by Linda Ford
And then she tore her gaze away, leaving him suspended between dreams shared with a woman just like her and reality of his guardedness toward her.
“My stomach is so hollow it’s kissing my backbone,” Grandfather said, by way of reminder they were going home to eat.
Sammy laughed at Grandfather’s comment. “Mine, too,” he managed through his amusement.
Logan gave another glance at Sadie, hoping for a return look from her, one that would tell him what he wanted to hear. He jerked his attention forward. What did he want except to know why she refused to talk about her parents? Even if they had been unkind, or worse, didn’t she know she could trust him to be sympathetic?
This afternoon, he had a plan to learn everything about her. He wanted to know of every hurt, every delight she’d ever felt. He wanted to know the happy and sad moments of her childhood and the challenges she’d conquered as she grew up.
They reached the house and he helped everyone down. Except Sammy, who jumped out and bounced on his feet as he looked about at everything. Old Jimbo, a hired hand whom Grandfather said came with the place, jogged over with his peculiar bowlegged gait.
“I’ll take care of the outfit,” he said.
Sammy watched Jimbo with wide-eyed curiosity. “How old are you?” he blurted out.
“Sammy!” Beth gave his arm a jerk.
“Don’t mind his asking,” Jimbo said in his reedy voice. He bent over and picked up a clod of dirt. “You see this?”
Sammy nodded.
“How old is it?”
“There ain’t no way of tellin’,” Sammy said, doing his best to imitate Jimbo’s stance and his laconic way of speaking.
“Same with me.” Jimbo tossed the dirt to the ground and led away the horses and the wagon.
Sammy rocked back and forth on his heels, his admiration for the old cowboy clear.
Logan glanced at Sadie. She watched him, her eyes dancing with humor. Logan’s thoughts scrambled.
Dawson, Isabelle and Mattie crossed the yard toward them.
“Annie invited us to come for dinner,” Dawson said.
Sammy’s eyes slowly went from Dawson’s polished black cowboy boots, up his black-clad legs to the shiny silver buckle holding his belt in place. He admired the pearl buttons on Dawson’s shirt and he gave the man a careful study. Then he shifted to imitate Dawson’s stance, his arms crossed, one leg bent as he leaned back on the heel of his other foot.
Logan almost choked with amusement. Sammy had a fascination with cowboys. Logan would be sure to give him a good dose of ranch life while he was there.
Sadie and Isabelle caught hands and smiled at each other, then the children were introduced. More introductions were made as Conner joined them.
A little later, they all sat around the big dining room table. Annie had prepared a bountiful spread. Her friend, Carly Morrison, helped her serve the food. Carly wore a pretty blue-flowered dress out of respect for the Sabbath and her father, who also joined them. Most times when she came to visit Annie, she wore trousers.
Lively conversation accompanied the meal. Sadie sat at Logan’s left, making it impossible to watch her and gauge her reaction to all the teasing and news sharing.
But he had his plans for the afternoon.
After generous slices of rhubarb pie, the men retired to the sitting room. At least Pa and Grandfather, Dawson and Conner did. Logan had other things in mind.
First he wanted to show Sadie and the children around the ranch. Then he wanted Sammy to have a taste of ranch life.
And then—well, his plan would have to wait until later.
*
Sadie had been to the ranch on several occasions. With Kate and Isabelle and Dr. Baker on the first day of their arrival, later as a guest of Annie’s and, not so long ago, as an attendant at Dawson and Isabelle’s wedding.
But never before had she had Logan as her personal guide.
“These are the horses we train and sell.” He leaned against the top rail of a fence. The children climbed up to look over. Sadie would have peered through the space between the two top rails, but Logan would have none of that and lifted her up. “Put your feet on that rail.”
He stood close to her, his arm around her waist to hold her steady.
She was in no danger of falling, but she might faint from the way her heart raced and her lungs tightened. She listened and nodded as he pointed out the different traits of each animal.
Sammy climbed up and sat on the top rail.
She grinned when she saw he had a straw in his mouth that he chewed vigorously.
