by Clare Lydon
Maya held her hands out towards Eden, clenching and unclenching her tiny fists, which were caked in the brown stuff.
“Like toast!” Maya said with a smile.
“Do not put your hands in your mouth! Hold them out where I can see them!” Heidi told her daughter.
Maya did as she was told, her tiny fingers spread wide and in front of her.
Eden now understood the urgency with which Heidi had moved. How had she known? “That’s not chocolate, is it?” Eden’s stomach lurched, and she swallowed down. She was not going to be sick, but it was taking all her willpower to keep her chips in her stomach. From the colour of Heidi’s face, which was set to pale grey, she was doing the same thing, too.
Heidi’s face was contorted, and she was shaking her head. “I wish it was, but apparently she really wanted to smear something onto the bread, and look what present was waiting to be used on the floor of the playground. If I could get my hands on that dog owner, I’d tell them a thing or two.” Heidi grimaced, then blew out a long breath. “I’m not sure what to do, apart from put her in a poo bag, but I don’t have one big enough.” She walked a few more steps, then stopped. “I’m taking her to the bathroom, but then I’m going to have to go home. She stinks. And this is… more than a little embarrassing.” She shook her head. “Can you keep an eye on our stuff till I get back?”
Eden ground her teeth together, not knowing what to say. “Of course. Is there anything I can do?”
Heidi shook her head. “Just tell yourself the next date we have will be better than our first two. It has to be.”
Eden hoped that was true.
Heidi put Maya to bed and poured herself the largest glass of Malbec possible. She considered putting a straw in the bottle and to hell with the glass, but she was trying to keep a lid on her disappointment. So far, dating with kids was proving more of an issue than she’d thought possible.
Today had gone so well at first. Maya had warmed up to Eden, and they’d even started chatting and laughing. While Maya had played, they’d shared some conversation, and the one thing that stuck out to Heidi was they both wanted to take this further, to see where they might end up. They were on the same page. She so wanted to be on the same page as Eden. In the same bed would be nice, too.
However, she couldn’t work out why the universe kept setting them up, then knocking them down. Tonight she’d had visions of Maya falling asleep in her arms after playing, of Eden and her sharing looks and touches, and leaving with promises of more child-free times to come. She’d envisioned a farewell kiss that promised more. A dreamlike state for this evening.
Instead, Heidi had come home, thrown all Maya’s clothes straight into the bin, then plonked her in the shower, hosing her down until she was sure all trace of the day had gone. The one saving grace was that neither she nor her friend Etty had got any in their mouths. However, if she’d been trying to show Eden how wonderful children could be, it had backfired spectacularly.
Her stomach rumbled, and she got up, spying the chocolate spread bag on the counter. She opened the bread bin and took out a couple of crumpets. Some chocolate-covered crumpets to soothe her woes? It sounded perfect.
She’d left the pub in a whirl, not quite knowing what to say or do, embarrassment peaked. It couldn’t get any worse than that, could it? Eden had been so sweet, but Heidi could see she was trying not to barf, trying not to run screaming from the scene, and who could blame her? It wasn’t anything she’d run to, and she was a parent.
When the crumpets popped from her toaster, she fished them out with her wooden tongs — just like her mother always told her — and opened the jar of spread.
“Like toast.” Her stomach lurched.
She wasn’t all that hungry, after all.
Chapter 18
“I don’t believe that happened.” Johan was sat aghast as Eden regaled the tale of yesterday to him. “The kid was spreading dog shit onto a bit of plastic bread like it was chocolate spread?”
“In the middle of a pub in broad daylight.” When you didn’t know the sweet little girl involved, it sounded far worse.
“And this was your date’s kid?”
Eden nodded. “It was.” A second date that hadn’t ended well either, although it was definitely more promising than the first. Just when she was beginning to think there might be something there for her and Heidi, something else happened that made her question it all over again.
Not that any of it was Heidi’s fault. What had happened was an accident. But their relationship hadn’t gone smoothly so far, and it was making Eden doubt date three. Yesterday, they’d just started to talk when Maya had her incident. Then Heidi had left in more than a hurry.
Which made Eden question the whole child thing again. Was she ready for it? Her heart said yes, because Heidi had already made a strong case where her heart was concerned.
However, her head was questioning her choices. Her head said this was the tip of the iceberg. That her original thoughts about kids still stood. Whichever way she jumped, she knew today she’d woken up with a hangover, and it had nothing to do with the amount of alcohol she’d drunk the day before. This was an emotional hangover.
“I’m sure you’ll look back and laugh.”
“Maybe in a year.”
“Perhaps two. So how did you leave it? You were wary of the kid, anyway. Then she shits all over your date. Literally.” He sat back, pleased with his joke.
Eden’s smile was tight. “I said I’d call her. I’m not going to run just because her kid mistook dog poo for chocolate spread.”
At least, she didn’t think she was.
“Should that be our ad campaign tagline?” Johan painted his hand across the air above his head. “I can see it now, on billboards everywhere: ‘Tastes much better than dog shit’!”
