by Gina Azzi
The only thing that matters is this moment.
This man.
Us.
“Nothing fits!” Zoe wails from inside her closet.
“I find that hard to believe given the number of dresses you’ve got hanging in there,” I call back.
“I didn’t go anywhere the last time I was pregnant.” She flutters back into the room, her face streaked with panic. “Harlow, I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Okay.” I know she’s serious by the panic in her eyes. “Relax. Just, take a breath and give me a minute. Here,” I pass over her phone, “call Charlie.”
Zoe blows out a deep breath and calls her best friend in New York. Charlie, with her quick wit and unrivaled humor, will have Zoe laughing in no time.
In the meantime, I make a few calls to the teams of designers I know will help Zoe – okay, fine, Eli – out in a pinch.
Fifteen minutes later, Zoe’s flushed skin has settled and she’s resting, her feet up, her eyes closed.
The moment I end my call, her eyes snap open and find mine.
“How’s Charlie?” I ask.
“She’s doing really great. I know she misses her mom and, obviously, me —”
“Obviously.”
“But New York has been a dream come true for her. She needed a change of scenery after everything sort of blew up between her and Evan.”
I wince, remembering just how fast the whirlwind between Charlie and Eli’s brother Evan began. And how quickly it burned out.
“Didn’t they break up a year ago?”
“Two,” Zoe confirms, holding up two fingers. “The year after was so awkward with them trying to avoid each other. Charlie was working on the renovations at Shooters and Evan was leaning on Eli and me a lot for childcare as he was so busy at work. Their paths constantly crisscrossed and they could barely make eye contact. It sucked big time. Kind of like when you and Connor fizzled out and you refused to set foot in Chicago.”
“I didn’t refuse to —”
“I had to beg you to come see us,” Zoe cuts me off, lifting a brow.
I tip my head toward her, ceding the point. “At least I can now make it up to you. Four gowns will be here within two hours.”
Zoe bolts upright, her hands flying to her baby bump, her mouth dropping open. All chat of Charlie and Evan is forgotten. “Seriously?”
“Yes! You are going to have a fabulous gown for the premiere.”
“Oh my God, Harlow, thank you.” Tears gather in Zoe’s eyes and I chuckle, knowing it’s partly relief and partly the raging hormones. “I seriously don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”
“You’re all good, Zo.”
Zoe sighs, settling back in the chair once more. Her gaze floats over me and she bites the corner of her mouth.
“Yes?” I inquire, knowing she’s desperate for the deets of my date with Connor.
“Are you seriously not going to tell me? After I lent you said closet?”
“Of course I’m going to tell you. I just thought we should put out this fire first.” I gesture toward her closet and lack of suitable premiere gowns.
“The fire is out.” She leans forward. “Tell me everything.”
“It was perfect.”
“Oh my God!” Zoe exclaims, clasping her hands to her chest. At the hopeful expression on her face, I smile and let myself revel into the swoony happiness of knowing that I am falling. Hard.
“I’m falling for him, Zo. For real,” I admit, cheesing like a cartoon character. “The date was so… it was everything.”
Zoe’s mouth falls open as she peers at me. “You’re blushing.”
“I know.”
She laughs. “I love it.”
“He brought me flowers.”
She gasps.
“And used Eli to make a reservation at a trendy little gastro-pub.”
“I had no idea Connor could be so…romantic. And on top of things.”
“I know,” I sigh. “It was really great. By the way, I may need to keep those shoes.”
She snickers, waving a hand at me. “They’re all yours.”
“You’re a true friend.”
“Don’t I know it.” She continues to watch me, her curiosity turning to concern.
“Now what?”
She wrings her hands once before dropping them to her lap. “He really cares about you, Harlow. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already fallen completely in love with you.”
The thought, coupled with memories of our date, fills me up with so many butterflies, so much hope, that I’m ready to burst at the seams. “I care about him too.”
“I know. You’ve cared for a really long time. Jesus, I remember talking about Connor when we were in the Seychelles for Dangerous Devils.”
I nod, picking at the threads of the carpet. Memories from several years ago flicker through my mind. I was so hung up on Connor that I couldn’t imagine ever finding love with someone who wasn’t him. Several months after the movie wrapped, I met Bryce. I fell hard, fast, and never looked back.
“It’s different now.” I shift my weight until my arms are behind me, supporting my seated position. The way I’m falling for Connor, everything about Connor… it’s nothing like it was with Bryce.
“Because of him or you?”
“Both.” I turn the ring in my nose, thinking of all the ways Connor and I have changed, grown, since I lamented our hook-ups with no commitment to Zoe in the Seychelles. “He suffered a big loss when he stopped fighting. My heart, well, my pride, was crushed by Bryce’s cheating. We’re more realistic now.”
“That makes sense. The past year has been really rough for Connor. Everything with his dad hit him really hard, and working at the gym has been both a salvation and a curse.”
I nod. Connor’s financial burdens flicker in my mind but of course, I don’t share that information with Zoe.
“Just, don’t let him pull away from you, Harlow,” Zoe cautions after a moment. “If things are as great as they seem, don’t give him the chance to second-guess any of it.”
