She nods, and I slip out the door. I wave to Meg, who gives me a tight-lipped smile. I push the door open and fly down the stairs toward my car.
I know one thing: I need answers.
Mid-morning traffic isn’t bad, so I make it home in decent time. When I race the steps up to my apartment, my heart is pounding. Running up a couple flights of stairs while you’re panicking about your long-lost father and your failed fake engagement will do that to a person. Apparently.
“Mom?” I call out as I unlock the door.
“In here, honey,” she says from the bedroom. I drop my bag and head toward her voice. The blinds are drawn. Her frail body hardly forms a lump under the covers and my breath catches in my throat.
The anger and frustration that was burning a hole in my chest dissipates, and I sit on the edge of the bed gently. My mother’s eyes flutter open and she tries to smile at me.
“How’s the nausea today?”
“Oh, it’s not so bad,” she lies. “I’m fine. Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“I took the day off.”
“Are you okay? You look like hell.”
“Gee, thanks, Mom.”
She chuckles, patting my hand. Her chuckle turns to a cough and she tries to sit up. I fluff her pillows and help her up.
“Have you eaten?”
“I had some toast this morning,” she says. She gestures to the nightstand, and I see half a piece of toast. ‘Some toast’ meant half a slice with a bit of butter on it—hardly enough sustenance for a grown woman.
I nod. Suddenly, I’m tongue tied. I thought I would barge in here and demand answers, but what am I supposed to say?
My mother takes a deep breath, her eyes boring into me with a look that only mothers can give.
“Something happened between you and Max, didn’t it?”
I snort bitterly. “How did you know?”
Tears well in my eyes and I shake my head.
“Who is my father, mom?”
“What?”
“I need to know. Who is he? How come you never told me?”
My mother sighs, staring toward the closed blinds and blinking back tears. She squeezes my fingers and then swings her head back toward me.
“I was scared, Naomi.”
“Of what?”
“That you’d find him, and I’d have to see him again.”
“What, why? What happened? Did he… did he do anything to you?” My voice is strangled. I’m so close to getting the answers I need. So close to finding out where I came from. So close to knowing why Max was so angry this morning.
My mom just sighs, squeezing my fingers again.
“No, no. Nothing like that.” She looks at me and smiles sadly. “There’s no chemotherapy for a broken heart, honey.”
33
Max
“What do you mean, you don’t have a daughter? What about this?!”
I slam the folder on his desk, sitting back in my chair and waiting for his answer. He stares at me with dark eyes, and I search his face for any resemblance between him and his supposed daughter.
She has her mother’s eyes, and her mother’s lips. His nose, maybe?
He reaches forward and flips the folder open, glancing at it curiously. His eyebrows shoot up and then he looks at me.
“Private investigator?”
“It was my parents. They did it without my permission. But I’m glad they did, otherwise I never would have known what you two were up to.”
His eyebrows stay raised and he glances back down at the folder.
“Naomi Rose,” he muses. He reaches up and scratches the back of his head. My eyes widen—I’ve seen that movement before. Naomi does it anytime she’s lost in thought.
My heart starts hammering and a lump forms in my throat.
It’s true, then!
She lied to me. I’m simultaneously relieved and crushed. I can’t speak.
Jerry flicks the first page over and his eyes widen.
“Jacqueline Rose?”
“Her mother.”
“Her mother is Jacqueline Rose?” He inhales sharply, his whole body stiffening. He flicks through more pages, scanning the paperwork with almost panicked interest. Suddenly, I want it back. It seems so intrusive to have him reading all these things about Naomi.
Maybe this was a mistake.
“She’s twenty-nine,” he says to himself. “Oh my god…”
“What?”
“I just… I need to meet this woman. Where is Jackie? And Naomi? Holy shit.” He stands up, grabbing his jacket.
Then he sits down, putting his hand to his forehead and staring at the center of his desk. He picks up the phone and then hangs it up again.
Finally, he swings his eyes over to me.
