She blinked and took a step closer. “What happened?”
Logan stared at her for a few seconds, willing her to understand. “Nathan noticed me first. His expression … I’ll never forget how he looked at me. His face was full of regret.” Just like tonight, though he kept that to himself. “When Carrie saw me, she pretended nothing had happened.”
The memories of that night had a bittersweet feel. He knew the truth, and for the first time in years, he felt free from the pain it had caused him, yet he stood here tonight for a very similar reason.
“I’m so sorry, Logan. I know how that feels … how much it hurts. Is that why you broke up?”
With a thorough sweep of every feature of her face, Logan found hope in the affection spilling from her eyes. “We didn’t break up. I killed her.”
39
A heavy feeling settled in Addison’s stomach. What did he mean?
“You killed her?”
He stared at her without really seeing her. He seemed to have gone to another time, another place.
“We were in a car accident, that same night. I should’ve left. I shouldn’t have let her climb in my car. I was so angry, I couldn’t see straight.” He paused, his gaze fixed on Addison, though something in his eyes was still distant. “She told me as I pulled onto the highway that she needed to talk to me. She said it would be better if we went our separate ways, because …” He cleared his throat. “Because she was pregnant. The one thing she knew I couldn’t live with ... her having another man’s baby. I sped through the intersection and, out of nowhere, a drunk driver slammed into the passenger side. I never even saw the truck coming. She died later than night.”
She wanted more than anything to comfort him, but she couldn’t. There was nothing she could do.
He ran a hand over his face. “I believed Nathan was the baby’s father for a long time. But I should’ve known better. I wasted so much time with him, with my family. I’m sorry, Addison. I didn’t mean to react that way. It brought up so many terrible memories when I saw you together, but that’s no excuse.”
Understanding dawned on her and the reality of what she was about to do smothered her, making it hard to breathe. “Logan—”
“You have every right to be upset. I should never have treated you that way, either of you. Please forgive me.”
She needed to get away from here. She would never be able to tell him the truth. Not now. Not after hearing the pain Carrie had caused him. He deserved better than this—better than her.
She wanted to wrap her arms around him and never let go. “Logan, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.” Before her love for Logan Tant could alter her course, she kept her hands tucked inside her arms and shifted a half step back. “I’m moving. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. The hour drive both ways is too much.”
There was a charged silence as he slowly inched backward, toward the curb. Moments later he moved closer, facing her, his eyes cloudy, blank. “What? When?” His voice was low, muddled.
She fought the tears that threatened to escape, and she looked away. “I don’t know. As soon as possible.”
The lines of their relationship had blurred over the last two weeks, and she knew she had to break it off with him, once and for all. Because she had no choice but to carry Philip’s baby.
She pleaded with her eyes for him to understand. “You deserve better than me.”
He pulled her against him. “How can you say that? You’re everything to me. Please don’t push me away. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. I have a terrible habit of doing that.”
“Logan, you’ve done nothing wrong. But nothing has changed. I shouldn’t have—”
He pulled away and took several steps back. “What are you saying?” His confusion blended with hopelessness.
“I’m sorry. I can’t see you anymore.” She turned and hurried to her car, unable to look at his pleading gaze a moment longer.
She drove away and watched in the rear-view mirror as his posture crumpled in defeat.
The two-hour drive of replaying her conversation, of how she never should’ve given him false hope. The sight of him in agony, of finding her with his brother, broke her heart.
When she reached the house, deep sobs stole all her strength. God, I don’t know if I can do this? Please help me. I want to do the right thing. I want to do what you would want me to do. Her stomach ached in her mourning. I love him, Jesus. Please heal my broken heart.
Pulling herself together, Addison walked through the front door and into the kitchen as Aunt Brenda stepped from the sink to face her. Addison collapsed in her aunt’s arms.
Aunt Brenda detached slightly from the embrace and pulled back to look at her. “What’s wrong, honey? Why are you crying?”
Slumping into a chair, Addison supported her elbows on the kitchen table, propping her chin in her hands. “I’m pregnant.”
Aunt Brenda’s mouth dropped open and her hands flew to her chest.
“It’s Philip’s.”
Her aunt fell into the chair across from her, her eyes stricken. “How far along are you?”
Addison blinked, lifting her tear obstructed gaze to her aunt. “Two months, maybe ten weeks.” They lapsed into silence for a few troubled moments. “There’s something else you should know.”
Her aunt’s startled eyes stole over her with a worried sweep.
“Philip did it against my will.”
Aunt Brenda stood, pushing her chair back all in one motion. “What?” The muscles around her aunt’s jaw tightened. “What do you mean, he did this against your will?”
“Philip was waiting for me that night when I got home from work. Logan had brought me home and—” Addison’s lower lip trembled as the memories of those moments came rushing back. “Philip saw us ... together. He was so angry. It all happened so fast and then he was gone.”
“Where was Taylor?”
