“We’re counting on you,” had been her parting words.
He drove home, mad at Cobb, mad at his mom, mad at Danny, mainly mad at himself for putting up with all this shit. What was it about Cobb that made him feel like he was nine and powerless again? When he turned onto their street, though, some of the tension in his shoulders eased at the sight of Pike’s car. Someone to come home to.
Not that Zack wanted to talk. Fuck. He unlaced his boots. Screw talking. What he needed was a shower after this day. Pike wasn’t in the living room or kitchen, but his god-awful pop music filtered out of his room, which undoubtedly meant that he was holed up in his room again, working on his professor stuff. Good. Zack needed to get himself in a better state of mind before socializing. Stripping off his shirt as he walked down the hall, he grabbed a towel from the linen closet in the hall and turned toward the bathroom and—
Bumped into Pike. Or more precisely, bumped into Pike’s bare chest, his own bare skin dragging against damp skin.
“Whoa. Sorry.” Pike’s breath was warm against Zack’s neck. Neither of them jumped apart. They’d been close before—dancing, squeezing around each other to work on the cabinets, and that ill-advised kiss—but this was skin and it was electric, little jolts of energy zooming around all his nerve endings. He shivered, but it wasn’t from cold.
“It’s okay.” Zack still didn’t move away, instead pressing Pike back against the wall, eyes zeroed in on his mouth, like a target in his rifle scope, every bodily process including breathing supporting the singular goal of getting his own mouth on Pike’s. His lips brushed—
“Whoa, whoa.” Pike slid a hand between them, not quite pushing Zack away, but creating space. “Remember what I said about kissing?”
Zack made a frustrated noise. “Do we have to talk right now?”
“Yes. Yes, I think we do.” Pike’s slim body shuddered as Zack’s hands found the damp band of skin right above his towel. He was slimmer than Zack but not scrawny, and the tawny freckles scattered all over his arms and shoulders were more intriguing than any muscles. He had almost no chest hair, but a few more faint freckles Zack wanted to trace with his tongue.
“Later.” Zack nipped at Pike’s neck. “Later you can say whatever you need to.”
Pike gave a strained laugh, body arching into Zack’s even as his face and voice stayed stern. “Not me. You. You talking. With words. Lots and lots of words.”
Fuck. Zack knew precisely which words Pike was going to want. Goddamn, this day had been shit. Did he get nothing for himself? Pike’s eyes mirrored Zack’s churning emotions—lust and confusion—but there was also something else shiny in Pike’s eyes that looked a lot like hope. Or maybe trust. Like he was counting on Zack to do the right thing here. Fuck. I’m not sure I can.
Pike’s tongue darted out to lick his lips. Probably unconsciously, but damn, Zack wanted. He wanted those lips and that tongue and wanted to believe the promise in Pike’s eyes that the price wasn’t going to be more than he could afford to pay.
“Words. I promise. Just let me... I need...” Zack couldn’t control the shaking of his hands on Pike’s sides, so much want coursing through him that he thought he might ricochet apart any second. Flash. Bang. Done.
“Me too,” Pike said shakily, lowering his hand to Zack’s shoulder. “And this is probably my stupidest idea ever—”
“Talk. Later,” Zack growled, capturing Pike’s mouth in a kiss. He meant the promise but hell if he wanted to think about it right then. He held Pike tight against him, sealing them together. He’d never been aggressive like this with the few girls he’d kissed. Certainly he’d never felt this desperate, this unhinged, this out of control, his mouth hungry and his touch needy.
Pike made a happy sigh in the back of his throat when Zack bit at his lips, and Zack’s cock throbbed. Pike wanted this as much as he did, and that knowledge made Zack’s pulse speed up, lungs struggle for enough air between more kisses. And Pike was far from delicate in his responses—he was enthusiastically meeting Zack kiss for bruising kiss, his fingers digging into Zack’s shoulders as his body arched away from the wall, right into Zack. The terry cloth of his towel rubbed against Zack’s uniform pants, and Zack ground back, meeting hardness with hardness.
