“You actually felt like this?” He asked as he turned to face me.
Oh no! He got to the embarrassing parts about how I felt about myself as a teenager. Stomping over to him, a heavy frown my lips wrinkled tightly together I grabbed the diary away from him to glance down to see where he was. Yes, I was a teenager here. The part where the parents had told my mother to keep her freak of a daughter away from their precious ones.
I showed them. I pretended to do a spell and scared the crap out of parents and kids alike. It worked. Mom and I had laughed. Laughed our asses off. But I had stayed away after that. Been home schooled after she got home from work.
“Don’t you see how beautiful you are?” Huffing a half laugh at his ridiculousness. Beautiful was not a word I ever used for myself. “Don’t you see why Lucifer wanted you so much?”
“He wanted me for my powers, as I develop them. To steal them from me somehow. He’s surrounded by beautiful angels. Really gorgeous. Not like me.” Yes, I admit it. I still had issues about myself.
Caine rose to his feet, stalking me, as dissatisfaction furrowed his brow at what I had said. I took a step back and hit my dresser. Not that I was afraid of Caine. No. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me but I would dislike what his honesty would relate.
He pressed me back against my dresser the heat from his body raising a furnace inside mine. Flipping me around fast until I faced my mirror he gritted out, “look at yourself. Look at yourself with new eyes. Eyes that see the true you.”
I did what he asked and stared at myself trying to see me as he did. Yes, I agreed my face was kind of pretty but my black hair had an odd shade of blue to it. Yes, I’ve been seeing women walking around with my shade of blue in it. Huh. They paid a lot of money for it. When I was out, I was constantly being asked where I got my hair done. My hair was also plain ass straight. No curl ever. Limp. Thick but straight.
Turning to Caine, tired of this game he was playing with me I opened my mouth to protest but he beat me to it. “I see a beautiful, tall woman with gorgeous thick soft hair.” His hand stroked my hair pulling it between his fingers. Stroking the strands as they caught on the calluses on his fingertips.
My mouth was still open but a gasp escaped instead of the protest I had planned. This was damn erotic to me and my brain was short circuiting.
“Your beautiful gray eyes so light as if the sun was shining out of them.”
His fingers travelled from the outside corners of my eyes to my mouth where he traced my lips to the seam of them until my lips opened with another gasp, devoid of speech. Caine leaned forward pressing his lips to mine, his tongue seeking entrance and I opened for him. His tongue sought mine like a heat seeking missile, our heat mingling.
Drawing away from me he turned me to face the mirror again. “Now do you see how I see you?” Caine murmured into my ear his breath making strands of my hair flutter.
His hands stroked down my throat to my chest and settled there, his dark hands against my pale skin. Beautiful contrasts.
Trying to concentrate on how a man would see me I studied myself with a new eye. My pale skin glowed with a pink flush brightening my cheeks that needed no rouge. Probably from his teasing. My hair had almost dried and I could see it wasn’t as limp as I thought. There was bounce to the straight strands. Maybe I wasn’t as plain as I had imagined myself.
I turned to Caine to tell him he was right for once when a knock on my door interrupted me. “Come in.” I called.
The door opened to reveal my mother, her face botched and tear streaked. I immediately felt beyond guilty for not hurrying and going to comfort her. Selfish I was to concentrate on the way Caine was making me feel.
“Mom! How are you doing? I just took my shower. How’s Ben?” I glanced quickly to Caine with a frowny face before rushing to my mother.
She shook her head her face beginning to crumple as her shoulders drooped. I wrapped my arms around her waist my hands rubbing her back as she sobbed against my shoulder. “Mom did you sleep at all?”
My chest tightened as panic began to settle and I glanced frantically at Caine for help. He leaned down to ask Mom, “have you slept at all?”
Mom shook her head as she sobbed and her breathing hitched unable to speak. Caine glanced to me his eyes widening in question. “Can you help?” I mouthed to him.