“Asleep. We rode to work together that night. When Logan showed up to drive me home, Taylor left. It was two in the morning before I got home.” How could she have been so stupid? “I fought him as hard as I could. I just wasn’t strong enough.”
“Oh, honey, why didn’t you tell me?”
Addison covered her mouth, stifling the sobs escaping, and shook her head. “I couldn’t. I didn’t know how.”
Aunt Brenda dropped into the seat again slumping back, her head tilted toward the ceiling. Addison watched in silence as her aunt battled with her emotions. A tinge of guilt pervaded her at keeping this secret from her aunt for over two months.
“I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve been able to stop him.”
Aunt Brenda leaned forward and slammed her fist on the table. “Don’t you dare blame yourself!” Tears filled her aunt’s eyes. “You are a precious, wonderful, beautiful person. I’ve never known anyone more giving, more caring. How dare that boy do this to you! Does he know you’re pregnant?”
A hiccup escaped from deep inside. “No. And I don’t want him to find out … I haven’t seen him. He didn’t know what he was doing. He was drunk. He probably doesn’t remember.”
Aunt Brenda took several, slow deep breaths and released them. “That’s no excuse.”
“Philip can’t know. So, I can’t press charges against him.”
Aunt Brenda raised her brows. “But—”
“I’m going to have the baby,” Addison said, her words softening. “I went to an abortion clinic two weeks ago to confirm the pregnancy.” She inhaled a shaky breath. “I’m not going to lie, I thought about ending the pregnancy.” Addison rubbed her stomach as the verse she’d learned as a girl lingered in her mind. For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. The same verse the lady from the Pregnancy Resource Center mobile unit quoted after their short conversation as Addison was leaving the abortion clinic. The lady had given Addison other options, had given her hope. “I can’t, Aunt Brenda. I just can’t. It isn’t the baby’s fault. And
God has given me peace.”
“Don’t you worry.” Aunt Brenda declared as she bent to plant a kiss Addison’s cheek. “We’ll figure this thing out together.”
Her aunt’s acceptance soothed the jagged edges around her heart.
Logan spent the next few weeks in a daze. He poured himself into work, unable to focus on anything else. Nathan had called him every day, but he’d refused all his calls. Deep down, something told him it had nothing to do with Nathan, but he wasn’t mentally prepared for the truth. So, he’d avoided any opportunity of finding out what really happened—why Addison had been at his apartment.
At the end of Logan’s shift, Matt walked with him to the parking lot. “I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be.”
Matt stood by his car, his arms crossed over his chest. “Come by tonight. We’re grilling out. And you know Shelley. There will be plenty.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t.” Matt had asked him to come over every weekend for weeks, so had his mom, but he always found an excuse. “You can’t keep avoiding everyone.”
Logan snatched his keys from his pocket and unlocked the door. He didn’t feel like seeing all his friends or his family. They would have too many questions about Addison that he had no answers for.
“I promised my mom I would have dinner with them tonight.” The admission left a sour taste on his tongue. He couldn’t keep putting it off. “Maybe another time.”
“Okay, bud. Give your mom a hug for me.”
An hour later, Logan sat across from his family at dinner, intent on the food in front of him. No one spoke of Addison as he’d been expecting. He reached into the depths of his soul, salvaging any normalcy he could find.
“This is good, Mom.”
“Thank you, Logan. I’m so glad you could join us for dinner tonight.” Her motherly tone echoed through the dining room.
He glanced at Ami sitting across from him, her face downcast. She hadn’t spoken to him all night. She glanced up just before he could look away.
Her glare bore a hole through his soul. “What did you do to her this time?”
“Ami.” Mom’s sharp tone held a warning.
Ami didn’t heed it. “She’s my friend.” Ami’s voice broke as sobs wracked her body. “Why did you have to ruin everything?”
Logan leaned back, his anger rising with each second. “You can still be her friend. I didn’t do anything,” he yelled across the table at his sister. “It was her choice. Not mine.”
Dad slammed his fist on the table. “That’s enough, you two.”
Logan stood. “I’m sorry, Mom.” The deep ache just below the surface threatened to engulf him. “I have to go.”
Ami came running out the front door. He glanced back just as tears spilled onto her cheeks. “Call her, Logan. Make it right. She needs us.” She took a quivering breath and walked toward him in longer strides. “Please, you can make it right.” Her voice jumped an octave and she begged him again and again.
“I can’t. It’s over between us and that’s the way it’s going to stay.”
He hurried to his truck, desperate for an escape. The metal rock screamed from his radio as he started his truck and he slammed all memories of the violet-eyed girl from his mind. She would never hurt him again.
40
Addison arrived at her classroom, a few weeks later surprised to find Charlotte Avery sitting in her desk.
“Hey. Did I forget to do something?” Addison scrambled through her memory trying to locate anything she may have forgotten from her to-do list.
“No, I just wanted to talk.” Charlotte’s normally bright eyes were now troubled.
