by C L Walker
It would all make more sense if I could explain everything to her. I should have crawled out of my hole to at least call her over the weekend and get advice or sympathy, anything really.
“He grabbed you and got in your face?” She shook her head and made her dangling earrings swing around in her hair. “Did he hurt you?”
“No, it wasn’t like that. He just held me to him firmly as if he thought I was going to run away before he could grill me. Honestly, it was so intense, like kind of hot. But the second I mentioned that he was also being inappropriate he backed off.”
“Oh my gosh Ky,” she said in a low voice, before she started giggling while she bounced from one foot to the other.
I watched her and did my best to follow but I didn’t understand what she found so exciting.
“His reaction is far beyond normal for a man that’s your freaking teacher, he totally wants you! Shoot did he tell anyone, your parents, the principal?”
I shook my head. “Woah. Slow down. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here and pretend like we know anything about men, it's too early to say.” There was no way and even if he did want me, I knew he wouldn’t do anything about it, so it was pointless to think about no matter how I looked at it. “And I don’t think he told anyone and somehow I have to convince him not to if I want to live to be eighteen.”
“I don’t know dude; he’s acted sort of weird towards you from the start. Even the fact that he’s your neighbor isn’t enough to explain away his unusual actions. I’d bet money he’s not going to tell anyone and that says something Ky.”
“I don’t know, there has been these moments where his mask slips and I think maybe, just maybe he sees me in the same way but then it’s up again before I can decipher a thing.”
And at the end of it all, I could be wrong; I very well could have been imagining what I wanted to see in him. I probably imagined that I saw my own desire mirrored in his eyes.
But she didn’t look convinced. “He was quick to jump to your defense that night at the cafe, he checked you out when he thought you weren’t looking, and he gets so mad at you but in a passionate way.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I’m telling you; you guys are building something here, I feel it.”
I pushed her in a playful way to dismiss her words in fear that I would grasp onto them with false hope.
What was it about him that had me acting so foolishly?
“I don’t want to jump to any conclusions based off a few weeks of material. So, let’s stick to the point here lady, and that’s that I totally screwed myself.”
The second bell rang and we both jumped in surprise, I had forgotten for a beautiful moment that I was due to his class.
“Yeah, you're screwed,” she said, before she turned around and ran to her class without so much as a goodbye.
She was always such a help, good old Amber. No mercy.
I opened the door no more than ten seconds after the bell rang and hoped he would let me slide on in without making a fuss.
“You’re late once again Miss Nilsen, am I wrong in assuming that you want more detention?” he asked, and I rolled my eyes without thinking about what I was doing.
I glanced to him quickly to see if he caught my eyes, but he stood in front of the white board where he was quickly writing something in his small, neat handwriting.
Clearly, he had known it was me without having to turn around, so it seemed I had become all too predictable and it irked me.
“I’m sorry Mr. Tanaka.” There was nothing more I could say for everything I had done.
I went back to my seat and ignored all the stares that burned into the side of my head and resented the fact that the whole class was beginning to realize that I was walking on thin ice with him.
He didn’t even acknowledge my apology as he finished what he was writing on the board and launched straight into a lecture and explained what our big writing project would be about that was due before finals. Everything aside I was excited because he wasn’t giving us a prompt, we had free reign aside from a word count requirement and it had to be fiction. I loved writing when I could write about whatever I wanted.
He finished only moments before the bell rang and I hung back even though I wasn’t sure about what I was going to say to him. But I felt that another apology was needed.
He knew I had stayed but he walked over to his desk and got on his computer to go about his business as if I was not there, as if there wasn’t something heavy hanging between us.
But perhaps it was weighing on me more, as it should have been.
I walked up to his desk slowly as I twirled a piece of my hair around my finger nervously. I certainly looked the part of a blushing schoolgirl, it was so embarrassing, and I wanted to cry because everything was out in the open.
He knew I wanted him.
I cleared my throat finally and I saw his jaw clench, but his eyes remained on his computer screen. “I wanted to apologize again, for what happened, I really don’t know what came over me. Eh, that’s not true. I do know what came over me but regardless, my actions are inexcusable.”
He swiveled his chair and finally gave me his undivided attention and it was almost more than I could handle. It’s funny, I had seen him practically naked but when he stared into my eyes I felt as if I was the one stripped bare.
Even though I was in trouble and my mind shouldn’t have been on such things, I really wanted to reach out and move his bangs out of his face. His hair was a touch too long and in need of a cut, but it made him appear softer, boyish and sweet so I found that I rather liked it.
“I’m not going to tell anyone if that’s what you are worried about,” he said, and I felt a rush of relief.
The school would have punished me along with my parents and the situation was already bad enough. Facing him every day, that was punishment enough, that and his eternal hatred.
Amber was right on the money about him not telling people, but I didn’t dare ponder what that truly meant, if it meant anything at all.
He was young and a chill guy for most part at least to everyone else so it was fair to assume he would have let any student off the hook.
