Those 365 Letters

by Ford, Mia

  Once I have sunk two wines, I glance around the room to see how busy it is. This bar always looks like it’s busy, I have seen it a few times from my apartment window, but this is the first time that I have been inside and it’s crazy. There are bodies absolutely everywhere, as far as the eye can see. I actually feel a little silly sitting here alone while everyone else talks and laughs and has fun, it makes me shift awkwardly on my seat, but it isn’t enough for me to leave. I might be alone here, but at home I am truly by myself.

  I think about home for a moment, about everything that I left behind. I really don’t think people understand why I had to leave, especially not my tight knit group of friends. Holly, Paula, and I were the three musketeers of friends, always together, through high school and afterwards, and I think they blame me for going. We still talk but it isn’t quite the same anymore. I thought I was doing the right thing but now… and I still do, but I miss them. The easy thing would be to go back and to be content waitressing between small time jobs and keeping my friends. As I sit here without anyone in the world, knowing that I have chosen a dog eat dog world where people don’t make friends easily, I kinda want that. Just a little bit.

  “Is anyone sitting here?” A chocolatey smooth voice drags me from my sad fog.

  “Er…” I turn to see a man in a lime green tie standing beside me, clutching onto the bar stool because he’s so desperate to sit there. I nod because I can’t quite find the words to say that I’m alone. This isn’t just any man; this is the best looking guy that I have ever been in front of in my life. I don’t know what it is about him, but he’s magnetic. He has this powerful aura around him that sucks me in and keeps me in place.

  His cropped dark hair, those piercing blue eyes, his thick, muscular body… they are incredible. Not to mention his strong jawline and cheek bones that are to die for. He looks like a God. I melt into a puddle.

  “Would you like another one?” the barmaid asks, shaking him from my thoughts.

  I down the rest of my drink. “Yes please,” I gasp desperately.

  I can’t stop thinking about him though. I keep darting my eyes towards him and soaking that little bit more of him in. He’s warming me up in a deep sunshine, he’s like a drug, and I need another hit. I have never been a one-night stand type of girl, I move much slower and always hope for love, but if I was ever going to jump into bed with a man that I have only just met, it would be him.

  “Hi.” He seems to notice me staring at him and he offers me his hand to break the weird tension. “Shane Valentine.”

  “Valentine? Like, the day?” Urgh, why the hell did I just say that?

  He laughs, as if he hasn’t heard that a million times which I’m sure he has. “Yes, I guess so. I don’t know if I’m quite as romantic as the day though.”

  Hmm, no I imagine not. He seems more like a rough and ready kinda guy to me. The sort who would throw you around the bedroom and drive you wild, but then never call again. I don’t have to go that far with him but I don’t see why conversation can’t be had. It’ll be nice to have some small talk with another person. A nice end to a crazy day.

  “Tia Cooke.” I take his hand and immediately shudder under the power of the electricity that he has been bolting through me. “Nice to meet you.”

  He turns away for a second and I don’t know what the hell makes me do it but I sneak out my cell phone and snap a sneaky picture of his profile. I half consider sending the picture to Holly and Paula just to show them that I’m having a good time with a handsome man in LA, that this is all good, but instead I slide my phone away. I don’t know if that’s a good idea after all, I don’t know if they will want to see that.

  I’m not really close enough to anyone to share this with anymore. This will have to be a moment just for me.

  Chapter 2

  Shane

  “Tia Cooke, huh?” I smirk at the sweet young thing sitting next to me. She appears to be about twenty-three years old, a decade younger than me, and she’s very pretty for it. Blonde hair styled in a pixie cut, a petite curvy body, swollen chest, a heart-shaped face, and lovely green eyes. Sweet… too sweet for me. “Nice name.”

  I avert my eyes around the room looking for someone a little sultrier, experienced, kinky. This girl isn’t the one who’s coming home with me tonight, I would eat her alive. She needs a nice preppy boy, the sort who would treat her like a princess, who would be a gentleman for her. That isn’t me. I’m not tame, I don’t treat women well, I’m not there to be someone’s boyfriend. Just for a hot night of fun.

