Silver had been Mutt’s partner in crime and part-time lover. They hadn’t ever become an official item, although everyone always knew they were together. They’d been inseparable until death. Silver hadn’t wanted to stick around.
Selene couldn’t blame her. They’d both seen the way the world would end, had watched every step of the way, and Mutt was the only one who could forgive her. Silver… Silver had hated her and was convinced Selene couldn’t be saved.
Instead of remaining with the others, and allowing Selene to collect her soul, Silver had asked a favor. Turning her soulstone to dust had felt like ripping out her own heart, but Selene had managed.
Mutt cleared her throat. “I’d want to be beside her whether she was alive or not, whether she remembered me or not. I would want to see her grow and love and live. Even if that meant I wasn’t at her side to do all those things with her.”
God, the words stung, but they were the right ones for Selene to hear.
She swung her legs and nodded. “Okay then. I’ll take the risk.”
“I know you’ll make the right decision.”
But she hadn’t so many times before. Selene didn’t understand her friend’s blind faith in her. Together, they watched the sun rise, and Selene planned how in the world she was going to see him again.
She shouldn’t, but she couldn’t stay away.
6
Ah, distinctly I remember it was
in the bleak December;
And each separate dying ember
wrought its ghost upon the floor.
~ Edgar Allan Poe
Years later, Selene stood in the back of the school auditorium, wondering how the hell she’d walked into the front door and no one had stopped her. There should be some kind of guard. This was where their future was held every day of every week, and the end of the world had actually happened.
But the school had suffered less than the other buildings. Unlike the hospital, there were still walls standing here and relative cleanliness. Sure, the windows had burst out and the doors stuck a little bit, but that was better than the hospital which was cleaved clear in two.
Perhaps that was because most of the powerful creatures, gods, and goddesses hadn’t wanted to target children. Even they had a moral compass and that included the people in this building now.
Education was important. Their future was important, no matter that there might not be one. Children deserved a fighting chance.
They’d set up a hodgepodge of chairs in the auditorium, all pointed toward a stage which had seen better days. There were hooks in the ceiling where there had once been a curtain to pull, but those had long since burned down. There were still a few scorch marks on the ceiling someone hadn’t painted over. None of the chairs on the floor matched, but she could see the love in the building bright and clear.
Someone had taken the time to lovingly nurse this building back together. And it was moments like this that reminded her why she’d stopped all her hopes and dreams.
Seated in the back row was the man who had shattered her heart into a million pieces. Ronin’s dark hair gleamed in the dim light, even when they turned all the overhead lights off and a spotlight appeared on the stage. He stood out among all the rest. Perhaps not because he glowed in the darkness, but because he became a part of it.
He wasn’t sitting next to his wife. She sat in the front row with another woman, their heads bowed together as they spoke quickly before the show started. A little girl launched herself on stage, a tutu bouncing as she shivered in fear, staring at the audience.
Selene knew that feeling. She’d always hated standing in front of crowds, but not because she was afraid of the people. She’d been ugly and people didn’t want anything to do with her. That was why she’d always been so afraid.
Shaking off those memories, she told herself she could do this. This was what she had wanted to do for so long, and now could finally do it.
Mutt was right. She could be a part of his life as long as it was in small doses. Then, neither of them would be able to break any of the rules she’d put in place.
She scanned the audience one more time to make sure there weren’t any other gods here who would interfere. Convinced she was the only one, Selene grabbed one of the extra chairs, quietly moved it next to Ronin where he sat on the end of the row, and sank onto the cold metal.
He didn’t look at her for a moment. His eyes were fixated on the stage, but he wasn’t really watching the children. Selene could pick out a person pensively staring off into the distance from a mile away. He didn’t even recognize her until his eyes flicked at her movement halfway through the play.
“It’s you,” he whispered, dark eyes narrowing even further.
What did she say to that? Of course it was her, but she couldn’t tell him that she’d been watching his family grow and develop until she finally couldn’t stay away any longer. She couldn’t say it looked like he was having trouble with his wife, but that this was the only time he’d really been alone in a crowd, and that she wasn’t trying to take advantage of that. At least, she thought she wasn’t.
So instead, Selene just nodded. “It’s me.”
“Why do you always seem to show up during the strangest times?” he asked. “It’s always as if you know I’m suffering.”
“You aren’t suffering.”
“It feels like it.”
God, he wasn’t the same person anymore. Ronin had known what suffering felt like. He’d been dragged through the dirt and mud so many times in his life he knew what hatred tasted like and fed it with a silver spoon down the throats of those he hated in return. But he hadn’t ever thought suffering was something like emotional distress. He’d always known what it really meant.
She shifted uncomfortably under his stare and nodded at the stage. “Your daughter?”
“She’s grown quite a bit since the last time you saw her.” He looked back on stage and pointed at a little girl with blonde hair that didn’t look a thing like him. Maybe the eyes, but she thought she looked a little more like the mother than the dark-haired man beside her.
