by Toni Aleo
He met her gaze. Her eyes were full of tears, her mouth parted, her nose red from her crying.
For him.
For Ava and Leary.
“First, please tell me that you like me for me and not because Angie and I remind you of Leary and Ava.” Her eyes were wild, and fear settled deep in his chest as he quickly shook his head, his eyes widening.
“God, no, not at all. It’s been twelve years since I lost them. I promise, I was attracted to you for you. I saw you first. I saw your eyes, Lucy. It was you, not you guys as a package—that’s just a bonus. I promise. I can’t replace what I lost, I know that, but I want to be happy. I want to love my life.”
“Then you can’t fucking blame yourself, Benji,” she said, her hands tightening on his face. “This fucking sucks, and I hate that you have suffered this kind of loss. I do. It hurts my soul. No one should have to go through that, but, Benji, it is not your fault. Yes, you were a drunk, you fucked up, but you did not kill them. Yeah, shoulda-coulda-woulda, but you have to stop blaming yourself or you will never move on. Believe me, I know. Totally different situation, but you can’t blame yourself.”
He swallowed thickly. “I know, but it’s hard.”
“And I don’t doubt that. I can’t imagine. But you will never be happy until you are at peace with what happened.”
“I’m happy with you,” he whispered, holding her gaze, and her face contorted in pain.
“But are you using me to mask that pain?”
His brows came together, his lips twisting in confusion. “No, not at all. I blame myself,” he said, and her eyes pleaded with his, needing to know that he wasn’t bullshitting her. “But I’ve coped. I accepted that I can’t change what happened. I understand that it was out of my control. I still believe I should have done something different, but I want to move on. I want to be happy. I’m so tired of being lonely and sad. I’ve been trying to find someone, but no one has stuck, Lucy. Then you came along. And you make me feel things I’ve never felt in my whole adult life.”
Her eyes searched his, and she bit into her lip before nodding slowly. “I just worry that we’ll get too far into this, and then you won’t be able to feel what you need to feel for me.”
He knew what she was saying and he understood, but what she didn’t know was that he was already falling in love with her. He couldn’t tell her that, she wasn’t ready, but he had to reassure her that he was good.
“Losing them, my family, sucked. No other words can adequately describe it. Being alone, dating people and not clicking with them, blows. If finding you had happened a year or two ago, I could completely understand your worry, and you are completely right to have it. But Lucy, I’ve known you for two weeks, and in these two weeks, I’ve never been so damn happy in my life. I get excited to wake up, to talk to you, I love helping Angie on the ice, and seeing you does things to my heart. So please don’t worry about me not being into this. Us. I am so into us.”
Her lip wobbled and she closed her eyes. Opening them again, she held his gaze as she sucked in a deep breath. Then, with all the strength in the world, she said, “I don’t trust people. Ever. The grown men I loved, trusted, needed, depended on, both fucked me over. Badly. And I haven’t recovered from it. Then you came along… And I trust you, Benji. So I’m going to say, okay, I’m going to believe you and I’m gonna trust that you have my best interests in mind. But I swear to God, you fuck me, you break my heart, I will skin you alive.”
He couldn’t help it, he grinned as he leaned his forehead to hers. “I don’t make promises lightly, Lucy, not since Ava, as you can understand. But I promise I will not hurt you. I promised your brother that, and I have no problem promising the same to you.”
Her lip wobbled again. “You did?”
“I did.”
Wrapping her arms around him, she hugged him tightly and his eyes drifted shut. Holding her as she straddled his lap, he kissed her temple and then her cheek as she clung to him.
“I’m sorry about your family,” she whispered, her lips moving against his jaw.
Swallowing hard, he kissed her cheek once more. “Thank you.”
They clung to each other. He was holding her for support, for love, and he hoped she was doing the same. She didn’t say anything for a long time, almost until the water started to chill a bit, and then she whispered, “I feel good about this. That we talked about all this.”
And his heart just blew up in his chest. “Me too, Lucy. Me too.”
As he held her, her heart pounding into his, he was pretty sure he had just fallen in love with her.