  And it’s always hot. That’s what I don’t think this sweet little girl can handle.

  “What are you drinking?” Tia asks, dragging my attention back to her. I find myself not too bothered actually, I don’t mind my focus being on her, even if she isn’t my usual taste. “It looks strong.”

  “Oh yeah? You in the mood for something strong?” I wink and lift my tumbler. “It’s brandy.”

  I expect her to nod and turn away, even that might be too much for her, but she immediately grabs the attention of the barmaid and asks for one of whatever I’m having. That surprised me. Maybe there is more to her…

  I turn my whole body towards her and watch intently as she takes a sip. She makes a little face but she doesn’t look horrified as she immediately goes on to drink some more. Color me shocked. I like it.

  “Having one of those days, Tia?” I ask with yet another smirk. “One that needs a strong drink?”

  “Hmm, something like that, yes.” She rolls her eyes. “How about you? Or is this what you always drink?”

  I ignore the question about me. “What do you do for a living that’s so stressful?”

  “I’m trying to be an actress.” Ah, standard here. Everyone is trying to get into the show biz industry here. Everyone except for me. I prefer to make my fortune under the surface so no one gets to know me. I can’t see the appeal of being photographed wherever I am. “And today I was taken from my extra role and given a teeny tiny part. Only… I think I pissed off the star of the movie and I might have to work with her again.”

  “Ooh, that sounds juicy!” I laugh. “Anyone I know?”

  “Olivia Becan. I don’t know if you’ve heard of her or not.”

  Not only have I heard of her, I fucked her a while back. Maybe two years ago when she was just rising into the fame world. She isn’t top of the rung of fame, but she’s doing well for herself. She was fun though; in the bed I mean. I don’t know anything about her personality, I never bothered to find out.

  “Ah, I see,” I answer politely. “Sounds like it was a crazy day.”

  “Mhmm, yeah it was.” The look on her face suggests she might be about to burst into a long winded rant about her job which might be a bit problematic. There is a reason that I don’t share details about myself and it’s also because I don’t want to know about them. I prefer things to be on the surface. But then thankfully she doesn’t. She sighs and shakes her head before raising her glass to me. I clink mine against hers and we drink once more.

  “Finance,” I finally say, just to keep her engaged. “I work in finance.”

  Tia screws up her face, she doesn’t look impressed which makes me laugh. At least she isn’t sucking up to me, acting like everything I say is fascinating. That immediately turns me off, I like a bit of chase. That’s usually a sign that I’ll be able to have a little bit of fun when it comes to the bedroom.

  “Finance, huh? Seems like you have had a crap day as well.”

  I toss my head back and laugh, this chick is funny as all hell. I don’t even think that she knows it. She has a dry wit that’s hard to come by. I like it. She might just turn out to be a surprise after all.

  “Every day is a crap day!”

  “Hmm, yeah I bet.” She nods. “I’m shocked you aren’t a movie producer or something.”

  “Is that what you were hoping?” I might be a little offended by that. I want her to talk to me for being me, not because she thinks
that I can get her somewhere in life. “You want me to get you a part or something.”

  “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that.” She shakes her head vigorously. “I just mean that everyone here seems to be trying to make it something like a writer, a producer, an actor like me…” She smiles sweetly.

  “No, not me. I’m just a normal person making my life in LA.”

  I am… sort of. But she doesn’t need to know about that. She will never climb that far under my skin, no one ever does. I wouldn’t even let anyone that close even if I wanted to… which hasn’t happened yet.

  “Well, that’s refreshing. It’s nice to meet someone who doesn’t have an agenda.”

  There’s something about her smile that draws me in even further. I lean across and inhale deeply, actually smelling her. She has the sweet scent of citrus. There is something about her that reminds me of the summer. It’s just a real fucking shame that she doesn’t have that spark about her, that thing I cannot put my finger on, that knowledge that she’s going to be wild in the sack. That just isn’t Tia. She’s girlfriend material and I am never looking for that. I’m nowhere near old enough to be worried about settling down.