“Think I could ride one of these horses?” He drawled his words, causing Sadie to grin even wider. She glanced at Logan, saw answering amusement in his eyes, and yet he spoke to Sammy with such earnest respect.
“These aren’t ready for riding, but—” he pointed to another pen “—these others are. Maybe I’ll ask Jimbo to let you ride one of them.” He grabbed Sammy to keep him from falling off the fence as he bounced in excitement.
They moved on. Sadie’s respect for Logan grew at his knowledge and his ability to explain things so the children could understand. And so she, completely unfamiliar with the workings of a ranch, could see how efficiently the Marshall Five Ranch operated.
They circled back to the barn and Logan called to Jimbo. “Can you give this young fella a ride on one of the gentle horses?”
Jimbo waved at Sammy to follow him.
“We’ll leave him in your capable hands,” Logan said.
When Sadie started to protest, Logan took her arm. “Let the boy enjoy being treated like a man. Besides, I have something more planned.” They returned to the house.
“Beth, can you and Jeannie play with Mattie while I take Sadie for a walk?”
Beth looked as startled as Sadie felt at the request, then nodded and led Jeannie over to where Mattie played under the shade of a budding tree.
They retraced their steps past the barn. Sammy sat on the back of a white speckled horse and waved to them. Seeing their intention to go on, Jimbo touched the brim of his hat. “Have a good outing.”
Logan pulled her hand around his arm. “I hope you didn’t find the family conversation too much. Especially when so much of it is teasing.”
She chuckled. “Not at all. In fact, it’s rather refreshing.”
“Refreshing? That’s one way to describe it, I suppose.” He gave a crooked grin.
“Truly, it’s rather nice to—” She stopped before she blurted out the rest.
“Nice to—?” he prompted.
“Never mind. It was only a silly thought.”
“Okay.” Thankfully, he did not press her to finish. It was nice to see people so comfortable, so supportive, so kind to each other. Even their teasing was never cruel, never meant to hurt.
“Here we are.”
She looked about and gasped. Purple crocuses, yellow buffalo beans and tiny bluebells. “Surely, it’s early for so many wildflowers.”
“This hill is protected from the north winds and gets lots of sunshine. There are often flowers here long before anywhere else.”
She picked up her skirts and ran across the grass to the place where the flowers were most bountiful and sat down. Breathing deeply of the fresh air, she looked about. “It’s so peaceful.” She pulled her bag to her lap, drew out smallish a hardcover book. She reached for a sprig of bluebells and laid them carefully on a page of the blank book. Satisfied, she closed the book, then plucked a spray of buffalo beans and again spread them on a page and closed the book, squeezing the pages together.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
She knew he must find her little hobby silly, but it gave her lots of pleasure so she continued. “Pressing flowers.” She chose several crocuses in full bloom and a couple that now had feathery plumes, and pressed each between the pages. “As soon as I get home, I will put these in a heavier book.”
“You’re collecting an awful lot. What are you going to do
with them?”
“Save them.”
“Huh.” He sat back and stared at her. “Why?”
She chuckled, knowing she’d surprised him. “I use them to make pictures.”
Now he really stared as he wondered if she was teasing him.
She grinned at him, enjoying his uncertainty. “I assure you, my pictures are beautiful.”
“Guess I’d have to see it to believe it.”
“Then I suppose I’ll have to show you.” Her fingers stilled. Had she just invited him to come for some reason other than the children? But at some point their relationship had shifted to more than taking care of the Weiss children and finding their father. She tried to tell herself it could not be, but, at the moment, surrounded by a riot of wildflowers, the breeze lifting the wayward hairs off her neck, she looked into blue eyes that matched the bright Montana sky and could think of no reason she shouldn’t enjoy his company.
His smile softened and something dark and compelling held her gaze. She couldn’t have looked away if she’d wanted to. Not that she wanted to. She felt as if he had opened his heart to her and asked her to belong.
“I was hoping we would get a chance to talk alone. Seems we never do what with the children and—” He shrugged. “Well, we just never do.”