“Yes, she has. She’s beautiful... James.”
He shook his head ruefully and grinned. “You know, even after all the times I’ve thought of you, I can’t remember your name. It’s not that I don’t want to, but it’s like it slips out of my memory as soon as you disappear from my life. It’s like a fish I cannot grasp fully.”
Of course it was. She’d made it that way so long ago to make sure he never met someone on the street with her same name and remembered everything that had started all these problems in the first place.
Selene shrugged. “I’m an easy person to forget.”
“You aren’t,” he corrected. His voice raised enough that the person beside him elbowed his side. Ronin turned to apologize before he leaned closer to her. So close she could feel his breath on the unmarred side of her neck. “Trust me, you aren’t an easy person to forget in the slightest.”
She shouldn’t take that as a compliment, but it felt like maybe, just maybe, it was. Her cheeks burned, and she was glad for the darkness that hid the way he affected her. It wasn’t healthy to be here, but she was so incandescently happy that she didn’t know what to do.
“Why aren’t you sitting with your wife?” she asked. “The last time I saw you, love burst out of you like a shield.”
“It’s… complicated,” he sighed. Rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, he stared over to where his wife sat and then asked, “Can we go somewhere else to talk?”
“I think we’re fine here.”
“We’re disturbing people who want to watch their children in the play and I…” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t ask this, but I want to talk to you. I think I need to talk to you.”
Selene knew this was trouble. She shouldn’t be alone with him. That would be the start of something that she couldn’t pull back from. But Mutt was right. She was stronger than this, and if he needed to talk, the
n she would guide him through this life just to make sure that he was happy.
And happy was with her. His wife. Not Selene.
Still, she nodded, stood when he did, and followed him out of the auditorium into the hallway beyond. It used to be lined with lockers, stuffed full of children’s school supplies. But those had long been ripped from the walls, leaving this building barren and echoing.
Ronin strode far enough away that no one would disturb them, then leaned against a wall and tucked his hands into his pants pockets. “You know that little girl isn’t my child, right?”
“Why would I know that?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. You’ve just always seemed like some kind of guardian angel, and I thought…maybe you knew everything already.”
“I don’t.”
“Ah, well. She’s not mine. She doesn’t look like me, talk like me, act like me. I knew the moment I first saw her that she wasn’t mine.” He touched a hand to his head. “Black hair runs strong when it comes to genetics. I have dark eyes, too, and she didn’t get either of them.”
“Sometimes children don’t look like their parents.”
“And sometimes their parents cheat.”
This wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have with him. His wife had been his everything, and she hated to see this strain in his eyes. The Ronin she knew would have beheaded her for the betrayal and moved on. How many times had he told her the world was filled with nine billion people? Before the two of them had come along at least. There were plenty of fish in the sea, and not enough time to experience them all?
She shrugged. “Does that really matter?”
“What?” He looked up from the floor into her eyes, startled. “How can you even say that? That’s not my child.”
“Did you raise her?”
“Of course I did. I’m not a monster. I couldn’t kick her and her mother out with no place to go. She was just a baby, and my wife can’t support herself. This is too hard of a world for a single mother to make it. I don’t want to… I can’t even say it. They’re alive because they’re with me, and because together we make a good unit for Anna to live.”
“Anna,” Selene repeated. “Your daughter’s name?”
He nodded.
“Well, it seems to me that you were the one who raised Anna. Your wife has never made any mention of any other man because, in her mind, he isn’t her father. You are. You raised that little girl, bandaged her knees, got her in school, took care of her every step of the way. That’s your daughter, James.”
She wanted to shout at him for even considering that she wasn’t. She hadn’t stopped the end of the world, hadn’t ripped all his power away, for him to feel like this wasn’t the life he wanted. He was ungrateful, even though he hadn’t known what she’d done.
That anger burned so much in her chest that the soulstone in her pocket whined. She didn’t need to fly off the handle in the middle of a school. Emotions like that ended badly for everyone.
James eyed her, his dark gaze seeing through her cool exterior like it always had. “You’re angry with me.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
That inquisitive nature had gotten him in so much trouble. She bit her tongue hard enough that a spike of pain rocketed through her mind. Don’t say something foolish, she told herself. Instead, she shrugged. “I wasn’t exactly liked when I was a child by my own parents. I’ve got a soft spot for kids.”
“Is that why you’re here? For my daughter?”
“No,” she replied quietly. God, she was treading on dangerous waters. She shouldn’t be here. He needed to be with his family, get his shit together. Still, words trickled out of her mouth. “I’m here for you.”
Ronin blew out a long, calculated breath. “But only as a guardian?”
She was so much more than that. She was an avenging angel who’d crushed his enemies beneath her heel. A monster exhumed from a grave long forgotten to tear apart the world with her claws, anger, and remorse. The woman who had loved him without limits, only to realize her own passion and desire would never be enough.