  “Hey there, handsome.” A tickling in my ear combined with a husky voice grabs me. I spin in my seat to see Nadia, the Eastern European raven haired beauty who I have fucked three times in the bathroom of this very bar. Now she is guaranteed wild. She doesn’t care where she gets down and dirty. “How’s it going?”

  I can feel disappointment emanating from Tia’s side of the bar, but I continue to turn away from her. She has been a fun time filler, but this is the real deal. This is where I get my end, that release I so desperately need. Nadia isn’t the sort of person I discuss my day with, because my cock will be in her mouth soon.

  “Hey, Nadia, good to see you…” I run my eyes up and down her. “So much of you.”

  Where Tia is sweet and curvy, Nadia is slim with the roundest and fakest tits I have ever seen. They taste so fucking good in my mouth I can feel my cock swelling with need as I think about it.

  “I know, right? My new dress is just divine.” She shakes her breasts at me. “You look good too.”

  “I had a dream about you last night.” She trails her finger up my thigh. “A hot one.”

  “You did, huh?” I can’t stop myself from smirking. “Tell me about it.”

  “I had my hand wrapped around your cock.” She speaks loudly. I’m sure that everyone can hear her, including Tia. I don’t know why but this makes me feel really uncomfortable. “And my mouth on your tip.”

  I’m more distracted than I should be, my eyes wanting to dart behind me to see what Tia is feeling. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I even care? She’s just some random chick I don’t even know. I didn’t even have a real conversation with her. She shouldn’t even be on my radar at all. I need to focus on Nadia. Maybe re-enacting her dream will be the best way to distract me from this sweet little actress wannabee.

  “Were we here?” I ask, trying to refocus. “Or were we somewhere else?”

  “We were at your place actually, which is strange. Since I have never been invited there.”

  Damn it. Now she’s pushing things into a direction I never want to take. Not with her. I do take chicks back to my place, it isn’t some sacred secret thing, but I much prefer to be at theirs or to be in public because then I have all the control. I can leave whenever I want to and make sure they never come to see me again.

  If Nadia is going to start acting like this, then she will never be one of the lucky few who make it.

  “So, shall we go now?” Her hand grabs onto my cock making me gasp. I harden between her fingers, I would have to be made of stone not to react as she grabs me like this, but my heart isn’t in it.

  “No, I don’t think so,” I reply with a gravelly quality to my voice. “Not tonight.”

  “I don’t think you’re hearing me.” She leans right in so I can’t make that mistake again. “If you take me back to your place tonight I will do anything for you. Anything. We are always so cramped here, so restricted. At your place, you could take me wherever you want, in any position. Anywhere.”

  Hmm, I have to admit, that’s a little tempting. “Why can’t we go to yours?”

  “Because I live so far away.” She pouts out her bottom lip and presses it to my cheek. “Plus, I want to see your place. I feel like I hardly know you at all. I want to get to know you a little bit better.”

  “I don’t know where it is!” Tia’s panic stricken voice grabs my focus once more. “I can’t find it. Someone must have taken it. I had it here a minute ago under my chair and now… it’s gone.”

  Without even thinking about it, I shove Nadia off of me and I turn to see what’s going on. Tia isn’t as interested in what I’m doing at all, I was wrong, she has her own issues going on. I tune Nadia out; I don’t even know if she’s still there never mind talking to me. I’m trying to work out what the hell is going on here.

  “Miss, we cannot take your excuses. You need to pay your bill.”

  “I can’t. My bag is missing. I don’t know what I can do about that. Can’t I come back…?”

  He leans over the bar looking at her with a real aggression in his eyes that I don’t like. I don’t know who this guy is, he isn’t someone I have ever seen behind the bar before, but his attitude sucks. Just because Tia doesn’t look like she has money dripping off of her finger tips, doesn’t mean she can’t pay.

