“Oh, babe, you don’t have to be perfect for me. Never. Just say come and I’m there. But I shouldn’t have put you in the position of doubting that I’d be there.”
“You were right to walk away.” The words scraped against his throat, truth burning. He could still feel the recoil in his muscles from shoving Pike when he’d heard his parents. “I was being a coward, and I was wrong to push you away.”
“I’m falling in love with you. That’s what I should have said before I left.” Pike kept stroking Zack’s face. “I was a coward too. I needed you to know that, but I was scared of it not being enough—”
“It is.” Summoning his strength, Zack tugged Pike up next to him, half on him, which as far as Zack was concerned was about perfect. “I know I’ve done a piss-poor job of showing it, but I think I love you too.”
“I’ll wait.” Pike’s green eyes were as serious as Zack had ever seen them. “I’m not saying patience is easy, but—”
“You shouldn’t have to.” Zack pulled him down for a fast kiss, needing that contact. “I told my parents. And my command—think the senior chief already knew, but I told. And this lieutenant named Apollo and—”
“That’s a ton of telling.” Pike’s eyes went wide as he stared into Zack’s eyes like he was trying to judge Zack’s sanity. Which, hey, was probably a reasonable question. “But—and I should have said this better—I don’t want you telling for me.”
“Maybe I was at first,” Zack admitted. “I need us to be okay. Be solid. Need you to know that you come first. But it kind of snowballed until I realized that telling was what I needed for myself too. It was a relief almost. Carrying that around was eating at me, worse than this infection even.”
“I’m proud of you.” Pike snuggled in against Zack’s good side. “I still feel like maybe I should have been there, given you more moral support—”
“I think I had to do this on my own.” Zack chewed on the inside of his cheek. “No offense. But my parents were pretty awful, as I expected, so I’m glad you weren’t there for them to lash out at. And the stuff about my team—I needed that kick to stand up and do something about it. I really did.”
“I’m sorry they were terrible to you.” Pike sighed. “I hoped they’d come around—”
“This isn’t some movie.” Zack breathed in Pike’s scent. Citrus shampoo. Hair gel. The same mountain breeze detergent they both shared. Pike. God, he’d missed him so much.
“But maybe we still get a good ending?” Pike grinned at him. “That would be nice. Doesn’t have to be perfect—”
“It won’t be.” Zack knew that much at least. There was still too much unsettled—Pike’s job, his status with his team, his harassment complaint—for this to be a fairy tale, but whatever the future was throwing at them, he wanted Pike by his side. “But I want you. Want this.”
“Me too.” Pike kissed him for real then, lips and tongue and teeth letting Zack know how much he’d been missed, how much Pike had meant his pretty words about love and standing by him.
He growled, deepening the kiss, pulling Pike closer into him. In an ideal world, Zack’s dick would have been all about chasing that kiss with some clothing hitting the floor, but in their imperfect but still-wonderful world, his side pulled when he tried to tug Pike more firmly on top of him.
“Ow. Fuck.”
“Your incision. I wasn’t thinking.” Pike leaped away. “I didn’t mean to start something.”
“I did.” Zack laughed through the pain. “But I think all I’ve got in me tonight is being close to you. Sorry—”
“Don’t be sorry. Being close to you is all I want too.” Pike’s laugh was more welcome than a pain pill. “Well, almost. How about you move to your bed and I’ll hunt us some food and we can watch a movie in there without me squashing you or something?”
“The senior chief’s wife sent some soup.”
“Sounds great. You go rest. I’ll be there.”
“Thanks.” The word wasn’t enough for the warmth in his chest, the certainty that Pike would indeed be there for him. Now just to show Pike that the reverse would be true too.
* * *
“Do you need me to iron for you?” Pike asked, trying not to hover as Zack came out of the shower.
He trailed after Zack to his room. Instead of the fatigues he usually wore to base, Zack was putting on his service uniform—khaki shirt, black pants, shined shoes—for his meeting with his commander.
“I’ve got it.” Zack gave him a small smile as he pulled on a white undershirt, grimacing as he eased the fabric over his side. His incision still stood out against his pale skin. They’d removed the drain at the hospital, but it was still a garish pink line of healing skin, a reminder of how close Pike had come to losing him forever.
“Really, this isn’t that huge of a deal.” Zack sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as Pike.
“Yeah.” Pike wished he knew what Zack would be walking into, so that he could reassure him more. He was so proud of Zack for standing up and reporting the harassment at last, but Zack hadn’t really wanted to talk specifics the past few nights. “These things typically take a lot of time to resolve, I’d think.”
Zack frowned. “I know. Still think I did the right thing, though.”
“Of course you did.” Pike brushed off his shoulders, straightened his collar. Anything to be close to him for another few seconds. “You’ll call me after, right?”
“Of course.” Zack gave him a quick kiss. Things were...different since they’d made up. There was still so much up in the air, but at the same time, it felt like they’d never been apart, sinking back into a routine of sleeping next to each other and playing games and eating together. Pike was trying to roll with it, not require a blueprint for their future, but it was hard. His hands fisted tightly against Zack’s uniform.