But then again, he’d always walked through the world like a saint in a church while the ground burned the soles of her feet.
“You and I aren’t meant to be together in any other way,” she finally whispered. The words rang over and over in her head, a reminder that happiness like a child and a family wasn’t for them. “I’m sorry.”
“No. No, there’s no need to apologize. I’m just…confused is all. I always thought you were something more than someone here to help guide me, but I think it all makes sense now.”
“Does it?”
He nodded. “You’re here to make sure I don’t mess up. To make sure I end up in a good place by the end of all this. Aren’t you?”
That was one way to think of it, although he wasn’t exactly correct. But she’d collect his soul. The human soul underneath all those layers of darkness was still pure and bright and glowing with so much purity that it made her eyes burn if she looked.
For all the death and darkness Ronin had caused, it wasn’t really him. There was still light left in him.
So Selene just nodded and smiled. The skin of her right eye pulled tight, uncomfortable as the new expression stretched her scarred skin. “You could look at it that way.”
“You think I should apologize to my wife?”
“I think you should talk to her. You should take the time to explain how you’re feeling, actually listen to her when she tells you how she’s feeling, and then see where you both stand. You can’t keep something alive if it wants to die.” Of all the people in the world, she knew what that was like. Selene shrugged. “But if it was meant to live, then it will survive. All you have to do is give it room to bloom again.”
“That makes sense.” Ronin rubbed the back of his neck with a hand and awkwardly glanced her way. “Shall we go back to the play?”
“Is your daughter better than the other ballerinas or just about the same?”
A blush stained his cheeks. “I’ve been practicing with her, actually. I’d say she’s a little better, because I’ve been her partner this whole time. It helps to have someone dancing with you.”
Of course he was a good father as well. Selene nodded down the hall and trailed behind him as they both made their way back into the auditorium. She eyed Ronin’s wife, but the other woman didn’t turn around. She either hadn’t noticed her husband was gone, or didn’t care.
If she were a Trickster, Selene might have tried to understand the woman’s thinking. She’d have spent the time to feast off the inner turmoil that flowed in her veins. As it was, Selene simply felt the sadness in the air and wondered how long it would take for such sadness to consume her. Hopefully, it never would.
For all that she loved the man beside her, she wanted him to be happy. And that other woman made him happy.
She settled into the chair next to Ronin, resolved to watch the little girls dance. They were all painfully cute. Never once in her life had she thought she’d have a chance for a child to share her life. Selene was too dangerous for children, and she didn’t really like them until recently. Now, she watched the little cherubic angels dancing on stage and wondered why she’d been so opposed.
Their paper angel wings flashed in the light. Pure joy danced on their features, moving faster and faster as they all spun in circles. This was what life was meant to be. This was what Ronin had fed upon every chance he could, even now, when he didn’t remember who he was.
Life. Pure and effervescent and so damned glorious it made her eyes burn.
A pinky touched hers. The movement grazed her so lightly for a moment, she was convinced she’d made it up in her head. He wouldn’t touch her. Not when there was so much at risk, and she was like…this.
But then it came again. A light slide of skin against skin and he was just as warm as she remembered. Heat, unbound by any meaning behind the movement other than honesty.
Selene let her eyes drift shut and wrapped her pinky around his. An innocent touch, she reminded herself. Just one, to keep with her through the long century of his life. Just one, until she could close her eyes and dream of the old days when her life had been good.
Just two fingers linked them together, but for her, they were the world.
7
The death of a beautiful woman is, unquestionably,
the most poetical topic in the world.
~ Edgar Allan Poe
Selene stood in the center of her crumbling home, head tilted back as she let rays of sunlight play across her features. After all this time following in Ronin’s footsteps, she felt full near to bursting.
It wasn’t the souls she’d collected this time, but memories of a family she’d never had. A little girl learning baseball for the first time. A husband and wife gathering vegetables in their garden, sneaking glances over their little girl who rolled in the mud with their new puppy. A home that wasn’t exactly new, but it was theirs and no one else’s.
All these memories that weren’t even hers, but his. Memories that she’d been able to give him, because she was the only person who could have stopped him. And she had.
Pure happiness filled her chest until she didn’t know what to do with the emotions. Should she release them into the world? Could other people contain such happiness when it already made a goddess feel like she might lift up into the air and take flight?
“Well,” a deep voice interrupted her reverie. “This is where you’ve been hiding. And here I was thinking you were dead.”
“Go away, Jack,” Selene muttered under her breath. “Don’t ruin this for me.”
“Is that…happiness I smell?” His footsteps moved in front of her, twigs crunching under his feet. “It’s an utterly disgusting smell. Stop it, right now.”
“Why?”
“It’s revolting.”
“Perhaps you should try it sometime. You might realize what you’ve been missing.”
Shadows and Sorcery: A Collection of Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Romance Novels Page 116