Lucy was running on coffee.
Only coffee.
Because she hadn’t walked into Jayden’s house until eight in the morning, four minutes before Angie woke up. And, of course, there was no time for a nap. Nope, Angie was up, ready to go, already fully dressed in her equipment before Lucy even sat down on her bed.
No rest for the wicked, she guessed. And last night, she was wicked.
Oh, the things she did with Benji… Great freaking sex, never-ending orgasms, and tub sex. God, she loved tub sex. While Lucy wanted just an hour—one hour of sleep, that’s all—she didn’t regret one thing about going to Benji’s. Not the run-in with the cops, not the endless amounts of orgasms, and definitely not when he opened up to her. No, last night was amazing, perfect even, and she still felt it way deep in her soul.
One thing was for sure, she would never forget the look of pure loss on Benji’s face. Or how his body shook with sobs as he talked about his wife and daughter. It was hard to hear, and it gutted her as if she had lost two people she had loved. But at the same time, it was beautiful. He loved them—hell, she was sure he still loved them—and he felt horrible for his mistakes. She appreciated his honesty and the fact he wanted to move on. She felt like he trusted her, cared enough about her to share that side of him. He might never know how much that meant to her. How much he touched her heart last night.
And one day, well into the future, she hoped he could love her and Angie like he did his wife and daughter.
The thought scared the living bejesus out of her, of course. She hadn’t had that hope in her heart since Rick, but it was true. For so long, she couldn’t trust men, minus her brothers. Rick ruined her, and then her dad broke her heart—the two men she had loved and looked to for guidance. For the last four years, she had been doing it on her own, navigating life, and then she met him.
Benji.
When he said he would fight her for her, the walls around her heart crumbled, and it just felt right. He felt right. So damn right. No one had ever said that to her, and he was saying it. After only knowing her two weeks. Shit, it was all going so damn fast, and she almost felt like she was getting whiplash. Was it too good to be true? Could this really be happening? And really, why couldn’t she have met him sooner? Or maybe this was good timing because they were both ready?
She was ready.
Right?
Yes.
But fuck, above all, what was he going to say when he had to really deal with Rick? Learn of his betrayal and be able to do nothing about it, because Benji couldn’t take him out. No, that would be bad. But she felt in her heart that he would try. It scared her to the core. She wasn’t sure what the future held, but today… She just hoped today went okay.
For Angie.
“Mommy, were you working last night?” Lucy looked up in the rearview mirror, her little hockey player looking back at her. Helmet and stick were both in place as Angie held her gaze, and panic filled Lucy’s gut. “I woke up and you weren’t in bed. But Jayden walked in, like, right as I woke up and asked me if I was okay. I said yeah, and then I went back to sleep.”
“Um, yes,” Lucy replied and felt like the lowest scum on earth. She had just lied. To her baby. Because she was out doing her coach. Why did she keep thinking things like that?
“You work all the time. When do you sleep?”
Lucy smiled; she hadn’t really cared ab
out sleep last night. But now…now, she was realizing she was way too old for such late nights. “I get it in. I’m just trying to get everything taken care of.”
“So we aren’t homeless.”
“Angela Lynn.”
“Oops, sorry. You know what I mean.”
“Yes, and yes,” she answered before clearing her throat. “But hey, good news, I have a new office.”
“Woo-hoo!” Angie said, throwing her hands up and doing a little shimmy in her booster seat. “Is it nice?”
“Yeah, um…” She paused. She didn’t have to say her next sentence, but she wanted to. “It’s actually in Coach Benji’s backyard.”
“No way! Can I go hang out with him when I’m not in school?”
Lucy smiled. “I don’t know. We’ll see.”
“He’s so freaking cool. It’s so nice he is letting you use it.”
“I’m renting,” she said, more for herself than her daughter, who had no clue what she was talking about.
“Still, he’s so cool. You should marry him,” she said, so offhandedly and annoyingly carefree.
But Lucy, she gasped. “What?”
Angie giggled. “You’re so silly, Mommy. You sound like you saw a ghost.”