The towel got all bunched up. Another thrust and it was fluttering to the floor and holy fuck, Pike was naked against him, and Zack’s dick pulsed as surely as if he’d squeezed it. His mouth found Pike’s shoulder, tasting the clean, damp skin there. But it wasn’t enough. Zack needed... Oh fuck, he wasn’t even sure anymore. He just needed.
Pike made a pained noise and Zack pulled back. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Your pants are just a bit rough and I’m kind of naked here and—”
“Sssh.” Zack stilled him with another kiss before he dropped to his knees, kissing the flat of Pike’s belly where Zack’s buckle had left a mark. He licked the tops of Pike’s thighs, trying to soothe any abraded skin. Something primal and protective surged through him.
Thwap. Pike’s dick batted him in the face. His patch of hair was as red as the hair on his head, while his dick was a soft pink color, darker at the tip, and it painted a wet stripe across Zack’s cheek. So hot. He almost came at the contact alone.
“Sorry.” Pike laughed. “You can ignore it—fuck.”
Experimentally, Zack stretched out his tongue, running it along the smooth underside of Pike’s dick. He’d fantasized about this a thousand times, but he hadn’t captured the pulsing of the shaft, the way Pike got impossibly harder when Zack gripped him so he could do this right. His imagination hadn’t told him about the clean, vaguely coppery taste, saltier near the tip where precome had gathered, and hadn’t prepared him for how much he would need to take Pike in his mouth, dying if he couldn’t suck that uncut head in past his tongue and—
“Fuck.” He recoiled a bit as Pike’s cockhead hit some sensitive place in the back of Zack’s mouth. In his fantasies he most certainly did not have a gag reflex.
“You don’t have to...” Pike shoved at Zack’s shoulders.
“Hell yes, I do.” Zack used his free hand to lock Pike in place against the wall. No way was he quitting this now. He’d eaten more sand and dirt in the past year than most people got in a lifetime. No way was a piddly little thing like a gag reflex keeping him from Pike’s cock.
He tried again, going slower and forcibly slowing his breathing, getting into that focused rifle-range state he’d been in a few minutes ago, all senses honed and ready but under his control. A little more...and there. His lips met his fist, and he concentrated on slowly going lower and lower, opening his fingers one by one.
“Holy fuck.” Pike’s voice had the sort of reverence to it that made Zack’s whole body surge with pride.
Emboldened, Zack started a slow but steady rhythm of retreating, sucking hard, before sliding forward, licking a little as he got more comfortable.
“Not gonna last,” Pike panted, shoving at Zack’s shoulders again. “Just finish me with your hand—”
Zack growled and sucked harder. He didn’t take orders from Pike. He needed Pike’s orgasm so badly that his whole body trembled with it, and slick sweat gathered at the small of his back. He tilted his head, trying to find a better angle. Pike’s patch of hair tickled his nose and lips, but Zack couldn’t care less. He moaned around Pike’s dick, loving how damn full his mouth and throat felt, loving the sensation of swallowing around that hard length.
“Zaaaa—coming.” Pike made a series of inhuman noises as he came down Zack’s throat, coating his mouth and tongue when Zack slid back to milk him through the aftershocks with his tongue. He tasted different than Zack did—and yeah, he’d tasted his own spunk. More than once. Pike tasted saltier, earthier and so fucking intoxicating.
Pike gripped Zack’s head, fingers digging into his hair, and...fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Just
that twinge of added sensation, the tug at his scalp, coupled with the taste of Pike on his tongue and Pike chanting his name above him, and Zack was coming too, pulling back so that he could breathe through the aftershocks, not caring that his lips and cheeks got painted with the last of Pike’s orgasm.
“Oh my God.” Pike was laughing now, a glorious sound, a release of all that pent-up energy they’d shared, and Zack couldn’t help from joining in. “Did you seriously just come untouched from sucking me?”
Zack looked down at his pants. “Yup.”
“That’s like the hottest thing ever.” Pike sank down next to him on the hardwood floor. He rested his head on Zack’s shoulder and for a long moment everything was as perfect as it had ever been in Zack’s life, but then Pike straightened, sadness clouding his green eyes.