He nodded reluctantly taking his hand and brushing it against Mom’s sweaty forehead. He stroked his fingers lightly her bangs moved away from her face. Her eyes blinked closed in slow motion and she relaxed, her body becoming limp. Caine grabbed her before she hit the floor swinging her up into his arms, “where’s her room?”
“This way.” I skipped a couple steps to get a head of them so I could open the door before they got there.
Tearing the door open, the hinges protesting with a loud squealing sound letting them enter before I did. Caine gently set her on the bed as I threw the covers off so that Caine could move her to her spot where she slept. I didn’t want to remove her clothes because I wouldn’t be able to do it by myself and didn’t want Caine anywhere near a naked Mom. Ew.
Gently I placed the covers over her as Caine closed the gold drapes so the bright morning sunlight wouldn’t disturb her sleep.
Standing beside her bed I fluttered my hands, helpless, not knowing what else I could do. As I watched Mom, she grabbed her other pillow, curling her body and arms around as if she were hugging a person against her. Staring at her, tears still crept from underneath her closed eyelids a deep heartbroken sigh escaped her lips.
One of my hands drifted to my mouth as I shoved my fist inside forcing myself not to cry. I needed to be strong now. I needed to find out about a funeral and if Ben had been told his father was dead. Would he even understand the concept?
At a crawling pace I left the room continuously glancing behind me to make sure Mom was still asleep. Caine followed silent behind me. It was almost as if Caine was able to pass some of his strength to me by osmosis.
As we left the room his hand reached out to take mine into his and I clutched my fingers wrapping tight around his like a lifeline.
“What now?” He rumbled, holding our clasped hands in front of us. We walked down the short hallway, past the kitchen to the living room where we found Amy with Ben trying to amuse him.
“Paige.” Ben cried as he jumped up throwing a large picture book to the coffee table, the book bouncing, racing to me and throwing his arms about me jumping up and down violently in his excitement.
“Has anyone?” I asked as I jerked my head at Ben not finishing my sentence.
Amy shook her head no as a sadness overwhelmed me in its suddenness.
How was I supposed to go forward with this? Mom was mourning. Should I wait for her to tell him? Maybe I’d wait and see how things went. Tears pricked my eyes again my nose stuffing with the tears I couldn’t allow to fall and I sniffed hard forcing those tears to not fall.
Stepping forward, I watched as Ben and Amy began to play together. She had become such a God Send to us developing an almost more than teacher, student relationship. More than tutor. Almost family. Ben started reading again from his picture book. He had many difficulties to overcome in his life to come. But he seemed to do well with Amy. I didn’t know if it was her empathy as Angel of Love or her own empathy.
“And. Jason. Ran. With. The. Ball.” Ben read, “see I read the whole sentence myself!”
His joy in his accomplishment was inspiring as he bounced his growing body on the worn cushions of our old sofa the spring creaking in protest of the punishment they were receiving. The advancement he’d made in the past couple of months was astounding. And my being in hell during this time was upsetting to me. I could kill Lucifer for making me miss this time in Ben’s life.
His arms reached out to grab me into one of his bear hugs. He was an affectionate boy. “I’m so happy for you Ben! You’re so smart.”
I was so proud of him. Tears prickled at the backs of my eyes and I sniffed trying to h
old them in. If I cried it would upset Ben. He didn’t understand tears of joy. As I held Ben back by his shoulders, I was amazed at how tall he was already. He was as tall as I was. When did that happen?
An arm snaked its way around my waist startling me. I wasn’t expecting Caine to show this much public affection. Amazed again that he appeared to care for me I glanced up at him. What greater my eyes was his strong jaw with a dark stubble and high cheekbones that complemented his large dark brown eyes and dark dreadlocks that tumbled over his shoulders and back. Everything about him screamed strength and honesty.
My attention rested on Ben again and the happy grin that spread wide his mouth. “You are reading so well Benny.”
“Where’s Mom?” Was one question I had been dreading from him.
“She’s…um…went to bed early. She was tired. So, you have the three of us tonight. Okay?” Hopeful that he would be all right with my answer. I hated lying to him but I don’t think he would understand the answer. I tried on Mom’s face when she was serious about something. I wasn’t completely sure about his ability to understand death.