“How…? Oh my god.”
“You… you didn’t know?” Is he lying? Is this all part of the ruse? They must be playing me. She said she’d never met him, maybe they decided to pretend to have never met.
But his cheeks are red, and I can see a smattering of freckles across his nose. Maybe his grey hair used to be red? He puts his elbows on his desk and drops his head in his hands, shaking it slowly.
“Jackie,” he whispers.
I watch him as my heart thumps, and I know.
I know that I was wrong.
Naomi was telling the truth.
They’ve never met.
There’s no way someone could pretend to have that reaction. A tear drops from Jerry’s eye and he brushes it away angrily. He looks at Naomi’s picture from the folder, running his fingers over her face. Finally, as if he remembers that I’m there, he looks up and closes the folder, pushing it back toward me.
“Take me to her.”
“What, now? I mean, we’re not exactly speaking right now…”
“Take. Me. To. Her.”
There’s no question in his voice. I’ve heard that voice before, and I know that Jerry is just like my father—they’re men who are used to getting what they want. I nod my chin and take the file back, sliding it into my jacket pocket.
“She’s probably at work. You can ride with me if you want?” I watch his hands shake as he squeezes them into fists. He nods curtly, saying nothing.
I wonder if he still has a voice.
His assistant tries to call after him as we walk out, but he just waves over his head. “Cancel my appointments!” He yells out, and we walk into the elevator.
He doesn’t look at me, and he doesn’t speak. His face is pale and drawn, and his arms are crossed over his chest. We find my car and drive to Naomi’s work in silence.
When I walk in, I see Meg right away. Her eyebrows shoot up and she rushes toward me. She stands in front of me, blocking the way. Her arms are crossed and she shakes her head.
“She’s not here,” she hisses. “You should go. How dare you!”
“Where is she?”
“I don’t know, Max. Home, probably. Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you. You should be ashamed of yourself. Get out.”
I exchange a glance with Jerry.
I probably deserve that. The shame makes my cheeks burn.
How could I have been so wrong? I let my pride and my ego make me push away the only woman that’s been decent to me. I chased her out of my house! I made her fucking cry!
My heart burns with guilt. We step back outside, and Jerry clears his throat.
“What was that about?”
“Naomi’s a bit mad at me right now,” I respond. That’s probably the understatement of the century, but I’m not exactly feeling like sharing my deepest, darkest feelings with my new companion. We get back in my car and I head toward Naomi’s apartment. If she isn’t there, I’m not sure where she could be.
I know one thing: I need to find her. If not for me, then for Jerry. He deserves to meet his daughter, and she deserves to know who he is.
A sliver of hope enters my mind when I think of it. If I bring them together, maybe she’ll forgive me for this morning. I sh
ake my head and focus on the road. I can’t let my mind run away from me.
“What’s she like?” Jerry asks in the silence. I turn down the car radio and look at him. His cheeks have a bit more color, but he still looks nervous as hell.
I sigh. “She’s incredible. Smart, funny, successful. She’s gorgeous.”
We’re only a few minutes away from her house, and my heart is thumping. Jerry nods. “You love her?”
“Yeah,” I reply, and we’re quiet.
We don’t speak until I pull up outside Naomi’s apartment. I nod to the steps.
“Jackie’s probably up there, too. She’s been living at Naomi’s since she started chemo.”
“Chemo?” His eyes widen and his voice chokes. He glances at me and I see the panic in his face. “Chemo for what?”
“Breast cancer,” I reply. “It was in the file.”
“I missed that,” he whispers. “I shouldn’t be here. Fuck.” He hangs on to the passenger’s side door as if it’s a life raft.
“Too late,” I say. “We’re here.”
He glances at me and laughs bitterly. “I bet Jackie loves you,” he says. “She always liked people with a bit of personality.”
“I don’t think she likes me very much right now.”