“Now we talk.”
Chapter Ten
“Got something you’d like to tell me?” Pike waited for a reply, grabbing his towel from the floor. No way did he need his junk hanging out for this talk. Zack ran his hands through his short blond hair, fingers clawing like he’d be yanking it if it were longer. This was where poor confused straight boy freaked the fuck out that he just sucked cock like a champ. Pike had seen this movie before, and he hated the ending, even if the middle was kind of hot. Okay, very hot.
Damn, but Zack was good at giving head. What he lacked in technique and practice, he made up with sheer ballsy enthusiasm. Of course the guy who jumped out of airplanes was going to try to deep-throat on his first go. And succeed.
And no matter how much he needed Zack to talk, Pike had had every intention of returning the favor for him, but then Zack’s bigger body had shuddered like he was electrocuted...
And okay, Pike was going to have to stop thinking about Zack coming untouched unless he wanted his cock to spring back to life. He needed to focus on what was really important.
“Do you have to be so...harsh about it?” Zack whispered, resting his head on his knees. “I’m trying. There are some things I haven’t ever said aloud to anyone.”
“I’m sorry.” Maybe he was being a bit of a dick about this. He could do better, and he reached over, rubbing Zack’s warm, smooth back muscles. God, shirtless in nothing but camo pants, he looked like the cover model on one of his mom’s romantic suspense novels, right down to the broody expression. “It’s okay. Take your time. Maybe—”
Pike was on the verge of offering Zack an out when he finally spoke. “I don’t like girls—women. Not in the way you’re supposed to.”
“There is no supposed to.” Pike kept his voice gentle, keeping back the incredulous tone that wanted to smack some sense into certain people in Zack’s life. “Some people are attracted to women. Some people aren’t. It’s all just biology and genetics.”
“Then why does it feel like a failure? Why does it burn so much that I can’t make myself feel what other guys do? My brother was banging his girlfriend at sixteen when he was supposed to be babysitting me. He didn’t care what the church or Mom and Dad said about abstinence. He couldn’t wait to do all that stuff.”
“You’re not a failure,” Pike said firmly, still stroking Zack’s back. “Dude, you’re a freaking navy SEAL. You’re not a failure just because you like dick.”
Zack shook his head but he gave Pike a weary smile. “That’s not how my family would see it. Every good thing I’ve done, every choice I’ve made, none of it would count if I were gay. So I’ve told myself for a decade now that I’m not. Doesn’t matter what goes on in my head when I...you know. I figured I could be straight if I wanted it bad enough.”
A piece of Pike’s heart cracked off, pierced by Zack’s wounded expression. Pike’s free hand rubbed his own sternum, as if he could stem the bleeding he was likely to do over this complicated man.
“You have more willpower than anyone I’ve ever met.” Pike squeezed Zack’s neck. “This isn’t about willpower.”
“I get that.” Zack sighed. “It makes logical sense, but my head...it’s all fucked up. I keep hearing my dad’s voice telling me to stay away from West Coast queers. But then I think about how Ryan’s the best friend I’ve ever had. More like a big brother. He’s not some...sex criminal. He’s just Ryan.”
“And he’s happy,” Pike pointed out because Zack so clearly wasn’t. “And loved. And he knows who he is and accepts himself—these are important things too, man. I mean I get that your family and your religion is important to you, but that’s not everything.”
“Yeah. Sometimes I look at him and I just...” Zack’s voice got soft again.
“I get what you mean. And Zack, you can be like him.”
“Not and be a SEAL. Not and be my father’s son. Not and be able to ever enter our church again.”
“I can’t fix the family shit for you,” Pike admitted. “But you wouldn’t be the only gay SEAL by far. You could talk to—”
“I’m not ready.” Zack shook his head. “Hell, I’m barely able to say the words you need—”
“Hold up.” Pike stilled his hand on Zack. “I don’t need an admission for me.” That might be a tiny bit of a lie—Pike had after all said no to more kissing. And he’d own up to his own...issues. And sure enough Zack gave him a skeptical look.
