Some thought his Mamm had committed a secret sin that caused her to be alone. But Quill knew the truth. Mamm was innocent. However, she had given birth to four mavericks. Then her fifth son had left for different reasons, and now he was a maverick too. Maybe he had been all along, but the desire to be present and to provide for his Mamm and his desire to build a life with Ariana had kept him from considering leaving.
“I’ve been thinking,” Elam said. “We sank all that time and money into preparations for Salome and her family to leave the Amish. Since Salome has now promised Ariana to stay, at least until Ariana returns, maybe we could ask Salome to help Mamm the way Ariana used to.”
After years of prayer Ariana’s oldest sister and her husband had decided to leave the Amish, taking their children with them, of course. But like others who wanted to leave, they needed help to do that, including places to live until they could support themselves. That’s where Quill and his brothers came in. They provided funds and temporary homes. Even if Ariana spent a decade among the Englisch, he doubted she would ever agree with him about helping Amish people to leave.
“No.” Quill glanced at each brother. “Ariana’s family is off-limits.”
“Salome and her husband owe us. We’ve invested time and money…” Elam hushed when Dan gave him a stern look.
“Quill’s right,” Dan said. “Besides, no one asked Ariana to help Mamm. It was voluntary. Since having contact with us is not allowed, if we ask someone directly, we’re asking them to disobey the bishop. So the whole community is off-limits.”
Ariana had gone by their Mamm’s place at least once a day for five years, often staying for hours. Neither Ariana nor anyone else in the Amish community had any idea that the brothers took turns secretly visiting their Mamm. If Ariana came during one of their visits, the son would slip out and hide in the barn or the shed until she left.
“We have to do something,” Leon said. “If Ariana hadn’t been looking after Mamm two months back, she would’ve died from simple dehydration because of that virus.”
“But that was a fluke. Mamm gets lonely, and everyone could use a little help with daily chores, but she’s generally healthy, right?” Elam asked.
“Sure, but another fluke could happen at any time, and she could be dead before anyone checks on her,” Leon said.
Their Mamm’s health wasn’t bad, but her being a widow without family in the area raised issues that were difficult enough when Ariana was in Summer Grove. They seemed insurmountable with her gone now.
“Josiah Gingerich.” Leon dropped the name and fell silent.
Josiah was from an Old Order Amish family in far northern Pennsylvania. He had left home as a teen and lived Englisch for a decade. Now he lived with his Old Order Amish folks. He had electricity, television, and other modern conveniences on his side of the house. He didn’t attend the Amish church or wear their clothing. Yet on the other side of a simple door that separated the two sides of the home, his parents lived according to the Old Ways.
“Who?” Elam asked.
“Josiah Gingerich,” Dan said. “You probably know him as Joe.”
“Oh yeah,” Elam said. “He was injured on a loading dock, right?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
“That’s all it took—becoming wheelchair bound—for his church ministers to decide that allowing him to live with his parents so they could help him was the Christian thing to do.”
“Then that’s all we need to do—take turns getting sick or injured.” Erastus’s chuckle sounded more like a groan.
“As brilliant as that plan sounds, we have wives who could care for us.”
“Quill doesn’t. I volunteer him. That would solve all the issues of Ariana not being there.”
“I know you’re teasing, trying to lighten things up, but I hate this conversation.” Quill dropped his fork on the plate and pushed back from the table. It wasn’t just about Mamm being lonely, or worse, but they talked about Ariana’s departure from Summer Grove as if the only hardship was how it inconvenienced them and their Mamm.
Dan drew a deep breath. “Sorry, Quill.”
Quill nodded.
“For what?” Erastus asked.
Dan sighed, shaking his head. “Ariana wasn’t just a companion and helper for Mamm.”
“Oh…,” Erastus said. “Yeah, I didn’t…Sorry about that. It’s easy to forget she’s more than someone who watched after Mamm. I haven’t seen Ariana since she was four or five, so I doubt I’d even recognize her.” He gestured at Elam. “Would you?”
