“Cool,” Shauntae replied.
Li’l Shaun followed with, “Not for me. A girl in my class has been bothering me for a long time. Today she tried to kiss me. On my mouth!”
Lindsay raised a curious eyebrow while both Cody and Shauntae found his story amusing.
“What did you do?” Lindsay asked seriously.
“I moved my head away so she would miss. Then I told her to keep her lips to herself.” Cody and Shauntae laughed harder.
“What did she say to that?” Lindsay asked.
“Nothing. She just giggled like those two are doing.” This reply garnered even more chuckles.
“Stop laughing at him, you two. Li’l Shaun is obviously bothered by this.”
“I think you are just as bothered by it, Mom. You sound just a wee bit perturbed,” Shauntae said as she put her forefinger and thumb in a distance of about a half inch apart to emphasize her point.
Li’l Shaun picked up on what his sister was saying and began pleading. “Mom, please don’t come to my school. I can handle Imanye all by myself.”
Now it was Lindsay’s turn to laugh. “Okay, big boy. I will let you handle things with Li’l Ms. Imanye. But one word of warning. You will not hit her, understand?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
They all continued with small talk while they finished their meal.
As they were cleaning the table and loading the dishes in the dishwasher, Lindsay spoke to the children.
“Shauntae, Li’l Shaun, when we are done here, I want to talk to the two of you up in my bedroom.” Upon hearing Lindsay’s declaration, Cody eyed her to see if she wanted him to join them. She indicated she did not with a slight shake of her head.
Upstairs in the bedroom, Lindsay, Shauntae, and Li’l Shaun made themselves comfortable on the king-sized bed. Lindsay sat in the middle as her children flanked her on each side. She did a little extra pillow fluffing and smoothing of the comforter in an effort to buy her a bit of time while she emotionally prepared to broach this very difficult subject.
Shauntae, in typical teenage demeanor, quickly became bored and annoyed.
“Mom, the pillows and blanket are fine. What did we come here to talk about?”
Lindsay stopped fidgeting and began their conversation by first praying. “Father God in Heaven, I praise you, Lord, for this day. I praise you and thank you for my beautiful children. I ask you, Lord, to help me to always keep them safe and protected from all hurt, harm, and danger. And, God, I ask that you guide me through this difficult task. This is my prayer in Jesus’ name ... Amen.” In unison, both children repeated, “Amen.”
“I brought you two up here this evening to talk about Shaun, your father.” Lindsay paused to see if her statement had any visual effect on her kids. Seeing nothing obvious, she pressed forward.
“I want you each to tell me how you feel about your father being dead, and more important, how you feel about me and my being responsible for his death. Which of you would like to go first?”
Lindsay was certain there would be no fight over who would start. She was not wrong. Neither child seemed in any hurry to tell her their feelings on the subject at hand. Finally, however, Shauntae broke the silence.
“Mom, honestly, I miss Daddy. At least I do when I think about him. I know you and he had a lot of problems, but those problems never became my problems. Daddy always treated me good, and I miss him.” Shauntae’s sentiments tore at Lindsay’s heart. She felt so bad for her daughter’s loss. She really wanted to weep for the pain she now knew her baby girl felt, but she also knew she had to press forward and hear her son’s views on the subject.
“What about you, Li’l Shaun? Do you have any feelings about your father?” Lindsay asked.
Li’l Shaun shrugged his nine-year-old shoulders but didn’t say anything initially. Lindsay could tell he was conflicted, probably afraid that telling her the truth would hurt her feelings.
“Li’l Shaun, please, baby, tell me what you want to say. Mommy won’t get mad. It’s okay if you tell me the truth.”
“Okay. I miss my daddy too. I didn’t know him a long time like Shauntae, but he treated me good too when he lived with us. He told me he loved me a lot of times, and he called me his little man. He said I was his mini-me.”
Lindsay inwardly cringed at the mention of her son being like Shaun. She hoped that meant in physical appearance only. Though she didn’t like the comparison, she certainly could relate to how Li’l Shaun could miss his daddy’s love.
