by Sarah Adams
I run my hands up Cooper’s corded back into his hair. He makes a sound that strikes a match inside me, and now I don’t think we’ll be doing much talking tonight. Our kisses turn hungry, and I think the world outside could be burning down and I wouldn’t notice. I am tuned in to nothing but Cooper and his touch and his lips and his breath. His hand moves an inch toward my stomach, and my abdomen clenches. A thought hits me like a cannonball, and I peel my lips away from Cooper’s.
Sensing my sudden distress, he stops and pulls back. “What’s wrong? Moving too fast?”
“I’m a mom, Cooper.”
He’s silent for a second, needing to process this abrupt change in…everything, then he lets out a short breathy laugh. “Yes, Lucy, I know this.” His big hand comes up to cradle my face. “I’m perfectly aware of your motherliness.”
“No, I mean…I have a mom body. Seriously. It’s not the same as the twenty-somethings you’re probably used to.”
“You’re twenty-something,” he says as a counterpoint.
I’m not deterred from trying to talk him out of this, though. “My stomach has this squishiness to it that I can never ever get rid of no matter how many sit-ups I do, and my chest is definitely not perky like it used to be—” My voice is shaking, chin wobbling. I’m completely ruining this romantic moment, but I can’t help it. The words are pouring out, and I can’t stop them. “I feel like nothing about me is the same as it used to be before I had him. I have stretch marks all over my stomach and—”
Cooper cuts me off with a simple yet forceful kiss. “Lucy.” He says my name but nothing else. Instead, his hand moves slowly from my face to my navel, where he tenderly rolls up the bottom hem of my t-shirt to expose just my stomach. My breath is frozen in my lungs as I watch Cooper lay his warm palm flat across my abdomen and spread his fingers from farthest rib to farthest rib. Even in the dark, I can make out the way his eyes are staring down at me, and I want so badly to hide, to pretend none of what I said is true and just keep my clothes on for the rest of my life. But when his thumb runs delicately across my deepest stretch mark and he smiles, I relax—I rest.
He rolls my shirt back down before hovering over me again, pinning me in so he can look me right in the eyes. “You are beautiful, Lucy. Everything about you.” He gives me a slow, lingering kiss. “Sexy.” Kiss. “Feminine.” Kiss. “Strong.” Kiss. “Everything I could ever want in a woman.”
Tears are rolling down my cheeks, and Cooper kisses them. I bury my head in his neck and let his weight and words soothe me, not realizing until tonight just how insecure I really am. He rolls over to his back and pulls me onto his chest. His hand strokes my hair, and another tear rolls down my face. For the last four years, I have been soothing Levi, tending to his needs, sacrificing my own desires and comforts so I can make sure his are met. But tonight…I am the one who is comforted.
He doesn’t say anything else, and I don’t either, because I’m not even sure what to say. Everything feels too weak, and I’m afraid if I say what my heart is really feeling, I’ll scare him away. Instead, I run my hand slowly up Cooper’s chest until my hand settles on his jaw. I play with my favorite lock of hair that flips up at the nape of his neck and smile before settling my head in the crook of his shoulder. I close my eyes, feeling the warmth of his skin against my face and listening to his quiet steady breaths. He’s good for me, and I think I’m good for him.
I don’t know how long we lie here together, my arm wrapped tightly around Cooper’s chest and his hand gently stroking my hair away from my face, but it’s bliss. Eventually, as I’m drifting off to sleep, I think, I’m never letting him go.
The sun wakes me early the next morning, and I squint my eyes open, taking in the large man-arm draped over my shoulder. I kiss it and smile against his tan skin, the hairs of his arm tickling my lips.
Cooper takes in a stirring deep breath as I roll over to look at him. Because everyone knows morning breath is a beast, I bunch up the sheets and pull them over my mouth before saying good morning.
He gives me the most adorable scrunched-nose smile and cracks an eye open. His hair is sticking up in all directions, and his bare chest is on display for all to see. Well, not all—just me. Only I get to see it, because even though we don’t have an official title yet, Cooper is mine—all mine—and I refuse to share. “Morning, beautiful.”
