I fell back against the hard mattress of my bed, exhausted and still crying. “Yeah, I don’t really care if he does or not. This shit sucks so bad.”
Riley and the nurse were already cleaning me up. Washing my face, offering me mouthwash to rinse out my mouth. I felt helpless and weak, and if Cash had seen me right then, I probably would have died of humiliation.
Then thrown my basin of puke at his head.
If I had to smell like vomit, then so should he. It was his fault I was in this condition anyway. We used protection every time we had sex, but there had been more than one night where he fell asleep while inside me. That must have been how I got pregnant. Condoms weren’t made for that kind of longevity, damn it.
Fingers trembling from exertion, I laid them over my lower stomach, holding on to the precious life growing in there. My baby wasn’t supposed to come into the world like this. I’d always imagined being a mom, always promised myself I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes my own mother had made. My child would know how much I loved it and would never have to worry about being second-best in my world. More importantly, any kid I had wasn’t going to be the product of a faulty condom, and I wasn’t supposed to hate his or her father.
Yet that was exactly what was happening. My baby was making an appearance at the wrong time in my life. I didn’t even have a job or any source of income to support the two of us. My life was falling apart around me, and on top of that, I couldn’t even think about Cash without breaking down and crying.
This was all wrong. It wasn’t how it was meant to happen.
But I still loved the life inside me. I would still make sure he or she never wanted for anything, especially not my attention and love.
Chapter 17
Amara
Lindsey wasn’t kidding about moving out. All her stuff was gone by the time I was released from the hospital two days later. There wasn’t a single sign of my friend or the fact that she used to live there.
As much as I was unsure what to make of what happened with her and Cash, I didn’t think it would hurt so much that she just left. I didn’t want to see her while I was sick and vulnerable in the hospital, but I didn’t want her to walk out of my life without a backward glance either.
Yet that was exactly what she did. She didn’t talk to me. Didn’t call or text. She just told Riley what she was doing, and that was it. Maybe she had feelings for Cash and was pissed at me now because I’d had a relationship with him too. They had been seeing each other for weeks before I even met Cash. If I looked at it from her point of view, I was basically the side chick.
That realization burned like swallowing acid, but I tried not to think about it.
With Lindsey gone, that meant Riley and I each had to pay more rent to cover her portion or get a new roommate. The idea of a stranger living with us scared me, especially with a baby on the way. But I wasn’t really in a position to cover more rent.
“What about taking Emmie up on her job offer?” Riley reminded me as she handed me a plate loaded with Chinese food. We were sitting in front of the television with a rerun of a sitcom that had been over for years now on in the background. But nothing else was on, so it was this or the news.
“I don’t know if I can work for her now. I mean, Cash is one of her clients…” I trailed off with a shrug.
“You have to tell him about the baby, Mar. That’s not just your kid growing in there. He helped create that life, and he has every right to know about it.” She took a bite of her sweet and sour pork as she stared me down. “You hate him, I get that. But now you’re connected to him for the rest of your life. Don’t be a pussy. He deserves to know his kid.”
I twirled some noodles around my chopsticks, not meeting her eyes. “I have every intention of telling him. Just not right now, Riles. I need to get some things straight in my head first.”
I felt her eyes drilling into me, but after a few moments, she let out a long sigh. “Okay. Yeah, I get it. Just don’t leave it too long.”
“I won’t,” I told her weakly.
“But at least give Emmie’s offer some thought. I mean, if you worked in her accounting department, the likelihood of you ever running into Cash is slim to none. The other job might be a bit trickier, though. What if she put you as the TK guys’ road manager? They’re going on tour in a few months, and that wouldn’t be fun with a growing baby bump.”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Not fun at all.”
Emmie didn’t give me much choice in thinking about her offer. I got a text from her the next morning requesting another meeting. I wasn’t one hundred percent back to normal yet, but I was bored sitting around the quiet apartment. Taking a cab, I arrived at her office just before lunch.
Rachel was there to meet me again. She took one look at my pale face with the raccoon mask-like circles under my eyes, and her mouth fell open. “Are you okay?” she asked as we walked toward Emmie’s office.
“I’m getting over double pneumonia.”
Her eyes dropped to my feet. “And the boot?”
“Someone knocked me over in the rain last week. It’s just fractured, not broken.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “You’ve had a sucky time lately. I heard your dad passed away. I’m so sorry.”
I swallowed hard but gave her a tight smile. “Thanks. He was one of the good guys. I miss him.”
She stopped in front of Emmie’s door and knocked. Opening it, she stuck her head inside. “Amara Marks for you,” she announced then stepped back and waved me in. “Good luck,” she murmured as she walked away.
I pushed the door open and stepped into the office. Emmie was seated behind her desk, but when her green gaze landed on me, her face turned into a storm cloud. “What the fuck happened?” she demanded as she came from around her desk. “Are you okay? Holy shit, Amara. You… Fuck.”
She stopped right in front of me, her hands grabbing mine as she scanned me from head to toe, and I felt the tears spill over. Seeing them, she pulled me into a hug that made something unfurl deep inside, and I found myself sobbing on her shoulder. “Ah, sweetie,” she muttered. “It’s okay.”
