Now he was avoiding the issue. That scared her even more. She had to fix things. Sex always worked with Donovan. She stroked his arm lightly. “A bath would be nice—if you’re joining me.”
He shook his head. “I need to think right now. Besides, I know how you enjoy bathing. We’ll talk later. I don’t want to spoil things for you.”
Madeline watched him walk from the room, wanting to call out to him but so afraid to. He said he loved her, but she couldn’t help but worry. Now that she was safe, would he stick around or leave her like he’d left every other woman in town? Did he realize she was getting emotional and it disgusted him the way it used to disgust Cameron?
The only way he could spoil things was if he ended their relationship. Is that what he contemplated?
She wiped the tears from her eyes, hating that he made her so weak. She loved him so much. The thought of losing him tore her up inside.
Scooping a big spoonful of fettuccine onto her dish, Madeline wolfed down a few bites. She grabbed another breadstick and sopped up sauce from her plate, gobbling it down. As if by magic, another breadstick was in her hand. Madeline looked at it, took a deep breath, and dropped it back into the basket.
What am I doing? Eating my way back to blimp size without even finding out what’s going on?
Madeline pushed the plate away from her and stood up, marching toward the bedroom. Even if he reacted like Cameron, even if he made fun of her for saying she loved him, she had to do it. She couldn’t let him leave without at least telling him how she felt.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Donovan lit candles in the bathroom while letting the water run into the bathtub as it warmed. Once done with that, he engaged the plug, allowing hot water to fill the basin. He grabbed Madeline’s apple-scented bathing oil from beneath the sink and added a capful.
Mist filled the room. He faced the steam-coated mirror and looked at his distorted reflection, wondering what was wrong with him.
He tried to tell himself it was a good sign Madeline hadn’t outright said she didn’t need him now and wanted him to leave. There was still a chance she did want him with her. It crushed him that she was so unresponsive, no matter what he said.
If he broke down and asked if she loved him, her answer wouldn’t seem real somehow, even if she said what he wanted to hear. Donovan wanted her to tell him on her own, because she really meant it, not because he expected it.
The bathroom door banged open and he spun around, watching Madeline storm into the room. She walked to the tub and turned the water off before looking at him.
“We have to talk,” she said quietly. “This can’t continue.”
She twirled around and headed for the bedroom, obviously expecting him to follow.
Afraid he might find her pulling clothes out of the dresser and shoving them into his duffle bag, Donovan took his time, blowing out the candles before joining her.
Madeline sat on the edge of the bed, one long leg crossed over the other. Her high heel teetered on the end of her toe as she shook her leg. “Please, sit.” She patted the bed.
Donovan threw his shoulders back and strode across the room, determined to at least look confident. He raised his eyebrows but said nothing as he sat, waiting for Maddie to make the opening gambit.
“I’ve been afraid to tell you something.” She took his hand in hers and twined their fingers together, easing his tension considerably. “Cameron didn’t encourage a lot of communication about our relationship. I’ve been afraid I’d ruin things by making the same mistakes I made with him.”
He sagged with relief. That didn’t sound like she prepared to toss him out. Then again, she’d been so desperate for marriage she’d been willing to marry Cameron. Donovan didn’t want to be relegated to the same category of man as an asshole who told her she was fat, didn’t let her eat, and cheated on her with their maid of honor.
She tucked her hair behind her ear and then covered the left side of her face with her hand, hiding her scar. “Before you make any decisions about us, I have something to tell you. You have to promise not to get mad.”
Donovan nodded, not daring to speak.
She leaned in and kissed him in a feathery tickle, her lips barely touching his. “I love you, Donovan,” she whispered in a shaky voice. “I don’t want to lose you.”
He rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. Warmth spread through his chest, thawing the frozen place where he’d tried to lock away his heart again in case she rejected him. She loved him. That was the sweetest thing he’d ever heard another person say.
Her hand tightened in his and she cleared her throat. “You’re not mad, are you?”
