“Sit here and dry your hair, Vanessa.” Ellie pulled a chair up close to the stove and lowered the oven door. “I was telling Mary Ben about those two dresses of mine that are so short I can’t wear them any longer. The water I washed them in must have been too hot, they shrank so. I’ll go out to the wagon and get them and my sewing box. I’m sure they’ll be too big around.”
After Ellie left Vanessa sat for a moment rubbing her hair with the towel. Suddenly she realized it was quiet and looked over her shoulder. Mary Ben and Henry stood close together. Her arms were about his neck and he was kissing her. It hadn’t taken Henry long to learn about women, Vanessa thought dryly. Kain must have been a good teacher. She opened her mouth to make a teasing remark, then closed it, not wanting to intrude on their time alone. She turned back to smooth the ends of her hair with a wide-toothed comb so she could twist it and pin it to the top of her head before her aunt returned. Only Kain knew that Primer Tass had cut the swath of hair from the top of her head. Thank God she no longer had to worry about him.
“Stop, Henry. Yore mama’ll come in—”
“I like kissing you.”
“I like it, too, but not now.”
The whispered words reached Vanessa’s ears as she was pinning up her hair, and she turned to see Mary Ben pushing herself away from Henry. He had a grin on his face and hers was beet red. Mary Ben walked over to stand beside the stove and Henry went to empty the tub.
Mary Ben stood on first one foot and then the other, her hands clenched together in front of her. Vanessa looked up to see her staring at her with her bottom lip caught firmly between her teeth. She was worried, Vanessa thought, that she didn’t like what was happening between her and Henry.
“You like Henry a lot, don’t you, Mary Ben?”
“Yes’m.”
“He’s a handsome man. The girls back home eyed him, some even came to the farm on the pretext of visiting me so they could see more of him. When they realized that he’s still very much like a small boy they either ignored him or said hateful things to him. It hurt his feelings. He didn’t understand it.”
“That wasn’t nice of them. Henry ain’t got a mean bone in him.” Mary Ben’s voice rose defensively.
“He’s in love with you. Did you know that?”
“Yes’m. He told me he was.”
“How do you feel about him? A few kisses are one thing, but how do you feel about spending the rest of your life with him? He’ll never be any different. He’ll always be happy and he’ll never worry about where the next meal will come from.”
“I know it. I guess I love him. I don’t know, I ain’t never loved nobody before. I jist know I want to be with him, take care of him and he a help to him. I ain’t never goin’ to let nobody do no hurt to Henry,” she added fiercely.
“That’s the way I feel about him. I’ve been looking after him all my life.” Vanessa stood. “I’m glad there’ll be someone to help me.”
“Does that mean you don’t care if . . . Henry likes me?”
“It means I’m happy for both of you. Henry is like a brother to me. Now I’ll have a sister, too.”
Ellie came through the door and the wind sucked it closed behind her. The loud bang resounded throughout the house. Her arms were full.
“It’s cold out there and the wind has come up. I’m glad we’re not camping out tonight.” She put the things she was carrying on the table and smoothed her hair back from her face. “I brought in the medical chest, Vanessa. Kain’s side has broken open again and we’ve got to put a new bandage on it. Will you do it, dear, while I take up this dress for Mary Ben?”
“No.”
“No?” Ellie spun around in shocked surprise.
“No, I won’t do it.”
“Vanessa Cavanaugh! In all these years you’ve never said that word to me when I’ve asked a favor of you. Have you lost all compassion and turned uncaring and hard? We have never turned away a man, woman or animal who needed our help. No man has ever taken greater risks for us than Kain DeBolt! He knew that man was waiting up ahead to kill him. He could have ridden away from us anytime, but he chose to stay and help.” Ellie’s cheeks had turned red and she stood tall with indignation, glaring at her niece. “When we left Missouri you were a sweet, happy girl, always ready to help the sick and the weak. What has this godforsaken country done to you?” she asked slowly.
