by Radclyffe
pulled the phone closer to the bed as she climbed back in next to Leslie. “Room
service.”
“Sweetheart, it’s four thirty in the morning.”
“So?” Dev found the menu and ß ipped to the all-night section.
“We’re in New York City. The kitchens never close.” She studied the page as
Leslie curled up in her lap. “How about burgers and champagne?
Will that do?”
“Dev,” Leslie said quietly.
“Hmm?” Dev curled one arm around Leslie’s shoulders and propped the menu
on her raised knee. “And maybe some chocolate cake.”
“Do you think it’s possible for us never to leave this room?”
Dev laughed. “I can probably stay another night. I’ll call in the morning about…”
She trailed off and closed the menu. Her face lost all expression. “When do you
have to leave?”
“I’ve got appointments scheduled midmorning,” Leslie said. Her heart beat
wildly, not from passion, but from fear. It had only been a few hours, a few
hours of unexpected and indescribable happiness, and now she felt it slipping
away. “I’m going to have to go in sometime today. Tomorrow. God, whenever
it is. I’ll call Þ rst thing and try to rearrange some of my meetings.”
“Leslie,” Dev said with a sigh. “You shouldn’t do that.”
Dev leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. The heavy drapes were still
closed, the bedside lamp turned down low. It was almost dawn, but it felt as if
they were cocooned in a time capsule, and if they just stayed there, kept the
door closed and the rest of the world outside,
they could keep this precious connection safe. She knew it wasn’t true.
As much as her heart wanted to believe, she knew they couldn’t hide from who
they were or how vastly different their lives were. “We’ve got a few more hours.
Let’s just make the most of them.”
Leslie sat up and swiveled on the bed until she faced Dev. “And that’s it? You
go back to Lake George and we write this off as a one-nighter that’s just Þ
fteen years overdue?”
“Hey,” Dev said gently, cupping Leslie’s cheek. “You know that’s not what this
is.”
“No, Dev, I don’t.” Leslie shook her head. “I don’t know what this is. I didn’t
expect to be here tonight. All I know is I had to see you because I couldn’t stop
thinking about you for the last four weeks.”
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I was seventeen years old, Les.”
Leslie ß inched, but she kept her voice steady. “All right. I deserved that.”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Dev pushed a hand through her hair.
“Jesus, this isn’t coming out right.” She took Leslie’s hand and rubbed her
cheek against the back of Leslie’s Þ ngers. “I haven’t wanted to care about
anyone since the night I drove away from your house on my bike. I’ve been
empty inside all this time. Except for how much I hurt missing you.”
“Oh, God, Dev.”
“It’s okay.” Dev grinned crookedly. “Well, after tonight, it’s a hell of a lot better
than it ever was. I’ve never felt anything like tonight.
When we were kids and I was kissing you and Mike found us, I felt like I did
tonight. Like you were all I needed to be whole. You were everything I needed,
and then I lost you.”
Tears streaked down Leslie’s cheeks and Dev brushed them gently away.
“When we made love tonight,” Dev said, her throat so tight she could hardly get
the words out, “I felt that way again. You Þ ll me up, you heal everything that
ever hurt.” Dev bowed her head over Leslie’s hand, closing her eyes. “Tonight
was worth any amount of pain, but I can’t keep living day after day wanting
you.” She raised her eyes, unable to hide the agony of loss she knew was
coming. “I’ll never regret tonight, but I have to accept it was just one perfect
night that ends in the morning, or I’m not going to make it. I can’t keep living
while I’m dying for you.”
Leslie’s hands were shaking as she caressed her Þ ngers through Dev’s hair,
then cradled her face. She leaned close and kissed her. “For a long time, I tried
to pretend that you and I were just really, really good friends. The best of
friends.” She laughed, the sound ending in a sob.
“And oh God, we were, weren’t we? Friends and so much more. I was so
crazy in love with you back then.”
“Yeah.” Dev caressed Leslie’s arm. “Yeah, me too.”
“And after that horrible night with Mike, I couldn’t face my own cowardice and
I tried to hide it all away by pretending I didn’t feel what I felt for you. And
when I Þ nally did admit I was a lesbian, I still wouldn’t let anyone be important
to me. Not the way you were.”
“Rachel?”
Leslie shook her head. “I cared about her. But I didn’t need her and I didn’t
want her to need me. There were a few others, always the same. I kept
everyone a safe distance away.”
“When I saw you at the train station, it was like those Þ fteen years didn’t exist,”
Dev said. “When I kiss you, when we make love, I can almost believe it, almost.
But I know it’s not true. You have your life.
We both do. Different lives.”
“I just found you,” Leslie whispered. “I’m not going to lose you again. I love
you.”
Dev swallowed hard, trying to hold everything inside, but she just couldn’t. Her
body, her soul, her heart were too open after hours of loving Leslie. She’d let
her inside the places no one had ever touched before, and now she was
defenseless. She pulled Leslie close and buried her face against Leslie’s neck,
her shoulders shaking as she sobbed.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. Fuck, I’m so scared.”
