by Toni Aleo
“What if he doesn’t show?” she asked, her heart pounding against her ribs.
“Then we drive over to his house,” Benji said simply, looking out the window, for what, she wasn’t sure. He didn’t know what Rick drove. “He’ll be here.”
Before she could say anything, she saw his car coming down the lane and she sat up straight. “There he is.”
Opening the door, she got out, meeting Benji at the front of the truck as Rick parked. Before he could even get out, though, Angie was out of the car and rushing to Lucy, wrapping her arms around her waist. “Mommy,” she breathed, her face in Lucy’s stomach, holding her so tightly she almost knocked the air out of her.
“Oh, honey, I missed you,” Lucy said, holding back her tears as she kissed her daughter’s head.
“I want to go home,” Angie whispered, and Lucy nodded.
“Of course,” Lucy said, but Angie didn’t let her go. “Are you okay?”
“I just want to go home,” she said once more, and then Benji was crouched down beside her, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder.
“Hey, sunshine,” he said and Angie peeked out.
“Hey.”
“Wanna get in the truck? I think your mom and dad need to talk.”
She nodded. “Can I play with your phone?”
He held his arms out. She went to him and he lifted her up. “Of course.”
Tearing her gaze from them, Lucy pinned Rick with a look that was straight from hell. He was glaring, his fists clenched as he watched Benji put Angie in the car. He didn’t even say good-bye; he was just glaring like a son of a bitch. When she heard the door shut, she cleared her throat.
“Why is she upset?”
“Who knows?” he said, meeting her gaze. “She’s always bitching about something.”
“Shouldn’t that make you realize something is wrong?”
He just shrugged. “What do you want, Lucy?”
She took a step toward him, her fists balled at her thighs. “You ever do that shit again, I will come to your house, and I will—”
“Stop,” Benji said as he came up beside her.
“Yeah, better listen to your boyfriend there, Lucy, even though we all know no one can control that mouth of yours,” he said, his gaze meeting Benji’s. “I wouldn’t even try.”
“Listen, buddy—”
“I’m not your buddy,” Rick snapped and Benji nodded. “And we have nothing to say to each other.”
“No, we do,” Benji said sternly, and to her surprise, Rick’s lips pressed together as he sized Benji up. She wasn’t sure what he was thinking. Benji could kill him; he had at least a foot on him and also sixty pounds. He was a tank, while Rick was a smart car. Well, he was stupid, but size-wise, the comparison applied. With a calm but firm voice, Benji said, “I don’t know how we got off on the wrong foot, but we need to fix this. For no one else but Angie. I don’t care that you don’t like me, because I sure as hell don’t like you, but I refuse to have what happened this weekend happen again. You can’t keep a mother from her daughter, and I know Lucy would never do that to you, no matter how much she hates you.”
“Not that you call, anyway,” Lucy added, and Benji shot her a look that she shrugged off. She understood his cool, calm approach, but she wasn’t going to let the bastard off without knowing she could and would cut him.
“I mean, this is all pointless. Nothing is going to change. I’m not taking her to hockey, and I’m not letting you speak to her. That’s final,” Rick stated, and while Lucy was ready to fly off the handle, Benji spoke first.
“Why is that?”
“’Cause I don’t want to. She’s with me. Don’t cut into my time.”
“It’s two hours on a Saturday! Hell, you can keep her two hours later on a Sunday if that will make it better.”
“No,” he said simply and Lucy’s blood boiled.
Benji, on the other hand, was cool as a cucumber as he said, “Okay, I understand that you want your time with her. But what about what she wants? She loves hockey, she wants to play, and Lucy paid a lot to get her started, I’m sure. So can we at least pick her up for hockey? Bring her right back?”
“We?” Rick asked and then he laughed. “Dude, I’m trying to make it so you never even see my daughter.”
Sucking his teeth, Benji glared and Lucy saw him cracking. “And why is that?”
“Because you’re a fucking alcoholic who preys on women with kids to replace the family you fucking lost,” Rick seethed, taking a step forward and leaving Lucy gasping for breath. How in the fucking world…? “And that little girl is mine. You can have Lucy. I don’t want her, but Angie, you can’t have her.”
