“Luke,” Lily cried.
He had to stay away. No good could come of this.
“Please… someone get my husband. I need him. Please,” came her plaintive cry.
Pain ripped at his heart, clawing and shredding. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from going to her.
“Please,” she whimpered, and then she screamed his name.
Fuck. He couldn’t stay away. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.” Pushing through the crowd, he was at her side in an instant, gathering her to him. He stroked her hair while she clung to him and sobbed.
“I want to go home.”
“As soon as you’re discharged.” He caught the gaze of a nurse. She gave him a sympathetic smile.
What in the hell was he going to do? Even if she had brain trauma in the form of memory loss, her body was fine and they couldn’t keep her here. He would have to take her home. She had no one but him.
Only if he took her home, she would see that they were no longer married—no matter their intentions to start over again. This version of Lily knew nothing of divorce or separation…or second chances.
Her grip tightened on him. “I’m here,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I love you so much,” she said, and his heart lurched in his chest. “I’m so glad you were the first person I saw when I woke up.”
Chapter Six
‡
“Ten years?” Lily whispered, completely shell-shocked. “You’re saying that I—the last decade is completely gone?”
Dr. Jeon sat down beside her on the large sofa in the borrowed office. “What I’m saying is that for now, the last decade is gone. It could come back, but at this point… there’s a lack of blood flow to your medial temporal lobe, and that’s part of the reason why you can’t remember. While the other part is simply the brain itself. Despite what we do know, there’s so much more that we don’t.”
Lily’s heart beat so hard against her chest that she thought it would take flight. “I won’t get my memory back?
“The odds are slim. Hopefully, blood flow will continue to improve as time passes.” She held up the scan of Lily’s brain. “There is some blood flow and that’s a very good sign, but I don’t want to get your hopes up. Practicality and truthfulness are what you need.”
Lily stared at the computer on the desk across the way. It was sleek, with an apple on the back. It looked nothing like the large, bulky ones that came in different colors. She had no idea who the president was, beyond the name that had been given, troops were still in the Middle East, and people used Facebook and Instagram to share their entire lives with the world.
“I really liked Myspace,” she said. “Are you sure Justin Timberlake owns it?”
“Yes. Look, you can still use it to communicate with friends and family,” Dr. Jeon said, taking Lily’s abrupt change in conversation in stride. “Or you can avoid social media altogether. I took a look at your profile on Facebook. You were fairly active. Viewing the images you posted, along with your comments, could help you recover your memories.”
She didn’t want to look at her profile. Stubborn and childish, but all she wanted was her life the way she remembered it, not the way it was now. “I guess.”
“Here’s your phone.” Dr. Jeon slipped a lightweight, rectangle into her hands. “It’s last year’s model, but not much has changed since the newest one came out.”
Lily glanced down. “I used a Razr phone.”
“They still make those. If you would feel more comfortable using that instead, I’m sure we could get you one.”
Maybe Luke could show her how to use this one. Luke could… “Why isn’t Luke with us?”
“Because you’re my patient.”
Lily jerked her gaze to the doctor’s face. “But he’s my husband. I would think someone so important to me would be here.”
“Dr. Ambrose is waiting outside.” Dr. Jeon’s dark eyes turned sympathetic. “There are a lot of questions you haven’t asked, you know.”
Like if they had kids. Like where she and Luke lived now. She knew she taught dance, but that could have changed as well.
However, it seemed odd that she and Luke were in Holland Springs. They had just moved to Chapel Hill. Well, she had just moved in with him.
“I wanted to wait to talk to Luke. I’d rather hear about my life from someone who loves me than from a medical professional who doesn’t. No offense.”
The doctor nodded, a small smile on her lips. “That’s understandable. If you’ll give me about five minutes to speak with Dr. Ambrose—alone—then I’ll have him come in and talk with you.”
She blew out a shaky breath. She’d been waiting to speak with Luke for hours. Ever since she woke up yesterday, she’d been poked, prodded, examined, scanned, and repeatedly asked the same questions while he stood to the side, his manner distant but concerned.
By the time she was left alone, she could barely keep her eyes open. While this morning had been almost a repeat of the day before, Dr. Jeon had appeared and taken Lily to the other side of the hospital to chat with her.
She inwardly sighed.
Maybe he was just letting the doctors and nurses here do their thing without interference.
“I can wait.” She held up the phone and shook it. “Maybe I’ll figure this thing out in the meantime.”
The doctor left the room, but instead of checking out her phone, Lily watched her as she talked to Luke. His stance was tense, almost as if he were angry. Worried. He was worried. He ran a hand over his face, and then rubbed one ear. A short nod followed by his lips moving.
Crap. If only she could read lips, then she could see what worried him so much. Well, beyond the fact that she couldn’t remember the last ten years of their life together.
What seemed like an eternity passed before they stopped talking. Luke glanced at the office and Lily shrank back, not wanting to get caught. Finally, he entered the room, closing the door behind him.