“Okay. So you both love and miss your father. That is actually good for me to hear. It lets me know that while he and I had our issues, he was still a good father to you both. I’m very glad to hear that.” The answers to the second part of her questions were probably going to be a little tougher to take, Lindsay reasoned. Nevertheless, she needed to hear their feelings on this as well.
Lindsay started with Li’l Shaun this time, because she didn’t want him to parrot his big sister’s answers to such a tough question. “Now, let’s tackle the really hard part of this discussion. Li’l Shaun, how do you feel about me being the one who took your daddy away from you?”
Lindsay gritted her teeth and clenched her stomach muscles in preparation for her son’s response. She watched his eyes grow as big as saucers. She assumed in fear of hurting her feelings. Eventually he started speaking.
“Mommy, I just don’t understand why you did it. I just wish you didn’t shoot Daddy, and I wish you didn’t have to spend that time in jail. It’s okay that you married Cody, because I love Cody too. You still didn’t have to shoot him, though.” Li’l Shaun’s voice raised an octave by the time his speech ended.
Lindsay was hurt, scared, and relieved by Li’l Shaun’s very vivid expression of his emotions. Of course, she hurt for what she had done to her son. She was scared that he would resent her forever, and she was relieved that he was mature enough to tell her how he truly felt.
Shauntae, realizing it was now her turn to verbalize her true feelings, became visually apprehensive as well. But she too, like her little brother, forged ahead with her truth.
“Mom, when you shot Daddy, you shot him for your own selfish reasons. I really don’t believe you gave me or Li’l Shaun a second thought. I believe if you did, you wouldn’t have done it. You say you are glad to hear that Daddy was good to us, but you already knew that he was. Otherwise, you would have taken us away from him a long time before you killed him.”
Lindsay bristled just a bit at her daughter’s none-too-subtle reprimand. She remained quiet, however, and let her finish speaking her mind.
“You took away our father, Mom. You didn’t even care how any of it affected me and Li’l Shaun. Not him being gone forever, or not us having to lose you to jail too. And when Daddy died, it’s like the whole other side of my family died as well. I haven’t seen my big brother or my grandmother or my aunts since Daddy’s funeral. You took away a lot from us, Mom. I know you were not too fond of them, but they are still family to me and Li’l Shaun.”
Shauntae was right. She was none too fond of her children’s paternal family, the people she dubbed the real live Addams Family, no relation to Pastor Adams. In spite of her daughter inserting her crazy side of the family into their conversation, Lindsay still realized that both her children gave very heartfelt answers to her questions. Now it was her time to speak.
“Shauntae, Li’l Shaun, Mommy wants you to both know how very pleased I am with you. Your answers were very intelligent and very honest. And though I was hurt by the things you pointed out about me, I am still very happy that you shared it all with me.”
She paused to give each child a hug and prayed that after they vented the way they did, they would not reject her. She was not disappointed. After receiving welcomed returned embraces, she resumed their conversation.
“You two are both right. When I shot your father, I acted very selfishly. I did not think for one second about my babies. I am so sorry for that. Losing your Aunt Shyan
ne was the most painful event of my life. I blamed her death on your father, even though he didn’t actually kill her. It was the things he did that put her in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was so angry inside with him for that. My anger made me lose control, and I snapped. I had no way of stopping myself from doing what I did because at that moment I was no longer capable of thinking correctly.”
Lindsay slowed down for a moment to think and choose her words carefully. She did not want to paint herself or her actions as good, in turn, minimizing the kids’ rightful feelings of hurt and confusion.
“And even though I did what I did because I was hurt and angry, I was still wrong because of how I hurt you two in the process. Again, I am so sorry. I won’t ask you to forgive me now, but I have made an appointment with a doctor for the three of us to receive some counseling. Her name is Dr. Hooper. She is going to help us all deal with our feelings so that one day you both can truly forgive me for what I did.”