“What in the hell? How dare you?” Lucy yelled and she was going to kill him, rip him limb from limb. But before she could even get close enough, Benji had his arms around her, stopping her.
“Lucy, stop!”
“He can’t talk to you like that. You don’t even fucking know him. He is twenty times the man, hell, the father figure to Angie, that you’ll ever be,” she yelled, her body shaking with anger.
“Lucy, Angie can see you. Stop,” Benji demanded as Rick laughed, and Lucy went still. She looked back, and thankfully, Angie was looking down. But he was right. She couldn’t be acting like this. Letting her go, Benji turned, looking at Rick. “While you are right, I am a recovering alcoholic and I did lose my family, I don’t want to steal your daughter from you. I just want her to be happy. And I’m asking you, please, work something out here.”
But Rick shook his head. “Want to work something out? Take me to court.”
“We would like to avoid that, for Angie’s sake,” he tried, but Rick shook his head.
“I don’t care. I want full custody.”
Lucy laughed out loud. “Over my dead fucking body.”
“Fine, we’ll see in court.”
“Yeah, we will,” Lucy snapped, her eyes blazing, and Rick’s brows pulled together, surprised. “Let’s go.”
Benji paused, though, and turned to Rick. “Are you sure? Because she’ll be on the phone with her lawyer as soon as we get in that truck.”
Rick just glared, shaking his head. “Fuck you. You know nothing about me. I’m loaded now, and I’ll hire the best lawyers to get my daughter—”
“We’re done,” Benji said, turning his back and leading Lucy to the truck, but Rick was apparently not done.
“You won’t get what you want. Who is going to let you stay around a kid when you’re an alcoholic? A sleazeball, washed-up hockey player? They would be stupid to—”
But before Rick could finish, Benji slammed her door shut, and Lucy couldn’t hear Rick since Benji had the music up. She watched as Benji went around the car, Rick still yelling. But Benji seemed unfazed as he got in, slamming the door behind him. Putting the car in drive, he pulled away, his grip on the wheel so tight, his veins started to pop up.
“I’m so—”
“Don’t,” he said sternly as he stopped at the intersection. Turning in his seat, he looked back at Angie. “You all right, sunshine?”
“Yeah,” she answered, her voice full of despondence. “My dad wouldn’t take me to hockey yesterday. Coach Adler is gonna be so mad.”
“No, not at all. I’ll call him, don’t worry,” Lucy said quickly. She turned in the seat as Benji took off. “Or Benji will call since they’re friends.”
Angie didn’t look up as she shrugged. “He grounded me because I screamed at him for wanting to go. Then he wouldn’t let me call you and I cried, and he screamed at me that I was a baby. Then Nina and Heidi got to go shopping and to Chuck E. Cheese, but I had to stand in the corner.”
Lucy’s heart stopped. “The corner?”
“Yeah, ’cause I’m bad.”
“You’re not bad,” Lucy said, rubbing her daughter’s knee. “You’re perfect.”
“I don’t know, Mommy. He was so mean to me and wouldn’t let me do anything. I told him I wanted to go home, and that
only made him madder.”
“I’m sorry.”
Still not looking up, Angie shrugged. “I don’t know why he has to be mean.”
“I don’t either.”
“But Grandpa did call me,” she said, looking up then, and her sweet face was flushed, visibly upset. “It was nice to hear from him.”
“Yeah,” Lucy said, reaching out and rubbing Angie’s face. “Maybe he’ll come to the game Saturday.”
“Cool.” Then she looked to Benji. “But you’re leaving tomorrow, so you won’t be there, huh, Benji?”
“No, I won’t. I’m sorry, but maybe I can get your mom to FaceTime me?”
Angie smiled. “I’d like that.”
“Me too,” he said, flashing her a smile in the rearview mirror.
Looking back at Lucy, her eyes welled up as she let out a long breath. “I don’t want to miss hockey, Mom, but Dad said he won’t take me.”
Rubbing her thumb along her daughter’s cheek, Lucy fought back tears. “I’ll see what I can do. Maybe I can talk him into letting me get you.”