Vanessa was dumbfounded by Ellie’s outburst. She hadn’t seen her aunt that angry since she walked out of a store in Wichita and saw a teamster hitting a mule on the head with a plank. She had grabbed one of the whips they were selling and struck the man a blow between the shoulders—much to the delight of the crowd that gathered. Vanessa knew her aunt had the family temper, but she usually kept it well under control.
“Well, my land! If it means that much to you, I’ll do it.” Vanessa grabbed the wooden case containing their medical supplies. “I’m not the only one this country has changed, Aunt Ellie!” She flung the parting remark over her shoulder and flounced out of the room, her head held at a defiant angle, the skirt of her blue dress swirling around her legs as she walked rapidly down the hall.
Had Vanessa turned to look back at her aunt she would have seen her stiff features relax and a pleased smile curve her lips. But she was too angry to look back. She stalked to the door of Kain’s room, grasped the doorknob and shoved open the door.
Chapter Twelve
“Well how do you expect me to put on a fresh bandage without a light?” Vanessa demanded, staring into the darkness.
“There’s a lamp on the table to your right.” Kain’s voice came from the far side of the room. A match flared briefly then went out. “Shut the door, there’s too much of a draft.”
She stepped inside the room and pushed on the door. It closed with a bang. Seconds later another match flared. She set the medical case on a chair, removed the glass chimney from the lamp and lit it. The room was large and square with windows on two sides. Vanessa observed this as she crossed the rag-rug to place the lamp on the table beside the bed. Without looking at Kain, she went back for the case.
“This is only the second time I’ve seen you in a dress. It’s the one you wore in Dodge City the first time I saw you.”
Here it comes, she thought. He was going to practice his charm on her. If it worked, he’d have something else to tell Henry about how to handle women.
She didn’t comment or look at him. In a businesslike manner she placed the case on the table beside the lamp, opened it, pulled a chair up close to the bed and sat down.
“Aunt Ellie says you’re bleeding again.” She yanked on the sheet, pulling it down to expose his naked chest. The bandage on his shoulder was held in place with plaster strips. She pulled at the end of one. It left his firm skin reluctantly and she heard him take a quick breath. Adjusting her body so her shadow didn’t obstruct her view she peered beneath the pad. Her head was inches from his face and tendrils of copper hair tickled his nose.
“Your hair is damp. You should have dried it completely before you put it up.”
Vanessa shifted her position and replaced the plaster strip. “This one is all right. The bandage won’t need changing until tomorrow. Ellie put petroleum jelly on it, so it won’t stick.”
When she moved the sheet lower to look at the wound in his side she suddenly realized he was completely naked beneath the covers. Her hands faltered for a second, then angled the cover so that only his wounded side was exposed. She noted that his stomach had sunk even more since he had been shot, and that little tremors rippled his skin as if he were chilled. His torso was smooth except for a small patch of golden brown hair that grew on his chest and a narrow strip that started beneath his navel and disappeared beneath the white strip wrapped around his waist to hold the bandage in place.
The pad over the wound was red with blood. Vanessa took scissors from her kit, and with fingers not quite as steady as she wished, cut the band and removed the bandage. She dabbed at the wound with a
pad soaked with listerine. When she had washed away the blood she could see that although the wound had opened at one end, the flesh around it looked pink and healthy.
“Are you going to put in more stitches?”
“No.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Put on another bandage.”
“When are you going to look at me?”
“I am looking at you,” she answered calmly.
“Look at my face, damn it!” His hands clenched into fists.
“I’m not interested in your face, Mr. DeBolt. Only in the wounds I was responsible for.”
“It galls you to think that you owe me, isn’t that it, Vanessa? Are you afraid I’m going to try to collect something from you? Is that what bothers you so much that you can’t even look at me?”
“You’re right about one thing, at least. I don’t want to owe you anything.”
“Do you think I joined up with you so that you’d owe me? You attracted me, Vanessa. I’ll admit that. You’re beautiful and I admired your spunk. I couldn’t ride away knowing what would happen to you, your aunt, and Mary Ben if those men got their hands on you.”