“Thank you but it’s more than that,” I said, and I took a cautious step closer to him. “I’m sorry I made you feel violated; I mean I’ve seen you damn near naked so it must be awkward for you.”
He tipped his head to the side and peered into my eyes as if he were searching for something there. “On the contrary Miss Nilsen I don’t feel violated in the slightest. If anything, I just feel stupid for not realizing someone might see me. But your window always has the blinds down, and I thought that it was an unused room.”
He didn’t feel violated… or embarrassed… but I guess with a body like his he must not have had much in the way of shame.
I nodded my head, bit my lip, and tried to think of what else to say because I wanted things to go back to how they were. “I am relieved to hear that, again I am so sorry, and it won’t happen again Mr. Tanaka.”
There was a drawn-out silence that followed my words, and I began to squirm once again.
Kids started to fill the seats in the classroom as he continued to stare at me.
If we were somewhere else, I felt we both would have had more to say, as it still felt unsettled.
He snapped out of his daze before I did and brought me back to the moment. “Alright well it’s behind us now Miss Nilsen, all is forgiven. But don’t forget about your detention on Wednesday.”
“Yes, Mr. Tanaka,” I said, as I backed away before I spun on my heels and left.
With his forgiveness I was free to let go of all my worries, it was a mistake that was behind me and I learned a valuable lesson.
But all things considered I barely scraped by a disaster of my own making, so I decided it was best to proceed with caution.
Safety first.
Chapter 11
Kyla
Wednesday was the day, the day I had been waiting f
or and much like other things I had highly anticipated in life, it changed nothing. It felt the same because at the end of the day I was still in high school, living off my parents and completely clueless about living out in the world on my own.
I hadn’t even had a job before, not that I didn’t want one, but my parents wouldn’t let me because they insisted that I focus on my studies and being a kid and I couldn’t argue with that. But I wasn’t sure what came next?
I woke up to chocolate chip banana pancakes like I always did on my birthday, my mom went into work late and made me breakfast on my special day without fail every single year.
She came in and kissed my forehead as I was guzzling down my milk. “Happy Birthday my sweet little girl.”
It doesn’t matter how old you are, you are never too old for your mom’s home cooked meals and smooches.
“You already said it when you woke me up but thank you again and for the food too of course. It’s the yummiest as always.”
“Why have you been sitting there with a frown on your face? Were you expecting to feel invincible today honey?” she asked, as she filled her mug with coffee.
I wasn’t sure how to answer because I didn’t know what I had been expecting, but maybe I just thought I’d feel more like a woman and less like a teenage girl.
I nodded my head and she laughed at me. “Cheer up, it's a new beginning, you just have to wait for it all to sink in. Get yourself dressed up and go conquer the day because it’s yours for the taking.”
“I will.” I smiled at her.
She was right, the day was going to be what I made it, I was an adult, I oversaw my own destiny. I was also recently cleared of a crime, so I’d say at that point I was nearly invincible.
“I’ll be home early so we can have dinner out of town, unless you want to go somewhere around here?” she asked, as she grabbed her purse off the counter and sipped her coffee with one hand and brushed lint off her blouse with the other.
She was an assistant at a small law firm in town, so she always had to dress up more than she liked to. But it was nice to see her in pretty things sometimes.
“Don’t bother I have detention anyways. I won’t be home until five.” I sighed as I recalled that I wasn’t quite in charge of anything in my life, although I suppose I oversaw the mouth that landed me in detention. But one does not admit one’s flaws on one’s birthday.
“On your birthday? What did you do Kyla?” she asked.
I looked down at my pancakes to avoid her stare. “I was smart mouthing Sora when he asked me to change something on my paper that was inappropriate.” Among other things, more controversial things, but I wasn’t going to share that bit of information.
She waved it off. “Oh, it was Sora, honey tell him it’s your birthday. I’m sure he will let you reschedule for another day.”
That would be taking advantage of our neighborly status and I had already more than taken advantage of his presence next door, so I wasn’t about to try that with him.
“Oh no, that is not a good idea. I’ve been pushing my luck with him enough as it is,” I said.
She quirked an eyebrow in question, but she didn’t ask, and I didn’t tell since I had better things to do like stuff my face.
Although I wasn’t sure that being preoccupied was enough because I was beginning to worry the answers were written on my face for the whole world to see even when I kept my mouth shut.
“Better knock it off then, you may be an adult, but I’ll still kick your butt if you screw around in school,” she said, before she walked out of the dining room and I followed her to the door to say goodbye.
“I will, promise.” I would never go as far as to jeopardize my chances of graduating so it’s not like I would let our issues get in the way of my success or his for that matter.
“Good, I love you. Happy Birthday,” she said, again before she walked out and left me to my heavenly pancakes.
I arrived at school and felt instantly renewed when I saw Amber’s smiling face.
“Happy Birthday Ky!” she screamed, as she ran up to me the second, I stepped out of my car. She had flowers in her hand and two balloons, one balloon was a red heart and the other was red with a pink ‘18!’ on it.