A honk sounded from the driveway. Zack pulled away from Pike with one last kiss. “That’s the senior chief.”
Zack probably could have driven himself, but Pike liked that the senior chief wasn’t letting him. It was a nice silent message that he at least supported Zack, even if he wasn’t ultimately responsible for what the outcome would be.
“Text me,” Pike called after him as Zack hurried to the truck, trying hard not to feel like his heart had suddenly grown legs, left with Zack. Hell, his heart was Zack, and if his command let him down, Pike really wasn’t sure what he’d do. I will bodily harm his command if they don’t help him. I don’t care if they’re SEALs. He’s my guy, and I’m not going to let them hurt him further.
Resolved, Pike turned his attention toward getting ready for work. Buzz. His phone went off. Hector. Hell. He still hadn’t brought up the job stuff with Zack.
“Hey, Hector. What’s up?” He grabbed his bag and headed to the living room for his shoes.
“Glad I caught you! I was hoping you’d have a minute before your first class.”
“I do.” Pike’s heart sped up.
“I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. The job is yours. Everyone was super impressed by you, and we’d like to get you up here as soon as possible so we can discuss a transition plan for after you teach your last class.”
Last class. That sounded so...final. And he should be giddy, right? Especially when Hector named a starting salary that would have made his eyeballs fall out if he wasn’t well aware of the cost of housing in the Bay Area. And hell, even with housing, it was quite the pay raise. He should be spinning in circles. But he wasn’t.
“Do you need an answer right now?” he said at last, once Hector had finished laying out the benefits package.
“What? You mean you’re having cold feet?” Hector sounded genuinely baffled. “You leaned on me hard for a over a year now for a shot. You need time now?”
Pike drew a deep breath. “Yea
h, I guess I do. I need to talk to my boyfriend and think about my options. First of next week maybe?”
Hector made a noise like he was grinding his teeth. “I can’t keep this job open indefinitely. Monday. I need an answer Monday morning.”
“I can do that.” I hope.
He ended the call, hoping he was right and that the next few days brought clarity about what he wanted for his future—namely, what sort of a future he had with Zack.
* * *
The senior chief was quiet on the drive to the base other than asking how Zack was feeling. Like Zack, he was wearing his service uniform for the meeting, another sign that this wasn’t a typical day for the team. As they walked to the SEAL team offices, he noticed the men out on the grinder obstacle course. Despite everything, he couldn’t wait to get back out there. He hoped he got the chance, hoped that he hadn’t ruined everything for himself.
Instead of the lieutenant commander’s small office, the senior chief ushered Zack to one of the conference rooms where the commander and a stern-looking female lieutenant Zack had never seen before waited.
“Nelson.” The commander stuck out his hand. “Great to see you up and around.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“This is Lieutenant Hernandez from the Command Managed Equal Opportunity Office.” The commander gestured at the woman, who had dark slicked-back hair and a wide mouth.
Equal Opportunity Office. Shit just got real. Zack tried to keep his face neutral as he shook hands and they all took a seat at the oak table. The room’s decor had probably last been touched before Zack was born, but there was something almost comforting about the orange carpet and thick rust-colored curtains.
“Nelson, I want to assure you that we take complaints such as yours very seriously.” Lieutenant Hernandez opened a slim laptop. “And everything we discuss today will be held in the utmost confidence.”
“Thanks.” Zack’s pulse leaped like a ski jumper attempting new tricks.
“And while I can’t tell you any specifics, I can tell you that yours is not the first complaint we’ve received against this particular SEAL. Your report aligns with others.”
“Whoa.” Zack hadn’t been expecting that. “You mean he’s done this before?”
“I can’t divulge details, but suffice it to say your report was timely.”
I wasn’t alone. Sweat gathered on Zack’s back. Someone else had been suffering, probably scared to come forward too. And Zack’s report was helping this other person. No matter what happened from this point forward, he’d done the right thing. No one should have to suffer Cobb in silence. Including me.
“Full disciplinary action will be pursued,” his commander said. “I assume you’ll cooperate with Lieutenant Hernandez’s investigation and provide her with whatever she needs.”
“Of course.” Zack’s voice wasn’t working right—it sounded too high and far away.
“But what we need to discuss today is keeping you safe on the team going forward.”
“That’s priority number one.” The senior chief spoke up for the first time.
“I need to tell you that prior to your complaint, we were discussing a transfer,” the commander continued.
“A transfer?” Zack’s stomach fluttered.
“There’s a team out of Little Creek that’s down a few men. Our team’s...cohesion isn’t what we’d hoped, and since you had seemed so...restless, there were discussions about having you transferred to that team.”
“I’m not unhappy,” Zack protested. Booted. This was his biggest fear, being pushed out of the team. “Or restless. Other than this stuff with Cobb, I love being on the team.”
“This is your chance to have a fresh start on a new team. You say the word, and we’ll get a quiet transfer together for you.” The commander stared him down, forehead creased, but eyes more concerned than angry.
Zack took a deep breath, let the commander’s words sink in. He could take the transfer, maybe even manage to get distance from Cobb’s rumors, not have to come out to his team if he didn’t want to. But... Pike. Pike’s whole life was on the West Coast. And Zack couldn’t imagine a fresh start that didn’t include him. He looked over at the senior chief. He couldn’t envision being on a team that didn’t have him.