She rolled her eyes. “Very funny. But it did make me think about an ad campaign for Chocolate Delight. Because Maya — the name of dogshit child—”
“Cute name.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Eden’s heart did a somersault as she thought about Maya, then Heidi. Maya might be cute, but she had nothing on her mother. “Anyway, Maya got obsessed with me telling her she could spread Chocolate Delight on toast. Also, Heidi told me about another friend whose kid got it all over his face. Maybe we could include that, too?”
Johan nodded. “Go on.”
Eden clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “I was thinking we could have a Chocolate Delight ad based on a story around a family with a toddler. In the morning, the toddler demands it for breakfast — because they do demand, as I now know — and we show the parent spreading it on her toast, saying something memorable, repeatable. ‘Delight for you.’” Eden circled her hand. “We’ll work on it, you get the gist.
“In the afternoon, we show that same parent spreading it on something for him or herself. Maybe himself to flip the expectation. He spreads it on a rice cake, and says ‘Delight for me.’ They kiss the child goodnight. The last scene is of the couple in bed together, naked, about to get busy. The woman smears some spread over the husband’s lips and says, ‘Delight for us’, then kisses it off. And then we have some kind of tagline, that indicates Chocolate Delight is the spread for the whole family that will see you through the day, from morning till night.” She sat back, knitting her fingers together in the shape of a steeple, resting them on her forehead. “What do you think?”
Johan frowned, his gaze questioning. “You got all that from some kid playing with dog poo?”
Eden laughed. That storyboard had been going around in her head all last night when she couldn’t sleep. She’d composed a couple of messages to Heidi during the early hours of this morning, but hadn’t sent them. She hadn’t checked her phone in the past two hours as she’d been in meetings. Heidi had messaged last night to apologise, and Eden had sent one back right away telling her there was no need. Because there wasn’t. None of it was anyone’s fault, it had just happened.
For
Eden even to think that showed she was changing. Pushing aside her imperfect past, taking a deep breath and opening herself up to new possibilities. One thing she was sure of: Heidi had some kind of mystical power over her.
“There’s something in it. It’s rough at the moment, but it could work.” He pointed a finger in her direction. “I also think one of us needs to have a child for moments of inspiration like this. Maybe that’s why this woman’s come into your life, to show you what family life is like, then we can depict it.”
“It’s crossed my mind.” Eden had never experienced true family life. She thought of Heidi. Of her strength, her courage to do it alone. Heidi had shown Maya more love and commitment in one lunchtime than Eden had ever got from her mum in 40 years.
Emotion lodged in Eden’s throat. She had to push it down. She was at work, her in-control place. Yet since she’d met Heidi, her work and personal life were becoming intertwined. With every passing day, Eden could feel control slipping from her grasp.
She swallowed down and refocused. What would India think of the ad? Because in the end, she was the one they had to impress with their story and execution. Would she warm to it? Or did she want something way more out there?
“You know,” Eden said, an image of Heidi flashing into her mind. And then Heidi was stripping off her top, beckoning Eden in with a crooked finger. She had a pot of Chocolate Delight in one hand, and proceeded to trail that suggestive finger through the spread, before licking it off her fingertip in one swift move.
Eden stopped spinning around in her chair and let that image marinade in her mind for a few minutes. She sat with it, too. She knew enough about mindfulness to understand that you were meant to notice small moments of joy in your life and be present for them. She was totally present for this. All over it, in fact. Even if the moment was a daydream, a fabrication of her own making.
The moment broke when Johan snapped his fingers in front of her face. He stared at her, his face a question mark. “Where did you go?”
“Sorry, I was deep in thought.” She paused. “I was just wondering…” She trailed off. She was just wondering whether or not she could bring her fantasy to life. Who knew if she and Heidi were ever going to get it together? But if they couldn’t, she could put it in an ad. She sat up, planting both feet onto the polished wooden floorboards, pacing to the window and staring out at Soho below. April drizzle was falling again, and the streets were a blur of shuffling umbrellas.
“What if the couple they focus on isn’t a man and a woman? What if it’s two men or two women? I’d say two men has been done before, whereas two women isn’t as common. Plus, we’re pitching to India Contelli, who, as everybody knows, is one of the most eligible lesbians in the world. If anyone is going to give the green light to a lesbian-themed ad, it’s her, right?”
Johan was looking at her like she’d gone mad. “Are you serious? You’ve got to get it past Caroline first, which would be the hardest part.”
“Caroline’s pro-LGBT.”
“She’s also pro keeping her business shipshape.”
Eden shook her head. The more she thought about this idea, the more sure she was this was the moment to push. They’d toyed with putting LGBT characters in their campaigns before, but they’d always shied away. But if India wanted something different, she was going to get it.
“I’m going to take it to Caroline now.” Eden stood up. “Strike while the iron’s hot. Otherwise, tomorrow I might chicken out.”
“And if she says yes?”
Eden grinned. “Then those rough edges are going to need to be smoothed out. And we have to hire two smokin’-hot lesbian mums for the ad.” She put a finger to her chest. “I’ll be in charge of casting, by the way.”
Chapter 19
Two days later, Heidi met Sarah in one of the local Jewish coffee shops in their area. She’d been working this morning and had just booked a new job with two lovely women for their wedding in six months’ time. Maya was at nursery, and Heidi was picking her up in two hours, which gave her time to have a coffee with her sister.