“I don’t think so. Like you, I only saw her from a distance, mostly as she was walking away or hidden by the laundry she was hanging out.”
Leon shrugged. “Doubt I would either.”
Apparently Quill’s brothers weren’t as good as he was at finding a spot where they could see her without her seeing them. Catching glimpses of her as he sat in the loft of his Daed’s cooperage shop had helped Quill cope during those first few years after he left. She was light and air in a heavy and dark world.
A memory hit, and Quill chuckled. “Dan would recognize her.” His eldest brother had left the Amish when Quill was seven and Ariana was two, so it was ironic that he was the only other brother who could identify her.
Dan laughed. “Yes, I could…I think. Although I have to admit she startled me, and she was toting a hunting gun.” He pointed his index finger at Elam’s chest, as if his finger were the barrel of the gun and Ariana had him in her sights.
The table broke into laughter.
“Do I know this story?” Leon asked.
Dan leaned back in his chair. “I went to visit Mamm late at night about two years ago, and I fell asleep. I woke to the sound of Ariana calling out to Mamm.”
“The voice I know,” Elam said. “I can hear Ariana calling to Mamm now. ‘Berta?’ She says it like honey rolled in powdered sugar, as Mamm would say.”
They laughed, but Quill wondered how badly Ariana was missing her loved ones right now.
“Anyway, I rushed to the closet to wait until Mamm could distract her and I could sneak out. I thought I was being quiet when I finally left the closet and tiptoed toward the back door, but I came face to face with her, and she was carrying Daed’s Remington Mag.” He laughed. “I promise that huge rifle looked twice its size at that moment.”
“What was she doing brandishing a gun?”
“Good question. I had that same thought after the incident.” Dan pointed at Quill. “The reason is his fault.”
“True.” Quill couldn’t help but smile, and it felt odd.
“He’d told her that if she ever heard an intruder, get the gun, and if the person didn’t run off, put a bullet in the chamber and fire it at the floor near them. I was afraid to move.”
Leon roared with laughter. “You were afraid she’d miss that huge floor and hit your tiny heart.”
The room vibrated with laughter.
“Hey,” Dan said, “I need this Grinch-sized heart.”
“So what happened?”
“I glanced at Mamm, and I knew coming clean with Ariana wasn’t the answer.” Dan paused. “Am I right?”
Quill nodded. If Dan had revealed who he was or why he was there, Ariana would’ve had to carry the secret or to expose Mamm for seeing her sons behind the bishop’s back.
Dan lifted a glass and waved it about as he swayed in his chair. “So I acted like I was drunk and had accidentally entered the wrong home, and I begged her not to shoot me.”
His brothers broke into laughter, but Quill didn’t join them.
“Okay, guys. Enough.” Dan put the glass down. The merriment quickly faded. Dan laced his fingers, sighing. “It was an act of trickery, and in one way or another, we’ve all lied to Ariana over the years. She deserved better.”
His brothers nodded and mumbled apologies.
“So,” Elam said, “circling back to the topic, maybe we should talk to Mamm again about returning to her family in Indiana.”
Dan stood and gathered plates from those who had finished. “She’s made it clear that she’s not leaving.”
“Why is she so stubborn about this?” Elam lowered his head, looking weary.
“Apparently only she and God know why,” Dan said. “But we can’t stand for freedom, helping the Amish leave if they believe that’s right for them, and then pressure Mamm to move because it’s what we think is best.”
“So what do we do?” Elam asked.
Three of his four older brothers looked at Quill.
It dawned on Quill that their looking to him said something about his nature. He was a planner. A schemer. He hadn’t started out that way, and when he stepped into that life, it was because he saw no other way to finish what his Daed had begun. But in every decision, he’d put his personal beliefs and mission above Ariana.
Sounded ethical.
Felt very different.