He nodded eagerly, “I’m hungry.”
This was something I could take care of. “What do you want to eat tonight Ben?”
Glancing toward Amy she nodded in agreement at this distraction.
“Spaghetti.” He said the words so proudly. I ran my hand over the top of his black curls rubbing his head violently messing his hair up. He raised his hands over his head flapping me away laughing gaily.
“Spaghetti and meat sauce? We have meatballs in the freezer. Homemade. Mom made ‘em.”
“Mom’s?” His face was light with hope. Ben knew I wasn’t much of a cook.
I gave his arm the lightest of taps in fun. The two of them, Mom and Ben always teased me about my cooking skills.
“Come on Benny. Want to help?” I encouraged him to help me whenever I could. Bring him out of his shell. Sometimes it worked, others not so much. He was homeschooling sometimes and sometimes went to public school. On good days. There were quite a few autistic kids in our school system so they had their own classroom.
“Hm. Maybe we should come help. Sounds like some is needed.” Amy added, a mischievous smile touching the edges of her mouth. “Dad and I are pretty good.”
“You are?” My shock was unescapable. Caine could cook? Would wonders never cease.
“Heh. We’re a pretty good team. Why don’t you two sit and watch TV or something. We’ll make you a stupendous dinner with your frozen meatballs.” Not being able to help myself I stepped onto my tiptoes and pecked at Caine’s scruffy cheek with a kiss.
“What do you think Buddy? Should we let them do all the work?” Turning my upper body in Ben’s direction I gave him my most outlandish wink.
He laughed and held his hands up, “no. No. Want to help.”
“You want to abandon me Ben?” My voice held fake outrage that made him laugh even more and he bent down at the waist bellowing his joy. This was what eased my mind slightly. Ben had grown so much but sorrow was a close second. But it was thanks to his father. Being around Devlin had helped him so much and all I could do was hope he wouldn’t fall back now.
Caine placed his arm around Ben’s shoulders encouraging the young boy’s wanting to help. “Come on Ben. The two of us will take care of dinner. We’ll show those girls. Right?”
Ben nodded his head so enthusiastically he almost looked like a bobble head.
It was Caine’s turn to wink at Amy and me as he began to lead Ben out of the room and in the direction of the kitchen.
Throwing my head and spine back into a stretch that made joints audibly pop, I straightened placing my hands over my mouth and scrunched my eyes shut tight, I shouted into the palms of my hands against my mouth. I knew Amy wouldn’t care and by the way she bent over at the waist laughing at me I knew it to be true. Beyond stressed I want sure how much more I could handle. How did someone take care of an angel funeral? Was there such a thing?
As if to answer my question a form popped into being next to me. Jumping at the sight of Michael standing beside me his wings outstretched reaching from one wall to the other. Amy ran other gripping his shoulders in her hands, her arms reaching around to hug him.
The affection surprised me as well as the stumbling footsteps coming from the hall. The three of us turned to look in the open room to see my mother holding both walls as if they could hold her up as she stumbled her face haggard. Deep shadows under her eyes, lines making her appear older than her forty-five years.
Jerking forward as if strings pulled me like a marionette, I ran to her asking, “Mom are you all right? Why are you up already?”
Her previously bright dark gray eyes, like mine but dark like storm clouds with the sun shining through were faded like an eighty-year old woman. Her skin now dull not shiny with health and life, her shoulders rounded and slumped. I helped her over to our old sofa while the other two watched helpless, Michael’s arms went out his hands opening and closing as he watched sorrow etched deeply into his face.
Mom lifted her head to gaze around her realizing there were other people in the room until she saw Michael. She froze for a moment then launched herself at him screaming, “it’s you! He died because of you stupid angels! It’s your fault he’s gone!”
