by T. A. Brock
Aiken shifted, crossing one ankle over the other. “Remember when I asked you if you loved him?”
Cori nodded, feeling that her eyes were wide but seemingly not capable of doing anything about it.
“You said you did.”
Cori nodded again.
He gave her a sharp look. “Do you still? Can you love him, knowing how flawed he is?”
Flawed. Cori thought about it. She’d already known he was flawed. Though this was significantly different. She loved Grayson because she’d gotten to know who he was, the kind of person he was under his tough outer shell. He was still that person, wasn’t he? He might be a—she swallowed hard—zombie, but that didn’t mean he was a monster. He was good. Cori knew she hadn’t been wrong about that. But…
“I don’t know,” she whispered, a tremble running through her.
Aiken nodded. “Then that’s what you need to figure out. Grayson is not going to hurt you. You can be sure of it.”
“I am,” she said, realizing it was true.
Aiken came to stand in front of her. “I need you to keep our secret, Cori. Peg and Rex can’t know about us. Can you do that?”
“Why can’t they know? They’re our friends.”
He shook his head gravely. “People can’t know, Cori. It’s very important. Not everyone is as open-minded as you are. Besides, there are laws we must follow and I for one cannot break them under any circumstances. So. Will you keep this a secret?”
“Laws? Zombie laws?”
He nodded.
“And who upholds these laws? Are there zombie cops?”
Another nod. “You’re looking at one. We’re called Reapers.”
God. Reapers? “As in, ‘take your soul’ reapers? Black robe and scythe?”
He smirked. “Nah. Not my style. You’re thinking of my grandpa.”
Cori’s eyes bugged.
“I’m joking,” he said.
She clenched her jaw. “Not funny, Aiken.”
“Reaper is just a title. It comes from our oath of office. Everything sown must eventually be reaped, blah, blah, blah. We’re not in the business of yanking anyone’s soul.”
This was so much. Too much.
“So can you keep a secret or not?”
“Will I be eliminated if I don’t?”
Aiken rolled his eyes again and actually laughed. “Yeah, we might eat your brains.”
Cori tried to smile because just like with Grayson, she knew Aiken wouldn’t hurt her. He was good too.
“I won’t tell.”
Chapter 23
When Wrong Feels So Right
GRAYSON WAS STILL AWAKE when Leiv came home from work early that morning. He’d gone ahead and watched the sunrise—because he was into self-torture, apparently. Truth was he just couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Cori’s face and his chest would start hurting so bad he couldn’t breathe. Then he’d have to get up and drink water. He’d drunk enough to fill a nice-sized lake by the time the first rays of light snaked in his window, so he figured he might as well watch the stupid ball of fire come up.
He’d just settled back into bed when a knock sounded on his bedroom door.
“Hey, bro.” Leiv poked his head in. He looked tired. Real tired. Of course he had just worked a double. “I thought I heard you moving around up here. Everything all right?”
Grayson tucked his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling as he nodded.
“Why do I not believe you?”
Because you know me too well. “Because you’re getting nosy in your old age.” Grayson tried to joke but his voice was void of humor.
To Grayson’s disappointment, Leiv came in and shut the door behind him. “What’s going on with you, buddy?”
“Nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah, right. I know that look. Like a kid who lost a puppy or something.”
No, it was worse than a puppy.
Grayson just shrugged.
“Does it have something to do with Cori?” his brother pushed.
He winced. Didn’t mean to, but just the sound of her name…
“Okay, so something happened with Cori. You guys get in a fight?”
Grayson didn’t want to talk about it. “Yeah, that’s it. No big deal,” he lied too easily.
Leiv stared at him for a long time while Grayson tried to ignore him away. “Bro, you’ve fallen,” he said strangely.
Grayson glanced at him, annoyed. “What are you talking about?”
“In love. You’ve fallen in love.”
Surely he wasn’t that obvious.
“Whatever,” he said, hoping his brother would just drop it.
Surprisingly, he did. Leiv stood and started for the door. “Good. This is good,” he murmured.
Grayson stared after him, confused.
When he got to the door, he turned back. “Gray, you know I’m here for you right? If you need me. For anything.”
But he wouldn’t always be. Soon it would just be Grayson and Raina. That sadness layered itself on top of what he was already feeling about Cori. Leiv was his rock. Whatever the question, Leiv always had an answer. And not just any answer. The answer. The solution. Except this time, it was different. Leiv couldn’t help him with this.
Grayson nodded. “Yeah, sure. I know.”
One side of his mouth quirked. “Good.”
Just as Leiv was about to go, Grayson noticed he was walking funny.
“Leiv, why are you limping?”
“Oh, that. I just hurt my foot at work. I haven’t had any water yet. I’m fine.”
“Okay.” Grayson let it go.
After his brother left, he was once again consumed with thoughts of Cori. He wondered when Aiken would drop the Z bomb on her. Last night he’d told the Reaper to go ahead and tell her—he’d said his goodbyes. Aiken had said to have faith, that things would be okay. Grayson didn’t know what faith was, so it was an impossible request.
