“Can I use your phone?” I reached out my hand to Olivia, hoping I could borrow it for just a minute. “I have to tell Luke I’m not coming.”
She handed me her phone, and I hesitated. “Oh no.”
“What?”
“What’s his number?” I looked back at her, hoping she would have the answer.
“How would I know that?”
Really? I didn’t know my boyfriend’s phone number?
“I seriously don’t have it memorized. He put it into my phone when I first met him, so come to think of it, I’m not sure I would even recognize the number if I saw it. Come on! Who doesn’t know their boyfriend’s phone number?”
“Probably a lot of people, thanks to modern technology,” she snickered.
“I’ll text my own phone,” I decided, figuring he would at least see the message that way.
Hey, it’s me from Olivia’s phone. Sophia’s grandma just passed away tonight. I’m not going to be able to make it. Can you call me back at this number? I wanted to talk to him so I would know he got my message. I didn’t want him waiting for me by the beach, since clearly I wasn’t going to make it. The message sat on the screen, seemingly undelivered, but I wasn’t completely sure. He wouldn’t turn my phone off for any reason, right?
“You can hold onto it ‘til he calls back,” Olivia offered as we sat in the lobby, waiting for Sophia to finish up with the parlor director.
“Thanks. I want to make sure he sees my text.”
A few minutes later, Sophia and Lance rejoined us. We decided to go out to dinner. Even though Sophia didn’t feel hungry, which was totally understandable, it would be a nice time for us to connect with her and get her through this hard night. We chose an old diner just around the corner.
Miles joined us, and within twenty minutes we were all sitting around eating hamburgers, drinking milkshakes, and talking about Grandma Eve. We had such good memories of her. She was one of those sweet, perfect souls we all longed to be. Her words were always kind and encouraging, and she didn’t have a bad bone in her body. She missed the love of her life, Harold, and we knew she was finally at peace, back together with him. It was all so bittersweet.
“You can’t get a hold of him?” Olivia asked, noticing I’d checked the phone again for a response.
“No. I have no idea if he even saw my message,” I replied, feeling frustrated. Obviously Luke would understand once he realized why I wasn’t coming. This was a big deal – I wouldn’t miss meeting up with him for any other reason, but this was important. I couldn’t leave Sophia tonight. I’d never seen her more heartbroken, and even though she had Lance and Olivia to help her through this, I couldn’t not be a part of it. This was no doubt one of the worst days of her life. Nothing could make me miss out on that.
“The shoes,” Sophia said out of nowhere, tapping Lance’s arm. “Those black sparkly ones you got her last Christmas…the ones she wore to our wedding. I want her in those. They’re perfect.”
“Her dancing shoes,” Lance said with a nod and a smile. “Yeah, I agree. All she ever talked about was Harold and dancing. She would love that.”
We talked about her service, and everything Sophia wanted. Grandma Eve had released doves at Harold’s service when he passed, noting how they came back after they were set free. She wanted the same thing, and we thought that was beautiful. No doubt we would release doves for her too, knowing they would also, in fact, come back to us. It was a comforting thought. The service was planned for Saturday, and no doubt Olivia and I committed to helping out with anything and everything that needed to be done. Olivia’s mom offered to have the reception at their house following the funeral. It would be a small gathering – mostly just our group and some extended family members, but it would be absolutely perfect. I could see Sophia’s spirits lifting as we talked about it, reminiscing further about moments with Grandma Eve that touched us.
“You guys are the best. Thank you for dropping everything to be here. It means a lot to me,” she said sincerely.
“We’re here for you, Soph. Anything you need. You have us,” Olivia said warmly.
“I know. I’m so thankful for that.”
“Do you want to head home now, or head somewhere else? We can go somewhere if you don’t feel like going home yet,” Lance suggested, squeezing her hand. They were perfect together, and I was so thankful in that moment that Sophia had him to lean on, especially now. Such a big part of her heart would be missing after losing such an important person in her life. Knowing Lance could console her through that in those moments when we weren’t with her, it was really comforting.