Her nerves began to settle. She smiled at him, scooting closer as soon as he sat down beside her. He was her rock, her comfort…he’d always taken care of her. Well, when they weren’t fighting about stupid things, but they’d barely been married a year. Couples fought and they always made up.
Instead of touching her, like she expected him to, he leaned forward and clasped his hands together.
She frowned. That was odd.
“Dr. Jeon said you had some questions for me,” he said.
“Yes. I didn’t want to ask her about personal things.” She touched his thigh, and he started. “Is everything okay with you? I mean, I’m the one who can’t remember the last ten years, but…you’ve been acting like you don’t want to be around me.”
He turned to her, and for the first time since she’d woken up, she noticed the lines around his eyes, the few grey hairs at his temples. He looked older, handsome and sexy as anything, but still… older.
Coward that she was, she refused to look in a mirror. Not even while she brushed her teeth or washed her hands. Of course, she’d caught glimpses, but beyond that…she wasn’t ready to see herself as a thirty-year old woman. In her mind, she was still nineteen.
“I’m worried for you. I can’t imagine how foreign everything will seem once you leave the hospital. Actually, I can imagine a little,” he said, keeping his eyes on her. “A few weeks ago, you and I had a conversation about my trip to Chili—that it was hard for me to go back, so…this has to be a million times worse.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember that conversation.”
“Don’t apologize for what you can’t help.”
She touched his face, like she had done a thousand times before, but this time, he leaned away from her for a split second before closing his eyes and leaning back. “You need to shave,” she said, rubbing the tips of her fingers across his jaw. “You have silver here, too.”
“I’m old,” he said with a laugh.
“You’re still handsome.” Lily swallowe
d. “I haven’t allowed myself to dwell on this question, because I’m really afraid of the answer.”
“Go on, baby. You can ask me,” he said softly.
“Did we ever adopt like we had planned?” she asked.
He licked his lips. “No.”
Tears pricked at her eyes. “Do we have kids at all?” Had they gone another route, like a sperm donor? Oh God. Please don’t let me have children. What would she say to them? She didn’t remember anything at all, no matter how hard she tried. In fact, when she did try, all she ended up with was frustration and a headache. Worse, she’d only been trying for maybe a day.
Before things had gotten serious between them, Luke had told Lily he was sterile from having the mumps as a child. She had accepted that and suggested adoption. After they were married, he’d gotten tested again—hoping for some sort of miracle—but his sperm count hadn’t changed.
“No.”
Relief washed over her. She grabbed his hand and squeezed. “That’s okay. I love you with or without kids. You know that, right?”
Wordlessly, he nodded.
Her body seemed to give out, and she practically collapsed against him, his warm, solid body better than any bed she’d ever slept on. “The last thing I remember is living in Chapel Hill with you.”
“We moved.”
“To Holland Springs?” It seemed odd, but fitting, she guessed. After all, he had family here, and they’d always been nice to her.
“Eventually.”
“What do I do here, besides being the most devoted doctor’s wife ever?” she said playfully.
He didn’t laugh. “A few years back, you bought Dance to the Beat from Tempe.”
“Shut up!” Her eyes rounded as she shot to sitting position. “I own a dance studio?”
“You’re an amazing teacher. Your students love you,” he said. “You’re very successful and respected in the community.”
“Wow.” Shaking her head, she laughed. “I can’t…who would have thought someone like me would end up owning a business? Wait. Who’s running it while I’m here?”
“Denise—your reception and assistant office manager—and your staff has taken over your classes until you can return to work,” he said.
“What about you?” she asked, suddenly remembering he’d been at the hospital with her the entire time. The nurses had told her all about his devotion, as if it was unexpected, which she thought was weird because if their position had been reversed, she would have been here for him.
“I have my own clinic out in the county. My partner and I see workers and—”
A memory bubbled up. Lily grabbed on to it and didn’t let go. She and Luke were walking down a street filled with food trucks and lights. “Farm workers and their families,” she said excitedly. “I remember.”
“That’s great.” Luke didn’t look that excited. In fact, he looked a little sick.
“You haven’t been taking care of yourself like you should, have you?” she asked.
“Haven’t slept in days,” he admitted. “But I wanted to be here for you when you woke up.” His jaw worked. “I didn’t know if you would wake up, and I was fucking scared.”
“You don’t have to be scared anymore,” she said. She framed his face in her hands, love swelling inside of her. “I’m back, and while it’s going to be an adjustment, we’ll get through this. Together.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” he said slowly, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood.
“Why?”
“Shit. I don’t know…she said for me to be honest with you, no matter what. That it would be kinder to tell you now instead of letting you find out on your own.”
Fear grabbed hold of her as she let go of him. “Stop being so cryptic and tell me.”
“I will be here for you, in whatever way you want. I promise, but… when you go home today…” He exhaled and muttered a curse. “We don’t live together anymore, Lily.”
“What?”
“We haven’t lived together for a long, long time.”
“Why?” she asked stupidly. There was only one reason they wouldn’t live together.