She sounded like that because this was crazy talk. “Because you’re crazy! Marry?” she laughed, her stomach going nuts. “Please, Benji wouldn’t want to marry me.”
“Why? You’re so pretty,” Angie said simply. “And he always stares at you.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“Yes, he does!” She laughed, smacking her thigh. “I’m gonna ask him.”
“You better not,” she warned, and Angie was full out laughing like they were in comedy hour.
“Ha! Mommy has a crush.”
“Angela Lynn! What in the world? How do you know what a crush is?”
“I’m seven, Mom, not a baby.”
“You are a baby, thank you,” she said, breathless, pulling into the parking lot. “And I do not have a crush.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Angela! No, I do not,” she said, by this point giggling as she parked. Why was she giggling? Stopping, she glared back at her daughter. “And if you say one word to Benji about that nonsense, I’ll ground you.”
Angie only snickered as she threw the door open and got out. Lucy, on the other hand, was shaking her head. Kid was going to give her gray hair before she was thirty. She swore it. She grabbed Angie’s bag out of the back, and Angie met her by the trunk and bounced on her heels.
Wait. Did she say that because she wanted Lucy to get married? Crap. Looking over at Angie as she shut the trunk, Lucy found herself asking, “Do you think Mommy needs to be married?”
Angie shrugged. “Daddy is married to Heidi. And I don’t know, I think it would make you happy.”
Lucy bit into her lip. “But you’re happy, right, baby?”
“Duh, I have the best mom in the world!” she gushed, giving her a half hug. “I just want you to be happy.”
“I am.”
“I know, but I think you need someone to talk to who isn’t a kid, who loves you like I do.”
“You are way past your years, Angela,” she said, squeezing her baby to her side. “Plus, I have my mom, Jude, Jayden, and Jace.”
Angie gave her a deadpan look as they walked up to the rink. “But they are busy with the people they love. You need someone to love.”
“I love you!”
“Mom, come on. You know what I mean,” she said, rolling her eyes. Lucy did, she just hated that her daughter thought this. What did she do wrong? Was she really that pathetic all the time? “There’s Grandma and River!”
Running off like they hadn’t just had a very eye-opening conversation, Angie jumped into River’s arms, him throwing her up in the air before hugging her tightly. Smiling, Lucy made her way to them, catching the very end of River giving Angie a pep talk.
“Play deep, and when you get a chance, shoot. These girls don’t even know what’s in store for them! You know you’re the best, so play it. Okay?”
“It’s the peewees, River, not the NHL,” Lucy sang and he grinned.
Angie giggled happily as Lucy’s mom beamed. “Are you ready, sweetheart? I’m nervous for you.”
“Mom,” Lucy complained and she shrugged.
“What? You know how I am. My baby, come here. Let me hug you.”
Angie went willingly as Lucy and River chuckled at how silly she could be. She was a mother hen, and her babies were just that, her babies. Hugging her grandma, Angie looked back at Lucy. “Mom, is Dad coming?”
Lucy swallowed hard, pulling her phone out of her pocket. “I told him the time. But it’s still early, honey. I’ll text and ask, okay?”
She looked dejected as she turned to Autumn. “You have your iPad, right? Uncle Jace and Jude want to watch the game.”
Autumn patted her purse. “Done, River is gonna set it up.”
“I wish they were here. I wonder where Jayden and Baylor are. And Benji.”
Yeah, where was Benji?
Looking around, Lucy saw Jayden and Baylor coming from the concession stand. “There are Jayden and Baylor.”
“Oh, yay! Oh, there’s Coach Adler. I better go,” she said, wiggling out of Autumn’s arms and grabbing her bag. “Benji said he would be here, right?”
“Yeah, and I’m sure he will be,” Lucy said reassuringly, but maybe she should text him, just to make sure.
Shit, maybe he wasn’t coming.
No. He wouldn’t have told her he was if he wasn’t.
Nodding her head, Lucy bent down and patted Angie on the helmet since she had her cage on already. “Good luck. Love you.”