The pleading tone in her voice struck him like a blow. He opened his eyes, meeting her fear-filled ones.
After disentangling his fingers from hers, Donovan framed her face with his hands. He pulled her close, drawing her to him. Her mouth softened beneath his and she parted her lips. Donovan slid his hands around her head, stroking her hair against her back.
He broke off the kiss and separated slightly from her. “Why would I be mad? I’ve been waiting for you to say that since the day we met.”
She ran her thumb across his bottom lip and he kissed the pad of it softly. Her brow furrowed and she licked her lips. “Cameron said men didn’t want to hear that kind of stuff.”
Donovan sighed. He should have known it had something to do with that jerk. “Let’s get something straight between us, okay?”
She nodded slightly. “What?”
“Assume everything that bastard said was a lie and push his poison out of our relationship. There’s no room for him in our house.” He kissed her again. “I don’t think of myself as needy, but it’s nice to hear I’m not the only one in love.”
“You actually want to hear it?”
He nodded. “More than anything! That’s what I’ve been waiting for.”
“In that case, I won’t hold back. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I can’t imagine being without you.” She sighed and swallowed audibly. “I need you to tell me the truth now.” Tears glittered in her eyes, making them brighter than normal. Her hands went to her face, fingers tracing her scars. “Does this honestly not bother you?”
He grabbed her hands in his, deliberately kissing both her cheeks and then finding her mouth once again. “You already know it doesn’t. I told you before, Maddie, I’d love you no matter what. I understand my past makes you question everything, but I’m not a liar.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t mean to imply you are. It’s just so hard for me to look at myself every day. Once in a while I forget and think I look like I used to...” She bit her lip and shrugged. “It makes me sad all over again when I pass by a mirror and see it.”
“If it really bothers you that much, we can try to sue Suzie and get the money for plastic surgery. If that doesn’t work, we’ll save up the money and get it done. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”
“And if I never get the surgery?”
“You’ll still be the sexy, sarcastic, beautiful woman I fell in love with the instant we met.”
“That’s romantic.” She laughed and pushed him away. “We were standing over a corpse. That’s your perfect recipe for love?”
Donovan shrugged, getting to his feet and stretching. “We cops learn to focus on what’s important.” He pulled her up next to him. “Even with a dead body there, the important person on that beach was you.”
“Flatterer.” She stepped into his waiting arms, resting her head against his shoulder. “Sorry I waited so long to tell you. I knew things weren’t right between us, but I couldn’t figure out why.”
“It’s okay. I was being an ass. I should have just told you what I needed.” Donovan kissed her softly. “Listen, you’ve had a long day. Why don’t you go take that bath now? I’ll put away the leftovers from dinner.”
“Don’t worry about cleaning up.” She rubbed her cheek against his. “Come
bathe with me instead.”
“How ‘bout a compromise?”
“I’m listening.”
“You go soak while I clean up. Then, I’ll come in and wash your back when I’m done.”
She stepped away from him and tilted her head sideways. “Maybe more than wash my back?”
He nodded. “Your wish will be my command.”
“Oh! Like my very own genie?” She laughed and walked toward the bathroom, her hips wiggling in a way that motivated Donovan’s desire to hurry through the cleanup.
She stepped through the door and tossed a glance at him over her shoulder. “Don’t be long. It might take a while to fulfill all three wishes.”
***
Madeline turned off the lights and stepped over the edge of the oversized jetted tub, the crown jewel of this apartment and the reason she’d wanted to rent it. She lay down and twisted the faucet to the off position with her foot, stopping the stream of water. The heat seeped into her muscles, relaxing her to an extra level. It was amazing how calm she felt, now that she knew Donovan wasn’t preparing to leave.
She pressed the button to turn on the jets. The scent of apples exploded around her and she watched the candlelight make steamy shadows dance on the wall. The perfect atmosphere to make love to the man she loved. It all made sense, now that she knew her words were what he’d been waiting for.