My smile beams because it’s cheesy lines like this that get me. I want to gather up as many as I can and dress myself in them each day, strolling all over town and flaunting them so everyone can see. Flowery words are wonderful when they’re genuine.
“Is this real?” I ask Cooper, snuggling into his chest and feeling heat radiating off his skin like he’s made of the earth’s core. My shirt is all twisted around me uncomfortably, and I don’t know how Cooper senses it, but he does. His hand reaches behind me and tugs it down so it’s sitting correctly again. It’s the little things like this he does that turn me inside out.
“I hope so,” he says in a sleepy, gravelly voice. I can’t help but smile and kiss his chest.
“You’ve got to climb out of this tower soon, Rapunzel,” I say, snuggling deeper into him.
His chuckle rumbles in his chest, and he kisses my hair before resting his chin on my head. “You’re not making a very compelling case for me leaving.”
“I know.” I wrap my arms around him and bear-hug him. “But you really do have to go. Levi will be up soon, and he does not knock before he busts in here.”
He groans and rolls over onto me playfully so he can bury his face in my neck. I can barely breathe with his weight on me like this, but to say I love it would be an understatement.
“So tired,” he grumbles. “Just want to sleep here with you all day.”
I intertwine my hands in his hair. “You. Have. To. Go,” I say between wheezing breaths. “And I have to go to work.”
He half growls, half grunts then moves back over onto his back, popping his hands behind his head and letting his smile slant as he stares at me. With my room full of wonderful, wonderful light, I’m able to see every defined, ab, oblique, pectoral, and bicep. I’m staring like muscle inspecting is my new full-time job, and my voice takes on a zombie-like quality. “Oh good gracious, you need to put on a shirt.”
His pearly white smile turns cocky. “Yeah? You like what you’re seeing?”
I poke him in the side. “Why do you always take on an Italian accent when you’re trying to come on to me?”
“Don’t act like you don’t like it.” He reaches for me and tugs me up to him so he can try to convince me to let him stay with neck kisses. It would probably be highly seductive if he wasn’t saying the only Italian words he knows in between kisses. Spaghetti. Fettuccini. Parmesan.
I’m laughing and trying to push away from him half-heartedly. “Stop it—you’re just making me hungry.”
“Lasagna,” he says in his deepest bedroom voice.
I can’t stop laughing. “You are so stupid, but I love you anyway.” No sooner do the words leave my mouth than I realize what I’ve just said.
I freeze.
Cooper freezes.
His grip on my wrist loosens, and his eyes slowly cut down to me. “What did you just say?”
“Huh? Oh. Nothing. Said nothing. Did nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.” I’m squirming now, trying to free myself from his grip and impending embarrassment because it’s way too soon to be saying things like I love you.
Because I’m a nimble little ninja, I wiggle away from him and dart out of the bed, racing toward the bathroom, ready to lock myself in for the rest of my life. But if I’m a ninja, Cooper is a panther. He shoots up and has his arms around my waist before I can take five steps. He tosses me back onto the bed and pins his forearms on either side of me. His eyes are twinkling dangerously. “Say it again.”
“No.”
“Why?”
I grimace. “Because it’s embarrassing to say it first.”
“Say it.”
His voice is dark and passionate, and it matches the look in his exotic blue eyes.
I sigh, morning breath forgotten, and hold his gaze. Time to be brave. “I said…I love you. Because I mean it. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you so quickly, and it’s completely fine if you don’t feel the same way because it’s crazy-soon to be saying things like that, but—”
“Lucy, I absolutely love you. No question about it.” He doesn’t smile yet, and my eyes eat up every bit of his serious expression. “I think it’s probably unhealthy, but since the day I met you, you’re all I think about, and I’m helpless to do anything about it.” His lips finally form a sideways smile, and his eyes crinkle in the corners, like he knows all of this is ridiculous but doesn’t care either. “I love you. And Levi. I want to be in your life as much as you’ll let me.”