Ariana couldn’t figure out what was going on. Once the man was at the front of his car, he returned to the driver’s side and reached in for something. Blue flashing lights came on, disturbing the serenity of the night. A cold wind sliced through her thin sweater. How had she not noticed before now the sharp drop in temperature?
“Ma’am.” Despite the numerous lampposts along the sidewalk, he shined a flashlight in her eyes, and she couldn’t make out his face. He then lowered it a little. Evidently she’d stepped in front of a police car. Was it a coincidence, or had Nicholas sent for the police? Did police routinely ride through neighborhoods looking for signs of trouble?
For a brief moment he swept the light from her head to her feet. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m turned around.” Her heart palpitated, and a surge of confusion seemed to numb her mind. Looking at the maze of sidewalks, she couldn’t recall how she’d gotten here.
“Have you been drinking?”
“What?”
“You walked in front of a car and stumbled when retreating, ma’am. You’re clearly confused. And you look underage. Have you been drinking?”
“No.”
“It’s the time of year for parties. Maybe some friends had a costume party nearby, and you—”
“Costume? These are my clothes.”
“Do you know where you are?”
She shook her head. “I’m from Summer Grove, three or so hours from here, and I…I only arrived here on Saturday.” Did she sound as terrified as she felt? “And I wasn’t in this subdivision until last night.” She studied the street. “They were arguing. So unkind and…” Tears threatened, and she dropped the rest of her sentence. It would be best to focus on concrete issues. She cleared her throat. “I hardly know them, and I went for a walk, lost track of time, and now I don’t know how to get back.” Her voice trembled.
He studied her for a moment before nodding. “Okay, I can help you with that. I assume you don’t have a cell phone.”
She took a deep breath, trying to settle her nerves, but it seemed as fruitless as trying to stop the wind. “I don’t own one.”
“Not a problem. Do you know the address of where you were?”
“No.” A gust of wind made the pleats in her dress billow, and she shivered.
A robotic voice mixed with static came through some device attached to his shoulder, but she didn’t catch what it said. He grasped the thing and responded, “Lost pup at Richland. Should be walkin’ the dog in twenty.” He released the device. “I wasn’t calling you a dog. ‘Walking the dog’ means going on break. But you were the pup, so…I guess…” He cleared his throat and went to the passenger’s side door and opened it. “Let’s get out of the wind.”
Her whole body shook, and she needed to sit. Maybe it would help her to regroup her thoughts. She got in, and he went around and sat in the driver’s seat.
“How about the homeowner’s name?” He pointed at a computer. “I can look it up and drive you there.”
She should know this, and her heart moved to her throat. “Quill told me Nicholas’s last name, and it should’ve stuck.” But when Quill told her, she’d just learned she wasn’t really a Brenneman—a truth she had not wanted to accept, still didn’t want to accept. She covered her face and broke into sobs. “I was so sure it was all a mistake.” As best she could, she had put on a front with her family and community, pretending to be fine. Today she was falling apart.
“It’s okay. Here.”
She lowered her hands, and he passed her several tissues. “I’ve heard so many names over the last few days.” That alone had her head spinning. Why wasn’t Brandi’s last name the same as Nicholas’s or Gabe’s? But knowing Brandi’s last name wouldn’t help. She lived several miles from here, and she wasn’t at her house.
“Ma’am?”
“I can’t recall it. I’m sorry. It’s all so confusing.” Tears welled again. Maybe because of embarrassment or maybe because it was fully dawning on her that neither God nor life was anything like she had believed them to be.
“The database won’t be any help without an address or name.” He pulled a cell phone from his pocket. “Do you know someone you could call? Your parents?”
“They only have a community phone.” When they did get the message, which could be late tomorrow, this incident would terrify and grieve her whole family.
He looked from the phone to her. “A friend? Someone who might know your host’s name, address, or phone number?”
Only one person knew the information she needed.
Quill Schlabach.
