door standing wide open and water dripping down the two steps and out onto the street.
Dee leaned against one of the tables with her phone pressed to her ear, talking loudly about insurance. Poking his head inside he found Ali and Lexa dressed to kill and glowering, barefoot on the soggy floor as they hauled everything not fixed down up onto the counter or out the front door.
“W
hat happened?” Joshua asked, looking around in dismay.
“The damn drain backed up,” Lexa growled. “And the dishwasher flooded all over the floor.”
Joshua winced, although it didn’t look too bad—not like a water pipe broke or anything. “You get the drain unblocked okay?”
“No, that’s our next fun job. Just our crappy luck.”
“I’m sure it’ll be okay. Looks like the floor will survive and if your mom is insured...” Lexa and Ali stared at him like he was the stupidest person on the planet. Maybe they had a point. “What?” he said, uncertain.
“I don’t care about the damn drain,” Lexa snapped. “We’re stuck here, hauling this crap about, when we should be at the Rock House with Finn fucking Callaghan!”
“Language!” Dee hollered from outside.
Lexa glowered.
And Joshua saw his opportunity. “I don’t mind cleaning up,” he said, heart rate accelerating—partly in hope, partly at the audacity of his escape, and partly in perverse regret. Christ, he was confused.
Ali and Lexa stared at him. “Really?” Ali said. “You don’t mind?”
“Sure.” He stepped into the coffee shop. “I can get this cleaned up in a couple hours. It’s no problem.”
“Mom!” Lexa yelled. “Newt says he’ll clean up!”
Dee poked her head around the door. “What? No. Newt, you don’t need to—”
“It’s fine,” he said. “The Rock House isn’t really my thing anyway. I’m happy to mop up and unblock the drain. Really.”
“Please, Mom...” Lexa begged. “I swear, we’ll get up early and help set up tomorrow.”
Dee looked uncertain.
“It’s not every day Hollywood comes to town,” Joshua reminded her, and he even managed a convincing smile. “I really don’t mind.”
It was enough; Dee relented. “But you girls both owe Newt a big favor. And don’t you forget it.”
They disappeared in a cloud of excitement and after another hour of cleaning and mopping, Joshua persuaded Dee to join them while he finished up and locked the coffee shop for the night. Despite the cool air, he felt hot and sweaty by the time he finished unblocking the drain, so he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and sat on the hood of his crappy car listening to the distant thump of music from the Rock House.
Was Finn there right now? What was he doing, what was he thinking? Was he laughing, throwing back his head the way he used to when he really let go? Was he singing—getting up alongside the band and grabbing the mic? Perhaps he couldn’t do that sort of thing now that he was a semifamous actor? Or perhaps fame gave him license to do more? Joshua didn’t know; he didn’t know Finn anymore. And that hurt a lot more than it should after eight years.
It occurred to him then that Finn might have been dreading this meeting too. Perhaps, like him, he’d wanted to get it over with tonight. Perhaps he was irritated that Joshua hadn’t shown up. Perhaps he was disappointed.
“Or perhaps he doesn’t even remember you.”
He said it out loud to make it sound more plausible, but deep down he knew it couldn’t be true. Those two months they’d been together, wrapped up entirely in each other, had been intense. Their connection had been profound and that wasn’t something you forgot.
Sitting in the dark, listening to the low beat from the Rock House and the distant wash of the ocean against the shore, Joshua sent a silent prayer into the night. He had no right to expect anything from Finn, but he let himself dream of this one thing.
Forgiveness. He prayed that they could meet as friends.
* * *
The next morning Joshua got up early, as usual, and headed down to the coffee shop. He flung open all the doors and windows to air out the lingering damp and set the tables down onto the almost-dry floor.
Lexa and Ali showed up later, hungover and brimful of talk about Finn Callaghan.
“Oh my God, Newt, he’s so beautiful,” Ali sighed as she half-heartedly wiped down the counter.
“And funny,” Lexa added, almost grudgingly. “I mean, mostly you think actors are pretty dumb in real life, right? But he’s actually really sharp.”
“And he can sing.”
“Hell, yeah,” Lexa said, although her brow twitched into a frown. “Kylee got her claws into him real fast.”
Ali huffed in agreement and Joshua said, “Kylee Adams?” She owned the Rock House and probably had a good decade on Finn.
“Who else?” Lexa grumbled. “She was all over him like a rash.”
Glancing between them, Joshua sensed the ebb and flow of jealousy and tried not to add his own to the mix. He may have had no one significant in his life since Finn, but he knew full well that Finn had earned a reputation with women. It didn’t come as a surprise that he’d spent the evening flirting.
