by L. D. Davis
“The fact that you are still standing here and having this conversation tells me that you aren’t as satisfied with your life at home as you pretend to be,” Iris said.
“I love my wife,” Luke said.
“I don’t doubt that you do, but if life with Emmy is so perfect, you wouldn’t still be standing here considering this.”
“I’m not…”
“But you are,” she said in a silky voice. “I have my hands on you and you’re not pushing me away. I made a proposal and you didn’t scurry away back to your wife. You’re still here. We’ve been flirting with this for months, Luke. I’m tired of flirting. I’m forty-three years old and I’m over the flirting game. I know what I want and I don’t want to play games to get it. I don’t know…maybe one day will lead to another day and another day after that, but if you think that will happen then it means something. It means that maybe…maybe there’s a chance for us. Don’t you want to find out? Do you really want to be left wondering ‘what if’ when we can find out?”
I heard an exasperated sigh from Luke. Was he considering her offer? Why hadn’t he walked away yet? Then I heard it. The distinct sound of lips on lips and clothing rubbing together, and I knew without looking that he was kissing her, or she was kissing him. It didn’t matter who initiated it, the other person didn’t back away. I had to hold my breath to keep from gagging on the half a banana I had eaten before leaving the house. I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me.
Suddenly I heard Luke’s haggard breathing. “No. I can’t do this with you. Oh my god,” I heard him say, near panic. “I can’t. I won’t.”
“Luke,” I heard her plead.
“No, Iris! Fuck…” I knew my husband well. I knew he had his hands in his hair and I could hear him pacing back and forth. “Fuck fuck fuck. I can’t believe I just did that. I can’t believe I just did that.”
“I know you’re torn but -”
He cut her off. “I’m not fucking torn. I’m a fucking idiot. I’m not coming back here – don’t come to my office again, don’t call me, and stay away from my family. If Emmy comes in here, you give her a fucking muffin or whatever it is she wants and stay away from her. I had to fight so hard to get her; I’m not going to throw my life with her away for you or anyone else.”
I was frozen in place, unsure if I should burst in or run away. No matter what he had just said, I was still burning with hurt. They had obviously been building towards this moment and I wasn’t even sure if this was their first kiss.
Before I could decide what to do, someone hit the bell a few times from the counter. I heard low murmurs from the office door as the bell was hit again and then the door swung open. Iris looked at me with wide, teary eyes. Luke stepped behind her, looking like he had just been through hell. When Iris still didn’t move, Luke looked up and met my eyes.
“Emmy,” he said, but I had already turned and dashed out of the hallway. “Emmy!” he yelled my name as I ran out of the shop. The clouds chose that moment to dump the hounds of hell, but I wasn’t thinking about the umbrella in my hand as I ran away from my husband screaming my name.
The L wasn’t far, but if I had to wait for a train back to my car, Luke would definitely catch up to me. He was practically on my heels now. I ran into the street at the first sight of a cab. I didn’t know if anyone was in it or not, I didn’t care. I almost got hit by one car as I darted across the street and actually got tapped by one as it came to a halt, honking its horn. I stumbled and my left side ached, but I kept running, waving frantically at the oncoming cab with Luke screaming my name behind me. I was jumping into the cab before it could come to a complete stop.
“Just go!” I yelled to the cabby as Luke closed in.
I watched as his hands landed on the back of the cab, but then we were moving away, leaving him standing in the middle of the street in the pouring rain yelling for me.
I told the driver where to take me so I could get my car. By my estimate, I could beat Luke home by ten minutes. I had no doubts that he would skip court, meetings, or whatever he had to do to race home. I had to think about what I was going to do. Was I going to take the kids and leave? I couldn’t just skip out myself, I had my babies at home, and I couldn’t lock Luke out of his own house. Well, I could, but since he had a key and I had no time for a locksmith, that wasn’t really an option.
The aching in my hip and thigh made itself known as we drove through the city. The car had barely touched me I thought, but it was possible it hit me pretty damn hard and I just didn’t feel it because of my emotional pain. I couldn’t worry about it though. I had to figure out what I was going to do when I got home. Luke was calling my phone repeatedly. When there was a pause between his calls, I got text messages begging me to answer the phone.
When the cab stopped at the park and ride lot where my car was parked, I threw some money at him and hurried out into the torrential downpour. My leg and side was definitely more than achy now, but again I couldn’t worry about it. I pushed the pain aside and climbed into my car. I got Diana on the phone between Luke’s calls as I pulled out of the parking spot. In the most controlled voice I could muster, I instructed Diana to pack overnight bags for the kids and reminded her not to forget Kaitlyn’s bottles and such.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, clearly alarmed.
“Yes. I’ll be home in about fifteen minutes at the most, but I need them ready to go by then. I know that’s asking a lot, but I would really appreciate it.”
“You got it.”
I ended the call and continued to ignore Luke’s frantic phone calls. I couldn’t speak to him yet. No matter what, the fact still remained that for some time he had been attracted to Iris and had even acted on it on some level. After all of the shit we had been through, I couldn’t believe he had done this, and so soon after we got married.