“It’s okay,” Leslie soothed, stroking Dev’s head. “It’s okay, love.
I promise.” She wasn’t sure how she would make it all right, but she knew she
had to. “Will you just do one thing for me?”
Sitting up, Dev took a shuddering breath and rubbed her forearm across her
face. “Anything.”
“Let tonight be beautiful, because it is.” She kissed Dev tenderly.
“We both know what we had. Let’s see what we can have. Don’t give up, Dev.
Please.”
Dev closed her eyes and rested her forehead against Leslie’s. “Will you call
me?”
“Of course.” Leslie knew then that Dev didn’t trust her not to disappear. And
why should she? She’d done it before. More than
once. “I’m coming back up to the lake in a month. If I can get back sooner—”
“No, a month is good.” Dev raised her head, a smile ß ickering valiantly. “I
probably need a little time to get my heart rate back to normal. And tell me
you’re not busy here.”
Leslie sighed. “I’m swamped. But I can handle it—”
“Oh, yeah. You can handle it. That’s why you collapsed—what—
six weeks ago, from stress and overwork?”
“I’m Þ ne now,” Leslie said Þ rmly. “I am. Really. I’m taking the goddamn
pills.”
“No symptoms at all?”
“Dev, love, if I was going to have an episode, I would’ve had i
t sometime
tonight.” Leslie kissed Dev swiftly. “My heart’s had quite a workout.”
Dev couldn’t hide a pleased grin. “All the same, you just got back.
I’ll see you in a few weeks and…we’ll see.”
“You’ll be there when I come up, right?”
Dev nodded.
“Promise?”
Dev held Leslie tightly and tried not to think it might be one of the last times. “I
promise.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Mom?” Leslie called as she walked into the dining room at Lakeview and
dropped her suitcase on the ß oor. “Anybody here?”
“Leslie?” Eileen called from the top of the second-ß oor staircase.
Leslie stopped and craned her neck, smiling when she saw her mother. “Hi.”
“You’re early,” Eileen said, her pleasure obvious as she descended to the
ground ß oor. “I didn’t expect you until tomorrow.”
“I got things wrapped up early this week and decided to come up today.” She
tried to sound casual and not like she couldn’t wait one more day to see Dev,
which was the real reason she’d left Manhattan at noon on Thursday instead of
waiting until Friday as planned. She and Dev had talked on the phone a few
times in the last month, but their schedules rarely meshed and the conversations
always seemed rushed and superÞ cial. At least, she hoped it was because they
hadn’t had much time to connect. Dev had sounded distant, and there had been
no mention of the night they’d spent together. Or whether there would be any
more.
“Well, I hope you intend to actually rest this weekend. I’m not going to let you
work the whole time.”
“I’m still going to help close up. But,” Leslie hastened to add when she saw her
mother frown, “I promise to relax too.”
After giving Leslie a hug, Eileen pointed to Leslie’s luggage. “Do you want a
room upstairs since you’re only going to be here a few days?”
“Uh,” Leslie said, feeling her face color, “I’d rather have the same cabin I had
last time, if it’s available.”
“It’s quiet this weekend—all the kids have gone back to school—
so it’s empty.”
“Great.”
“Hungry?”
Leslie laughed. “As a matter of fact, I’m starved. Let me get settled and I’ll
come back and get a sandwich or something. Where’s Daddy?” She scanned
the great room where a few guests were seated, but didn’t see him.
“He’s down at the dock with Dev.”
“With Dev?” Leslie’s breath caught in her throat and she knew her mother
noticed. “I mean, I thought at this time of day, she’d be at the lab.”
“Does she know you’re coming?”
Leslie shook her head. “Not today.”
“She happened to be around when they were pulling one of the boats out, and
she and your father got talking about something to do with Þ shing.” Eileen
smiled. “Apparently Dev doesn’t Þ sh, but she appreciates that the Þ shermen
know more about Þ nding Þ sh in the lake than anyone else. I think your father’s
been regaling her with stories for the last hour.”
As her mother talked, Leslie drifted toward the front windows. She pushed the
lace curtain aside and scanned the dock below the house.
Her father sat in a deck chair in front of the boathouse talking to Dev, who
leaned with a shoulder against the dark green clapboards, her legs casually
crossed at the ankles and her hands in her pockets. She wore jeans and a red ß
annel shirt and even from this distance, she looked so sexy Leslie ached to get
her hands on her.
“How’s Natalie?” Leslie asked.
Eileen joined her at the window and answered as if the question hadn’t come
out of nowhere. “Well, she always seems to be in great spirits. It’s been busy
this summer, so I take it between supervising the campgrounds and keeping an
eye on shenanigans out on the lake, she’s been pretty busy.”
“So I guess you don’t see her too much.”