Why she ever let anything Cameron said affect her relationship with Donovan, she’d never know. Donovan was right; her ex was a bastard. Marriage wasn’t that important, certainly not important enough for any woman to stay with a man who treated her poorly.
Madeline shuddered, remembering how things had been with Cameron. She’d worked so hard for any recognition, just a hint of love, only to be laughed at and shot down on a daily basis. She didn’t know why she’d allowed things to go on so long. Fear, she supposed. Fear of being Maddie McFatty and ending up alone.
The door cracked open and Donovan slipped into the room, closing it behind him. He’d taken off his shirt before entering, and Madeline could just make out the smooth muscles of his arms and chest in the wan light.
He crouched on the floor next to her, running his hand through her hair. “You ready for that scrub down, darling?”
She turned the jets off and nodded. “But only if you’re climbing in to give it to me.”
His hand dipped into the water, lightly brushing against her stomach and causing a tremor to go through her body. Donovan smiled and leaned toward her, catching her earlobe in his mouth and then working his way downward, laying a trail of kisses across her neck. He slipped his hand upward and palmed her breast. As his callused thumb brushed the surface of her skin, her nipple tensed and begged to be touched again.
Giving a long sigh, she leaned her head against the cool porcelain and thrust her chest out of the water toward him. Donovan moved the kisses down her collarbone before brushing his lips across her chest.
His hot mouth found the tight bud, sucking, licking, and his teeth grazed it in just the manner she’d come to love. Her heart pounded as Donovan’s hand skimmed across her stomach, caressing lightly between her legs, never touching her core of passion, but swirling through her hair, across her thighs, back up her stomach. So close.
As relaxed as she’d felt before, she was now on the other side of the spectrum—aching for him, hot with desire and anticipation. His finger dipped down, making a light pass against her clenched secret center.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He chuckled and lifted his face to hers, plunging his tongue into her mouth, the delicious taste of him filling her. His hand stroked her inner thigh, coming to rest above her knee. “I better get in there with you,” he whispered as they broke apart. “I’ll never get around to scrubbing your back at this rate.”
“Who cares?” she asked, trying to calm her erratic breathing.
Donovan stood and unbuttoned his pants. Madeline’s eyes fixated on his hands as he slowly lowered the zipper. His pants dropped and he shed his briefs, proving he was just as ready to consummate their love as she was.
Madeline raised her hand out of the water, stroking his thigh up to his hip. Goosebumps formed on his skin beneath her touch. She loved that he wanted her, that his body responded to her. Things were never like that for her before with a lover. Donovan loved her with a scarred face and he loved her even though she used to be Maddie McFatty. When it came right down to it, all he ever saw was Maddie—the woman he was in love with.
“I’m the luckiest person in the world,” she said softly, meeting Donovan’s gaze. “I love you so much.”
He stepped into the water behind her back, bumping her forward softly with his knees. She complied by scooching up, water sloshing dangerously close to the edge of the tub as Donovan sat down.
Madeline sighed with contentment as his powerful legs surrounded hers and she leaned against his chest.
“I’m the lucky one,” he said, wrapping his arms around her stomach and crushing her tight against him.
She craned her head back and he closed in for a kiss. It was soft, tender. A touch she’d never felt from him before. He sniffled and broke off, turning his head away.
In the candlelight, Madeline saw the drops of water on his cheeks—they didn’t come from the bathwater. She reached up and brushed them away, getting his face more wet in the process. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“I’m just grateful.” He heaved a heavy sigh. “I’ve been alone for such a long time. Even with all the dates, the different women every week, I’ve been so lonely.”
Madeline clutched his forearms in her hands, not saying anything. Talking about his past women wasn’t ideal, but somehow she felt he was sharing something important, something he needed to tell her.