“Can we head down to the water? When I was a little girl, Grandma Eve and I used to look for constellations. It’s a perfect night for that,” Sophia suggested. “That’s how I want to honor her tonight.”
“Of course,” we all agreed in unison.
“I have a sleeping bag in my car we can lay on,” I chimed in, and Miles mentioned he also had a couple towels in the back of his Jeep. I checked Olivia’s phone one more time, but there was still no response.
“If you have to go, I totally understand,” Sophia said sympathetically, noticing I was distracted.
“No, sorry. I’ll put this away. I’m not leaving you for anything tonight. This is more important. That’s what Luke gets for borrowing my phone,” I said with a shrug, trying to lighten the mood. “I learned about the constellations from Grandma Eve too. Do you remember that summer before ninth grade? We spent four nights a week out by the water, stargazing. That’s probably why it’s one of my favorite things to do, even now. I’m coming with you guys.”
Sophia hugged me and it was so genuine. I knew how much it meant to her to have us all here together.
We piled into one car and made our way down to the beach, parking as close as we could. We spread out the sleeping bag and two towels across the sand, and we all laid down on top of them, staring up at the night sky. It was a beautiful night.
“Do you remember when we were supposed to be studying for our geometry test, and Grandma Eve caught me in your bathroom with Chris Walker?” Olivia said with a laugh. “She thought we were up to some funny business, but I was just trying to help him with a splinter. She tried to chase him out of the house, screaming at him for locking me in a small space.”
We all laughed together.
“And I was offended,” Olivia continued, “because why would I be getting busy with some guy on the Mathlete team? He was the nerdiest guy at school, and she actually thought something was happening.”
“He never came back to our study group afterward, I remember that much,” Sophia added, and we all continued laughing. We brought up more stories of our years with Grandma Eve, each one of them warm and happy.
If I thought I’d made progress today at my counseling session at the bank, that was so small in comparison to the healing that was happening right now. These people – the ones with all of my best memories – the ones who were always there for the good and the bad – this was healing me in a way nothing else could. Was it possible to experience that with someone you fell for later in life? Luke would never know the stories of my past like they did. He would never know what I’d been through before him, nor would he ever truly know my heart the way these girls did. I cherished these moments with them.
After lying there for awhile, gazing up at the sky, I finally saw a shooting star. “There! Did you see it?”
Olivia did, but the rest of them missed it.
“Do we all still get to make a wish even if we didn’t see it?” Miles teased.
I thought back to Luke and his story about the gratitude stars. As cheesy as it was on the surface, I loved it. It was kind of beautiful.
“Luke taught me that instead of a wish, you’re supposed to say something you’re thankful for,” I explained.
“I’m thankful for all of you,” Sophia began. “This is exactly where Grandma Eve would’ve wanted me to be – surrounded by people who care so m
uch about me. Thank you.” She teared up as she said it.
“I’m thankful to have known her,” Lance added, wrapping an arm around Sophia to comfort her. “You’re so much like her, and I love seeing her in you.”
Okay, I teared up at that.
“I’m thankful for the bond you guys have,” Miles said, directing it at the three of us. “Olivia’s fierce love for you guys is what made me fall for her. I didn’t know Grandma Eve well at all, but you guys always talk about how feisty she was. I imagine that’s where Olivia got it from, because her family isn’t like that at all.”
“That’s probably true,” Olivia said with a giggle. “I do think I got that from her. She had that good kind of sass – the kind where people knew not to mess with people she loved. I’m thankful to have learned that from her.”
“That’s definitely you,” Sophia said.
“What about you, Lexi? What is it? Your thankful star?” Olivia asked.