“Most of my prodding is about you at least being honest with yourself. For you. Because I watched Roger and I know what lying to yourself does to a person. I don’t need you to say you’re pan or bi or gay or—”
“Gay.” Zack gave a sharp nod and the green tinge to his skin coupled with the tight lines around his mouth made him look like he was about to hurl. “I don’t know what that other is. But I’m not bi. I’ve tried hard enough—yeah, not bi.”
“See, you know yourself. Doesn’t talking it out help some?”
Zack shook his head. “I don’t know crap anymore. What we just did—I wish I could do that over and over, but then I look at you and I want to take a half dozen trips through the grinder to get away from all these questions.”
“Don’t run.” Pike hadn’t intended to say that aloud, but judging by Zack’s softening muscles, maybe it was the right thing to say. “And that wasn’t—”
“If you say that wasn’t anything, I’ll smack you,” Zack growled. “That was something, and we both know it. But fuck all if I know what to do with that.”
“Maybe we don’t have to do anything with it,” Pike suggested, even though it charred his insides to forgo the idea of a repeat. “We can be friends—”
“But what if I want that again?” Zack’s voice sounded like he was asking himself as much as Pike. “Can’t this be our thing? Our private thing?”
“So you’d like to what...be fuck buddies?” That sounded like an epically bad idea. One you love. No, he’d need to put his foot down—
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Zack’s eyes were big and soft. “I just know that I’m so tired of hating myself every second of every day, and when I’m around you, I don’t hate me so much. I’ve spent the last year trying to make sense of me, but when I’m around you, it feels like the answer might actually be out there.”
Fuck. Pike had totally been prepared to say no to secret fuck buddies, but given that pretty little speech how could he say no? You can’t.
“I can be here while you figure stuff out. Be a friend. And the extra—” he waved his hand in a vague gesture “—we can figure out as we go.”
“I don’t like winging it.” Zack’s eyes pinched closer together and his mouth pursed. “Fuck. I wish I had a plan for what comes next.”
“Here.” Pike stood and offered Zack a hand. They were going in circles now. The big questions in Zack’s life weren’t getting solved in one hallway confessional session. “Step one, we shower that spooge off your face and hair. Come on, I’ll wash your back.”
He tugged Zack into the bathroom. Zack’s eye
s got wide. “Together? You want to shower together?”
* * *
“Yup.” Pike lost his towel as they entered the bathroom, and Zack lost another little piece of his mind. Pike waved his hand in Zack’s general direction. “Strip.”
Zack’s hands went automatically to his buckle, even as his mind raced. Okay, he’d had sex—gay sex—and hadn’t spontaneously combusted. But Pike’s easy grin as he assumed that Zack was about to hop to and get in the shower represented something entirely different. This wasn’t letting the lust-filled hormones take over and push Zack to his knees. This was a deliberate choice.
This even more than the talk hammered home that things were changing. Shifting. A seismic rift had opened up in the landscape of his world, and he wasn’t ever putting the pieces back together, wasn’t going to be able to repair it by recanting those words he’d admitted out in the hallway. Pike turned on the shower and held a hand out to Zack.
“Dude. Seriously. I wasn’t joking. You’ve got spunk in your hair and on your face. Now come in here and let me scrub you clean.” Pike leered at him, eyes dropping as Zack pushed off his pants. “Oh yeah. I am so washing you.”
“Shove over.” Zack stepped under the scalding spray—and the awesome water pressure and temperature weren’t the only things different from showering on base. He wasn’t ever going to get used to the kind of shower where apparently you could look at the other guy’s junk and touch and joke.
Like right then, Pike was all pressed up behind him, rubbing Zack’s shoulders and shit, even pausing to drop a kiss on the back of Zack’s neck before he grabbed the soap and started washing him. Like seriously, who got to live in a world where you could just do that to another guy?
Pike, obviously.
And for the first time, maybe Zack wanted a tiny piece of property on that island. Especially if it came with this much warm water—
Oh fuck. He was supposed to be sharing, right?
“Here,” he said, pushing Pike in front of him. “Don’t want you getting cold.”
Off Base Page 9
