Those 365 Letters

by Ford, Mia

  “If you have to ask that question of yourself, then that girl isn’t the right one,” I said. “That is how you know. It isn’t even a question.”

  “Wow,” Keith said. “I’m impressed. You are a far deeper man than I would have thought.”

  I went back into the dressing room and tried on another tux. It fit not quite as well as the last one, but I was enjoying the process. I had a few tuxedos that I owned, but I wanted something new, something that was really going to look special for the occasion. I couldn’t wait to see Cora in her beautiful wedding gown walking down that aisle towards me. She’d been working her fingers to the bone with the wedding planner and meeting with people about this thing and that thing. I couldn’t even fathom the amount of work she was putting in, and all of this after working her tail off at the office coming up with brilliant designs and meeting with contractors and crew foreman.

  That was quite the amazing woman I had found. I couldn’t believe that she actually loved me the way she did. Was I really that lucky? It was surreal.

  I tried on a few more tuxes and made my selection. After that I helped, Keith and Toby get their tuxedos sorted out. I was sparing no expense and I was going to send them all to the tailors to be altered. Toby and Keith were going to be my groomsmen. I had to say that the three of us all looked amazing.

  We finished there and then Keith, Toby, and I went down the street and had a few beers at a Buffalo Wild Wings. I felt a bit odd about being there in the middle of the day, even on a Saturday, but I was enjoying taking it easy and the slight distance between Cora and myself while we were doing our own separate wedding preparations. She was with a few of her friends picking out the perfect wedding dress. I knew exactly where she was and I was so tempted to go and snoop a bit to see what my bride to be would be wearing. But I didn’t. Nah, I was going to give her the element of surprise and I was sure I would be, pleasantly so.

  “This feels like the end of an era,” Keith said as he raised his full glass of beer. “Here is to our buddy Landon, who is going off into the wild, never to be seen again.”

  I laughed so hard, I almost choked on my own beer. “Wow, man. You need to simmer down. Nothing is really changing. I’m just becoming happier.”

  Keith and Toby had been two of my best friends since freshman year of college. We’d all been in the same Intro to Psychology class and we’d just hit it off. After class we all had some time off, so we would usually busy ourselves with games of pool in the student lounge, or we’d go find a basketball game somewhere to join. It was all good fun. And we’d stayed in touch all through undergraduate school and then I’d gone on to graduate school, while Keith and Toby both entered the workforce. They were the only two guys I knew well who had never made me feel bad about having the easy road, having a huge business to join right out of school.

  They treated me like I was just an average guy without money or any measure of notoriety.

  “Yeah, he’s right,” Toby said. “But you can’t blame us for feeling that way. There was a time when we thought you would never settle down.”

  I laughed. “Well, I think every man has to go through that wild man stage of life. And I went through mine. And then I said goodbye to it. Maybe one day you guys will, too.”

  Keith shook his head. “Nah, I think I’m still there. But then sometimes, I get that longing feeling. You know the one? When you are lying in bed after some great sex with a woman who is almost a stranger and you feel that you wish she was someone else, but you don’t know who. It feels very… lonely… does that sound crazy or what? I mean, I just had wild sex with this hot, fun woman, and now I feel lonely with her being beside me sleeping. I don’t get it.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, that is a real thing. I know the feeling well. Every guy has that fantasy that he is just going to play the field forever, but as you get older you just start to wise up and feel like it’s a waste of time. You want something more. It isn’t enough to just shoot your rocks off. It gets weird and boring. And yes, it does get lonely.”

  Toby took a swig off his beer. “Wow, you guys are really bumming me out.”

  I put my hand on his shoulder. “We are sorry; that is the last thing we want to do. But you do ok. I thought you had a special lady. What was her name? Selma? What happened to her?”

  “You didn’t hear about that? I thought for sure I told you,” Toby said.

  I hadn’t spoken much to Toby or Keith lately. We’d both been so involved with work and our own lives that we barely even texted. I did not want that to become the norm. We used to always text and talk to each other. We were best friends and I wanted us to stay best friends. Life could get in the way of that sometimes, but not if we let it. We could beat that challenge.

  “No, what happened?” I asked.

  “I found out she cheated on me,” Toby said.

  “Ah man… I’m sorry,” I said. “That’s tough. You ok?”

  “Yeah. I was, actually. That was the thing. I thought I’d be out of my mind with rage and grief, but no. I just felt like I dodged a bullet and I wouldn’t have to waste time on someone like that anymore.”

  “Alright,” I said. “That is the spirit. You just keep your head up and you will find the right girl someday.”

  We finished our beers and a few wings and then I said goodbye to my friends and drove to my parents’ house.

  I hadn’t actually told them that everything was officially happening, mostly because I wasn’t sure what my father was going to say. Well, actually I knew he would turn the marriage into some kind of a new business venture and start warning me about all of the legal mumbo jumbo I needed to get set up before I officially made this happen. And I didn’t care about any of it.

  But I knew I had to get it out of the way. I had a gap in my schedule, so I decided it was the right time.

  “And you’re sure this is what you want?” My father asked.

  My mother was very happy, almost in tears. “This is wonderful news, son.”

