She thought maybe Volaris would help her again. He made her feel good the first time. She asked if she could speak to him privately and watched him follow her into the woods. When she explained to him what she wanted to do and why, she was surprised when he frowned at her. She didn’t know why since he told her it was an honor to help her the first time.
“Soryn, I know mating was never explained to you and your first time was not done properly. If you feel like you need to mate again, you need to choose and we need to perform the ceremony and marry you. I really shouldn’t have mated with you with you not being married, I just didn’t think there was any other way to help you. You shouldn’t mate with anyone unless you are married to them. If you’re wanting to mate outside your Senso because of what you are because you think it will help you learn, then it’s time for you to choose. All three of those boys want to marry you and are waiting for it.”
“I don’t want to choose,” she snapped, pushing the heat down. “I don’t see why you can’t help me now like you helped me before. I’m asking because it’s how I learned to heal Sono. If you want me to continue learning, why won’t you help?”
“Soryn…” he said, hesitating. “You said he read stories to you. You managed to get Esylle and Leodos together. Mating is what happens in your stories after they fall in love and get married. You don’t just do it with anyone because you want to and you think it will help you. We all know what it feels like and I tried to make your first time as pleasurable as possible for you. If you don’t think you’re ready to choose yet, use your memory of what we did instead of trying to do it again.”
“What if I don’t want to choose at all?” she asked, trying to send her anger to her heart like Esylle taught her. When he asked her why, she explained the same thing she said to Esylle and Leodos. Before he could counter, she told him the same thing she had told everyone else today: That she still didn’t want to rule. She also told him what she had told Esylle before they made it back to the fire. She didn’t think she would be here when everything was done. She blew out an irritated sigh and had to try harder to make the flower when Volaris told her the same thing Sono did about creating a new ruling tribe and maybe that’s why she came to them this way. She was tired of that theory.
The flower she was imagining was in full bloom and glowing red. She didn’t think it could hold much more fire. Esylle didn’t tell her what was supposed to happen when the flower was blooming red hot. She could see Volaris looking at her with a concerned look on his face. She was sure her face looked strange trying to concentrate on this flower since it was so new to her. She had been unable to do it before and nearly erupted before Esylle took her fire away. She tried to do what she was taught and imagine an unseen hand touching it. She was relieved when it worked and she no longer felt the heat inside her.
She was surprised when Volaris smiled at her. “Your mother is teaching you well. You should continue with your lessons. Get this idea out of your head that you need to mate again to learn and just try to remember what it was like the first time. You shouldn’t mate again until you’ve chosen.”
“I asked you because you did it the first time and I didn’t want to hurt any of those boys. There may be things I don’t understand, but I understand more than you think.”
“You don’t understand this. It wasn’t proper for me to mate with you the first time, but you hadn’t been raised with us and there was no other way to help you so that you could be around the others before. The only reason I didn’t insist you marry Sono and let him be the one who mated with you was because we had been watching you for days and I thought you would get angry and disappear again. You didn’t know Sono then.”
She didn’t get angry again. Clearly, there were things about mating she needed explained to her. She had thought since Volaris had mated with her and they were not married, she could do it again. Apparently, it was not done unless you were married. She still didn’t want to pick out of the three princes because she didn’t know who she wanted and she still didn’t think she belonged with any one tribe. She was still sure she didn’t want to rule. She was about to tell Volaris she would not try to mate again when a sparrow flew next to Volaris and transformed. She had met him before so he didn’t try to touch her. He just looked at her and his eyes would not leave her face.
“Ventis, what is it?” Volaris asked. “I know she’s beautiful, concentrate and tell me what you’ve seen.”
“We found the entrance to Inanos. We tried the doors and we can’t get in. My brother, Voxis, and I talked. We think she may be the only one who can open it. There are symbols we don’t know on the door.”
“Where is it?” Soryn asked. She knew what the weather was going to start getting like near the coast now and they wouldn’t be able to sleep in the woods or near the sand as they had been doing. They would need to find shelter soon. She listened while Ventis told them it was maybe a two-day walk away. She told Volaris they should get back and start walking. She explained what the weather would be getting like.
Leodos
Leodos didn’t know what was said when Soryn wanted to talk to Volaris in private. He didn’t think it was possible, but Volaris almost seemed embarrassed when they came back. He quickly hid it and told everyone Inanos had been found and they would get there in a few days. Leodos hoped Lisana got her answers there and would come to accept ruling when this was over. He knew she thought she was not supposed to survive everything, but Leodos thought she was. He was almost sure of it. He had grown rather fond of the girl on the journey and her temper and outbursts reminded him of Esylle when she was younger and still learning. The more he watched the two of them together, the more he saw Esylle in her. She may not have been raised with her, but their mannerisms were so similar. They both tugged their ear when they were angry and scratched their nose when they were confused. The look of sheer bliss on the girl’s face when Esylle was sending her fire and teaching her that being Tempris could also feel good was the same look Esylle had when they sat at the pond together and she did the heart flower in front of him.
