“So what are you going to do now?” Rosa asks.
“I’m going to go to the Russian tonight.”
“Tonight?” she explodes. She’s so shocked she almost jumps out of her chair. “You’re as crazy as your husband.”
“It may seem like I’m crazy, but I love my husband, Rosa. Whatever you might think of him, he has taken care of me, good care of me, for the last five years.”
I feel myself begin to choke up and swallow hard.
“And as hard as it might be for you to believe Nigel really did try everything in his power to stop me from going tonight, but I have no choice. It’s all very well saying he needs a good beating, but the truth is we have no savings or assets squirrelled away, and there is no equity in our house, so we need all the earnings that Nigel brings in. If Nigel doesn’t bring in his paycheck I won’t be able to keep my father in the hospital.” As soon as I think of my father my eyes fill with tears and start rolling down my face.
Rosa deflates suddenly. She comes around to my side and hugs me tight. “I’m sorry, babe. I’m such an insensitive witch sometimes.”
“It’s okay. I know I’d probably say the same things to you if the shoe was on the other foot,” I sniff.
She crouches down beside my chair. “Do you know anything about this guy? You can’t just go in blind. He could be a sadist, or anything.”
“He has drawn up a contract. Everything we do has to be consensual.”
Something flashes in Rosa’s eyes.
“What?”
“You won’t like what I was thinking.”
“Doesn’t matter. Just say it, anyway.”
“The Russian sounds more fair than your husband. What else do you know about him?”
“I only know what Nigel told me. He’s six feet four and very fit.”
Rosa sits back on her heels and stares at me.
“What?”
“Jesus, Star. You’re going to have sex with a six-feet tall, very fit billionaire.”
I frown. “And …”
“That’s my fucking ideal guy.”
I blink. “Are you serious?”
She grins. “Of course, I am. You know what I always say. When a door closes God always leaves a window with a faulty hinge. Nigel is no good and this could well be Fate’s way of getting you out of his clutches.”
“I don’t think that’s funny, Rosa.”
“I wasn’t trying to be funny. Serves Nigel right that you’ll finally get to spread your wings somewhere else. Quite frankly, I’m beginning to think that this is the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Ever since you met that creep you’ve been walking around with blinkers on your eyes. This will be good for you. You’re being forced to interact with a real man and you’ll see Nigel as he really is. A lying, shallow, rotten to the core, self-obsessed Svengali.”
“I’m afraid, Rosa,” I whisper.
“Don’t be, sweetie. Trust me. Something good will come out of this.”
I bite my lip to stop it from trembling.
“Remember when I went to New York to work as an intern for Vogue and those bitchy women there who just hated my guts? The first time I made a mistake one of them fired me on the spot. Just like that. I ran to the washroom in tears. I thought my life was over.”
She smiles at the memory.
“The woman cleaning the toilets was this big black mama. We’d just exchanged smiles until then. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I’d been fired. ‘Lawwwd, Lawwwd. Folk crazy. Never you mind them stuck up hoes, child. You’ll find another job,’ she dismissed cheerfully. ‘What if I end up homeless and living in the streets?’ I wailed. And you know what she told me?”
“What?” I asked, intrigued, in spite of all my troubles.
“Well, I’ve never forgotten it. She said, ‘And what an amazing adventure that will be.’ Ever since then, I’ve learned to see everything new as a new adventure. Sometimes we are so comfortable in our little cages that someone has to come along, rip open the door and destroy the whole cage before we will look around us and realize that there is a whole world out there outside our little cage.”
I stare at her. “You’re serious? You think this is some sort of … opportunity?”
“Yes, I do. Anything that gets you away from Nigel’s influence for even a brief time can only be good for you.”
Outside, the sun starts shining through the clouds.
“I should go back,” I say softly.
She stands and beckons to the waitress she growled at earlier. The girl comes towards us hesitantly. Rosa smiles at her. “We won’t be eating today, but this is for you. I can be a right bitch sometimes, but my bark is worse than my bite,” she says, and hands the girl a twenty-pound note.
The girl’s eyes widen. “Thank you, very much,” she says happily, and heads back to her station with a spring in her step.
I touch Rosa’s hand. “I know I seem weak and naïve to you, but I truly do love Nigel.”
“I know you think that, but I’m not sure what you feel for him is love. The sooner you realize it the better.”
“I’m sorry Nigel was rude to you, Rosa.”
“You’re not responsible for that prick. Don’t apologize on his behalf.”
“I love you, Rosa.”
“Me too. Never forget that I’m always here for you, okay?”
I nod.
“I want you to get the address of this guy and text it to me before you leave tonight. When you get there, I want you to send me a text and tell me that everything is all right. And if you need for anything. Anything at all. At any time, day or night. Just call me.”
I nod again. Maybe this is all I wanted. To know that Rosa knows where I am. Rosa, whom I trust more than Nigel, to know exactly where I am if anything goes wrong.
Chapter Eleven
Star
When I get back home, Nigel is in the front room slumped on the sofa. The atmosphere is tense and strange, and there is an open bottle of whiskey on the coffee table.