Addison set her bag on the other side of the desk and busied herself with passing out the morning papers. “About what?”
“I’m worried about you. The first few weeks of school you were so happy, but something changed. You look so sad, and it’s breaking my heart.”
“It’s a long story.”
“I’m a good listener.”
She couldn’t talk about this. Even thinking of Logan and all she’d lost caused her eyes to burn with unshed tears.
“I have a lot going on, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“We don’t know each other very well, seeing how we’ve only been working together for a while. But I know you’re pregnant.”
Addison spun around from the middle of the classroom and faced her. “What?”
“Aren’t you?”
Addison glanced at her midsection. “How did you know?”
“I’m a woman. And look at me.” Charlotte ran both hands over her protruding belly. “We girls can sense these things.”
Addison took a first-row seat. “It’s complicated. And I’m really tired. The hour drive every morning and afternoon is wearing me out. What I really need is to move here to Jacksonville.”
“My parents have rental property and there’s a small house available. It’s only a mile down the road.”
“Are you serious?” Addison’s mind raced ahead. That’s exactly what she needed. What would she do if she ran into Philip in Wilmington? Or Logan? If Charlotte could already tell, it wouldn’t be long before everyone else could too. “How much is it?”
“Let me ask. I’ll let you know tomorrow. I do know they’re partial to teachers, so they’ll work around your income and what you can afford.”
“You have no idea how much moving here will help me.”
Charlotte stood to leave.
“Oh, wait! I did need to ask you something.” Addison wiggled herself free from the small desk. “I know we send food home on the weekends for a few children who need it. But what’s the policy on keeping extra snacks in the room for children who aren’t sent with anything?” Her eyes misted. “It rips me apart seeing those babies staring at the other children eating their snacks every day and they have nothing.”
Warmth filled Charlotte’s eyes. “What were you thinking?”
“Bringing in some bulk items to have on hand, like crackers and juice boxes. We could keep them in the closet. And have our assistant stick a treat into their cubby before snack.”
“That’s a great idea.”
“Do you think Mrs. Andrews will be all right with it?”
“Oh, yes. Most definitely.” The light in Charlotte’s eyes brightened. “In fact, we could get all the classes do this.”
“In my past experience, there wasn’t extra money in the budget for something like this, so I would buy the snacks myself.”
“You’re probably right.”
Things would be tighter when Addison moved into her own place, had her own bills, but it would be worth setting some extra aside for her children who needed it.
“I even think a few of our parents may be willing to donate some items too. I wish I had something to give to my student today that never has a snack packed.”
Addison reached into the closet and grabbed a few packs of cheese crackers. “Here, take these for now.”
Charlotte took the packages with a smirk. “Look at you being sneaky. You are amazing, Addison.”
“I was planning to talk to Mrs. Andrews today. Just wanted your opinion since you’ve been here awhile.” Addison joined her at the door. “And thank you for your concern. You’re so sweet to check on me.”
“I’ll let you prepare for your class, but I’m here if you ever need to talk.” Charlotte leaned her head against Addison’s shoulder the same way Casey used to do. “You’ll be a wonderful mother, Addison. I can tell by how much you love these children.”
The effect of Charlotte’s words lingered long after she left, and even into the following weeks as Addison packed her things to move into the rental house.
“I’m ready,” she said to Aunt Brenda on a cool October morning, as she loaded her last few bags into the car. “I can’t wait for you to see it. You’re going to love it.”
Aunt Brenda cleared her throat. “I’m sure I will, h
oney.”
“It’s fully furnished, and it even has a back porch. You know how much I love sitting on the porch.”
“Yes, I know.”
“I’ll be back. It will be less stressful without the drive. And it’s only until after the baby comes.” She hugged her aunt from behind. There was some excitement, but it was mostly worry. All the confident talk was just as much for herself as it was for her aunt. “Besides, I’ll visit some weekends when I can, and you can visit me too.”
Aunt Brenda frowned. “I’m trying to be happy about this, I really am. It’s a good thing for you. You’ll do great, honey. But if you need anything, you call me. And don’t forget to call me when you get there.”
“I won’t.”
Addison drove the hour drive the last time for a while. But something about leaving Logan permanently behind, opened the fresh wound of her broken heart.
And now that she was alone settled inside the house, she waited for that certain surge of peace.
It didn’t come.
The next two months crawled by and the cold weather arrived, mimicking her mood. Addison worked busily on the last-minute details for the Christmas play the elementary students would perform tonight. They had a total of eighty-three kindergarteners and needed every teacher to pull this off.
Addison was in charge of the music. She’d play the piano and help the third through fifth grade boys and girls with their solos and choir pieces. It had given her something to think about—something other than Logan. She hadn’t seen or spoke to him in months, but she thought of him constantly.
“Miss Morgan?”
Addison swiveled on the keyboard stool at the sound of the soft voice. “Yes, Cassidy.”
Shattered Treasure Page 24