When I got to the house, I dashed inside and found the kids not only packed, but Lucas was dressed in his raincoat and boots and Kaitlyn had on a jacket and was buckled into her seat.
“I fed her so you wouldn’t have to worry about it for a little while,” Di said, pulling on her own coat. She looked at me with a grim expression. “Luke has been calling the house like crazy. I didn’t tell him that you had me get the kids ready. I don’t know what’s going on or what he did, but I imagine you want to get the hell out of here before he gets here. I’ll get the kids into the car while you go grab whatever you need.”
I didn’t trust myself to speak. I handed her the keys and nodded my gratitude before running upstairs. Di was practically still a kid herself, not even old enough to drink, but she was very mature in some ways. I appreciated that she got it without asking a lot of dumb questions.
I threw a couple of pair of jeans and a couple of shirts into a bag, along with some underwear and the cosmetic bag I use for traveling. It already contained everything I needed from a toothbrush and toothpaste to deodorant, brushes, and makeup. I stuffed my laptop and chargers into the bag and took off down the stairs. Di already had the kids in the car. She was sitting in the passenger’s seat to keep an eye on them, but as soon as I got in, she opened her door to get out.
“Good luck and be safe,” she said and leaned across the seat to give me a quick hug. She jumped out and ran to her own little car.
I backed out of the driveway and took off in the opposite direction in which Luke would come from on his way home. I still wasn’t sure where I was going to go, but I couldn’t drive around all day in the rain with my kids in the back of the car. I couldn’t drive all the way to Louisiana by myself with two small children and I didn’t think the trip to Jersey would have been wise either. Flying with the kids would have been difficult and really, I didn’t want to take the kids away from Luke. Finally, I decided to just go to the Fairmont.
By the time I checked in and got to the room, my mother, Donya, and Mayson were also calling me. What the fuck – did he have to alert everyone I knew? I didn’t know which one I wanted to tal
k to. My mother – well I didn’t like to talk to her on any ordinary day, let alone on one as emotionally burdening as this one. Mayson would listen but play devil’s advocate, and I didn’t want a devil’s advocate. Donya would give it to me straight, whether I was wrong or right. I answered her call while the kids were quiet.
Diana had a mind to pack Lucas a lunch and put it in the little Toy Story backpack he apparently had on when I stopped home to get him. It was a little early for lunch, but he was sitting in front of the television eating quietly so I let him have at it. Kaitlyn was sound asleep in her car seat.
“Why is Luke calling me as if he is on fire and I am the only one who can put him out?” she asked when I answered. “Then again, he is hot. If it weren’t for my own hot husband, I would put him out.”
“Someone already beat you to it,” I said.
“I’m sorry. What?”
“Remember Iris?” I asked as I started pacing the room.
“The book muffin lady?”
“That’s the one.”
“What about her?” Donya asked, but her voice was suspicious.
I told her what I had walked in on, what I had heard and about running away from Luke.
“First thing is first,” she said, and I could tell she was about to let loose. “You got hit by a damn car and kept on running?”
“Yeah,” I said, rubbing my aching side.
“That’s some top rate action movie shit right there, but that’s beside the point. Did you get hurt?”
I pulled on my jeans to look at my hip. It was already turning black and blue. “I’m bruised, but I think I’m okay.”
“Okay, now that is out of the way,” she said and took a deep breath. “What in the hell is wrong with him!”
I shrugged. “Wish I knew,” I said, wiping away at the tears that finally hit me. “I don’t know.”
“If he was any other man, I would tell you to give him a chance because he did tell the woman where she could go, but this is Luke. The same man who told you he hoped Kyle Sterling would break your heart and make you choke on it. This is the same man who treated you like shit for months after you reconnected with him. In addition, he knows what it is like to be hurt like that and back then you guys weren’t married with children. He should have known better!”
“I don’t know what to do,” I said through my tears. I turned my head so that Lucas wouldn’t see me crying. “What do I do?”
“Frankly, Emmy, I’m baffled on this one. He’s the last person I would have thought to worry about under these circumstances. I feel like you should hear him out, but at the same time I feel like he should suffer.”
“I feel like…I feel like I’m being punished for all of the stuff I did in the past, all of the stuff with Kyle.”
“Em, you more than paid your dues for that. You punished yourself and he punished you on top of that, and it’s something you’ll have to live with for the rest of your life. No, this isn’t punishment. It’s idiocy on his part, and carelessness.”
“So…what do I do?” I asked pathetically.
“You’re thirty-three years old, Emmy. You can’t run away from home when things go awry. I know this is pretty intense, but that’s your home and your kids need to be there, not holed up in some hotel room; and I hate to say it, but they need their dad and he needs them. You go home and you make your stand there.”
I knew she was right. I didn’t see any point in arguing, but... “Should I make him sweat a little?” I asked her, feeling hopeful for a positive answer.
“You don’t think watching you get hit by a car made him sweat enough?”
I was silent for a moment. “Not really.”
“Then yeah. Make him sweat a little.”
The kids and I went home later that evening. When we walked through the door, Luke was standing in the foyer with surprise, hope and relief spread across his handsome face. He looked terrible with his red, puffy, teary eyes and he still had on his work clothes. His tie was gone and his clothes were wrinkled and disheveled. He kneeled down to hug Lucas.
