by T. L Smith
“The same woman?” I ask, referring to the crazy brunette.
He nods his head. “A few months in, I still didn’t believe. Savannah tried reassuring me every day, filling my head with lies, telling me how much she loved me, how much the club loved me. One day I had a job to do for the club. I was their hit man. I found it hard to believe as well until they put a gun in my hand, and I knew, like instantly it was mine, and that what they were saying was true. So I did this job, except this job had cracks, cracks where I was the hit. I knew it, I had my suspicions. They wanted to test my loyalty. Four members of a rival club had caught me before I realized it was a setup. I never get set up now, I am that good. I make so much money for that club that when they lose me, they will lose all the benefits that come with me.”
“They knew you then?” They had to have known. To know what he did, to get him to do what he used to do.
“They must have. Anyway… this club kept me in a bathroom for days, tied me to the shower rods and tortured me. I didn’t once say anything, and it annoyed them. On the last day, one guy came in with a small pocket knife, and he reopened my scar from the gunshot wound to my back. He then untied me, dropped me to the floor and walked out. He made a mistake.”
“Don’t tell me.”
“You wanted to know, this is part of it… he didn’t know me, didn’t know what I was capable of. He thought I was too tired, too worn out to move. I stood, my feet were just able to hold me up. One of the days of the torture, I had a careless man. He tucked his gun into his boots, boots that were inches from me, I grabbed it and had been hiding it in the cabinet ever since. So I retrieved the gun and opened the door. Five men stood there, they heard the door open, they didn’t get a chance to do anything. I shot every one of them, then I collapsed on the floor. That’s when she found me again, bleeding out.”
“She was your savior?”
“No, she was the queen in a game of chess. One who fucked with the wrong person.”
“What did you do next?”
“I healed. The club trusted me. I killed for them, but I never fully trusted them. Always there was something eating away at me. Then there was you. I didn’t know who you were, but there were times when I was out with her. I would see a blonde with a kid, and I would stare. She’d notice this and pull me from it. But I always looked, and I always looked for those eyes.” He looks at me for the first time, his green eyes staring into my blue ones.
“My eyes?”
“That’s the reason I fucked her, let her around me, and believed her. It was her eyes, the blue in them, the crystal blue.”
“She loved you?”
“She said she did.”
“She did.” He’s not someone you fuck once and not want again. You come back, again, again and again.
I wake with a body draped over me, it’s a small body, but the heat it produces is crazy hot. Liam is lying on my chest, the sheet still firmly over me thankfully. Rose is awake, and watching us.
“He sneaks into my bed early in the morning,” she explains, looking back to him, then to me. My ribs hurt, the pressure he puts on them makes the pain worse when I breathe.
“Tell me what happened last night,” she asks.
“Move him first.”
“No, after you tell me.”
“I met up with a friend, that friend wasn’t impressed about Savannah.” That’s putting it mildly. Grover still doesn’t know, and it will stay that way till I’m ready. Kane came to my house last night, the one Jake was at. I didn’t think Kane would be a threat, then he saw her body. He found it where I hid it, and I was a minute to slow for him. He kicked me to the ground, then kicked me in the face. Jake pulled him off, but Kane produced a gun. His jaw was clenched, his teeth bared. His eyes kept on falling on Savannah’s, then to me. I had to shoot him… had to kill him. He needed to die.
“You!” he basically spat at me. I didn't understand what he was talking about until I saw her body, it was locked away, hidden until I could rid it. He grabbed me when I wasn’t looking, his hand pulling my collar, kicking my knees out from under me. His boots started to assault me, I could feel the bruises straight away, knew it was going to leave a mark, then he was pulled off, his kicking still frantic. He swiveled in Jake’s grip, moved fast and produced a gun. It was aimed at me, his teeth were bared, he was furious, the woman he loved but never had, was dead, and he knew exactly who did it. Jake reached for his gun tucked away in his pants, he was too slow, though, because just as Kane turns, his eyes not trained on me, my gun is produced, shooting him dead between the eyes.
“Oh God,” she says, knowing exactly what I’m talking about. She stands and I notice the shirt she’s wearing. It isn’t hers, it’s a long and white-buttoned shirt. She looks sexy as fuck in it.
“Turn around,” I say. She’s just about to pick him up and gives me an odd look and turns. “Now bend over.”
Her head swivels back to me. “Not happening.” She turns and picks the kid up from my chest, and a weight is lifted, and it’s easier to breathe. I manage to stand after she leaves with Liam, the pain no worse than it was last night.
“I love your ass.” Rose’s voice comes from behind me. I turn to face her, her eyes now taking me in all.
“I think it’s unfair for one to look and not the other,” I say reaching for a button on her shirt, she shakes her head and steps back.
“Do you love me, Liam Black?”
“What’s love, Rose?”
“I’ve had this conversation with you before.” She smirks walking past me. Shutting the conversation off as she steps into the bathroom.