“N-no it’s not,” I sobbed. “My entire life is unraveling around me.”
For the next few minutes, she just held me while I cried. When I lifted my head a while later, I felt oddly better. I’d cried a lot over the last few days. Alone. With Riley there to hold my hand. But this was the first time I felt like my tears were cathartic in some way.
Emmie gave me a grim smile as she stepped back. “Want to tell me about it?”
“It’s a pretty long and crazy story,” I told her as I wiped at my eyes. “You sure you have time to hear it all?”
She shrugged. “I’ll make the time. Come on, let’s sit down. You probably shouldn’t be on that foot too much by the looks of it.”
I hobbled across the office and sat beside her just as I’d done the last time I was there. She already knew about my dad’s death. She even sent flowers to the memorial and an entire catering company for one of the most delicious meals I’d ever had afterward. Not because Cash asked her to, but because she cared about me.
I was still trying to wrap my head around that. Emmie Armstrong was a one-in-a-million kind of person. So hard and badass on the outside, but she loved with her entire being when she cared about someone. Meeting her was possibly the best day of my life.
But that would mean meeting Cash was the best day of my life too. They were one and the same.
Fuck it. I wasn’t going to let him ruin that for me as well.
I told Emmie everything, including how amazing Cash was during the time I needed him most. She sat there, nodding as I continued the story. Clenching my jaw, I told her about coming home early and finding Lindsey in his shower. After that, her face wasn’t nearly as understanding, and with each new word out of my mouth, I could feel the tension rising in her.
“For fuck’s sake,” she muttered and jerked to her feet. Pushing the hair out of
her face, she glared out the window behind her desk. “I’ve told them all hundreds of times if they have a problem to come to me. All that idiot had to do was say ‘Hey, Emmie, my old man needs this and that.’ I could have arranged something. I know people. I can get just about anything accomplished when I need to.”
“They seem pretty self-reliant,” I said. “They don’t know how to ask for help.”
“This is getting ridiculous, though. First Jace and Kin, now you and Cash. Those dumbasses are screwing up their lives, and they don’t even need to.” She groaned long and loud with frustration. “What the fuck do I have to do to get them to understand that I want to help them? That it’s my job to make their lives easier? Two hours. I could have taken care of Jace’s problem in two godsdamn hours. Instead, he’s been trying to fix shit with this one chick for nearly a year now. And all along, he’s been lying to everyone and fucking up everything he touches. Now, Cash…” She broke off with an annoyed shriek that had a smile teasing my lips.
It wasn’t funny, especially when I was right in the middle of the reason she was upset, but to watch her throw a tantrum was amusing nonetheless.
“Guys are stupid,” I agreed with her. “And while I’m not even going to pretend to know what Jace did or who Kin is, I will happily agree with you on whatever names you want to call Cash.”
She blinked down at me in confusion for a moment. “You don’t know Kin?” I shook my head. “Oh yeah, that’s right. You came along the same day they broke up. Kin has been lying low, avoiding Jace…” She sighed deeply, but then her big green eyes widened, taking over her beautiful face. “I have an idea, but it’s up to you if you want to do it.”
“Emmie…” I touched a hand to my stomach, and she narrowed her eyes. “I’m not really up for any scheming right now. I’m just now getting over being sick, and mornings are a total bitch at the moment.”
“Oh, relax,” she grumbled. “I knew you were pregnant the minute you walked through the door.”
“What?” I screeched.
“I get it. You haven’t told him, so you weren’t about to tell me. I won’t tell anyone, though. Your secret is safe. I’m the queen of secret-keeping. There is so much shit locked in my head that I can’t tell my husband, it drives me crazy at times.” She dropped down in the chair beside me once again. “This one is a teeny tiny secret compared to most of the ones I’ve got to keep.”
My racing heart began to slow down. “Thank you,” I whispered, keeping my hands over my stomach protectively. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell him. I do. I just don’t know how. Telling him means I actually have to see him. And I’m just not ready for that yet.”
“Take all the time you need. Which brings me back to this new idea I have.” She gave me her phone.
Taking it, I saw a beautiful redhead on it who was familiar to me. McKinley Montez. Her dad was some douchebag director. There was a recent scandal with him and some new Hollywood It Girl. It didn’t last long, but it had brought McKinley into the limelight for a brief time. She was gorgeous, and I even remembered seeing a few pictures of her with Jace and some of the other TK guys over the years.
“This is Kin,” Emmie explained. “She’s at a prime time in her career, and I’ve been representing her since she turned eighteen.”
“She’s a singer too?”
“She could be, if she would let me promote her as one. Her voice is better than most out there right now. But, no. She’s becoming one of the most sought-after songwriters in the business. Everyone wants to work with her, and she can’t seem to write them fast enough for the masses.” Emmie took her phone back and started typing away on it. “She wants to stay out of the spotlight, but she needs a go-between. You need to recover, decompress, and figure out what you want to do next. I can knock out two birds with one stone. You take over the job as a road manager, and I’ll put you with Kin.”
“You just said she’s lying low to avoid Jace. Where is that?”