“I missed you today, buddy,” he had said, his voice cracking. Lucas was tired and whiny. Luke picked him up and looked at me, his eyes wide with hope. “I’ll put him to bed and then we can talk?”
I looked away from him and carried Kaitlyn in her car seat into the living room. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk. Donya had told me to make my stand, but I didn’t know what that stand was. The emotions rolling through my veins varied and I couldn’t really get a hold on how I was really feeling besides hurt and betrayed.
“Emmy?” Luke called my name and though my back was turned, I knew he was on the verge of breaking down.
“Just put Lucas to bed,” I sighed as I started to take Kaitlyn out of her seat.
I sensed his hesitance, but then I heard him start up the stairs, murmuring softly to Lucas. I had already changed Kay Kay into her pajamas before I left the hotel. I carried her upstairs to her pink and periwinkle room and sat down in the gliding chair to feed her. Luke came in a little while later as I was pulling my shirt down.
“Can I put her to bed?” he asked with outstretched arms.
I handed him his smiling daughter and stood up. “Make sure she burps,” I said in a dead tone I didn’t recognize as I left the room.
“Em, I’ll be out in a little while and we’ll talk, okay?” he called after me, but I didn’t answer.
I went into our bedroom and into our master bath. I stripped out of my clothes and turned on the shower. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at the bruising along my left side. It was ugly looking. It looked like I had been hit by a damn car.
While I was there I checked out the rest of my body and for the first time since before I got pregnant, I was unhappy with what I saw. I had put on more weight during my pregnancy with Kaitlyn than I did when I was pregnant with Lucas, and I hadn’t even lost all of that weight before I was knocked up again. My boobs were sagging from being used as feeding bags. Though I had lost a good amount of weight since I had Kay, I was still flabby in the belly area and my thighs looked pretty disgusting, too. My once pleasantly plump ass was just…plump, without the pleasantly part. My hair was a mess in its ponytail and my skin just didn’t look as vibrant as it once did, what with the lack of sleep with a new baby, and being a housewife was no joke. My kids, husband, and normal everyday life ran me ragged. It was no wonder Luke was attracted to Iris, who seemed to have her shit very much together.
I got into the shower and turned it up as hot as I could stand it. A few minutes later I heard the door open and half a minute later, Luke was stepping in behind me.
“Shit,” he whispered as he gingerly touched the bruising on my side. “Shit,” he said again and this time I could tell he was crying. He carefully made me turn so that he could get a better look at the bruising. “Shit,” he said once again.
I couldn’t stand to hear him crying. I knew how he must have been feeling – beating himself up on the inside, unable to turn back time but wishing and praying that he could. It was probably ten times worse than what I felt three years ago, because now we had children, and the potential emotional damage to them could be staggering.
I turned around and wrapped my arms around my husband and let him cry.
*~~~*
“Hey,” Luke said now, entering the room. He looked at the picture frame in my hands and his eyes immediately looked pained.
The day I threw it across the room was like a normal pre-Iris day, but something snapped in me halfway through the day. I thought about her kissing my husband and his hands on her and I hurled the picture across the room. Luke had looked at me, startled and weary, but he said nothing as he walked across the room, cleaned up the glass and then set the picture back where it belonged.
“Hey,” I responded and then tossed the frame onto the bed next to me instead of putting it back.
“You okay?” he asked, biting his lip, looking incredibly sexy and sad at the same time.
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“Great.”
“Dinner is ready. Do you want me to bring it up to you so you don’t have to deal with Sam?”
“No,” I said and offered a small smile. “I’m not very hungry.”
He frowned. “Em, you’ve been skipping meals like crazy lately. Are you sick?”
“No,” I shook my head. “Just trying to lose a few pounds and I haven’t had much of an appetite.”
He stood there looking unsure. “You know I think you’re beautiful no matter how many pounds you are, right?”
“Sure,” I said in a noncommittal tone.
“Em,” he said tiredly before sitting on the bed beside me. “Just…just say what’s on your mind.”
“I have nothing to say. I said all I have to say. I’m not hungry and I’m trying to lose a few pounds.”
“And you went to see a plastic surgeon,” he said darkly.
I had not told him about my consultation. I used my own money for it. Luke was against me using my own money for just about anything, but I specifically wanted to use my own money for this, especially since I didn’t want him to know, but he had found out.
“How do you know about that?” I asked quietly.
“They called your phone while you were in the shower the other day. I answered. Why the hell are you seeing a plastic surgeon?”
“I need some work done. It’s no big deal.”
“You don’t need any work done and you were never into being plastic before. Why now?”
I stared up at the ceiling. “Just because. It’s my decision, right?” I asked, trying to keep it light.
“It is your decision,” he agreed softly. “But it’s not like you.”
“I guess we’re all being someone we’re not lately,” I said before I could stop myself.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Luke hang his head. I hurt him, but I guess I was still hurting, too.
“Em, I wouldn’t change anything about you. I think every part of you is perfect.”
I palmed my chest. It ached. A lot.
“Will you please come downstairs and eat something? You love Sam’s cooking.”