15
Weeping uncontrollably, she beat at his chest and shoulders her body bobbing with every sobbing breath she took. Her fingernails were out like claws scratching at his face and neck digging into the flesh so that it hung in strips blood flowing freely from the wounds. Good thing he was an angel and heal instantly from these non-life-threatening wounds. I tried to pull her away from him but her strength in her craziness was amazing. Michael shook his head at me letting Mom take out her loss and pain on his never-ending strength.
I had caught a glimpse of Amy’s auburn tresses as she scurried out of the room, I assume, to get Ben out of the house to not see his mother have a breakdown. It was bad enough for me but at least I was an adult and not a young boy with autism. I hoped they got him out the back way in time.
Standing helpless I watched until Mom was a sobbing mess kneeling on the old hardwood floor, her forehead touching her knees, her long black hair curtaining her face, before Michael. He reached down to help her up but she jerked her body away shaking her hair away from her tear-soaked face her death glare ready to kill.
“I’m sorry but there was nothing I could do. It was his time.” Michael consoled or tried to because Mom wasn’t about to have any of that.
She jumped to her feet almost as fast as someone my age shoving her face into his, her teeth bared in a snarl of fury. “You’re an Archangel. You can do anything!”
He shook his head in sorrow, “I can’t change the flow of life. I’m only an angel. God is the only one that can do that and he won’t. Everything has been planned since the beginning of time. Things must follow their path even if we don’t want them too.”
“Bullshit.” Mom stated flatly.
I stared and gapped never having heard her cuss before. We both stood and stared waiting for her next move Michael willing to take whatever she wanted to throw at him in her sorrow.
“We need to send him back to God.” Michael said as his eyes unfocused like he was listening to someone else.
“No, he needs to stay here with his children and teach them. Ben has been doing so well with his father being around.” Mom dropped to her knees before Michael her palms together in front of her as if in supplication.
He shook his head at her trying to grab her by her biceps to bring her back to her feet but she resisted. Pushing away at the hands trying to grip her she flailed her arms scooting back on her knees.
Horrified by the scene I was watching as if it were a sit com on our old-style tube television.
“Mom!” I protested, trying to get her to see reason. I think she was far enough into crazy zone to ignore me.
“Mom.” I repeated in a quieter tone that she
responded to as she lifted her head to stare a confused expression on her face.
I took her elbow in my hands helping get to her feet. Michael standing off to the side, a pensive look in his raised eyebrow and tilted her as he considered us like experiments to take apart and examine.
“Mom. Come on.” Leading her by the hand like I was caring for a child we followed Michael out of the house, past our dried-out lawn to the eerie silent streets that were now filled with eerie silent angels.
Shivering with the unease of the unknown I wrapped one arm about myself and the other about my mother's waist as we stopped, facing the multitude of angels.
Silent, Michael strode forward past us, past the other angels over to the spot where Dad had been murdered by Lucifer. Beyond hatred. Beyond revenge. All I could feel was the deepest sorrow I had ever felt in my life.
Michael marched on and I glanced around me, my mother, the angels and Caine falling in beside me his hand reaching out to hold mine between us, Ben on his other side and Amy next to him. The multitude of angels behind us.
Mom wept sobbing her grief into the hands she held over her face. Leading her trying to keep my eyes on where both of us were walking so neither of us would fall flat on our face. Which was a distinct possibility.
It didn’t take long to see Michael brought us to the spot where Dad had died. Stomping of thousands of boots filled my ears like thunder. Booming and deafening I raised both my hands to cover my ears slouching my head into my shoulders as I slipped my eyes around trying to take everything in at once.
Michael standing off the side by himself. Arms raised over his head with palms up and eyes closed, head bowed in prayer. As I glanced about me, I saw all the angels with heads bowed and eyes closed but the hands were folded in front of them. Even Caine, Amy and the other fallen angels I knew of.
“We are here to celebrate the long life of a fellow angel Devlin, The Angel of Deception.” Michael’s voice boomed out like he had a bull horn to carry his voice. My eyes flew over the surrounding angels as he spoke. Their lips moving silently and heads still bowed. A soft murmuring grew to a roar as silent lips moved.
Shadows and Sorcery: A Collection of Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Romance Novels Page 181