“I’m not calling him.” She shook her head. “I’m not.”
The officer held out his cell. “You could text him.”
“I…don’t know how.”
The man seemed speechless, but then he held the phone with both hands. “What’s his number?”
Ariana told him, and his fingers flew over the screen.
“Your name?”
“Ariana.”
“I’ll use voice texting.” He pressed an icon. “This is Police Officer Barnes.” His words appeared on the screen. “I’m with Ariana. What is Nicholas’s street address or phone number?”
“You can’t send that. He’ll flip out and be on Nicholas’s doorstep in no time flat. I don’t want to see him.”
The man pressed a circle that was off screen and then pressed some more icons. “Look, I’m supposed to go on break soon, and I’d really like to get you somewhere safe and warm first.” He held out the phone. Quill’s number was on the screen, ready for her to push the green icon. “So I can call or text him, or you can.”
It would do no good for either of them to text Quill. His knee-jerk protective mode would override all else, and he wouldn’t respond to a text. He’d immediately call her on this number, and he’d refuse to tell Officer Barnes anything unless he talked to her first. She would have to talk to him to get the information. She pressed the Call button and waited.
Would he answer? He had two phones, one for everyone and one for just a handful of people. She was calling the number he’d given her, the one only a few had. Less than six weeks ago he’d bought her a phone, and she’d called him regularly as he helped her plan a benefit to raise money to buy the café. When she discovered that he was meeting with Skylar, the real Brenneman daughter, at the same time, she returned the phone and told him to leave her alone.
Her heart pounded harder by the second as the phone rang.
“Hello?” Behind Quill’s greeting she heard other voices and dishes rattling.
Why couldn’t she speak?
“Hello?” Quill repeated.
Drawing a shaky breath, Ariana hoped the tears didn’t return. “It’s me.” She breathed.
Something made a snapping noise three times in a row, and the background noise vanished. “Ari?” He waited. “Iss sell du?”
Hearing her language, one of the many things she missed desperately, caused tears to brim. Her lungs were begging for air as she tried to remain in control. “Ya, it’s me.”
Be
side her, the robotic voice returned, static mixing with odd words.
“A police dispatch? Where are you?” Quill’s voice remained calm as if none of the uproar in her life worked its way past his tranquil emotions.
“I didn’t want to call, but I…went for a walk, and I can’t find my way back. I need Nicholas’s address, please.” The words were the right ones, but did they come across to him as frantic as she felt? She hoped not.
“Sure. That’s easy. I’ll text it so you’ll have it without having to write it down. Listen, I’m only an hour from Bellflower Creek. I could be there—”
“No.”
“You’re still angry with me. I get that. But I’ve been where you are—fresh from the Amish community and feeling displaced. You don’t have to go through this transition alone.”
She wanted to say, “Of the two—alone or with you—I choose alone,” but that would be excessively unkind, especially since she was asking for his help.
The dispatcher spoke again.
“You sound as if you’re at a police station. I could pick you up, and—”
“It’s a car. An officer is helping me.” She couldn’t have imagined what this new world would do to her, but she would manage without him. “I’ll find others to help as I go along. Not you, please. Just text the address. That’s all I need from you. Okay?”
“If you change your—”
“I won’t. But thanks.” She disconnected the call.
The phone pinged seconds later. Officer Barnes swiped his finger across the screen. “Here’s the address, and he said to call him anytime, night or day, and that you can trust him.”
Ariana swallowed the lump in her throat. “Could you take me back to Nicholas’s house now?”
A clanging noise startled Skylar awake. It had to be the crack of dawn. She looked to her left where a digital clock usually rested on the nightstand, but it wasn’t there. During her few hours of sleep, she’d almost forgotten where she was, but the mooing of cows and the clanking of dishes downstairs were quick reminders. The past three nights had been spent on scratchy sheets, listening to the sound of restless farm animals.
Fraying at the Edge Page 3