  “You cannot come back. If you can’t pay, we will have to call the cops…”

  I don’t know what makes me do it, a cheeky idea coming to mind, I suppose. I rest my hand on her shoulder and wait for her to turn and face me. The sheer terror in her eyes speaks volumes.

  “I can help you,” I tell her quietly.

  “You can, really?”

  I still don’t know what makes me do this, but in the heat of the moment the words just fly out. This isn’t the sort of way I might behave with other women, but Tia is different. “But you will have to do something for me…”

  Her face screws up in sheer horror, proving that my initial instincts were right. She’s far too sweet for me. It’s a shame, but Tia is never going to happen. It’s time to walk away now.

  Chapter 3

  Tia

  “Something… something for you?” I know what he means, it’s so obvious. Especially for a guy like this who has this aura. But still… I can’t help the need for him to explain. “L… like what?”

  “I need you to come back to my place so we can talk through the… details.”

  Shit, this is horrible. This is the most awkward position that I have ever been in my whole life. I want to scream at him that I’m not that sort of person, that I would never be like that, but I don’t seem to have the words.

  “So, what do you say? Do you want me to pay your bar bill for you and you can… pay me back?”

  I remain silent, I can’t say anything. It’s like his proposal has frozen me in time. How has this man, the first person that I have had a real conversation with, turned out to be like this? I guess I should have known that it would end up this way the moment I saw him turn to talk to that beautiful brunette who is out of this world. Their chat wasn’t exactly subtle either, they were flirting in an overly sexual way that’s completely beyond my comprehension, so he’s obviously that guy… so why does this feel all weird? Like my world is being up ended?

  “Okay, I thought as much.” He nods, offers me a sad looking smile, and turns to leave. I can’t help but notice that no one chases after him to pay his bar bill as he goes. He must have his credit card on his tab already.

  “Look, lady,” the guy behind the bar practically growls at me. “I need this money.”

  This day. This fucking day. First I go through all that nightmare with Olivia, and now I’m having my relaxing after work drink ruined by some asshole stealing my bag. Thank goodness my cell phone is in my pocket. All I have lost is my makeup and a bi
t of money. Enough to cover these damn drinks.

  “Why won’t you help me find my bag?” I demand. “Then I could pay you easily?”

  He cocks his head to one side and gives me a disbelieving look. I try to look behind him to see the barmaid who has been so friendly to me up until this point but she’s refusing to meet my eye. This sucks, I’m totally alone here. Either I risk this guy calling the cops and it getting all messy, or I take up Shane Valentine on his offer. It isn’t that crazy, I suppose. He’s hot as hell, I would like to sleep with him anyway, so should I not just see what happens? It beats the other alternative anyway. I can’t really afford to get in trouble with the law.

  “Hold on, one moment.” I point to Shane who is just about to walk out the door. “My friend offered to pay.”

  I don’t know if this guy knows what I mean by this. He might know Shane all too well, and he knows what I’m being asked for in return, but it really doesn’t matter. As long as he’s giving me a moment. I leap off my bar stool and race towards him, hating myself all over for even considering this. I just don’t have a choice that’s all.

  “Shane.” I grab onto his suit jacket and tug him back to me. “Shane, one moment.”

  He spins and gives me the same smirk I first saw the moment I clocked him. This makes my heart race uncontrollably, I can barely catch my breath, he’s just so freaking gorgeous. I suppose in a way that makes it a whole lot easier. I can imagine being in bed with him. I actually flutter at the idea…

  “I can’t pay my bill.” My cheeks heat up as I speak. “And they won’t let me go.”

  “Tell them to put it on my tab while I call a cab for us outside.”

  I nod, my blush turning into another heat entirely. He knows this, I’m sure of it. He knows the effect that he’s having on me which is why he’s suggesting it. I don’t think this is something he would force me into. I certainly don’t feel forced. More like he’s opening me up, making sure I end up in his bed because he knows that’s where I want to be. In a weird way, it’s a thrill, knowing that he’s willing to put in the effort for me. That woman who was talking to him earlier wouldn’t put up a fight, that much was made very obvious…