“Gratitude star, but close enough I guess,” I snickered. I hesitated for a moment, thinking of the right answer. “What did she used to tell us? That thing about loving people as they were, embracing all the craziness, and dancing with your best friends through the rain? I’m thankful for her wisdom.” A slow tear slid down my cheek. No one loved the way Grandma Eve did. It was always the goal, sure, but people rarely got it right. She wasn’t a perpetual optimist – she knew the path wasn’t always untroubled, but she believed in loving anyway, whether there was sunshine or rain. I wanted to love like that too – the kind that didn’t have conditions attached to it. I knew I loved Luke exactly as he was, imperfections and all. Wherever he was tonight – however he thought best to deal with everything around us – I cared about him no matter what, and would trust whatever he thought was right, so long as he was doing it for us.
We laid under the stars for another hour, huddled together, still reminiscing about all the good times we had together years before when life seemed so much less complicated. Finally after ten, Sophia was ready to head home with Lance and we all headed back to the funeral parlor where everyone got into their own vehicles. Instead of heading back with Miles though, since he still had some more work to do, Olivia opted to drive back with me to get her own car.
“What do you want to do?” she asked, climbing into my passenger seat.
“He never responded to my text,” I said with a heavy voice. “I wonder if he even saw it? Maybe today didn’t go like he’d planned. I have no idea. I hate this pit in my stomach. I can’t shake it. I’m sure part of it is just the emotion from Grandma Eve passing. My heart is so broken for Soph. But this feeling in me, it feels like more than that. Like maybe something went wrong. What if my brother needs me?”
“Do you want to head out there? To your meeting spot to find Luke? Maybe he’s still there, waiting for you.”
“It’s so dark,” I replied, looking out the window as I prepared to drive her back to her car at the deli. “I doubt we’d find it. It was some tiny deserted beach. I wasn’t totally confident I’d find it in the daylight, but I thought I at least had a fair chance. This late though? It seems impossible.”
“Maps,” she said with a shrug. “I can pull it up on my phone. We can find it that way. Even if that beach doesn’t have a name, I still think we can find it. How close do you think we can park?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “The closest road may still be half a mile or so from the beach. Maybe more. I’m really not sure. We found it kayaking, so I’m not sure how close the road runs to it. It was a breathtaking spot, but it really was deserted. I doubt there will be tracks to it.”
“I think we should try,” Olivia stated.
“Look at you, the hopeless romantic,” I teased, maneuvering my car toward where I believed the road would start.
“Come on, it’s sweet. The fact that he chose a special spot that only you would know about? That’s adorable. We watch all of those stupid romance movies every week, waiting for a guy to do half the stuff we see in those, and then when they do, we’re put off by it, like, ‘oh, I can’t walk through some brush to get to you because there might be mosquitoes,’ or whatever.”
“I like my love more convenient,” I joked, “and bug free. But I get what you’re saying. Let’s do it. Let’s go try to find him.”
We drove for a solid twenty minutes, trying to decipher the image on Olivia’s phone. I was fairly confident we’d located the right beach, but it was so dark that I had no way of being sure.
“You really want to do this?” I asked one more time, making sure she was on board. I never would’ve headed into those woods all by myself this late at night.
“Yes. We fight for love, remember?” she said stoically. “Let’s go get him.”
“If you start talking about water chestnuts, I’m leaving you here,” I razzed, climbing out of the car. We grabbed flashlights and sprayed our ankles and arms with bug repellant before heading through the trees on foot. “I swear, if I hear one howl or some other creepy nighttime noise, I am so out of here.” I moved the light from side to side, wanting to be fully aware of my surroundings.
“We’ll be fine,” she shot back. “Besides, wasn’t it your idea to camp out at this spot to begin with? How are you acting all scared now that you’re out here?”
“In my defense, that idea came about when I was wrapped up in a pair of gorgeous, giant muscles,” I said with a laugh. “It’s easy to feel less afraid in that position. With you? I’m scared of raindrops and spiders and wind.”
She laughed, punching me in the arm. “I could protect you. Ack!” she yelped. “Sorry, something just fell in my hair. Gross.”