He dropped a kiss into her hair. “Until I met you, I really thought I was destined to be alone forever. Maybe it was punishment for not saving Madison or penance for killing Benny. I don’t know. Every relationship felt empty, meaningless.”
He fell silent and Madeline tried to think of an appropriate response. “I don’t think it works that way,” she finally said.
“I know that’s true now.” He pressed his cheek into the top of her head, as though he couldn’t get close enough to her. “Lindsey said if I married her, I’d learn to love her. That’s why I agreed to the engagement in the first place.”
Madeline nodded, more to encourage him to continue than anything.
“But Lindsey was wrong, and I realized it a few weeks later. Love can’t follow marriage, at least, not for me.” He paused and Madeline held her breath, waiting for him to continue. “Once I found you, everything fell into place. You’re the woman I’ve been waiting my whole life to find.”
Madeline melted at those words. Warmth filled her heart until it felt like it would burst. “I’m so glad you found me.” If the scars from Suzie were the price she paid to have Donovan, she’d gladly do it all over again. She rubbed her hands across his thighs where they rested on her legs. “I think I knew I loved you that first day too, I just didn’t want to admit it.” She chuckled. “You came on so strong and were such a ladies’ man. I tried to hate you.”
“God, I was such an asshole. Barging in here like I owned the place and going in your bedroom without permission.” A laugh shook his belly, moving her up and down. “It’s a wonder you saw any redeeming qualities in me.”
“Well, you did bring me tea.” She turned to kiss his cheek. “And you brought to my mind a great hunting cat, the way you fiercely paced around—strong and dangerous. I tried to deny it, but I found that very exciting. I’m surprised you persisted. I was quite rude.”
“I knew you didn’t mean it.” He sat up straighter, forcing Madeline upright and away from his chest. After twisting her hair in his hands, he pushed it over her shoulder. “I guess if two souls are meant for each other, they see through the defenses the other puts up.”
Donovan kissed her shoulder blade and cupped her breasts in his
hands. As he tweaked and twisted the hard points, a ripple of pleasure raced through her torso, concentrating between her legs.
His teeth and lips traversed her back and shoulders, and her body tightened with the thrill of him. Madeline never knew how sensitive her back was, but she wondered if she’d climax just from his kisses. At the same time, she wished it would go on forever, that he would never stop.
As his mouth found the tender spot at the base of her neck, he stopped exploring the topography of her back. His tongue went to work and he sucked powerfully. Madeline’s ragged breaths puffed out, quick and shallow, and she dug her fingers into his legs. She knew he would mark her, but she didn’t care. It felt too good. He felt too good.
She took his hand in hers, guiding him across her stomach and between her legs. His fingertips brushed against her needy spot and he sucked harder on her neck. Spasms of pleasure zapped through her and her heart pounded.
“Oh, Donovan, yes.”
He slipped one finger inside her and another stroked her most intimate place. Madeline pivoted her hips, bracing her feet on the rim of the tub and arching her back.
Donovan’s mouth was forced off her neck. Undeterred, he fastened onto the top of her shoulder, using more teeth and raising her excitement to fever pitch as heat clenched her lower body.
The feel of his bulging erection pressing into her back reminded Madeline she was doing nothing for him. She wanted him...needed him inside her. She sat up, breaking the contact of Donovan’s mouth and grabbing his hand to stop its motion.
“Maddie, what’re you—”
“Shhh...” She twisted awkwardly until she faced him and kneeled on the bottom of the tub, straddling him and trapping his thighs beneath her. Madeline stroked his rigid shaft, still delighted by the size of him. The water flowed through her fingers, making everything slippery and somehow more exciting.
Donovan sank lower into the water and closed his eyes. “You feel so good.”
Madeline rose out of the water and scooted higher onto his body. She ran her hand up the length of him and guided him to her entrance. Donovan’s fingers spasmed against her hips as she relaxed her legs and lowered herself onto him, accepting his erection inch by inch. He filled her to capacity and an involuntary gasp escaped her lips.
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