“I can’t tell you yet. First, you have to accept the contract I’m proposing, and I’ll get you a plane ticket. You can be gone by the weekend if you agree.” Emmie lifted her eyes from the phone and smiled reassuringly at me. “This will be good for you and Kin both.”
She was making my head spin. I tightened my hands over the baby and shook my head. “How long will I be gone? I can’t leave my roommate to take care of bills and rent on her own. Lindsey moved back home with her family, so we need to find a new roommate. I can’t let just anyone move in, not with a baby on the way. My life is too crazy to pack up and go only God knows where for an indefinite amount of time.”
She lifted her hand to stop my rant. “Those are all problems I can take care of for you, Amara. Just relax, babe. Take some deep breaths. I’m here to make your life easier.”
Fresh tears blinded me, and I lowered my head so she couldn’t see them. “And I still don’t understand why you would want to help me.”
Emmie’s warm fingers covered my frozen ones lying across my stomach. Pulling one hand free, she gave it a firm squeeze. “Because you feel like a little sister to me, and I will move mountains to take care of my family.”
Chapter 18
Cash
I was standing in the middle of the florist two blocks from Amara’s apartment when my phone rang. I ignored it, trying to make up my mind if red roses were a better “I’m sorry I fucked up” or the yellow the florist kept suggesting. I had no idea that a different color flower symbolized so much, but apparently the yellow were for friendship and apologizing. And the word friendship was not something I wanted to put in Amara’s head. I wanted her back, not just to be her damn friend.
My phone shut up but then started blowing up with text after text. Grimacing at the kind lady behind the counter, I pulled out my phone to see who it was. When I saw Riley’s ten back-to-back messages, my heart started to speed up.
Call me.
Now.
Like, right the fuck now.
Call me, asshole.
Fucking call me.
CALL ME!
Why the fuck haven’t you called yet.
CALL.
NOW.
Call for your own sake.
Getting out of line, I hit connect, my stomach in knots as I pushed open the door and started jogging in the direction of Amara’s apartment. “What’s wrong?” I demanded as soon as Riley answered, unable to keep the panic from choking me. “Did something happen? What the fuck’s going on, Riley?”
“You need to get to our place in the next five minutes, or you’re going to regret it,” she whispered, and then the phone went completely silent.
It took me a few seconds to realize she’d hung up on me. “Motherfuck,” I muttered and started running faster.
It had only been three days since Amara had been released from the hospital. Every time I tried to call, she sent me straight to voice mail. My texts went unanswered and unread, and when I went to the apartment, she wouldn’t even open the damn door. Riley had kept me sparingly up-to-date on how my girl was recovering through the random text when I sent her messages, but that was the only contact I’d had with either of them.
Amara needed time, and I was trying to give her that. But fuck, I missed her and wanted to take care of her. I just needed to see her, hold her, and make sure she was okay and had what she needed.
I was out of breath as I pushed into her apartment building and raced up the stairs instead of waiting for the slow-ass elevator. I worked out with the guys all the time, but right then, my lungs were on fire because for the first time in my life, I was fighting a panic attack. Something was wrong, or Riley never would have told me to come over.
I pounded against the door with my first as I bent in half, trying to suck in enough oxygen to get my heart to calm down. There was no immediate answer, so I started pounding again and didn’t stop until Riley opened the door.
The first thing I saw was the tears running down her pale face. There was heartbreak in her ey
es, and it only drove my panic higher. “She’s leaving,” Riley whispered, her chin trembling.
My racing heart stopped completely, making it impossible to draw another breath.
“She won’t tell me where she’s going or how long she will be gone. You have to talk to her, Cash. Now.” She lowered her gaze to the floor. “Ask her… Ask her what the doctor said.”
“What did the doctor say?” I choked out, confused.
Riley shook her dark head and stepped back. “She’s in her room packing. Just talk to her…and ask her yourself.”
I used the end of my shirt to wipe the sweat off my face as I hurried through the apartment to Amara’s room. As I got closer, I heard Amara moving around. The door was half open, and I stopped to watch her for a minute. There were two suitcases open on her bed, and she was folding clothes to put in one. Turning, she grabbed a picture frame off her bedside table and frowned down at it.
“I get it,” she muttered sadly to the picture. “You had to go. I have to go too. Just wish you would have said bye.”
“Where are you going, Dreamer?” I demanded, my voice hoarse.
Startled, she dropped the picture frame and looked up at me with huge fawn eyes. Her surprise quickly turned into a glare. “What are you doing here?”
My eyes were drinking in the sight of her. Her skin was pale, and she had dark circles under her eyes that looked like bruises. She’d lost weight, and her clothes were practically wearing her. The heavy walking boot on her foot looked out of place on her small foot. “Riley told me you were leaving.”
“Riley!” she yelled. “Fucking traitor.”
“Not sorry!” Riley yelled back from the living room.
“Can’t trust anyone around here,” she grumbled to herself as she bent to pick up the picture frame and dropped it into the suitcase with most of her clothes.
“Where are you going?” I repeated.
Tainted Heartbreak (Tainted Knights Book 3) Page 15