“See what I mean?” We both couldn’t stop giggling. Finally, after about fifteen minutes and at least forty glances on her phone, we found the beach.
The vacant, uninhabited beach.
Chapter 26
“He’s not here,” I said softly, feeling smothered with disappointment. I knew it was a possibility. After all, I was hours late. Did I expect him to wait all night? No. But still, I so badly wanted to see him there, waiting to tell me everything would be okay.
“I’m sure he waited as long as he could,” Olivia said sympathetically.
I struggled to fight back the tears. “Let’s go.”
We headed back to the car in silence. Thankfully the walk back felt much faster, probably because we had a better idea of where we were going.
We climbed back in my car and I drove her back to her vehicle still parked at the deli.
“Do you want to come back to my place tonight? We can watch a movie or sit in the hot tub or something,” Olivia suggested as I unlocked the doors for her to climb out.
“Thanks, but no. This day has been full of disappointment. I can’t believe Grandma Eve is gone.”
“I know. The ceremony on Saturday is going to be rough.”
“At least we have each other. We’ll get through it,” I said sincerely.
“I’m not sure if Sophia will be heading into the store or not tomorrow, but I thought maybe we could bring her some takeout from that noodle place she likes by the hardware store? You know she used to spend Wednesdays at the assisted living facility, so I think it would be a nice gesture to take her mind off that. Maybe we can go over some of the plans for Saturday.”
“That sounds perfect,” I said, my voice tired and my eyes exhausted from all the crying earlier. “In case I don’t have my phone, I’ll plan on meeting you at Sparks earlier, like eleven? Does that work?”
“Yep. If you do get a hold of Luke before then though, please call me. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I will,” I agreed. “Goodnight.” It was almost eleven o’clock by now, and I was so spent. I knew I should head home for a good night’s sleep, but I couldn’t. I had to find Luke. I had to know everything was okay.
I knew what I needed to do. Oak Shores. Where else would he be this late at night? Surely he headed home? I drove all the way to Cliff’s place, but did
n’t see his truck in the driveway. What about the ridge? He went up there often when he needed to reflect or find peace. Perhaps he was there now? I drove my car up to our spot, grateful I found my way, and I parked on top of the hill. It was too dark to see the lake in the distance without a full moon, but the view was still pretty nonetheless. The downtown lights twinkled below, and it looked like a postcard. I shut my engine off, sitting there in silence for a moment – until the tears found me. The silence was replaced by slow, steady sobs.
I hated everything in this moment. I hated that Grandma Eve was gone. I hated the way my best friend hurt right now, missing the most important person in her life. I hated worrying about my brother. What if things didn’t go as planned and he was in trouble? I wanted to believe what Casey said wasn’t true – could one human being really watch another person overdose, and leave them there without calling for help? I wanted to believe humanity won, and that someone would call for help in the end – though I knew I was naïve when it came to things like that. It probably happened all the time, and that thought plagued me.
And what about Luke? Was he okay? I wasn’t sure what he planned to do about Casey, but no doubt there was a lot of past hurt there, building up to this moment. I wondered if his heart hurt for his brother the way mine did over Cade. It amazed me that no matter how broken and bad someone could be, the fact that he was my family still forced me to love him and want the best for him. Maybe everyone didn’t feel like that. Surely people turned their backs on their family every day, and no doubt I would have good reason to stop rooting for Cade, but I couldn’t. I still held out hope for him. Even if things had to get worse before they got better, I still so badly wanted to think that things would, in fact, end up okay for him.
I laid my head back on the headrest, closing my eyes for just a second, just to catch my breath – until…I fell fast into a deep, much needed rest.
*****
I woke up fast, startled by the sound of someone banging on my car window. I was disoriented for a moment, trying to get my bearings. Did I sleep in my car all night? What time was it? My car clock read 5:52 as I turned my key a half turn, but for a moment I didn’t know if that was a.m. or p.m., until I realized the sun was coming up behind me.
The Weight of Perfection: Grand Harbor - Book Three Page 22