Besides, Joshua had had years to get used to the idea of Finn dating women. Not long after he’d landed his role as a vampire hunter in High Stakes, Joshua had stumbled across a picture of him online: Finn with a blonde and beautiful girl on his arm, looking every inch the poster boy for the all-American guy.
He had no right to be upset. He’d been the one to end things between them. Finn owed him nothing. Still. Kylee Adams...?
“Anyway,” Lexa said, straightening up from the table. “The barbecue is definitely on and Sean said to invite you, too, Newt.”
He blinked at her. “Really?”
“Yeah, he said—Oh my God!”
Her hand flew to her mouth, and then she ran it hurriedly through her hair. “It’s them,” she hissed to Ali. “They’re coming in!”
Joshua had all of three seconds to brace himself before the door opened and Sean strode in, all long limbs and easy strides, and behind him—
God, but it was nothing like looking at pictures online. Joshua wasn’t even slightly prepared.
Finn filled the room, sucked all the air from Joshua’s lungs. Maybe he took a step back, or maybe he froze in place, he didn’t know. And he didn’t know where Finn was looking, whether he even saw him, because Joshua’s eyes were fixed on the floor, his head pounding with a thousand thoughts that all echoed to the same rhythm: it’s him, he’s here, it’s Finn.
It’s Finn.
“Hey,” Sean said from a million miles away. “You got a couple coffees for two hungover dudes?”
Lexa and Ali rushed to serve them, darting behind the counter and leaving Joshua adrift in the middle of the coffee shop. He couldn’t move, didn’t know what to do, just stood there clutching the rag he’d been using to wipe down the tables. All he could think about was the last time they’d been in the same room together, that terrible last day at his house when Finn had stormed and raged with tears spilling down his face.
This is bullshit, Josh! None of it matters. Just—please, okay? Don’t do this. I’m begging you, man. Don’t. Please...
“Hey, Joshua,” Sean said, relentlessly friendly. “Sorry you couldn’t make it last night.” He glanced around the coffee shop. “How’s the dishwasher?”
Joshua made himself look at Sean and not the man standing rigidly behind him, although he could feel Finn’s tension pulsing towards him. “It’s fine,” he managed to say. “All cleaned up.”
“Oh, hey,” Sean said, like he’d forgotten. “This is my brother, Finn.” He turned and gestured. “Finn, Joshua Newton. Joshua, Finn Callaghan.”
A number of things happened all at once: Finn’s eyes touched his for half a heartbeat, Joshua jerked his head in something like a nod, his mouth sandpaper dry, and Finn said, “Sean, I’ll see you in the car.”
And then he left, disappeared out the door, leaving Sean looking awkward. “Ah,” he said, scratching a cheek. “Sorry about that, he’s not normally such a jerk. But I guess he’s hungover and jet-lagged...”
Joshua tried to smile, afraid it looked more like a rictus,
and edged his way behind the counter. His legs felt weak. He needed to sit down.
Meanwhile, Lexa and Ali were taking customer service to the next level and heading out after Finn, carrying both coffees to the car. Sean seemed resigned, rather than surprised, and didn’t stop them. But as he followed he glanced over his shoulder at Joshua. “Hope we’ll see you on Saturday? Barbecue at the house—if that’s okay with you?”
He muttered, “Of course,” and Sean smiled and then the door closed and Joshua sank boneless against the counter.
It was over. He’d done it. He’d seen Finn again, heard him speak, looked him in the eye. And that had to be the worst of it, right?
Only maybe not, because one thing had been crystal clear: Finn Callaghan hadn’t forgotten and he most certainly hadn’t forgiven.
Chapter Four
Then
On a sultry afternoon at the end of June, Finn Callaghan stuck to the shade of the garage as he finished up his work.
Charles Newton had a passion for classic cars and a garage full of them at his home in the small coastal town of New Milton, and they all needed maintaining. Not fixing; they were all pristine. But Newton liked them polished and tuned and then returned to their place in a garage that, in Finn’s opinion, was more like a museum.
What was the point of owning a car—or twenty—if you didn’t drive it?
Still, the guy was paying him good money to spend the summer giving his classic car collection the TLC he felt it needed and Finn wasn’t complaining. He’d take any job he could get, and this was a good one. It even came with a little trailer he could live in at the edge of the estate. More important, it would help him earn those last few bucks he needed to get out to LA and the new life he could feel unfurling now that it was just him and Sean.
Fuck their dad. Finn had no time to grieve for that deadbeat drunk. He was choosing life.
He’d been working at the Newton house for three weeks already and was making steady, meticulous progress. There was no rush; Newton had told him in his emails that he wanted the job done right, not fast. And that suited Finn just fine.
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