“I made sure to get one with an eighteen on it so you know who would realize you’re no longer a forbidden fruit,” she said, as she gave me a creepy wink.
She was so extra, and I adored it, she even looked out for me when it came to catching a man. Ahem, which I wasn’t even trying to do...
She wrapped her arms around me, and I hugged her back. “Thanks hon I’m sure that’s all the encouragement he needs,” I said sarcastically, as I took the string, she offered to me with a huge grin on my face.
She looked me up and down with a whistle. “Damn girl you stepped up your game today didn’t you.”
I looked down at my knee-high suede boots, it wasn’t something I didn’t normally wear but I was usually lazier at school and opted for flats with tights. I also decided to shave my legs and show off my skin which was a rarity during the fall and winter for me, since my hair was so light anyways.
I also took extra care with my makeup, I put a thin line of liquid eyeliner on my top lids with a subtle wing, bright pink lipstick and I made sure my eyelashes looked dark and long. I also curled my hair into soft waves, and I dyed it again the night before, so the purple was more vibrant.
Overall, I didn’t do much, but leave it to an amazing woman to notice even the smallest of details. Who needs men when you have best friends?
“Thank you, I’m trying to grasp onto this whole adult thing and not look like a lazy teenager who rolled out of bed five minutes before class.” I was still technically a teenager but saying teenage adult sounded lame.
“Ha, right, like you’re not going to do that suddenly anymore.” We laughed because of course I was going to. “Although I am surprised you haven’t been putting in more effort since you have a class with you know who.”
“He who shall not be named is not worth getting up an hour earlier for. This is all for me my dear,” I said, as we hooked arms and made our way into the building.
“Are you going to make it to dinner?” I asked, as I glanced across the cafeteria and I could have sworn I saw Jake notice us from just inside, but he turned the other way. I didn’t mention it to Amber because I wasn’t sure, and I thought maybe they were fighting. It was strange though.
“Of course,” she said, as she urged me to open a small box with a hot pink ribbon tied around it. “I hope you like it, I got them over the summer when I was on vacation, they were sitting in a shop window when I passed, and I thought they would suit you well.”
I opened the box and pulled a pair of earrings out. “No way, they are gorgeous, thank you.” I hugged her and gave her a kiss on her cheek, and she gave me a pinched look as she wiped off the lipstick mark.
I laughed at her and the spot on her cheek as I grabbed her hand to pull her off to the bathroom with me to put on my new earrings.
I clipped back one side of my hair behind my ears so you could see at least one earring. They were black with four different length chains hanging from each earring, no two chains were the same length and each one had a black gem at the end except for one earring, which had the longest chain, and it had a small purple bow at the end.
“Awesome,” I said, as I looked at myself in the mirror.
“Yeah, yeah don’t get too full of yourself. You may slay today but we all know you be looking a hot mess tomorrow,” she teased, “It does go well with your hair though, the light purple bow was a nice touch.”
“Whatever today is all that matters,” I said. “Thank you, you’re the best.” I hugged her again and we parted ways.
My day ended up being amazing, even people who I thought of as mere acquaintances came up to wish me a happy birthday once they noticed the balloons. It was the one day I was popular, I felt like a model walking down the hallways with my new earrings and fre
shly shaved legs. I also got several compliments on how good I looked, I really was queen of the day and it felt wonderful.
Even Sora hadn’t said anything to me when I walked into his class late, which surprised me as I watched his mouth open then shut abruptly when he saw my balloons.
That’s right boy, it’s my day!
I had hoped after he realized it was my birthday he would cancel my detention, but he apparently wasn’t feeling that charitable because he said see you after school when class ended to reassure me that I was still expected, my birthday be damned. He was either cold hearted or considering all that I had done he couldn’t let anything slide.
I walked back into his classroom ten minutes after school ended after I said my goodbyes to Amber and made plans to meet her at my house later. She also suggested that I should try to get out of detention, but it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t want to piss him off even more, so I kept my mouth shut.
When I walked inside his classroom, he was sitting at his desk going through files.
He didn’t look up immediately, so I was free to take him in for a moment. I had to sneak it in where I could because I needed to make a better effort to do everything in secret, so I didn’t anger him further. And I was sure he would deem staring too intently to be inappropriate for some lame reason or another.
He was wearing a silky black button up that was tucked into his black jeans with a black button up vest over it.
He had way too much of that something, that thing that made you sit there and think damn he’s a man. It sounded silly but it was there.
He seemed to take up more space than he ought to, and he demanded my attention without so much as a single word.
He turned towards me and my eyes snapped up to his face, I was seriously not sneaky at all; I was far from practiced in the ways of subtly, but I vowed to work on it. I was so much better at playing it cool with literally everyone else in existence.
“Hey, you ready to do this?” he asked, and he stood up and grabbed a box that had been sitting on his desk and set it down on the floor at the front of the room.