“I just don’t want to go back,” she said, the tears spilling over her cheeks. “I hate it there. All he does is yell at me, only Nina and Heidi matter. And now Nina doesn’t even really talk to me. Heidi took her out all weekend. I just don’t want to go back. Don’t make me go!”
When she balled herself up, Lucy panicked, undoing her seatbelt and climbing in the back. Wrapping her arms around Angie, she kissed her the top of her head as her own tears started to fall. She couldn’t promise she wouldn’t have to send her back to Rick’s. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but one thing was for sure, she was going to fight Rick Hart tooth and nail. No one made her baby cry.
“How about we go get some ice cream? Wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese, Angie? Maybe shopping?” Benji asked and Angie peeked her head up, wiping her face. “I’m leaving tomorrow, and I need to spend the whole day with my girls. So how about we go have some fun?”
She nodded. “Really?”
“Yeah, us three? You gotta dry up those tears, okay? Know that Mommy and I will get everything fixed, okay?”
“Okay,” she said, wiping her face as her little lip wobbled. “I don’t want you to go, though.”
“I know. Me either, sunshine. That’s why we’ll have so much fun today that it will last for the next two weeks. Okay?”
She nodded and looked up at Lucy. “Want to, Mommy?”
“I would love to,” Lucy said, her tears begging to fall. As Lucy kissed her head, Angie leaned against her chest and Lucy slowly shook her head. What the hell was she going to do? How was she supposed to let Rick have her? This was going to get worse before it got better, and crap, Benji was going to be gone the whole time.
Damn it.
When she met Benji’s gaze in the rearview mirror, her lip trembled as he tried to send her a smile. His gaze was so tender, so loving, but she could see the worry in the depths of his gray eyes. Her heart just couldn’t take it. He was too good to them. Holding Angie closer, she closed her eyes and she knew Benji was there. He was going to be the rock she needed.
Together, they were going to be okay.
“I feel guilty.”
Benji sensed Jordie looking over at him as Melissa, the AA leader, met his gaze. “Why is that, Benji? You look great. You seem so much happier, so much more open than the last time I saw you. It’s almost like I’m seeing a whole different person.”
She was beaming, excited, and he knew her words were true. Because he was. He hadn’t seen her since they played the Kings at the beginning of the season. Both Benji and Jordie really liked the LA AA chapter and made sure to stop in when they were in town, but in this meeting, Benji’s heart was heavy.
“She’s right, dude. What in the world do you have to feel guilty about?”
“I know, but I met someone—Lucy,” he said, more to Melissa and the three other professional hockey players who sat in the room. Another thing he liked about this chapter was it was only for athletes. Last time, there were some football and baseball players, but apparently they had stopped coming. It was sad, but it happened all the time.
Alcoholism wasn’t easy to beat.
“She’s spectacular and we click. She makes me laugh and she’s just awesome,” he said, his lips curving into a grin. “She has this little girl, Angie, who just lights up my world. I’ve been gone six days, and she FaceTimes me every day when she gets home, just to tell me how her day was. She looks forward to talking to me, and I love it. I love them. So damn much, but I feel so bad because I think Lucy is my soul mate, that they were meant to be in my life and to love me. And for me to love them. But if that is the case, then what about Ava and Leary? Am I disrespecting them by thinking that? By thinking that Lucy and Angie are the loves of my life? Because, looking back, I know Ava wasn’t the one, she was the safe option, but I feel horrible for that.”
Melissa nodded slowly as Jordie leaned on his legs. “But, didn’t you say before that you know you and Ava should have divorced before the accident, but you couldn’t let her go?”
“I didn’t want to be alone,” Benji said with a nod. “But I feel like I’m not honoring their memory by falling so hard for Lucy and Angie.”
“But you are, Benji,” Melissa said, bringing his attention to her. “You still think of them, you still miss them, and I’m sure Lucy and Angie know about them.”
He nodded. “They do.”
“Exactly. So you are doing right, Benji. You have to move on. You can’t let the past hold you down.”
“No, I’m not. I am moving on. I love Lucy, I love Angie, that’s not the problem—”
“Have you told them?”
He paused. “No.”
“Why not?”