Walking up the steps to her apartment building is like walking to both our funerals. Jerry’s so pale, he looks like he’s already died, and I can’t think of anything except how I’m going to apologize to Naomi.
How can I apologize for that? I accused her of some ridiculous conspiracy and then I threw her out! I hesitate at the door, glancing at Jerry.
“You sure you want to do this?”
“Nope,” he says, and then he presses the buzzer next to the name ‘Rose’.
It only takes a minute for Naomi’s voice to come through the intercom. Her voice sounds thin and distorted through the old audio equipment, but my heart still jumps.
“Yes?”
Jerry leans in. “Naomi, hi,” he says. “You don’t know me. I’m… I…” He glances at me. “My name is Jerry Irving.”
He hesitates, and the intercom clicks. Did she hang up?
A second goes by, and then the buzzer sounds. I look at Jerry, who takes a deep breath and then pushes the door open.
34
Naomi
My mother is patting her face, smoothing her clothes down and glancing around the room. We’ve moved to the living room to talk and she’s got a blanket thrown over her legs.
“Hand me that scarf, quick,” she says, pointing to a coat hanger. I do as she says and she wraps it around her head. “How does that look? Do I need some lipstick?”
“You look fine, Mom. What is he doing here? How did he find my apartment?”
“I don’t know,” she says, pinching her cheeks. She looks like she’s hyperventilating.
I’m in shock. Ten minutes ago, she told me my father’s name for the first time in my life. And now he’s here? How did he even find my address?
None of this makes sense, but I don’t have time to figure it out. A heavy hand knocks on the door. My mother yelps, and then takes a deep breath to compose herself. I wait until she nods to me, and then I open the door.
Jerry Irving is with Max. My eyes go from one to the other and my mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. Jerry—my father—is tall, with a thick head of grey hair. His eyes are dark brown, and he’s got the look of a man who used to be in great shape in his youth.
His arms are stiff by his sides. He stares at me, wide-eyed.
“Naomi,” he breathes.
“Hi.” Do I call him Jerry? Calling him ‘Dad’ seems wrong. “You, uh, want to come in?”
He nods his head down, staring past me toward my mother. My eyes flick to Max, and I step aside to let the two men in. Jerry runs a hand through his hair, stepping inside and wiping his feet on the rug.
“Keep your shoes on, it’s fine,” I say. “You guys want some coffee?”
“Sure,” Jerry says. “Thanks. I’m sorry to barge in like this.” His gaze swings to my mom and I watch his eyes widen ever so slightly. “Hi, Jackie.”
“Jerry,” my mother says. Her earlier nervousness is completely gone. Her eyes are brighter than I’ve seen them in weeks. She lifts her hands toward Jerry, who practically runs toward her. He clasps her hands and sinks down on the sofa beside her.
“Jackie,” he breathes. “You look fantastic.”
My mother starts laughing and shakes her head. “You’ve always been a smooth talker. You don’t have to lie. I know I look like I’ve been kicked in the ass by cancer.”
“I’m not lying. How’s… how’s that going?”
“It’s going.”
My mother glances at me, and I slip into the kitchen to make some coffee. Her face is flushed, and she’s still holding Jerry’s hands. My heart is thumping. I don’t know what to think. She told me that Jerry was the love of her life, and that he left to build his company. She wanted to live in the country and continue painting. They broke up right before she found out she was pregnant with me.
I put a filter in the machine and then get the feeling I’m being watched. I pause, turning my head to see Max in the doorway. I freeze, not trusting my hands or my voice.
I wish I had a monologue prepared for this moment. I wish I could tell him what I think of him, tell him what today was like for me.
But I’ve got nothing. I just turn back to the machine and pour some water into it and flick the machine on.
“I’m sorry, Naomi. I’m so sorry.” His eyebrows are drawn together. I lean against the counter, folding my arms across my chest. He takes a deep breath. “I didn’t know. It’s not until I went to Jerry’s office and spoke to him that I knew I was wrong. I’m so sorry.”