“Love you,” Angie said before running off. She fist-bumped Jayden and Baylor as Lucy watched, a grin on her face. When she ran past them, Benji all of a sudden came out of a side door, catching Angie midstride, lifting her over his head, her stick and bag hitting the ground as her laughter filled the room.
And Lucy’s heart promptly exploded in her chest.
“You’re here!”
“Duh,” he said, hugging her tightly. Then they were talking, but Lucy couldn’t hear them. As she headed toward them, her mother stopped her.
“Who is that tall drink of water?” she whispered and Lucy gasped.
“Mom!”
Autumn laughed. “What? Just wondering. Is that the famous Benji?”
Lucy’s lips curved as he patted Angie on the head and they fist-bumped. “Yeah, that’s him.”
“He’s adorable,” she said as they closed the distance between themselves and Benji and Angie, but Lucy didn’t verbally agree as Angie beamed back at her.
“Benji’s here!”
Lucy grinned. “I see that. Hey, Benji.”
He was wearing his thick, dark-rimmed glasses, his hair falling against them as his lips curved. “Ms. Sinclair.”
“Silly, her name is Lucy!” Angie giggled, leaning into him. “Isn’t she pretty today?”
“Angela,” Lucy warned, but Autumn was beaming.
“You are looking extra beautiful today,” she agreed and Lucy glared.
“Mom!”
Benji just grinned, though, his eyes bright as Lucy met his heated gaze. “I think you are completely right, Hart. Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Besides you, of course,” he said, tickling her, and she dissolved into laughter on the ground. Glancing at her mother, Lucy found that she and River were laughing too. Why did this feel normal to her?
Shit, what was happening?
Picking her up by her jersey, Benji put Angie on her feet and then fixed her jersey. “All right, Hart, ready to win?”
“Yes!”
“Remember, play deep, right by the goal. Rebounds, you got them, right?”
“Yup!”
Benji tapped her helmet. “That’s my girl. Go kick some butt.”
Angie nodded quickly before dragging her bag with her toward where Shea was waiting for her. Looking back
at Lucy, Benji smiled and her lips quirked as her mother held her hand out.
“Well, my goodness, you are wonderful with her. I’m Angie’s grandma, Autumn, and this is my fiancé, River.”
Benji reached for her hand, shaking it. “She’s a great kid, lucky to meet her. But wait, did you say grandma? You mean aunt, right?”
Oh, her mom ate that right on up. Lucy rolled her eyes as he shook River’s hand. “Man, it’s wonderful to meet you. I really admire your game, mirror some of my play on yours.”
Oh, yeah. Lucy had forgotten River was kind of a big deal—being a Stanley Cup winner from the Bruins and all. Grinning ear to ear, River nodded. “Yeah, Paxton, right? You play opposite to Sinclair.”
Benji nodded. “Yes, sir.”
When they started to talk hockey, her mother leaned to her. “He’s amazing.”
“Mom, stop.”
“You should get on that.”
“Mom, please.”
“Lucy, he likes you. He keeps staring at you.”
“Please, Mom, stop,” Lucy begged but Autumn just grinned.
“Want me to ask him out for you?”
“Sweet Lord in heaven,” she muttered before clapping her hands together. “I’m gonna go sit down.”
Benji looked over at her and grinned. His eyes bored into hers, letting her know he’d be where they said they’d meet. But she had just left him not three hours ago. Surely, they weren’t still meeting. “I’ll meet you guys up there. I gotta make a stop.”
“Okay,” she said as she started to walk away with her family. But when she looked back at him, he waggled his brows.
Damn it. How was she supposed to get away?
Stopping at the bathroom, she waved her family off. “I gotta pee real quick.”
They kept going, by the grace of God. She was convinced Baylor or her mom would decide they had to use the restroom. Her heart was pounding, and she was about to giggle because of how absurd this was. But they started around the rink for the home bleachers. Lucy waited, ready to take off. God, this was stupid. Closing her eyes, she felt so silly but at the same time, so damn giddy. Fighting back her grin, she made a beeline for behind the bleachers, praying no one saw her.