I pinch my piercing before forcing my hand back to the floor. “Why would he do that?”
“Honestly, I think Connor is uncomfortable with all of this.” She throws her arm up and I frown. “The glitz and glamor. The Hollywood circle. Him and Eli have been friends for a long time so it’s different. But anytime he’s come to one of Eli’s events, he’s quieter than usual. Withdrawn, severe. It’s like he doesn’t know how to act so he doesn’t try to engage. But this world is a big part of you. Your family is very involved in L.A. Your job is Hollywood-centric. You flourish in the middle of a group of strangers. You’re confident and poised, graceful. If Connor feels like he doesn’t belong, he’ll bolt before he makes you feel like you need to change. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” I consider her words. “I never thought about it before because the majority of my and Connor’s interactions have been just the two of us. The only times I’ve seen him in social settings were when we would go out with you and Eli or Charlie and Evan. I’ve never noticed his behavior at any of Eli’s events because I’ve always been working them. But what you’re saying definitely makes sense.”
I chew my bottom lip, recalling how uncomfortable Connor seemed when I first opened my door last night for our first real date. I wonder how Connor will handle the premiere. Will he relax and have a good time, get to know my friends? Or will he hate all the questions they throw his way? Will the constant buzz of people and camera flashes enthrall or irritate him?
“What’s wrong?” Zoe asks, reading my melancholy correctly.
“We’re just starting to click. For real. In the past, the sex has always been off the charts but the emotional bit, the knowing we were in things together, was never there. For the first time, it is. And I don’t want him to pull away. I don’t want to lose him.”
“Then don’t.”
“But I also don’t want to feel like I’m the only one
holding us together either. These past few weeks, especially on our date, he’s started showing me more of himself. He’s really opening up and letting me in. But we’re on his turf, in his city. I can’t always be in Chicago, supporting his dreams and the gym. Sometimes he needs to put himself out there in my world, in L.A., right? Things are really amazing, and I don’t want to rock the boat. But the last time things didn’t work out between us, it was because I put myself out there and he didn’t. What if it’s more one-sided than I realize? Do you think I’m still chasing him or this time, is he going to catch me?” I hate the flicker of doubt that flares in my chest when moments ago, I was nearly euphoric. But Zoe’s concern holds weight. The truth is, Connor and I are still getting to know each other. Just because we have a history doesn’t mean we fully understand the people we’ve each grown into.
A swell of emotion flickers across Zoe’s features as she pulls herself out of the chair and reaches a hand down to me. Once I’m standing beside her, she wraps an arm around my shoulders and agrees. “I understand your concern, Harlow. I didn’t mean to worry you. Honestly, I think Connor is in this just as much as you are. I think he will catch you. But you still have to make sure you guys are being truthful with each other, sharing your concerns and worries. Relationships take work, and you both have a lot going on right now.”
I mull over her words. Everything she’s saying makes sense. I know she only has my and Connor’s best interests at heart. Still, the seriousness of her tone kills some of my happy relationship buzz. Recalling Eli’s warning from earlier this week, I stare at her from the corner of my eye. “Did you and Eli rehearse this?”
Confusion causes her eyebrows to pull together. “What do you mean?”
“He said something similar to me earlier, that’s all.”
Zoe laughs, bumping her hip against mine. “See, same page.”
I manage a smile.
“Come on, let’s record that video for Connor’s launch. Then, we can talk about him more before Eli gets home and ruins girl time.”
This time, I laugh for real and follow Zoe out of her bedroom.
16
Connor
“Morning sunshine,” I greet Harlow as she pulls open the passenger door to my truck.
She’s wearing a pair of cut-off shorts with tears through the thighs. A crop top shows off a sliver of her tanned, smooth stomach. Her hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun and flip-flops dangle off her feet.
I work a swallow, my throat drying at how effortless she is.
“Oh, thank God,” she announces, her hand curling around the iced coffee in the cup holder as she slams the passenger door closed.
I chuckle, reaching across her to pull her seatbelt over her chest and fasten it by her hip. My fingers graze the smooth skin of her thigh and she shoots me a cheeky grin.
“Sleep well?” I ask, ignoring her body’s reaction to me in order to keep my own desire in check. Instead, I pull out of the parking lot.
“Like the dead. I feel like I’m catching up on years of missed sleep.”
“Your life always seems full of events and meetings and commitments.”
Harlow snorts. “And yours isn’t?”
I shrug, running my palm over the steering wheel. “Mine is all work shit. Nothing fancy or fun. Just sweating on a construction site or sweating at the gym. The best is when I’m sweating under you.”
“That is the best.”
“Yeah. We should try to do it more often…” I swallow, hoping she doesn’t catch the desperation in my tone.
I feel Harlow’s gaze pierce the side of my face, but I don’t turn to look at her. The truth is, Harlow is crazy busy. So am I. But our professional commitments and packed calendars couldn’t look more different. Harlow has “drinks” for meetings. She has “Zoom calls.” I have manual labor that leaves me exhausted and irritable without any of the mental stimulation or social connection she enjoys. At the end of the day, I just want to lose myself in her, and the past few nights, I’ve missed having her in my bed.