The kids are all at the table when I walk out, also with them is Jake. He looks at me and smirks and turns his head back to what Liam’s saying. Isabelle pulls a seat out for me to sit in and I watch this already made family talk and laugh around the table. I watch as Liam tells Jake about how he picked a bug up from outside and now it’s not moving in his container in his room. I watch as Hayden talks to Isabelle and they smile at some small talk about school.
It’s all too much, it’s like I’m an intruder. Too much of this is on my face right now. I have to extract myself. The chair almost falls backward and instantly heads all turn to me when I stand. I walk to the door and open it and stop automatically when a man stands there dressed in a police uniform. He paled, raising a hand to cover his mouth when he sees me. He looks behind me, then back to me.
“They couldn’t keep you down, could they?” I don’t like him. “Five years and you decide to come back now?” he asks with a smile.
“Robbie,” Rose says walking up behind me, my body is blocking her from getting to him. She places a soft hand on my hip, in an attempt to move me, but it doesn’t work. I stay where I am, his mouth curls up into a huge smile of happiness when he sees her. Then disappears into a sour frown when he sees her hand.
“I came by to drop the kids off on my way to work. You have that big meeting today,” he says, not looking at me. Fake.
“Oh my God, you’re a life saver. I’m late as it is.” She pushes me out of the way, then leans forward and wraps her hands around his neck hugging him tight. He looks at me the whole time he does, then closes his eyes and hugs her tightly.
Death.
“Hey man,” Jake says when Rose lets go. Friends are what they are.
I lied to her last night, I could have easily stayed at my house. I didn’t, I wanted her, I wanted to be around her. She pulls me in, without even knowing.
I went back to my house, it’s empty, quiet. I like it, but I miss her. Miss—what a foreign word for me. Miss? I don’t miss anyone, let alone want anyone. I am a father, another word that should never ever leave my mouth. I don’t do kids. Kids and me in the same sentence equal disaster. She seems to think otherwise.
How do you love someone, when you don’t know how?
How do you leave someone, when you can’t?
I should leave, she’s been through enough. Her eyes tell me so, her h
eart tells me so. But I’m addicted from a small taste, wildly addicted, and I want more—more of her, all of her.
I’m not even there one hour when he comes knocking on the door, I knew he would.
“You won’t tell her,” is all he says, his hand on a gun.
“I won’t?” I question him and he laughs.
“You don’t have a hold of her anymore, Black. She won’t believe you anyway.”
“She won’t?” I toy with him again. He takes a step further into my house.
“You won’t like what will happen if you do.” I smile at him, his eyes twitch. “She may love you, but she’s learned to live without you, Black.”
“Has she? Or has she just been surviving?”
“You won’t like the outcome, Black,” he says as he turns to leave.
My mother has taken the kids, she knows I want to spend as much time as possible with him. I want him to remember, remember me. The things we’ve been through, the life-shattering moments that have happened between us. He needs to remember. I can’t remember it all by myself, someone else needs this burden that I carry.
He’s in the same position he was in the first time I walked into his house all those years ago. He’s at the stove, and the only thing he has on is a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Rose,” he says, and it makes me smile. My name coming from those lips.
“Liam,” I retort back to him.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?”
He turns so he’s facing me, his back up against the kitchen bench. “Just wanted to stop by, you ran out fast this morning.”
“I’m glad you did.”
He descends on me, it’s like a tiger eyeing his prey. Am I ready for what he can give me? His hand wraps around my wrist, I look down to his large hand, thinking about what damage those hands do. His ribs are purple with color, his lip has a slight cut to it. All the bad he carries, and I still want him. When I know I shouldn’t.
“Stay,” he says, his breath near my ear. I nod my head, unable to form any words. His free hand touches my chin, lifting it up and he slowly moves to my lips. He feather kisses me in each corner of my lips, then the center. He lets go while he kisses me, moving his hands to the back of my dress. I hear him unzip it. I freeze, he hasn’t seen this body, this broken and scared body and he notices.
“Don’t be afraid, you’ll like what I do,” he says against my lips. I have no doubt I would like everything he does, but will he still like me when he sees?
My dress drops to the ground, I’m left in a red bra and panties. He smirks and whispers, “Red.” His name for me when he didn’t know. My stomach is now exposed, my stretch marks now on display, as well as the scar, a scar from a night of horror. He runs his fingertips across my scars, then drops the sides of my bra. I unhook it with shaky hands—I’m afraid.
He stops moving when he sees, his eyes zooming in on my breast. My nipples completely scarred, from a man who’s now in hell. His face is anger, and I stop breathing, then he picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. I grip onto him, I never want him to let me go… never.
I feel the silk of his sheets when he lays me down. He removes his towel, unafraid of his body, then he looks down at me and smirks. I hear my heart pitter patter harder. Little things he does make my heart beat hard.
“I don’t deserve you,” he says with a dull voice. “But I’m taking you.” He leans forward grabs my legs and pulls them apart harshly, spreading me. He reaches up and rips my panties off exposing me to him. He kisses up my thigh, slow, soft kisses then his mouth teases my entrance, then licks his way up to a place that hasn’t been touched in years. I shiver, my body breaking out in goosebumps.