“And we’ve thanked you—repeatedly.” She made a thick pad out of the clean lint and put some salve on it.
Kain grabbed her wrist. “Leave the goddamn wound alone and look at me!”
Vanessa’s angry blue eyes flashed up to meet his. “Turn loose of me!”
“So you can turn tail and run? You’re a coward, Vanessa. For all this spitfire image you carry around like a cloak you’re a coward.”
His unexpected words threw her completely off balance.
“You think I’m afraid of you?” Hard blue eyes stabbed down at him.
“Yes. You’re afraid of what you feel for me and you’re hurt and embarrassed because you think I don’t return those feelings.”
She closed her eyes tightly and moved her head from side to side. When she opened them they blazed into his.
“You’re the most egotistical man I’ve ever met. Just because I’m grateful and let you kiss me doesn’t mean I’m . . . in love with you!”
“Vanessa!” he said with angered insistence. “You didn’t let me kiss you. We kissed each other because we both wanted to. But I will say no man ever kissed a sweeter mouth.” His voice dropped to a whisper and his eyes moved to her mouth, as if he were remembering. His hand on her wrist slid down and his fingers entwined with hers. There was no warmth in her eyes, and he suddenly wanted that warmth, needed it. “Don’t look at me like that, little red bird. I can’t bear for you to look at me as if you hated me.”
The very softness of his voice melted some of the cold chill from hers. She watched his lips move, saw the pleading look in his tawny eyes, felt the nervous tremor in the hand that held hers. “I don’t hate you, Kain. I could never hate you. I’m too grateful—”
He crushed her hand in his and jerked so hard she almost fell onto the bed.
“Damn you! Listen to me! I’ve had about all of your independence I can stand. Don’t ever use that word to me again! It has no meaning—no meaning at all between us! Do you understand, Vanessa?”
“Why are you so angry? Turn me loose.”
“If you promise to stay. I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you about your aunt.”
Vanessa’s blue eyes moved down to where the bullet had torn a jagged hole in his side, traveled slowed up over his bare chest that rose with every angry breath, and locked with his. There she saw deep tension, but also something else that she’d seen there before. Could it possibly be a yearning for something he could not attain? What could this wordly wise man want that he couldn’t have? She pulled on her hand gently and he released it.
“All right. Let me finish with this first.”
Kain watched her face as she worked. She was so incredibly beautiful that he didn’t even notice the dull ache in his shoulder, the sting where she’d ripped off the plaster, or the sharp pain in his side as she pressed on the salve-smeared bandage. He watched her as a starving man watches a feast. His eyes moved from her small pointed chin up to her mouth that had fit so achingly sweet against his. Her eyes were the most expressive he’d ever seen, he thought. At times they blazed with anger, were flat and cold as ice when she put on her haughty face, shone brightly when she laughed, and when filled with tears, they were like two sparkling pools of clear mountain water. Her head was bent over him and he could smell her cool, clean scent. The lamplight turned her hair to a glimmering flame. He wanted desperately to touch it, but kept his hands at his sides and caressed it with his eyes. Her tongue came out to moisten her lower lip and stayed there as she concentrated on what she was doing. Desire flowed through him, and he feared that his flesh beneath the thin covering would rise and embarrass her. He prayed to God that she would hurry and finish so he could turn over and hide it from her.
Vanessa secured the bandage with plaster strips, repacked the kit and closed the lid. She moved the chair back from the bed and started to sit down. Kain’s voice stopped her.
“Don’t sit way over there. My voice may carry out into the hall. Here, sit beside me.” He moved over on the bed and turned on his side to face her.
Seconds piled on top of each other to make a minute while she stood uncertainly beside the bed. When he lifted his hand, his long, slender fingers reaching for hers, she sank down on the edge of the bed.
“What’s this about Aunt Ellie?”
“First I want to tell you that I’m sorry I barked at you the other night. My only excuse is that I was hurting like hell and I didn’t want you to see me like that.”