“Because you and I… We’re divorced.”
Her head began to pound. Black spots appeared in front of her eyes. “No, no, no, no,” she chanted, letting go of him and clamping her hands to each side of her head. She began to rock back and forth, still chanting no.
“Sweetheart, please don’t. Oh baby, please don’t do this.” His arms came around her to prevent her from moving. “Let’s go back to your room, and I’ll get the nurse to give you—”
“NO!” She wrenched away from him. “You are a liar. A mean one at that.”
He looked so defeated that she whimpered. “I’m not lying to you. I wish it were a lie. I wish this was ten years ago, and none of this had ever happened.”
It was all Luke could do to keep it together. He had to because Lily looked ready to bolt at any moment. Honesty was fucking overrated, but he had listened to Dr. Jeon, bowing to her expert advice.
Better for her to find out from you than anyone else. Better to find out now instead of later.
“Baby, just listen, okay?”
Tears fell from her eyes. “Why did you divorce me?” she asked, sounding so pitiful that he felt like the world’s biggest bastard.
“You divorced me.”
She shook her head so hard that he heard her teeth rattle. “I didn’t. I would never do that. I know we fought a lot, but not enough for me to leave you.”
Fuck his life. “That’s because I left you.”
“Why?”
“Because I got an offer I couldn’t refuse and you didn’t see it that way.”
“I don’t understand. You’re not making any sense. Why would I care about an offer you couldn’t refuse?”
“Because it meant that you had to give up your dreams.”
“Oh.” Her brows furrowed. “But I thought we were waiting until you were done with medical school before I tried to land a gig on Broadway.”
He hesitated at first, but there was no way around it. “You found a way for us to have both. So, I transferred schools.”
“I did?” Her eyes widened. “But that had to have cost a fortune. You had a scholarship to Carolina.”
“I did, but we were having problems. Big problems. I thought moving would make things better, but then I started to resent you, the hours I had to put in, the extra jobs I took. Don’t get me wrong, you worked, too. But it was fucking expensive living there. Sometimes, we had to pick between eating three meals a day and paying the electric bill.”
“Then what happened?”
“I got an offer to do a reality television show about up-and-coming doctors in Miami. They agreed to pay for my schooling, give me a huge paycheck…all for pretending to be a plastic surgeon. I did some fancy stitching. They would cut away to the real doctor’s hands and body during the actual procedure, careful to avoid showing his face. Back then, social media wasn’t like it was today. Google was still a search engine.”
“It’s not now?”
“Yes and no,” he said, canting his head from side to side. “You have a Gmail account with them, and they sell music, movies, and e-books.”
“No more Hotmail?”
“Not really.”
She stared at him for a moment. “Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are still a couple?”
“No.”
“I can still rent movies from Blockbuster?”
“Netflix streams it right to your television.”
“What about your family?” she asked.
“Everyone’s married but Logan and me. However, he plans to ask Corinne to marry him.”
“Ugh.” She made a face. “I do remember her.”
“Well, she hasn’t changed.” Unfortunately.
“Yay. The one person I know is one of the people I’d love to forget.” She glanced around the room, as if seeking help, but there was no one. For all intents and p
urposes, he was the only family she had.
“Let’s get you home, and we can finish discussing everything. Anything you want to know.”
“I want to know why we stopped loving each other because I still love you.” Balling up her fist, she hit the center of her chest. “You’re still in here. Inside of me. I still love you.”
This was killing him. He was dying inside to see her in so much pain. The thing was—he loved her, too. He never stopped loving her, even when she had hated him.
Taking her face in his hands, he said, “That’s okay. You can still love me. I care for you, Lily.”
“But not as your wife,” she said brokenly. Tears streaked down her pale cheeks. She looked as though she’d just found out the person she loved the most had died, which wasn’t far off as to how he would describe their former marriage. “You don’t love me like I love you. Tell me truth, Luke. I can handle it.”
He wasn’t exactly sure what to say. It was true, she wasn’t his wife anymore, but that didn’t make him love her any less. But he didn’t know if telling her that truth would make it harder on her in the end, if she remembered their past and all the ugly memories that came with it.
“I care for you so much,” he said finally. “If I didn’t, I sure as hell wouldn’t have stayed by your side all this time. That’s the truth.”
“The truth sucks ass.”
He kissed her forehead. “I know it does, but here’s another one for you, and I think—I hope this will make you feel better. We were trying to work things out.”
Her expression grew hopeful. “We were?”
Nodding, he said, “Yeah…it was new for us and we were going slowly.”
She snorted. “Us going slowly?”
“We were going slowly for us,” he amended as he silently thanked God she seemed to be doing better the more he shared with her.
“I want to go home,” she said suddenly. “My home. Dr. Height said I could leave as soon as I was ready. I’m ready.”
“Are you sure?”
Tipping her chin up, she shrugged in a painfully obvious attempt to be blasé. “I want to remember everything I missed.”
The Forgotten Bride Page 5