Torture, that’s what he does, torture me. He gets me shaky, then his mouth moves down, away from that spot that makes you scream. His tongue drags itself, down, then back up. My hands are clinging to the pillow behind my head, my legs are shaking. He does this, on repeat. Until I come, and I can’t handle it anymore and I close my legs. Forcing him up, he lifts up on his hands, his head now in viewing pleasure. He smirks when he sees me, and that’s it. I don’t care what I look like, I don’t care that I’m so scared that I still have nightmares of that night. He doesn’t see it, all he sees is me. And only me, and right now, he’s all I see.
His body covers mine, he kisses my broken body. The one with the scars. He kisses my nipples so tenderly that I push his head down more to be rougher, he isn’t a soft man, and I don’t need him to be. I feel him then, inches away from where I need him. I push forward, he pushes backward teasing me. One touch, then it’s gone. The need is so great, I can’t take the pressure anymore. I push his shoulders backward, forcing him to the side of the bed so he’s on my side, then climbing on top of him. He looks surprised, I am too. Except in this moment, I don’t care.
“You want control?” he asks, grabbing my hips as I sit on him, his cock inches away. I don’t answer, instead grabbing him with one hand, positioning myself, then I lower. His eyes close for a second, then they’re straight back to me.
The world fades, it does this when I’m with him. I don’t understand it. He makes everything disappear. All I see is him, all I’ve ever seen is him. Why must I be so vulnerable to him? Why must I need him with a vengeance?
Something I will never understand.
He grabs me roughly, flipping me. I’m seconds away, I can feel it, but he isn’t. He doesn’t want to stop. He grabs my legs, pulling them straight up into the air. His green eyes on me, he fucks me hard, he takes no prisoners. I come, then he fucks me even harder.
I can’t move, it’s impossible. It’s been so long since I’ve had that. Had the need of him filled to an extent that it’s non-existent?
“Liam,” I say as he lies next to me on his bed, one I haven’t been in many times. I always slept on the floor, or in the spare room. It's odd. I turn my head to face him, he’s staring at the ceiling.
“Yes, Rose.”
“Don’t leave me again.”
He turns now so he’s looking at me. His face hard in thought. “You may wish I do leave.” I shake my head, no, not possible. “Did I love you, Rose?”
This time, it’s my turn to turn my head away. What a question.
“You didn’t know what love was, though…” I don’t finish the sentence.
He sits up and looks down at me. “You loved me, of that I am sure.”
“How could I love you, if I didn’t understand it?”
“Do you understand it now?”
“Love is the word to make people feel better. People throw the word around, they don’t get it. I don’t understand it.”
“I understand it,” I say. I do, I thoroughly understand it. I’ve had my heart torn and broken. He did that. I’ve had it healed, just slightly, enough to live, through my children.
“I’m bad, I don’t have the good, the bad and the ugly attributes—I am plain and simply, bad. You want your children around that?” His child, he didn’t say that. I want to point that out. I sit up, grab my clothes and start getting dressed.
“I know what you are doing. Stop it.”
He cocks his head to the side as he watches me. “Please enlighten me.”
“I know you, Liam Black.” My face is in his face, I can feel his breath on my lips. “I know how you act, how you see things. You’re not bad. Well, actually, you are. Just not to those you love. You have no problem taking a life, especially if someone pays you. You do that because that’s all you know, but do you want to know something? I’m also all you know, I’m the person that will bring you back, the person that will be there, even when you torture someone because they hurt me. I am that person. So don’t you ask if I want you around our children. You would kill someone, no one could stop you if someone had hurt our children. You’re ruthless, but under all that, there’s something that nobody else has, and you have it. And fuck, some people are only lucky to see it.”
“Do you see me, Rose?”
&n
bsp; “I see you, Liam Black. Do you see me?”
“I fucking see you like a freight train, and it’s going to fucking hurt, isn’t it?”
“It is, Liam. The best hurt you have had in a long time.”
Time.
It’s a fickle thing isn’t it?
People either want it to go fast or people want to slow it down.
I want to pause it.
I know what’s to come.
I know I have to do it.
But at this moment, with her, I want it to pause and never move.
Her head turns to face me, she places her phone on the bench, smiles softly, her beautiful pink lips are plump. I want them.
“I’m leaving today…” Un-pause, and her smiles drops. “I have to go back.”
“You don’t.” Her head shakes, she’s telling me no. She doesn’t want me to leave. I have to. Things have to be done, and only I can do them.
Payback.
“Why?”
“They stole my life. I’m going to steal theirs.”
“Don’t go, Liam. Please don’t go, I will beg you.”
“You can’t change my mind, I have to.”
“I’m leaving, if you decide to not go on your witch hunt, you know where to find me.” I watch as she collects her things, and she rushes to the door.
“Rose.” She turns back to look at me.
“Don’t trust, Robbie.”
She shakes her head at me. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Liam Black. Remember that.” Then she slams the door as she leaves. Leaving me in a house that holds so many memories.
The closet in my room is full of black clothing and white undershirts. They fit perfectly like no time has passed.
She thinks I could be good, or am good. I am not, and she’s about to find out just how bad I really am.