“You switched your phone off,” he says, standing up and coming to me. His hair is ruffled and his face is pale and stressed. I’ve never seen him look so unhappy and depressed. “Why?”
“I didn’t want to speak to anybody.” My voice is wooden.
“Where have you been?”
“Out,” I say briefly.
There is a flash of something in his eyes. “Where?”
I want to say, none of your business, but I can’t. This is my Nigel. My hero for so many years. Turns out my idol has feet of clay, but he is still my husband. “I met Rosa for coffee,” I reply, as I brush past him to go upstairs.
“Did you tell her about me?” he asks in a strange tone.
I turn around to look at him, surprised that he’d even ask. “Yes.”
“I bet she was delighted,” he says bitterly.
“Why on earth would you think that?”
“Because that woman is insanely jealous of you. She has been ever since we hooked up.”
For the first time since I met Nigel I look at him and I don’t see my knight in shining armor, but a terribly flawed man. “What a strange idea. Rosa’s not jealous of me at all. She has a wonderful life and if she had to exchange places with me she would go crazy with boredom.”
He looks at me as if I have slapped him. “Are you bored?”
“No, I’m not bored. I’m, I was very happy, but Rosa wouldn’t be if she had to live my life of hardly meeting anyone, hardly going anywhere except if it is out with you.”
His eyes narrow. “She’s already poisoned you.”
I sigh. “I don’t think Rosa is where your energy should be targeted right now.”
“I’m sorry, Star. It’s just that I don’t like her. I never have. There’s a nasty streak in her. You can say what you want, but you’ve got something she’ll never have.”
“What? You?” I ask, sarcastically.
“You’re still mad at me,” he accuses. Fumes of a
lcohol waft from his breath.
“Mad at you? Whatever would make you think that? No. I’m super happy with you, Nigel. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You don’t have to do this, Star. I’ve been sitting here, lost. I can’t bear the thought of that bastard touching you. Don’t go, please,” he pleads.
“Well you should have thought of the consequences of your actions while you were gambling away everything we had,” I say sharply.
He reaches out to grab my hand. I yank mine quickly away.
“I know and I’m sorry. I never thought anything like this would happen.”
“I’m not in the mood for this discussion, Nigel.”
He looks guiltily at me and I want him to feel guilt. I want him to understand the enormity of the situation he has put us into. Rosa can call it an adventure, but I don’t see it that way at all. My sweet little life, the one that I adored and would have been content living out for the rest of my life, is about to be changed forever. I feel fury in my stomach with Nigel for doing this. I quickly change the subject. “Have you spoken to the Russian?”
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
“He will send a car for you at seven.”
I blink with shock. A car for me. As if I am a hooker.
“You don’t have to do this,” Nigel says softly. “I can figure something else out,” he says, but this time I feel that there is a lack of conviction in his voice and I sense that it is only a lame attempt to discourage me from doing what we both know is the only real solution.
“How will this work? Do I pack a suitcase?”
“No,” he says quickly. “You are to take nothing with you.”
“What do you mean? What about my clothes and things?”
“Everything will be provided. The contract is very clear. You are to go tonight and take nothing with you.”
“Where will I be living?”
“Windlesham.”
“Where is that?”
“In Surrey. It’s just over an hour from here.”
“Will I see you during the month?”
“We’ll figure something out. There is no way I can survive a whole month without seeing you at least a couple of times.”
I nod.
“We’ll speak on the phone all the time, okay?” he says reassuringly.
“Okay.”
He touches my hand gently. “We’ll make it through this, and we’ll be stronger for it.”
“Did you make the appointment for the out-patient clinic?”
“Of course I did.”
“For when?”
“Tomorrow,” he says, his eyes on the floor.
“You better be telling the truth, Nigel. Because I swear, if I ever find out that you’re not serious about your recovery, I’ll walk away. No matter how much it hurts me, I’ll walk away.”
He grabs my hands with both of his. “I will change, I swear. I’ll make you proud of me again, Star.”
“I’m going up to lie down for a bit then change. Please don’t follow me. I just need a bit of time on my own,” I say, as I disengage from his grasp and start climbing the stairs.
“Your Nan called,” he calls after me.
I stop and turn to look at him. His face is turned up, making him boyish.
“She asked how you were feeling. I told her you were lying down.”
“Thanks.”
“Your mother called too. She wants you to call her back.”
I nod and start to turn away.
“You didn’t tell her, did you?”
I shake my head. “What do you take me for, Nigel. The last person in the world I’m going to tell is my mother.”
“Sorry. Sorry, of course you didn’t. I’m just so confused, Star.”
“Join the club,’ I say, and run upstairs.
Chapter Twelve
Star
I lay down on our unmade bed and close my eyes. I didn’t make it this morning so it has remained unmade. I think of Nigel opening my legs last night, and my stomach churns at the thought of giving my body to a complete stranger. I clench my hands and take a deep breath.