My eyes are welling up, and I wish I wasn’t the kind of person who cried when both happy and sad. I put my hands on either side of Cooper’s face as he bends down to kiss me, moving straight past soft and tender to passionate and adoring. Our lips part, and the sheets start twisting, but I put the brakes on again because I do not want to have to explain any of this to Levi.
“Okay, okay, yeah,” Cooper says, sitting up to rest his elbow on his bent knee and run his hand through his hair.
I shake my head at the sight of pure masculine perfection, silently cursing him for making it so difficult to say goodbye. “Okay, time to sneak back down that ladder now.”
His eyes catch mine, looking serious and calculating in a way that makes my heart skip. “I don’t want to.” He sighs deeply and shakes his head, falling back against the pillow to scrape both of his hands through his hair. “I don’t want to go, Luce. I don’t want to hide us. I don’t want to acclimate Drew to the idea of us before we tell him.” He rolls his head to look at me—dark lashes framing ocean eyes, bronze skin a stark contrast against my white comforter. “It feels a little crazy to do that, doesn’t it? I mean, we’re the ones who know what’s best for us.” I can see more thoughts running behind Cooper’s eyes than just the ones he’s voicing. A plan is being set in motion, and for some reason, it’s making my palms sweat.
“Well, yes…I agree that it doesn’t feel right, but—wait, what are you doing?” I ask, watching Cooper rise from the bed with a determination in his shoulders.
“It’s not right that he decided this for us. I’m not sneaking back out that window.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I’m staying here and having pancakes with you and Levi, because contrary to what Drew thinks, I am capable of commitment, and I do trust myself with this. I’m all in with you and Levi.” He extends his arm and points a finger at me like he’s a star quarterback and I’m going to be the one catching the ball. “And you and I start now.”
“Umm! Like now, now?!” I hop from the bed and trail after Cooper, who is headed for the door. “Wait, wait, wait! Shouldn’t we think about this for a minute?! Form a nice plan? Maybe have you go put on a button-down shirt and arrive with flowers—for Drew, of course—and then we can all talk about it over breakfast? OH GOSH, COOPER, AT LEAST PUT A SHIRT ON!” All my protesting is pointless. I’m trying to grab his belt loops to hold him back, but he’s just dragging me along like a barefoot skier.
He throws the door open with gusto, his sinewy muscles rippling with the movement. Cooper pauses for only half a second to listen for any signs of Drew until we both hear the sound of water running in the kitchen. He gives one distinct nod then starts heading for the stairs. I’m taking them in rapid succession right behind him while frantically whisper-yelling, “Cooper! Cooper! Stop. This is not going to go over like you’re hoping. GAHHHH, please go slower. Come back to bed. LET’S MAKE LOVE!”
Not the slightest pause.
I guess this is really happening.
“Drew,” I call out before I even make it to the kitchen, because I’m just itching for a fight now.
I hear Lucy groan behind me and offer up some prayers of protection as we round the corner.
Quickly taking in my surroundings, I stop in the threshold, and Lucy bumps hard into my back. “OUCH. Brake lights next time.” She puts her hands on the outsides of my biceps and peeks around me like a little baby bear.
The coffee pot is in Drew’s hand, hovering un-poured over his mug, jaw hard and flexing. There’s a moment where we both do nothing but stare at each other, and if my adrenaline wasn’t pumping through me in unhealthy quantities, I’d probably regret my decision. Drew takes me in from head to barefoot toes and the word ANGRY writes itself in a thought bubble above him.
“Drew,” I say, making the first attempt at conversation. “We need to ta—”
“What are you doing in my house right now?” Oh, that is not a happy tone.
“That’s what I want to—”
“And where is your freaking shirt? And your socks. And your shoes.”
He’s not actually worried about my socks and shoes; he’s just wanting to point out that I’m far too naked to be in his home right now with his baby sister holding on to me.
Lucy squeezes my bicep, and it gives me the courage I need. “I spent the night here last night.”
Drew’s nostrils flare, and he swallows dangerously. I want him to set down that mug. I think it’s about to shatter under his white-knuckled grip. “You slept with my sister?”