He didn’t know how she would react when he pulled her into an embrace on the beach, but was surprised when she relaxed and leaned into him. He had never thought about having children before since he never married, but since Esylle had told him she would have him, he wanted to be the father to this girl that she never had. He knew she was still getting used to the idea and she seemed surprised when he told her he never disliked her. She frustrated him to no end always running off where he couldn’t protect her, but she had grown on him on this journey.
They started walking again now that they knew where they were going. Whatever she had said to Volaris that had embarrassed him made him seem to want to walk closer to her and not allow the three princes near her. Soryn looked annoyed with him and they seemed to be arguing in hushed whispers. Leodos didn’t know if she had warmed to him enough to tell him what was going on with her. He didn’t know if she was still angry with Esylle. Volaris might be too embarrassed to tell him. He couldn’t imagine what she had said or done to embarrass him like that when he had already lain with her.
They walked until it was going to get dark soon and stopped for food. He didn’t know if Sono or Neptis would get to her first about getting food with her and was surprised when Volaris intervened and told both of them she needed to go alone. He saw Soryn get angry, but did not feel heat this time. Maybe she had learned something from Esylle before she took her fire.
“I already told you I wasn’t going to try with anyone else!” she snapped.
“You may think you won’t, but the idea is already in your head and you have human and Tempris emotions that may get the best of you. They already have several times on this journey.”
She didn’t erupt like she had in the past. She stomped off alone with Frog while Neptis looked at Volaris in confusion. Sono looked upset and seemed to know what was going on. Leodos also knew which plants were edible and which ones were not. He ha
d never gone with her to gather food, but he went after her. It was easy to catch up with her because his legs were so much longer than hers. She whirled around when he called her name and there was only a small amount of heat coming off her now. Nothing unbearable. Not knowing how she would react, he walked over, pulled her into an embrace, and asked her what was bothering her. She didn’t relax into him this time.
“You didn’t like it the first time and you won’t like it this time. Volaris explained to me why I can’t do what I want. I understand, even though he thinks I don’t and will try anyway.”
“I didn’t like what the first time? If I’m going to be your father, you can talk to me. Here, drink this. It will relax you,” he said, handing her his hip flask. He had seen the face she made when Bastan handed her his and warned her it wasn’t water.
“You nearly turned purple when I brought it up during my lesson because you were embarrassed,” she said, taking too large a sip out of the flask and making a face at the spirits.
“I was only embarrassed when you talking about mating…” he said, his voice trailing off. He now realized why Volaris was embarrassed. She had either surprised him as she had done Leodos or said something about it. “What did you do?” he asked, not sure he wanted to know. He leaned down and rested his cheek on her head.
“I only thought since mating was how I figured out how to do the flower the first time, I should mate again. Sono told me no and I understand why I can’t with him or the other princes. I thought Volaris would help me since he helped me the first time, but he got angry with me and explained to me why it’s not done. I told him I understood what he told me and wouldn’t try again, but he either thinks I’m stupid or I can’t control myself. It’s not like it was before when I kissed you because you were the only one who smelled right and I had to. I just want to this time because I think it would help. He said the only way I can now is if I choose and I don’t want to choose.”
“Soryn, sit down. We’ll gather food soon,” he told her. She sat and didn’t storm off this time. “Are you not ready to choose yet or do you don’t want to choose at all? If you don’t, they may choose for you and we both know you aren’t going to like that. Volaris was right to tell you no. You can’t act on that urge until you are wed.”
“Do you think I can’t control myself either? I don’t feel like I felt when I kissed you and he told me I wouldn’t feel like that again for a year!”
She was getting warm again, but it wasn’t like it was before. It was like sitting by a fire. She must have learned more than just how to heal from Esylle even though she erupted during their lesson. She seemed to be able to control the heat now when she got angry.
“Can we please forget that you ever kissed me and thought I was a compatible mate?” Leodos asked her. He was still embarrassed that she not only kissed him, he kissed her back at first. She reminded him of Esylle when he kissed her back and he forgot himself for a moment.
“Do you dislike me that much that you don’t want to think about it?”
He grabbed her and pulled her to his chest, relieved when she didn’t stiffen up or pull away. “I’ve already told you I never disliked you. As I got to know you on this journey, you frustrated me every time you put yourself in danger. I didn’t want to see you hurt. That is why I always fussed at you. I yelled at you when you woke up after the bear because I didn’t know if you were going to wake up or we were going to lose you. I didn’t know enough about you then. I want to forget you kissed me because it’s not proper if I’m going to be your father once this is over. For what it’s worth, I think there is much you still don’t understand, but I think Volaris is overreacting keeping you away from the princes. I think you understand perfectly well why you are not supposed to do that now. I think you need to be spending as much time as possible with them so you can choose, if they don’t choose for you.”
She blew out a frustrated sigh and wrestled herself away from him. The heat coming from her had almost disappeared when he pulled her to him. It was back now and a little uncomfortable, as if she was having trouble reigning it in this time.