He shrugged, shaking his head. “I don’t want to say it and scare her. She’ll think I’m moving too fast.”
“Or is it because you’ve never told anyone but Ava and Leary you loved them?” she asked, holding his gaze, and he swallowed hard. He hadn’t thought of that, but that didn’t seem right. If he wasn’t ready to move on, then he wouldn’t feel the way he did for Lucy and Angie.
“No. Lucy was in a shit relationship. She’s divorced now. And she was so hesitant about being with me that I think the reason why I haven’t told them is because I don’t want her to freak out on me. I still love Leary and Ava, I will always love them, but I know I am moving on. I just have this guilt I can’t seem to shake, and I don’t know what to do.”
“I think it’s because you haven’t fully forgiven yourself for the accident,” Jordie said before Melissa could say anything. “I think you still think you don’t deserve this love, these girls.”
Benji nodded, meeting his friend’s gaze. “Absolutely.”
“Well, until you forgive yourself, Benji, you’ll never be able to shake the guilt,” Melissa said. “Just look how far you’ve come. You are the poster boy for recovery. I love your story, and it pleases me to no end that you have found love again. I want you to remember how much you deserve this. Deserve them. And I want you to forgive yourself.”
Biting the inside of his cheek, he looked away as he shrugged. “I’m trying.”
“That’s all you can do,” she said. But was it enough?
Was he not trying hard enough?
Moving the puck back and forth behind the goal, Benji waited as new forwards hit the ice. He noticed that the Kings took that chance for a fresh line too. Clearly this was the time to go. Banking the puck against the boards, hard, it went center ice where he thought Erik would grab it, but he didn’t.
Jude Sinclair did.
“Fuck!” he yelled, coming out and rushing toward him to block him since Jayden had been at the blue line, waiting for Benji to come out. Jude was on a mission, though, and when he went to shoot, Benji dropped down, using his body as the puck came crashing into his chest guard.
Still knocked the breath out of him, though.
Luckily, Jayden had ma
de it back, getting the rebound off of him and taking the puck up as Benji slowly got up, wheezing for breath. Skating toward the bench, he climbed over as the whistle blew. When he heard singing, he turned to see Jude, singing with his gaze on him.
“What the hell?” Sitting down as Jayden sat, Benji looked over at him. “Is your brother singing to me?”
Jayden rolled his eyes, gasping for breath as he took a long pull of water. “He’s an idiot. Sings to people on the ice.”
Jude scoffed at that since he was in earshot, still singing. Benji continued to look puzzled. “What’s he singing? Who sings on the ice?”
“He does. It’s insane, but I think he’s singing the Beach Boys.”
“The Beach Boys?”
“Yeah, he told me he was gonna sing ‘Don’t Hurt My Little Sister’ to you to throw you off your game.”
Benji’s face twisted as he looked out at the ice, Jude skating off as he moved his head to the beat in his mind. “Lucy wasn’t kidding when she said he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, was she?”
Jayden chuckled. “Nope, not even kinda.”
Benji ignored Jude and the game continued, the Assassins down by two. It had been a tough game. They had their backup goalie in, Dylan Alexander, and he was doing fine, but it was easy to see he was rusty from not playing for a while. Leaning on the boards, Benji watched as the Assassins fought into the Kings’ zone, shooting pucks left and right. When one of the Kings’ players cross-checked Jordie into the boards, the bench lost it in protest. Thankfully, the ref saw it and threw his hand up.
Power play.
“Paxton, Sinclair, go,” Coach yelled, and they jumped over, heading to the face-off circle.
When Jude skated by him, grinning like a fool while singing, Benji shook his head. Would Lucy be mad if he pummeled her brother? He wasn’t sure if he cared, because the dude was getting on his nerves. When the puck dropped, though, Jude stopped singing and tried to win it. But Anderson was fast, kicking it back to Benji, who sent it to Jayden, who shot wide. Going around the boards, Benji rushed to get the puck before it went over the line, getting there just in time to send it to Anderson, who sent it to Titov, who shot, but the goalie batted it away. Right onto Jayden’s stick. Instead of shooting, though, he whizzed it to Benji, who was ready for the one-timer, and when the red light flashed, he threw his arms up.