Thankfully, he turns and sets down the mug and coffee pot—except now his hands are free to strangle me.
“Not in the way you’re suggesting, but I will sleep with your sister in the way you’re suggesting at some point.”
Lucy’s fingers bite into my arm. “Not helpful,” she hisses at me.
“I told you to stay away from her,” Drew says, his voice somehow getting closer even though he’s staying put.
Lucy pushes around me this time. “Okay, enough of your macho talk. I’m my own woman, Drew, and you can’t tell men to stay away from me like you own me.”
“Luce.” My tone is soft and pleading, begging her to let me deal with Drew. Her sharp blue eyes cut to me and melt. She gives me a single nod before I turn my gaze back to my friend.
“What was that?” He has crazy eyes bouncing between me and Lucy, and he wiggles his finger between us. “That little silent communication. What was that? Because to me, that looked an awful lot like two people who have been talking about something for a long time.”
I nod. “That’s exactly what it was. Look, I’m sorry I went behind your back, and I tried as hard as I could to not see her, but—”
“But you did what Cooper does best and did exactly what you wanted.”
“Drew!” Lucy says in a warning.
I point at Drew. “That—why do you say stuff like that about me? Dude, you’ve known me one year. You’ve barely scratched the surface of who I am, and yet, you’re acting like you’ve known me my whole life. Why did you just shut me down when I first approached you about Lucy? We could have talked. I could have told you I went through a really hard breakup before I moved here, had a long-term, serious relationship and wanted her to marry me. I have a whole life I lived before I met you, but for some reason, you’ve been content to just know me in the now and let that be enough.”
Drew isn’t swayed. He folds his arms like a defiant child. I think he’ll stomp a foot next. “I do know you. I lived with you, remember? I saw the parade of women you brought through here—”
“Hardly a parade, okay? Let’s be accurate with our insults.”
“Don’t be funny with me right now. I am not laughing.”
“I’m not trying to be funny, Drew. I’m trying to get you to see that I’m not the guy you have built up in your head. Yeah, I dated around a lot, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want something more serious.”
Drew scoffs with a scary smile. “Bull. You may think you’ve changed and want something stable, but Lucy doesn’t get to be your test subject. She and Levi deserve the best—not to be your next trial to see if yo
u can be a family man or not.”
Maybe a month ago, I would have believed him. Because here’s the thing about people you admire speaking into your life: sometimes you trust their opinion of yourself more than your own. But just because they say it, doesn’t make it true, and I’m done letting him tell me who I am.
“You’re wrong, and I’m asking you to try to see me differently.”
Drew scrapes his hand across his jaw and shakes his head. I look to Lucy, and she must see the weakness behind my armor, because she smiles and comes to wrap her arm around my middle, burrowing up under my arm. Every touch from her feels like home, and it gives me courage to push forward.
“I love your sister, Drew, and I love your nephew. I know this all comes as a shock because you haven’t been around to see our time together, but—”
“Enough.” Drew holds up a hand and looks between Lucy and me with an expression of disgust that I don’t feel is warranted. “I don’t support this, and I’m pissed that you did this behind my back.”
“Well, I could say the same to you,” Lucy says to Drew, a wobble in her voice that cuts me.
He shakes his head slowly at her. “You’re making a bad choice again.” Lucy sucks in a sharp breath through her nose, and I know she’s trying not to cry. I pull her in closer. “And you…I have nothing left to say to you.” Drew’s feet pound the floor as he storms past us, knocking into my shoulder as he yanks his keys off the counter and leaves the kitchen. A second later, the front door slams behind him, making both my shoulders and Lucy’s jump.
We both stand frozen, staring at the spot where Drew just stood, holding on to each other, speechless. My thumb glides slowly up and down her arm, and her fingers squeeze my hip. I know Drew isn’t right about me. I know he isn’t right about Lucy making a bad choice. And yet…his words burrow under my skin and tell me maybe I’m the one who’s wrong. Maybe he sees some glaring fault in me that I can’t.