After a long beat, she turns her head to look straight out the windshield. “So, where are we going?”
“I want you to meet Moe.”
She slurps down her caffeine. “From Madness?”
“Yeah, babe.” My hand finds her thigh. The feel of her skin settles me, smoothing over my barely concealed concern from moments earlier.
She doesn’t shake off my touch. I relax slightly, my fingertips grazing her skin.
“Does Moe know I’m coming?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, good.”
“Why? You nervous about meeting him?”
Harlow shakes her head. “Nah. I just want us to dive in. I’ve got ideas! Zoe and I have a whole list prepared.”
“I’m sure you do. Share them all with Moe. He’s a great guy and has been considering this program for a while. I know what happened to Callie really pushed him to take action, but…”
“What?”
“We should have done it sooner.” My left hand clenches the steering wheel, my knuckles popping white. “I want this to work, Low.” I turn toward her so she can see how serious I am. “More than I want Cyanide to grow, I want this to work.”
Harlow places her hand on top of mine and squeezes. “It will, Connor. Trust yourself, you and Moe can get this off the ground.”
“And you,” I say quietly but I want her to confirm it. I want to know that she’s planning on sticking around. That she’s not going anywhere and after the launch of this program, she’ll still play an active role in my life.
“And me.” She smiles. “What are you thinking timeline-wise?”
“As soon as possible.”
Harlow considers this. “Okay. I think you should launch in about a month then. Two weeks after Eli’s premiere since we’re going to miss out on some time when we fly to L.A.”
My hand clenches reflexively against her thigh at the mention of L.A. and her palm flattens along mine, holding my fingers steady.
Shit. I hate that damn city. I hate its allure, it’s fraud, it’s wannabes and social climbers. But more than that, I hate the hold it has on the woman sitting next to me. Obviously, a place like L.A. has a hell of a lot more to offer a woman like Harlow, with her work experience and hustle, than Chicago. And I don’t want to fuck things up between us again, the way I did last time, resulting in her running straight for the Hollywood Hills.
“Okay,” I murmur as we hang a left into the parking lot for Madness. I’m relieved we’re here. “You ready?”
Harlow nods, unclicking her seatbelt. “I’m proud of you, Connor.”
Her words are like a salve to wounds I don’t realize I bear. They’re reassuring and comforting and… generous. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You always do a lot more than you realize. I’ve always admired that about you.” She hops out of the truck and closes the door.
Her praise causes my throat to clog with emotion. Is that how she sees me? It’s funny, really, because I’m always so damn proud of her that I can’t imagine what the hell she sees in me.
I climb out of the truck and trail Harlow.
“Pick up the pace, slow poke,” she calls over her shoulder.
Jogging over to her side, I throw an arm around her shoulders and pull her into me. How did I get so lucky after messing everything up the first time around? How long will it be ’til I screw it up this time too?
“Assalamu alaikum.” Moe grins when he spots us. He skirts the counter and tosses an arm around my shoulders in welcome.
“Walaikum assalam.” I slap his back as he pulls away. “This is Harlow.”
Moe turns his attention toward Harlow, his eyes warm. “How’s it going, Harlow? I’m Moe. Welcome to Madness.”
She shakes his hand. “Thanks Moe. Good to meet you.”
“Great to meet you. Thank you so much for helping us out with this.”
Harlow waves a hand, grinning. “I’m so excite
d about this program. I think it’s a fantastic idea and an important option for women to have in Chicago. Connor told me a little bit about what spurred you to reach out to him. I’m so sorry about what happened to Callie.”
Moe swallows, pain streaking across his face. “She wants to support the launch of the program.”
“And she can do that in whatever capacity she is most comfortable with,” Harlow says. “Is there somewhere we can sit and talk? I’d love to have a better understanding of your goals for this program. I also have some ideas I’d like to get your input on.”
Moe nods, giving me a look over the top of Harlow’s head.
I shrug, slipping my hands into the back pockets of my jeans. Harlow is a damn firecracker. Never shy, always landing on her feet, she can take control of any situation and own it. Her confidence is one of the sexiest — and most intimidating — things about her.
Moe tilts his head toward the hallway where his office is located. “This way.”
Once the three of us are seated around a table, Harlow asks Moe a slew of questions. While they chat, I can’t tear my eyes, or thoughts, away from her. She’s so damn good at what she does, so talented. Managing Eli’s life is no joke, especially when his career is moving in new directions. But Harlow’s always been a quick study. She’s organized, efficient, and disciplined. Helping me with the launch of Soul Sanctuary hasn’t overwhelmed her in the least.
Will this be enough for her? Life in Chicago? Traveling to L.A. when she’s accustomed to living there? The L.A. scene, with its trendy restaurants and hot nightclubs, with its glamorous, glossy people, is a far cry from Chi-town. Will she be able to pursue her dream, work in public relations, without being in the center of all the action?
“You’ve got a woman’s kickboxing class starting now?” Harlow asks, her voice cutting through my depressing thoughts.
“Yep. In about ten minutes.”
“Mind if I watch?”
“Not at all. You can participate if you want.”
Harlow wrinkles her nose. “I didn’t bring workout clothes.”