“I want to stay.” Zack worked hard to keep his voice level and strong. “Whatever the consequences may end up being, I want to be a part of this team.”
“Oh there’s not going to be any consequences,” the senior chief drawled.
“Like I said, Nelson, we’re going to keep you safe and make sure you don’t have a hostile work environment.” The commander looked over at Lieutenant Hernandez, who nodded.
“And while your command and mine will need to meet separately to determine a course of action, we will work closely with you to ensure there’s no retaliation,” Lieutenant Hernandez said. “That’s a priority in every harassment case.”
Every harassment case. Zack was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he wasn’t alone, that other people suffered this. “I’m not...” He took a deep breath. “I’m not the first gay sailor to have a complaint like this?”
There. He’d said it aloud, proud and firm, and the world didn’t end. If anything, the same relief that he’d felt telling his parents danced in his veins.
“Like I said, I can’t get into specifics of other cases, but you’re not alone.” Lieutenant Hernandez had a kind smile. “There are some informal support networks here that you could take advantage of as well. Are you planning to be out to your team?”
“Cobb’s not going to leave me much choice,” Zack mumbled, because really he hadn’t thought much beyond that. Reporting Cobb equaled coming out in his mind. Commander knew. Senior Chief knew. Wouldn’t be much longer before everyone knew, right? He hadn’t thought much about a middle ground where some people, but not everyone, knew.
“You always have a choice,” the commander said firmly. “If you don’t want your private life to be the concern of your teammates, I’ll back you on that, but I have to tell you, I had a long talk with Lieutenant Floros, and I think that way may be harder on everyone, especially you.”
“Agreed.” The senior chief nodded. “We’re a family. We want to be happy for each other. You have something positive in your life, your buddies should know. Things suck, well, we should know that too.”
Pike. He didn’t say the words, but he knew that was what the senior chief was referring to. And no way could he keep that part of his life hidden any longer.
“Not everyone will like it,” Zack said instead.
“The gay jokes are done with. We should have put the clamps down on that a long time ago, and that’s on me,” the commander said. “Anyone has a problem serving alongside you, they can report directly to me.”
“And I’ll have your back on this too,” the senior chief added. “We’re damn lucky to have you on our team. Not many have your navigational and surveillance skills.”
The commander nodded. “I’m glad you’re choosing to stay with us. Do you know how you’d like to tell the team? Casually, like one-on-one, or more formally, like you’d like me or the senior chief to help you to share it at a meeting?”
God, the idea of a planned announcement with him standing in front of everyone gave Zack feverish shivers. He needed a drink. Right there in the middle of the day, he needed a drink.
Wait.
A drink. Maybe there was some middle ground. “Casually, but I think I might have a plan there.”
“Glad to hear it.” The commander had a smile a lot like Apollo—feral and dangerous, something they must teach in officer training.
“If there’s any retaliation or pushback when you tell, you call my office,” Lieutenant Hernandez said. “And that’s an order.”
They wrapped up t
he meeting with a lot more from Lieutenant Hernandez about how the disciplinary process would work. Once they were walking back to the senior chief’s truck, he said to Zack, “You work things out with Pike? Be a damned shame if all this tore you two apart.”
“I’m working on it.” Zack smiled, because for the first time he really believed deep down that things would work out for him. “I might have a plan in that regard too.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Can you eat real food yet?” Pike pulled off his tie as he came into the house. Predictably, Zack was playing a game on the TV. His color was even better today, and he’d had physical therapy in the morning to help him start working his way back into shape. Knowing Zack, he’d probably pushed the therapist to let him run. “We’re out of the stuff from the senior chief’s wife, and I’m in the mood for pizza or the sandwich place that delivers.”
“Actually...” Zack’s voice was unsteady, but his grin disarmed Pike. “Would you like to go out?”
“Out?”
“Out. It’s a Friday night. I believe you’re familiar with the concept. Couple of beers, maybe late dinner after grabbing drinks?”
“Out like you and me? Together?” Pike peered down at Zack, looking to see if someone had swapped him out for a robot. In all their months living here, they’d never once gone out, and certainly not as a couple, and even if things had changed in the past week, Zack had seemed perfectly content to stay holed up here at home.
“Yeah. I think it’s time.” Zack pulled Pike down next to him on the couch. “Stop looking at me like I’m proposing public fucking. Just some drinks. I’m about to go nuts, almost a week of nothing but these walls.”
“Okay.” Pike pulled out his phone and called up his entertainment recommendation app. No way did he want Zack’s first time out as a couple to come with a hassle. “Let me look up some gay-friendly bars or better yet text Ryan—”
Zack stilled him with a hand over his phone. “I’ve kind of got a place in mind. We can go someplace else after if you want.”
Okay, this was just spooky. Pike wrapped a hand around Zack’s neck, looking for that robot switch. Zack had plans? And if he wasn’t a robot dupe, the real Zack with a plan was a dangerous man. “Should I change clothes?”
Off Base Page 22