Li’l Shaun nodded his head in agreement, but Shauntae seemed a bit more apprehensive.
“Mom, you mean we are going to see a psychiatrist? Isn’t that for crazy people?” she asked.
Now Shaun’s features resonated doubt.
“No, Shauntae. Dr. Hooper is not a psychiatrist. She’s a therapist.” Lindsay searched for the best way to make her daughter more comfortable. “It’s kind of like a massage therapist versus a chiropractor or a back doctor. A psychiatrist fixes people that are broken mentally like a doctor fixes broken bones. A massage therapist works on the pain and tension in a person’s body by slowly working it out of them. A psychotherapist slowly helps people work through their pain and tension caused by traumatic instances, like that which our family has suffered. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, I guess so,” Shauntae responded. Li’l Shaun nodded again in agreement since his big sister was now cool with it.
“Our appointment with Dr. Hooper is not for two weeks, on a Saturday. So during this week, I will see what I can work out and hopefully by the weekend, you’ll be able to see your big brother, your grandmother, and your other family.”
Shauntae’s eyes brightened, and for the first time since entering the room she smiled. Li’l Shaun got excited too. Probably because he figured he should since Shauntae was excited.
Lindsay ended their conversation for the evening by instructing each child to get prepared for bed.
“I’ll be back in a little while to check on you both.” She then headed downstairs to her husband, hoping he could offer her some comfort and assistance on how to contact her former in-laws. The thought of seeing Sha’Ron again after having murdered both his parents was very, very frightening....
Chapter Five
Lindsay came down the stairs to find Cody asleep on the family-room sofa with some sort of national news show watching him on the television. She sat on the chair across from the sofa so she would not immediately wake him. She was only allowed a couple of minutes of just watching him at peace before he awakened on his own.
“I sensed your presence,” he said as he stretched and sat up, motioning for her to join him on the sofa. “So, how did it go?” he asked once Lindsay was snuggled closely by his side, wrapped comfortably in his arms.
“As well as could be expected, I suppose. The kids were very candid with me. And while it pained me to hear their hurt, I am glad they were willing to tell me the truth. Both of them basically said I handled things poorly by killing their father and taking him away from them.”
Lindsay allowed the tears she hid from her children to silently fall from her eyes onto her cheeks. Cody noticed the waterfall starting and held her a little tighter.
“I’m glad the kids were honest with you too. Now we at least know what we are working with. I think this will better help the therapist to assist them. She won’t have to start off by pulling teeth to get them to talk.”
Lindsay nodded her head in agreement. Still crying, she and Cody sat quietly for a few moments, allowing her time to vent her emotions through her eyes. When she was again able to speak, she filled Cody in on the rest of her conversation with Li’l Shaun and Shauntae.
“Shauntae also feels that I took away her paternal family when I took away Shaun. She said she missed those misfits.”
Cody laughed at Lindsay’s name for her former in-laws. “Misfits they maybe, dear, but they are still blood relatives to our children.”
Lindsay liked how Cody referred to the children as theirs and not just hers. This also brought to mind the secret she knew she would soon have to reveal. She pushed down that thought for now and concentrated on the issue at hand.
“Cody, do you think the Addams Family is still in the same neighborhood, in the same house? I would like to try to work something out with them so that the kids can see them this weekend, if possible.”
Cody instantly became concerned by Lindsay’s wanting to contact Shaun’s family. There was no love lost between his wife and her former in-laws before she killed Shaun. There would definitely be, at the very minimum, a colossal hatred for her from them now.
“Lindsay, are you thinking about going there to see them yourself?” Cody asked in disbelief.
“Yes, Cody. How else can I reconnect the children with them? I know what you’re thinking—”
Cody interrupted before she could finish her own thought. He released her from his arms and now sat adjacent to her, staring her in the face. “Good. Then you know that I am thinking you are absolutely insane. There is no way I’m going to allow you to just waltz over to Patricia’s house and say, ‘Hey there. Long time no see. Sorry I killed your son, but let’s be friends anyway. ’ No way, Lindsay.”