“I don’t see why I have to choose or have someone chosen for me. I’ve already said multiple times I don’t want to rule. If I actually survive this, I don’t see why I can’t go back to Idric with Frog,” she said, pouting. She tugged on her ear like Esylle always did.
“You would leave your family after you know who you are now? If you decide not to choose or accept who is chosen for you, do you really think Esylle, Joron, or myself would let you disappear again now that we know who you are? You don’t remember, but I was around you and held you constantly when you were a babe. I know Esylle wouldn’t want it and I don’t want you disappearing again. If you decide not to rule, Esylle is still young enough to have another heir with me, but I don’t know if the tribes would accept it with you here. I will support you and try to speak for you if you decide not to choose, but I will do everything in my power to keep you from leaving. You belong with your family.”
The heat from her stopped and she only looked at him sadly now. He remembered Esylle telling him she told her she didn’t think she belonged anywhere before disappearing and not returning until morning. He had heard her at the beach saying she didn’t think she belonged with any of the tribes. He thought he knew what to say to make her feel better.
“Soryn, I know he didn’t treat you like your grandfather and you don’t know what it’s like to have family, but Joron took me in after my father refused to accept me after I refused to carry on the experiments. Esylle and Joron love you because they are your family. They don’t care what you can do. I think both Esylle and myself would prefer you just be Lisana and not do everything you are supposed to do, but we don’t think what you can do is bad or different. I think all three of us would just be happy to have you continue to grow up with us, no matter how different you think you are. We just want you to accept us and be around us because you’re family, not because you’re this Spirus. I may have thought it odd at first because I had never seen anything like it before, but now I see the things you can do as just a part of you and what you are supposed to be doing.”
He was surprised when her mood changed again. She was no longer looking at him sadly and looked like a red-haired imp as she smirked at him. The spirits must be kicking in and he knew she wasn’t used to them. He had been trying to keep his face calm and gentle while he was trying to make her feel better, but he couldn’t help look at her in confusion now. He had never seen her willingly touch anyone before aside from when he saw her lying on Sono and he thought Sono had initiated that at first when he was pulling him away from her. He was surprised when she playfully shoved his arm.
“You thought I was evil when you first met me. You didn’t want to touch me or be near me and you were scared of me. I could smell it coming off of you so strongly it was nearly making me ill because those smells make my heart beat faster and make me either want to run away or run towards something. You had taken my clothes, so I couldn’t go anywhere. Now you keep wanting to touch me and be my father.”
“Is that why you exposed yourself to save Tollam? Because you were smelling something and couldn’t help it? Esylle and I could never figure out why you risked yourself to save him when he had been so awful to you?” He pulled her to him again and she relaxed and laid into his chest.
“I was trying so hard not to run away from you when you were scared of me. I didn’t know how to get out of that room and I knew it would make your fear worse if I tried anything to get out and couldn’t. I couldn’t help running to you when Tollam was in trouble because the smell of fear coming off of all six of you at once was too much and I couldn’t stop myself from running. I changed when I saw what was happening and took care of it.”
“All this time, I thought you were just acting on your emotion. I didn’t know some of it was instinct for you. Why didn’t you say anything when I was yelling at you when you woke up?”
“Beca
use I don’t like being different from the rest of you. What is this?” she asked, taking another deep swallow from the flask. “I feel warm and dizzy and I’m not trying the heart flower right now.”
He explained to her what it was and took it away because she seemed to be getting drunk. He suggested they go look for food and wound up having to follow right behind her and pick what she had missed because she was stumbling around and giggling. He had initially just meant to relax her a little and was thinking now that he should have taken the flask away much earlier. When they finally made it back to the clearing, the princes were all sitting together and seemed to be discussing why Volaris was keeping her from them. Only Sono seemed to know and wasn’t speaking. Leodos knew he should have taken the flask away earlier when he went to set up his fire and watched her stumble over to the princes and drape herself across all three of the prince’s laps.
She was drunk, laughing, and saying someone should kiss her. They were all looking down at her, bewildered, except Sono, who looked crushed and angry. Volaris was on him in minutes asking why he let her get drunk now after what she wanted to do with him. Leodos knew she understood why she wasn’t supposed to now and tried to explain to Volaris, but Lisana really wasn’t making his case any stronger laughing from the laps she was sprawled across and trying to touch all of their faces.
“You did this, go get her!” Volaris hissed at him. “You know why she can’t do this!”
Before he could go pick her up and move her somewhere she could sleep this off, he watched Oris jump up, take her hand, and lead her into the forest. He had a feeling Oris wasn’t taking her somewhere to sober up and was going to use the fact that she was drunk to try to mate with her. He had no idea if Soryn was sober enough to say no because she understood why that couldn’t happen or if he had done a bad thing and shouldn’t have given her that flask at all. If she went through with it, he knew what Oris would expect and he knew it would hurt Sono and Neptis.
The Spirus Page 22