She loved the community mix of this part of London. While Stoke Newington was within spitting distance, with its hipsters and Turkish community, Stamford Hill was very much a Jewish enclave. However, all the residents, whatever their nationality, lived happily together, showcasing London’s ability to be the poster child for diversity. Their family was a case in point: Caribbean meets Surrey, all living in north London surrounded by Jews. As if reinforcing her point, further up the road there was a mosque on one side, a synagogue on the other. When the services collided, which happened most weekends, the various congregations smiled and walked past each other on the same pavements. There was no issue with the Jewish and Muslim communities here.
But it wasn’t religion that had been clogging up Heidi’s brain for the past couple of days. That honour had gone to what she was now referring to as Poo-gate.
Sarah had her hand over her eyes as Heidi finished telling the story. “Shut the fuck up. She was spreading poo on her toast?” Sarah grimaced a little more. “Was it spreadable?”
“Apparently in Maya’s mind it was. But you know, I didn’t really take too close a look. I was a bit busy trying not to vomit on my shoes.”
“Wow, that’s some hardcore dating experiences you’ve had there. Some would say you two don’t look destined. But I think you should see it as a challenge.”
“That’s because you’re married.” Heidi held up a hand. “No more poo talk, it’s time to eat.” She took a bite of her pastry – light, buttery and shot through with lemon and cream cheese – and swooned. “You know what, I’m glad I moved here just to be close to these.”
“I thought you moved to be closer to your nearest and dearest?”
“That was a happy coincidence.” Heidi gave her a grin. “Seriously, though. Do you think there’s something wrong with Maya? I mean, is what happened a bit weird?”
Sarah was shaking her head before Heidi finished her sentence. “No. Kids are grim and weird, especially when they’re little. They’ll pick up anything and put it in their mouths. It’s part of childhood. When Albert was little, he was playing in the back garden with his friend and they found a dead baby bird. When I went out there, they were dissecting it, totally fascinated. They might have been about to grill it and add a little olive oil if I’d left it any longer.”
Heidi baulked. “Were we like that when we were kids? I don’t recall.”
“Probably. You want to ask Mum?”
“No.”
Sarah winced. “By the way, I might have kinda half-mentioned about you having a date. Sorry, it just slipped out.”
Heidi recoiled. She really didn’t need extra pressure. “Can you try to keep your mouth shut where Eden is concerned?”
Sarah nodded, contrite. “I’ll try.”
“The thing is, I’ve been spending the last few days putting myself in Eden’s shoes. And honestly? I’m not sure I’d be bothered to make it work when everything just keeps going wrong. Look at it from her perspective. Her life’s a breeze, she’s got a cool job, she’s gorgeous. I’m sure she could easily snag herself a woman without all the baggage I come with.”
“She hasn’t done so far, though, has she? Plus, don’t underestimate the power of a Hughes woman.” Sarah banged her finger on the table to underline her point. “When Jason met me, I was sick in his shoes the next day. But he still married me and had my children.”
Heidi screwed up her forehead. “Isn’t that the other way around?”
Sarah shook her head. “No, that’s some male chauvinist bullshit. I let Jason put his sperm in me and then I let it produce my children.”
“If you say so. My point is, puking in Jason’s shoes is bad, but is it as bad?”
“If she really didn’t want anything to do with Maya, she wouldn’t have turned up the other day on date two. And yes, I grant you, it could have gone better. But did you chat?”
Heidi nodded, a slow s
mile ripening across her cheeks. “We did.”
“Exchange cutesy smiles and looks, like the gushy one you’re giving me now?”
More nodding.
“Then you’re in the zone. You just have to find a way to engineer another zonal meeting where you don’t have a child or a dog anywhere near. That shit doesn’t happen by accident.” Then she burst out laughing. “Excuse the pun, but it doesn’t. And cutesy smiles and looks don’t go away in a hurry, either.”
“A zonal meeting? You make it sound like a painful thing. Like we have to meet at a certain point in geometry and impale ourselves on a spike to make it happen.”
“Whatever it takes to get you laid.” Sarah sat back, giving Heidi a wide grin. “Call it what you like but it’s all true.”
“How do you know? You’ve been married for 12 years, you’re hardly what I’d call a dating lexicon. You met Jason when you were 20 and got married at 25. You haven’t even suffered a broken heart.”
“I have!”
“Bobby Trainer doesn’t count. You were six.”
“It still hurt.” Sarah put on her aggrieved face. “Anyway, I watch a lot of movies, I read a lot of books. I understand the world plenty.”
“I wish I did.” Heidi finished her pastry, then sat back, sipping her coffee. “I didn’t even mean to introduce her to Maya so early, but circumstance conspired against me.” She put her head in her hands. “Am I a terrible mother?”
Sarah snorted, putting a hand on Heidi’s arm. “Will you stop? Look at me.”
Heidi prised her hands away from her face and sighed.
“Things go wrong with children, you can’t legislate for it. That’s why it’s generally better to have two adults around. It’s not for the children, it’s to support each other in times of need.”