  “Thanks, mother,” I said. “And yes, dad. This is what I want. I love Cora with all my heart and soul.”

  My dad poured himself a whiskey and sat down on the sofa. We were all seated in the living room, sitting around the large coffee table.

  “And have you met with your attorney? Have you had him draft the prenuptial agreement?”

  I laughed. “You’re joking.”

  “Of course not,” My father snapped. “Do you have any idea the kind of legal, financial risk you are putting yourself—this family—under if you don’t do this?”

  “Enough. I’m not even going to think of asking her to sign something like that.”

  “You can’t be serious! Think of what could happen.”

  “I’ve thought about it. And it’s an idiotic proposition. Cora loves me. If you knew anything about what we’ve been through together, you would know that nothing will ever tear us apart and there is no way in hell that she is after my money.”

  I started to leave.

  “Landon,” my mother said.

  I stopped and turned to face her. “I’m sorry, mother. I can’t listen to any more of this. I hope I see you both at the wedding. I’ve got somewhere I have to be.”

  I stormed out of my parents’ home. I got in my car and drove to meet Cora. We were going to go over cake samples to determine what type of wedding cake we wanted.

  As I drove along I thought about what my father had said. The audacity of him… He could still bring me to tears with rage. I had wanted to smash his face in so many times over the years and I’d come pretty close to doing it today. I could only think of my poor mother, and what type of a prenuptial he’d made her sign all those years ago. I just hoped that if he died first she would be well taken care of.

  Cora was not in any way interested in my money. I wished my father did not see the world that way. But that was who he was and I wasn’t surprised. If he came to the wedding or didn’t, that was on him. I didn’t care. I had a life to live.


  Chapter 31

  Cora

  My wedding day

  It was finally here. All the planning, the wishing, the praying, and all of the dreaming I’d done about this day my whole life, and nothing had ever come close to preparing me for how excited, nervous, and downright frightful I was over the whole process. It was too much pressure. I wanted everything to go just right and I had obsessed over so much that now I just felt drained. I was worried about how things would turn out, but at the same time I was exhausted enough to realize that I had done everything I could and if something did go wrong there was no way to fix it. And that was ok. It would make a nice memory. Either way, our wedding day would always be a beautiful, special day that we would always remember.

  I had hardly slept the night before. I wondered how much of it was nerves about the big day and how much of it was being in my parents’ house. It was a different house than the one I’d grown up in, but I wished it wasn’t. It might seem silly, but I kind of wished I could spend the night before my wedding day in the same bedroom I’d grown up dreaming about that day in. There was just something so sweet about all of that. I was one of those girls who had never really talked much about marriage when I was young, but I did on occasion have a dream or a daydream about what it would be like, who I would be marrying, and what my future life would look like. I did not imagine any of this.

  But sleeping that close to my parents was a little bit like that. I could almost hear the two of them snoring up a storm in their bedroom about twenty feet from the guest room I had snagged for the night. Landon and I are both old fashioned, so we decided that the night before the wedding we would not be together and we would avoid seeing each other until the wedding started. I wanted to see the look on his face when he saw me walking down that aisle. I hoped our photographer got a good picture of it that we would be able to keep in our memories forever.

  I wanted to document everything.

  I tossed and turned all night. I was so excited. I was glad that we had waited and not eloped. It was a fun, spontaneous, romantic gesture of course, but in the end it would have been wrong for us. I wanted the day to be special and I wanted it to mean everything it was supposed to mean.

  I finally managed to squeeze in a few hours of sleep and when I woke up I went for a long run. I had to release some of the pent up energy, or I was going to go nuts. After the jog, I took a long, hot shower, and then I got ready for my hair and makeup appointment. Miley, and Chelsea (an old friend of ours from high school) met me there and then we drove to the venue together.

  I quickly found my dressing room and began to carefully put the beautiful wedding gown on. I had searched high and low to find the right one. When Landon said that we were sparing now expenses, he meant it. His team hooked me up with the best in the business of making wedding dresses and after trying on some dresses, I started to get an idea of what I really wanted. And then he hired one of the best dressmakers in the business to make it for me.

  When I saw the dress I couldn’t believe my eyes. It combined all of the elements I wanted most. It was fun, and free looking with the open shoulders, but it was more elegant at the bottom, resembling a bit of a ball gown. And the overall design of it just blew me away. I felt like I was the queen of something.

  I almost cried when I first saw it on myself. My mother took pictures of course and when I saw the pictures, I almost cried as well. I had never thought of how the perfect dress could really make me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. It made me feel the way that I felt when Landon looked at me. That was exactly what I was going for.

  “You look amazing!” My mother exclaimed as she came into the dressing room. She gave me a big hug, but was careful not to mess up anything.

  “Thank you so much,” I said. “I can’t believe the day has finally arrived. Have you seen Landon? Is he here?”

  “Yes, he is here. I have not seen him, but your father assured me that he was here in plenty of time to get ready. I think he got here right after you did. He is very punctual; I like that in a man.”

  I laughed. “Well, that’s good to know.”

  My mother stayed a few minutes longer and then she left to take her seat. It was about time to go.