“Sweetie,” Eileen said gently, “why don’t you just ask Dev if she’s seeing
Natalie?”
Leslie hesitated. “Because I’m afraid of what she might say.”
“Would it be prying if I asked you about Rachel?”
“No,” Leslie said softly, still watching Dev. “We’re not seeing each other any
longer. I broke it off right after the Fourth of July.”
“Are you okay?”
“I think so. We ran into each other at a fundraiser a week ago and spoke for a
few minutes. She seemed…like Rachel.” The conversation had been what she
would have expected—brief, pleasant, totally without intimacy. Rachel had been
there with a date, although it probably wasn’t obvious to most attendees that the
leggy brunette who watched Rachel’s every move was more than an
acquaintance. But Leslie knew the signs. It hadn’t bothered her, and she hadn’t
expected it to. “I know Natalie has a thing for Dev.”
“Mmm, maybe.” Eileen patted Leslie’s shoulder. “What matters, though, is who
Dev has a thing for.”
Leslie sighed. “I wish it were that simple.”
“Why isn’t it? You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”
“Like crazy.”
“And if she feels the same way?”
“We’re completely incompatible,” Leslie said. “Our jobs, our lifestyles, where
we live. And Dev isn’t interested in a casual relationship.”
“Are you?”
Leslie leaned her head against the window frame, thinking that she’d only ever
had casual relationships, no matter how long-term or monogamous. They had
been convenient, simple, and satisfying in a limited way. She’d spent one night
with Dev, whom she’d known far better as a teenager than as an adult, and
realized immediately that that one night was more meaningful than all the other
nights she’d spent with other women. “I think she’s it for me.”
“Then you’d best get around to telling her that. She’s been jumpy and distracted
all summer, and I’m willing to bet it’s because of you.”
Eileen slipped her arm around Leslie’s shoulders and gave her a quick hug.
“Don’t wonder how she feels, sweetie. Just ask her.”
Leslie smiled. “Yes, Mom.”
“If you want to Þ nd the big bass, you’ve got to go twenty miles farther north
than ten years ago,” Paul Harris complained. “And even then, you won’t see the
really big ones anymore.”
Dev nodded, her eyes on the woman making her way down the grassy slope
toward them. The late-afternoon sun had taken on the amber hue of
approaching autumn, and Leslie, with her softly layered blond hair, pale silk
blouse, and navy slacks, looked radiant.
Following Dev’s gaze, Paul twisted in his chair, then grinned.
“Hey, look who’s here.”
Leslie smiled as she leaned down to kiss him. “Hi, Daddy. How’s your leg?”
“One more week,” he said, thumping his walking cast. “Pretty good timing, huh?
Just missed closing up.”
“Very smart of you.” Leslie squeezed her father’s shoulder but her attention was
on Dev. “Hi.”
Dev pushed away from the wall, her heart thundering so loudly she felt as
if she
were in an echo chamber. “Hi. I thought tomorrow—”
“I know. I couldn’t…I got a break.”
“That’s good.” Dev knew she was barely making any sense, but she hadn’t
expected to see Leslie for another twenty-four hours. She wasn’t ready. She
wasn’t ready for the body blow that just being near Leslie always produced.
She felt shaky, a little light-headed, and hot.
Her skin was hot. She was hot inside. She was burning, and Leslie was the cool,
cool water she needed to soothe her, inside and out.
“Mom said you were talking about Þ sh.”
“Yes.”
“How’s the work going?”
“Pretty much done.”
Paul looked from one to the other, his expression curious. He maneuvered
himself out of his chair and into the nearby motorized cart Leslie had insisted on
getting for him earlier in the summer. “I’m going to head on up to the house. See
you for supper, Les?”
“Uh-huh. Probably.”
“Well,” he said, turning the key in the ignition. “I’ll see you sometime this
weekend, honey.”
For a few minutes, the motor drowned out the possibility of conversation, and
as the roar died off in the distance, Dev crossed the dock to Leslie’s side.
“How have you been?”
“Fine, I’m Þ ne. You?”
“Good.” Dev grinned. “You look great.”
“Thank you,” Leslie said softly. “I’ve been watching you from the house for
about half an hour.”
“Yeah?” Dev leaned toward Leslie, her gaze skimming down her body.
“I want to tear your clothes off.”
“Same here.”
“Should we talk Þ rst?”
Dev watched Leslie’s nipples tighten beneath the sheer blouse.
“No. Not until I’ve heard you come at least once.”
Leslie’s lips parted in surprised pleasure. “You like that, do you?”
“Oh yeah. I’ve been putting myself to sleep for a month remembering how you
sound when you come in my arms.”
“Oh, that’s not fair.”
“I don’t last very long, thinking about it,” Dev murmured, watching Leslie’s lids
grow heavy.
“I’m not sure I can make it to the cabin.”
“Boathouse?”
Leslie took Dev’s hand and tugged her inside. The air was hazy with heat and