“Don’t yell at me, honey. This is difficult enough!”
Cody didn’t even realize he had raised his voice until Lindsay pointed it out to him. “I’m sorry, baby. There’s just no way you are going over to Patricia’s house, no matter where she lives,” he stated more calmly this time.
“Okay, Cody. How do you suggest I reacquaint our kids with that side of their family?”
Cody thought carefully before answering his wife. He pondered for several silent moments before coming up with a plausible solution. “I’ll go. I’ll go to where they last lived to see if they’re still there. If they are not, I will use some of my former connections to find out where they are. They won’t be too pleased to see me either, I’m sure. But I don’t think they will have as much hostility toward me as they certainly will toward you.”
Lindsay considered Cody’s proposal, soon coming to the conclusion that it maybe her only solution. Yet, she was concerned for his safety too. The Taylor clan was not the friendliest or most sensible group of people. In fact, in Lindsay’s opinion, they were practically uncivilized. What kind of mother sanctions her son’s occupation as a drug dealer?
“Cody, I appreciate you doing this for the kids. I’m still worried about you, though, going over there. You know as well as I do, these folks are everything but saved. I have often said Patricia was a direct descendent of Satan.”
Again Cody laughed at his silly wife. “Baby, I won’t lie to you. Your concern is warranted. The Taylors are true products of the streets of Detroit. But Sha’Ron had a good relationship with Shauntae and Li’l Shaun. Patricia also showed a lot of love for her grandkids. It won’t be easy, but I will feel them out first. Then if they agree to it, I will be the one to play liaison between them and the kids.”
Lindsay gave her husband a beautiful smile that glowed from deep within her heart. She was so blessed to have this man in her life. Lindsay was encouraged by her husband’s commitment to her and her children. Even with the secret lying heavy on her heart, she could still feel his wonderful love. She hoped he would be this loving when she finally told him the truth about their having a child of their own.
“I trust you, sweetheart. I know you will work this out for the best.”
“Let’s pray, Lindsay, and ask God for His protection and guidance.”
The couple prayed together, and then headed up to their bedroom for the evening. Cody stepped into the bathroom to take his shower while Lindsay went to check on Li’l Shaun and Shauntae. She then went to make sure everything downstairs was cleaned and put in its proper place. When she came back to the bedroom, Cody was sitting comfortably in their bed going over some work from his office.
Lindsay left him to his work while she went to shower. Her personal hygiene taken care of, she joined her man in bed. She kissed him seductively while he was right in the middle of reading a legal brief.
Cody tossed his work aside and began the love dance with his wife. “I love you, Lindsay Renee Vincini.” He took his time removing the one-piece nightgown his wife wore. When she was undressed, he slowed the rhythm of their dance. He kissed her lips, her cheeks, her neck, and then whispered in her ear. “Now is probably not the best time for us to consider having another baby with all that’s going on with the kids, but it definitely won’t hurt for us to practice making one.”
On the outside and for his benefit, Lindsay laughed at her husband’s joke. Inwardly, she cringed, however, as she thought about the heartbreak she would cause when she told him the truth....
The following day when Cody arrived at his office, he did what needed to be done to get his staff started for the day. He began with the daily morning meeting to brief them on cases and hear their updates on what they were working on. Soon after those ritualistic tasks were completed, he made a phone call to a former client of his and colleague of Shaun’s to see if the woman would help him with finding the current address of Patricia Taylor’s clan.
“Hello,” the woman answered in a voice that assured Cody she was unfamiliar with the phone number showing on her caller ID.
“Hello, Toni Thompson.”
“Cody Vincini? Is that the voice of the finest white man I’ve ever met?”
“Tee Tee. Always with the compliments. You are never going to change, girl. I’m insulted that you no longer recognize my office number, girl.”
Lindsay's Legacy Page 4