Somewhere in the middle of hating himself and wondering if she would hate him too, Grayson fell asleep.
The house was a stifling prison. Or at least it felt that way to Cori. She’d been stuck in it all day trying to figure out what to do about Grayson.
Fantasy and reality had Freaky Friday-ed it and switched roles. What should be true wasn’t. And what shouldn’t be, was.
Fantasy: Cori was in a complicated yet happy relationship with a guy who made her heart race and gave her butterflies like no tomorrow.
Reality: zombies existed, and Grayson was one of them.
Plus side, plus side…At least she wouldn’t have to worry about him dying until he was old. Yes. That was a good thing.
Hours passed as Cori tried to sort out the messy knot of emotions that came with that knowledge. There were so many questions left unanswered. Like, what happens when a human falls in love with a zombie? And how long do they live? Or…are they really dead? And can the two of them be together still?
That was when she realized she still wanted that—to be with him. Even though he was different. To her, he was still Grayson.
Cori paced the living room floor. Glared at the TV.
She wished she’d heard the truth from him, though. Why hadn’t he trusted her? This was the question she struggled with the most. Maybe he was ashamed? If Grayson resented the fact that he’d been turned into something not human, that would explain a lot.
It was late afternoon when Cori gathered the courage to call him. He didn’t answer, and when his phone clicked over to voice mail, she couldn’t leave a message. Some things couldn’t be said on a voice mail.
Seven more times she tried to call him. And seven times there was no answer.
At dusk, she decided to go to his house. By this time she was getting desperate to speak with him. They had so much to talk about.
But when she got there, all the lights were off and no one answered the door.
There was one more place to look. And if this strange sensation she was f
eeling drawing her there was any indication, that’s where she would find Grayson.
Cori went quickly in the direction of the cemetery.
The water felt good. It was icy and it helped. He felt so hot, feverish.
Grayson hadn’t ever heard of a zombie getting sick, but there was a first time for everything. He’d been this way since waking two hours ago.
He ducked his head back under the water and hoped that the frigid liquid would help dispel thoughts of Cori.
Where was she? What was she doing? Was she as miserable as he was? He hoped not.
It wasn’t working. Grayson came back up for air.
There was a slight breeze and he was glad for it. It added to the chill of the water. Maybe he would stay out here all night. It would be better than going home where he could still smell her.
A rustle of leaves caught his attention. Who would be out here at night? Grayson kept himself still as possible while the noise grew louder, the steps got closer.
And then Cori was there, standing on the bank of the river.
When he realized she was real and not a figment of his imagination, a lump jammed in his throat and he couldn’t swallow. She looked at him and then at his clothes that were piled on the rock. He couldn’t read her face and she said nothing. After a second she turned her back to him.
Somehow, he managed to climb out and pull on his jeans. He didn’t bother with his shirt.
“He told you.”
She turned around and nodded, still not saying a word.
So, it was done. She knew.
Grayson was frozen in place. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Cori’s eyes danced around before landing back on him.
“I just…I don’t understand.” Her head was shaking back and forth. “I mean, he showed me about the water. But everything else, he said I had to talk to you about it. How…how is this possible? How…? What…?”
She wanted explanations. How could he tell her? How could he tell her any of it? If he told her, then it would be real. And he couldn’t stand that. He couldn’t bear the thought of her knowing the truth, knowing everything about him. That they were so different. That she was life and he was death. He could imagine the look on her face when she discovered that he could only eat raw animal flesh. Or when she found out his blood wasn’t red like hers, but brown like watery mud.
His mouth opened and shut like a fish so many times but nothing would come out. His chest burned like it was wrapped in barbed wire.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You don’t have to talk about it right now.”
He forced himself to look into her eyes. They were the same, full of life and love and so caring. They were his lifeline; she was everything to him. Everything. How would he ever get through this?
She stepped toward him. “It doesn’t really matter anyway. I love you.”
Grayson felt his face contort into something awful. His ears burned. His throat closed up. He backed away from her, his head shaking back and forth. “Y-You can’t,” he croaked in a hard voice.
She cocked her head, her eyes never leaving his. “I do.”
“No, Cori. You can’t love me. Save it for someone good and real.”
She moved closer to him and he kept backing up until a tree trunk stopped him from going any further. The rough bark of it scraped against his bare back as he tried to move further away.
“You are both of those things, Grayson.” She stopped right in front of him and reached for his hand. He yanked it away. She furrowed her brows. “I love you,” she said firmly.
“No,” he managed.
She snatched his hand and brought it to her face. “Yes.” She placed his palm against her cheek—the same way he usually touched her face. Her skin was soft—the same way it always was.
He wished so badly that he could rewind life a few days, a few weeks. If only they could go back to the time he’d first kissed her lips, first touched her skin. If only he could keep on pretending that he was normal. Why had he condemned his family for pretending? He wanted to pretend right now, but he couldn’t.