“That’s silly. I helped my father take care of patients. What few he had,” she added dryly. “We took splinters out of behinds, set broken bones, treated boils and all kinds of gunshot wounds. Hill people are always feuding and shooting at each other. Seeing you throw up wouldn’t have bothered me at all.”
“It would have bothered me.”
Vanessa looked into his face. She was calmer now, and her wildly palpitating heart had slowed to a rhythm that left her not quite so breathless. At times like this she was so comfortable with him that she felt as if he might be the other part of her. Something intangible had bound them together since the day they met. She had always known that, even though at times she had pushed that knowledge to the back of her mind.
She took a deep breath that quivered her lips, and her eyes softened and caressed his face. He needed a shave, she thought, and had to contain herself to resist the urge to run her fingers over his rough cheeks. Her eyes were lost in his intent gaze and she held her hands locked tightly together so he couldn’t see them trembling and know how badly she wanted to touch him.
Kain watched the expressions flit across her face. She was proud and beautiful but vulnerable, too. He wanted to hold her, to stand between her and anything that would hurt her, as he had tried to shield her against Primer Tass. His hand lifted to push a strand of hair behind her ear; there his fingers lingered, their tips against her earlobe. He watched in fascination as her eyes changed from frosty stones to bright sunshine that penetrated his very soul, grabbed him, and shook him.
“I’m in love with you, pretty little red bird. I wish I could ask you to marry me, but I can’t. I’ll have to go away soon, but while I’m here, can’t we enjoy each other’s company and stop hurting each other?”
Vanessa was stunned by his words. She half suspected he was teasing, then saw the look of longing in his eyes. The intense silence that followed seemed to press the breath out of her, drain all coherent thought from her mind until a tremulous joy came over her, so great it was like a pain, and her heart began to race. Then the rest of his words seeped into her mind and dread swept over her like a chill.
“You’re going away . . . from here?”
“Yes. I don’t know just when, but soon.”
“Why? Where are you going?”
“Away . . . on business. But I want to know that you’re
here, safe.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“I’ll not be coming back.”
His words hung in the air between them. He watched her with dark and anxious eyes, and through them she sensed the mental agony he was suffering.
“Kain! Oh, Kain! You don’t mean that!” Dear God! She loved him so, and that gave him this awesome power to hurt her.
“I don’t want to go, love, but I must.” His hand moved up and down her arm as if he couldn’t bear not to touch her.
“But if you love me—”
“I do. You must believe that.”
“Then don’t go. Please don’t go!” Vanessa’s words echoed back to her like a lost wail.
“I must, my sweet love. Don’t think about it. We’ve got now. Lie down beside me and let me hold you—for just a little while.” There was a deep huskiness in his voice and he closed his eyes tightly, unable to bear the pain in hers and let her see the moisture in his.
Vanessa didn’t know that she was crying until she felt the tears running down her cheeks. She sank down on the bed, her back to his chest, and he pillowed her head on his arm. Wrapped in his arms, even with the bed sheet and her clothes between them, she could feel the pounding of his heart against her back. He had said he loved her, said he was going away and was not coming back . . . and he had not asked her to go with him. Her face crumbled. This was both heaven and hell.
Kain pressed his lips to the white flesh beneath her ear, and tears ran from his eyes into her hair. He hadn’t meant to tell her of his love. It had just come out. What had he done to this sweet woman? She cared for him; he had been sure of it since the night she had told him about Tass. This would make his leaving all the harder to bear. Was Ellie right? Should they take what happiness they could get in the short time left?
“I know you don’t understand, my love.” His whispered words caressed her neck. “I shouldn’t have told you and put this burden on you. It would have been easier for you if you were angry at me, hated me. But I’m a selfish bastard. I wanted your love, your warmth. More than anything I wanted to hold you in my arms and see love shining in your eyes for me . . . only for me. Pull me into your heart, my love, and hold me there.”
Dorothy Garlock - [Colorado Wind 03] Page 19