I nod. “Thank you,” I say. “I appreciate the apology.” My voice sounds tense, even to my ears. Max runs his fingers through my hair and looks at me with those stupidly piercing blue eyes of his, and I hate how much I want to forgive him.
I turn to watch the coffee drip into the pot, not wanting to look at his annoyingly perfect face.
Finally, I take a deep breath.
“Why didn’t you believe me?”
I glance over my shoulder. He crosses his arms, biting his thumbnail and staring at my old linoleum floors.
“I don’t know.”
“It hurt.”
“I know.”
The coffee machine gurgles, and I pour the steaming liquid into four mugs. I hand him two of them, grabbing the other two and nodding toward the living room. I’m not ready to forgive him. Just a few hours ago he was throwing me out like I was some lying scumbag. And now he comes here, to my house, with my father of all people! And he thinks I’m just going to fall over and forgive him?
I can’t. I just can’t. Not right now. Not like this.
I sit down across from my mom and Jerry, who both turn toward me. Max leans against the wall in my peripheral vision and I try to ignore the thumping of my heart. I’m being torn apart by so many different emotions right now, all I can do is sit down and breathe.
Jerry clears his throat.
“It’s nice to meet you, Naomi.”
I nod.
“I’m sorry… If I’d have known…”
“Mom told me that she kept me a secret from you,” I interrupt. “I know you didn’t know about me.”
“I hope that maybe we can get to know each other?” His voice is hesitant. My mom has a hand on his thigh. She looks like she’s still in love with him, even after all these years.
I nod. “Yeah, we can do that.”
It comes out as a croak, and I clear my throat.
“Maybe I can take you out to lunch sometime. Maybe I can take you both out,” he adds. My mother smiles. She squeezes his thigh.
“I think you and Naomi will have lots to talk about without me,” she says gently.
As much as I want to ask him a million questions, I know it isn’t the time. I force a smile and nod,
and then get up.
“I’m going to give you guys some time to catch up. Max?” He jumps up, eyes wide. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
I slip into my room and grab the little black velvet box in my underwear drawer, and then follow Max out the front door.
Jerry and my mother are still staring at each other when we walk out. As soon as we leave the apartment, the tension between Max and I escalates. I fumble with my keys when we get to his car, staring at my hands and waiting to find the courage to say something.
“I’m sorry, Naomi,” he whispers.
I finally meet his eye. I nod.
“I know. Thank you. And thanks for bringing my… Jerry around. Saved me looking him up.”
We stare at each other for a few moments as Max’s eyebrows draw together.
“I was hoping, maybe, we could hang out? I don’t want this to be the end of us.”
I smile sadly, shrugging. “What is ‘us’, Max? A pretend engagement? What are we going to do? Keep pretending? Or are we going to tell everyone the truth and then start dating from the beginning?” I shake my head. “Maybe this is a sign.”
“A sign of what?”
“A sign that we should just let it go. I have a lot to deal with, with my mom and now, with Jerry. You’ve got your parents to deal with. Your new position at the company. This gives you an excuse to end the engagement without consequences. Let’s just… leave it where it is.”
“I don’t want to leave it where it is, Naomi,” he says, taking a step toward me. He reaches toward me but I take a step back. My throat starts to close and my heart feels like it’s shattering more and more with every second that I stand out here. I shake my head slowly and watch the pain enter Max’s eyes.
“Is this what you want?” He asks in a hoarse whisper.
I can’t speak. I just nod, and pull the ring out of my pocket. When I hand him the box, his face crumples. He flicks the box open and stares at the ring, and then at me. His mouth opens, but he says nothing.
I turn away from him. I don’t want him to see me cry. I don’t want to stay here with him, because then I might change my mind.
So I turn away, and I run back toward my apartment. As soon as I’m inside the building, I sit down on the staircase and let the tears flow. I watch him get into his car and drive away, and I cry some more.
Mr. Right: The Complete Fake Engagement Series Page 15