Cori knew what he was. And there was no going back.
She closed the distance between them so that she was pressed against him, chest to chest, touching his dead skin. “I don’t care what you are, Grayson. I love you and that’s just the way it is.”
He hated that she felt like that, wished she didn’t. With all his being, he wished it. It didn’t matter that he felt like he couldn’t live without her. It didn’t matter that the very thought of losing her took him to dark places.
“I’ll ruin you.” His voice broke and he hated himself a little more for it.
She turned her face and kissed his palm. “No, you won’t.”
Her eyes…they were so pure in that moment, so full of hope and love. They were full of love. She loved him. How could she love him?
Her arms went around his waist.
With that gesture, he felt everything inside him crumble. Everything that made him him just broke apart and came back together in a different way. He didn’t want to go on without her. He wasn’t sure just what kind of person it made him, but he couldn’t hold back any more. Whether it was wrong or right, he wanted her.
“Cori…” He tried to remember all reasons why he should push her away. In truth, he’d never expected to need to push her away. He thought he would lose her when she learned what he was.
“I need you,” she whispered, shakily. “And I think…I think you need me too.”
She had no idea how badly he did. The need was raw and powerful and enough to consume him. But even more, he wanted her love. He wanted the peace that her eyes brought and the comfort of having her near. He wanted to be worthy of her; he wanted to be human for her. But that would never happen because what good was living without her? What good was living if she wasn’t living?
Whether he was worthy of it or not, he wanted her love.
And she was offering it.
He couldn’t hold back another second. His lips crashed into hers with force and still, he couldn’t stop. Shamelessly, he lifted her off the ground and switched places with her so that she was the one against the tree. Her hands went to his shoulders, clinging close. He kissed her like heaven was falling on them, threatening to end their existence. Her mouth was sweet and her scent swamped him and he nearly came undone when her little tongue licked against his lips. He couldn’t get close enough to her, couldn’t get enough of her mouth. And her body, it was tiny against his but it was so very perfect.
With effort, he forced himself to slow down. He wanted to savor this, needed to.
He pulled back, out of breath. “I need you to know that I would never hurt you. I could never—” His voice broke again, coming out in a ragged wordless noise.
“I know that.” She was panting too, eyes glistening. “Of course I know that.”
He buried his face in her neck, inhaling her scent. He wanted it in his lungs, traveling through the oxygen in his muddy blood, in the cells of his mutated body.
“You shouldn’t love me,” he breathed. “You just shouldn’t.”
Cori held on to him tighter, her whole body shaking against his. “It doesn’t matter. I have to. My heart says so.”
Grayson kissed her sweetly then, relishing the feel of her lips and the closeness of her body. Tilting her head to the side, he kissed her neck and the freckles on her shoulder where her tank top left off. Her hands found his hair and snaked through.
A shaky sigh escaped her. “I thought I would lose you,” she murmured. “I thought you would die and leave me.”
He kept kissing her because he couldn’t look at her while he said it, even if it was the truth. “I am dead, Cori.”
She pulled away to look in his eyes. “You’re not dead. You breathe. You move. You think.” She put a hand over his heart, the heat of it burning like a brand. “You feel.”
“It’s not the same,” he said, brokenly. How he hated this.
�
��When you kiss me, I feel like a live wire. What do you feel?”
He just stared at her.
“What do you feel like when we kiss?”
“I feel…I feel…awakened…” Alive, he realized.
Her cheeks flushed red. “See, it’s the same. Yes, we are different. Very different. But you are no less alive.”
He couldn’t believe what was in front of him, what he held in his arms. He’d been so wrong about her in the beginning. She was stronger than he could ever have imagined.
“I don’t know if I believe that or not,” he murmured in her ear. “But you make me feel like I am. Alive.”
Cori’s hands skated along his bare chest. “You’re not even wet,” she observed.
“It’s my skin. It absorbs the water.”
“That’s amazing.” Her voice was laced with awe and he hated hearing it.
Grayson shook his head. “Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“It’s not amazing. It’s freakish. Just another thing that makes me different from you.”
She wound her arms around his neck. “Different isn’t so bad.”
Yes, it was. It was bad. Even if she couldn’t see that.
His conscience nagged at him. He should put a stop to this. Somehow, he should find the strength to push her away.
“Cori…” What could he say to make things right? He’d known from the start that this was messed up, that it could only get worse.
So why did it feel so damn good? To be holding her like this, without secrets. To see the acceptance in her eyes. How could something feel so right and so wrong at the exact same time?
“Cori—” he tried again. But her head was shaking and she’d put a finger to his lips to stop him.
“Don’t,” she said. “I won’t let you do it any more.”
“What?”
“Push me out.” Her face was stern but her bottom lip trembled. She was scared. But not of him. Of losing him, he realized with a pang. “Tell me you won’t do it any more,” she demanded.