  “Are you ready?” Miley asked me.

  “I think so.”

  “I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thanks!”

  “Let’s do this!”

  A few moments later I was walking with my father down the aisle to the music, trying to keep my steps slow and in rhythm. I kept wanting to speed up. My energy level was so high. And I was starting to sweat just a little bit. Ugh. That was the last thing I needed.

  But when I rounded the corner and saw Landon standing there, all of the nerves vanished. He was so handsome. There was my future husband standing at the altar waiting for me. He had a warm, angelic smile on his face. He was perfect looking.

  His eyes lit up when he saw me. I saw something there that I hadn’t ever seen before in him. It was like some kind of a truth hit him right then, some understanding. I felt like we were both feeling the same thing, that we were right where we were supposed to be and this was truly meant to be. There was no way either of us would ever say that this was some kind of a happy accident, the two of us being together. And it made me realize the importance of timing. Things had worked out the way they were supposed to in the order of events they were supposed to, according to their timeline.

  I had been wondering a lot latterly, what if Landon and I had gotten married when I was eighteen. Would I have gone to college the same way? I wouldn’t have had those four years of experiences. I wouldn’t have had that extra maturity to bring to the relationship like I did now. And maybe we both wouldn’t have realized exactly how true our love was, and perhaps something really trivial might have driven us apart.

  I guess we’d never really know, but it was something to think about.

  Before I knew it, I was standing at the altar with my man, my love.

  We approached the altar and stood before the minister. I took several deep breaths trying to fight my nerves. I was almost trembling. Why was I so scared? Was I afraid of the great future that awaited me, or was I scared of the past that I was leaving behind? Neither made sense to me, but I knew that whatever happened, I had Landon right there beside me. We would be together forever.

  And that was the promise we’d made to each other. The ceremony was beautiful. We took our vows and we promised to love each other unconditionally until the end of time.

  And beyond.

  * * *

  “This is amazing!”

  I yelled before the boat took off dragging me on water skis behind it. I’d never been water skiing before, but I figured that our honeymoon in beautiful Puerto Vallarta was the perfect time to start. Landon was driving the boat. He’d gone skiing many times in his life and he decided that this was the perfect time to teach me. Lucky for him, I’ve always been a good swimmer.

  As he revved up the engine of the boat faster and faster, the exhilaration increased and I felt my confidence getting boosted as well. Just a day ago we’d been enjoying the wedding and having the most fun reception party. Everyone had a great time. All of our friends, families, and acquaintances had come and they’d all had the time of their lives. Landon knew how to throw a good party. We had the agreement that I would handle most of the wedding details, and he would handle most of the reception stuff. And all of it went very well. It was a day we’d never forget. And now I was married to Landon Glatt. Every time I thought about it, I felt a little dizzy with disbelief. I kept thinking that someone was going to come along and pinch me and totally ruin the fantasy. I was dreaming it all up. None of this was real.

  But it was real. I leaned back on water skis, feeling the rush of the air against my face. I wanted to close my eyes and just let myself go where the wind wanted to take me, but for now I wanted to see it all. I wanted to see the water gushing below me as my skis penetrated it, the beautiful, warm
sunshine bearing down upon my skin giving me the tan I’d always wanted, and the sight of my gorgeous husband leaned back in the boat driving with one hand and glancing back at me with that perfect smile.

  I truly had it all.

  “Flips! Do some flips!” Landon yelled at me.

  Was he crazy? I’d just learned to ski, and now he wanted me to do some stupid tricks.

  “Go on! It’s easy!” Landon yelled again.

  I shook my head, but the more he suggested it, the more it sounded like a good idea. Finally, I gave in.

  I had no idea how to do this, but I figured if I fell in the water, I’d be ok. I squatted down just a little bit, to get some leverage, and then I leapt upwards as high in the air as I could and began twisting my body halfway hoping I would land upright.

  And I almost did. My rear leg caught against my other leg and the ski flipped itself over and off my foot sending my balance all over the place. I promptly fell into the water.

  The waves were over top my head now, crashing and gushing all around me. It took me a few seconds to get my bearings and realize where I was and how I was going to get back to the surface. My legs felt like jelly, but I pumped them up and down anyway. Eventually, I began to rise to the top.

  When I reached the surface, I gasped heavily for air and wiped the water out of my face so that I could see where Landon was. I spotted him. He was coming towards me. Luckily, he’d seen me wipeout and was coming right back to see if I was ok. I could see how he might be persuaded to take advantage of the situation and do something weird with it. He was a bit of a prankster, after all.

  “Well, how’s the water temperature? It seems nice and warm. Perfect temperature for a swim?”

  I looked up at Landon’s joking face and sneered at him, but a moment later I couldn’t help but to break out in a smile. I knew that he was the man I would never truly stay mad at. I think cheating on me would be the only thing that might come close, and that would make me much more devastated than mad, as it did before when I thought it was true. It was still jarring when I really thought about it, all the time we’d lost. All that time when we could have been building our lives together. I had forgiven my parents, but as I said before—I could not forgive what they did. It was inexcusable and it very nearly destroyed my life in so many ways. I felt incredibly lucky that things had turned out the way that they had.