Then I dig my phone out of my bag and call my nan. I keep up the fiction that I’m not feeling well and she agrees to go see my dad alone tomorrow. In fact, she suggests that I take the whole weekend off. I thank her, then call my mother.
“Hi, Mum,” I say quietly. I can hear the sound of a TV in the background.
“Nigel said you were not feeling very well. What’s wrong with you?”
“Probably one of those flu things.”
“Well, that’s what you get for going to hospital every single day. Oh, for heaven’s sake anyone would think that man was dying the way you keep running to his bedside.”
“What did you want, Mum?”
“Can’t I just call my daughter without wanting anything?” she huffs.
“Yeah, sure. How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
“And David?” I ask, referring to the man she married two years ago.
“Yeah, he’s fine too … um … I was wondering if I could borrow a couple of hundred pounds. I’ll give it back at the end of the month. You know how it is. Ha, ha, of course, you don’t with Nigel being so rich and everything.”
I swallow hard. “I’ll transfer the money Monday morning.”
“Um … I would prefer if you could do an internet transfer this afternoon, sweetheart.”
“Fine, I’ll do it straightaway.”
I look at my watch. It’s getting late. “I’ve got to go, Mum. I’ll speak to you soon.”
I end the call, transfer the money out of my account into hers, and go into the bathroom. I stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself. How strange that I look exactly the same. None of the momentous upheavals going on inside me shows on my face. I turn on the shower, undress, and step inside the cubicle. The hot water doesn’t wash away the feeling of grime and dirt.
I wrap a towel around me and go sit in front of my dresser. Wet blonde curls hang down to my shoulders. My mind is blank as I blow out my hair until it lies in soft waves around my face. I take off the towel and stare critically at my naked body in the mirror. No man other than my husband has seen me nude.
My body is not perfect. My breasts are too small and my thighs are thick and round. Nigel likes them, but what if the Russian finds them a turn off? Will all this be for nothing then? Will he send me away and expect the debt to be paid in another way?
A chill runs through me.
In a panic, I pull open a drawer and look through my lipsticks. I locate a deep red color. I hardly ever wear anything this rich. Nigel prefers me in peachy colors. I apply it to my lips and the change to my appearance is immediate. My mouth looks big and inviting. I swipe two layers of mascara. That makes an even bigger improvement.
I go towards my wardrobe and glance at my clothes anxiously. I own nothing sexy. I pull my black dress out. It is not revealing, but it is sophisticated. Perhaps a billionaire will think it is old-fashioned.
I slip into my dressing gown and go downstairs. I am barefoot so I make no noise as I go down the stairs and cross the hallway into the living room. Nigel is sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands. I feel my heart tug. It’s a disease. I have to keep reminding myself of that fact.
“Nigel?”
His head jerks up.
“What if I go there and he decides he doesn’t want me? What happens then?”
“Then the debt gets paid anyway.”
“But I thought we had to sign a contract first.”
“He’s already signed and couriered his contract over to us. He can’t back out anymore.”
“Oh! You didn’t tell me he sent the contract over.”
He makes a vague movement towards the writing table. “It’s there. I’m not worried about his stupid contract, Star. My heart’s breaking. You’re going off to be with another man. You’re mine. My baby. You don’t know what it’s like to be sitting her
e while you get ready to go to him. Knowing it’s my fault. My stupidity. My greed. My carelessness. What was I thinking? God! What a fucking fool I’ve been.”
My heart feels like an ice splinter in my chest. I take a deep breath. I want to run to him, wrap my hands around him and comfort him, but I don’t. I don’t want to make it easy for him. I don’t want to be the enabler who tells him that I’ll always be here to pay his debts off with my body.
“What’s the time now?” I ask.
He looks at his watch and flinches. “Half-five.”
“I guess I better finish getting ready,” I say turning away.
“You’re wearing red lipstick,” he calls.
I lift my chin and turn around. “And what of it?”
“Nothing. You don’t wear it for me.”
“You don’t like red lipstick.”
His forehead burrows. “I love it. I just didn’t want other men to see you wearing it. I would have loved you to wear it for me when we were alone at home. Remember when you used to cook and I would make the cocktails. We’d eat and drink and I’d make love to you in front of the fire … Sometimes you’d get so drunk I would have to carry you upstairs.”
The old magic of him weaves itself around me. “Maybe I’ll wear it when we are alone again,” I say softly.
He smiles sadly. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”
I stare at him. He walks towards me and wraps his arms around me. I stand stiffly in his embrace. He pulls back and looks at me. “I love you, Star,” he whispers fiercely.
Suddenly, I can take it no more, and I break away from his hold and race up the stairs.
Nobody knows what I have with Nigel. Nobody outside our relationship can understand. I rush to the mirror and scrub away the red lipstick. I scrub so hard my lips feel raw. Then I clean off the mascara. There are two twin spots of color on my face.
I won’t make it easy for the Russian.
I’ll make him regret the day he thought he could ruin my relationship with my husband. Yes, my husband has a disease, but people like him make it worse. He had no business letting Nigel run up such a big debt.
Submitting to the Billionaire: A Dark Billionaire Romance Page 5