Sadie didn’t move except to breathe. Did he have something specific he wished to discuss? A distant bell rang. A warning sound that she ignored. Pretended she didn’t hear. What, after all, could he talk about that would cause a problem? She’d never given him so much as a hint that she wasn’t the sort of woman who make a good schoolteacher and a good surrogate mother.
He continued slowly, gently, his gaze holding hers. “I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t want to talk about your mother yesterday. In fact, you never want to talk about your family.” He covered her hand with his.
Did he feel the trembling that came from deep inside? Or was it felt by her alone?
“I finally realized that you must have had an unhappy family situation, and I’m sorry.”
She tried and failed to swallow the lump choking her.
He rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand. “I can understand why that might make you cautious about family, but you’ve seen my family. Seen how we forgive each other for mistakes, how we help each other even as we tease, how we hold up each other through the tough times.”
Oh, if only it was that simple. But it wasn’t. He must surely feel her vibrating.
He slid closer and pulled her to his side. “Sadie, what I’m trying to say is that you are safe with me and my family, just as the children are. I want you to know nothing will ever make me or my family turn away from you.”
She wanted so much to believe it that she dismissed every contrary thought and lifted her teary gaze to his.
“Oh, Sadie.” He tipped his head and caught her lips with his. A sweet promise of acceptance. All she had to do was forget the past and never mention it.
She wrapped her arms about him, pressed her hands to his back and drank in the offering of his kiss. When he pulled away, she made a small sound of protest and, with a deep-throated chuckle, he lowered his head and kissed her again.
A little later, hand in hand, they returned. They loaded the happy children into the wagon and made the trip back to town.
“I’d stay,” Logan said at the door. “But I think it’s best if I say good-night now.” He kicked the door closed, the children inside, she and Logan outside. He tipped her chin up and gave her a gentle kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He backed up until he ran into the side of the wagon, then jerked around, climbed to the seat and drove away, turning around several times to wave until the wagon turned the corner and was out of sight.
Sadie went inside and did the things she always did. Fed the children, tidied the rooms and prepared lessons. But she moved automatically, her mind racing with the joy of acceptance.
Not until she lay in bed in darkness did those distant voices push forward and demand she listen.
He did not know the truth about her. Could she hope to forever hide it?
Chapter Thirteen
Sadie watched the children at play behind the store, but her mind was elsewhere. Over and over, she had replayed the recent events. Sunday and Monday a week ago, when Logan and his grandfather had been stranded at the schoolhouse, Logan had kissed her, not once but twice.
And despite every reason in the world she should feel otherwise, she had enjoyed both times. In fact, she might have invited them. Not in words, but likely her feelings had filled her eyes and she was learning that Logan was good at reading her feelings.
Then, this past Saturday and Sunday, she’d let herself inch closer to believing she could be accepted without anyone knowing her past. The Marshall family all seemed to like her. She could keep it that way by never telling about her father’s partner.
But wouldn’t the Marshalls want to know more about her family? Would they accept that she had her reasons for not wanting the two families to meet? Not that her parents would ever tell anyone what had happened to Sadie. But what if Logan pressured her to know more about her past?
Well, she could tell him about the early days when she was young and innocent. And she could tell him of living with Aunt Sarah. He would never even notice the missing months.
Convinced she could deal with life that way, she settled into a routine. Logan worked on the school, spent time with the children and Sadie taught school and took care of the children after classes.
Beth relaxed more and spent a lot of time on the swing or pushing Jeannie on it.
Sammy had always had an attitude of defiance toward their circumstances, but Sadie now saw that slip away to reveal a cheerful, cooperative child.
As for Jeannie… Sadie went out of her way to shower affection on the child and tell her how much she loved her. Logan did the same. Often Sadie would watch them together and her eyes would sting at their easy affection. Logan would make a wonderful father.
That thought had sent pain spiraling through her. She’d clutched her arms about her middle and turned from the tender scene of the big man playing with the small child.
Wouldn’t it be ideal if she and Logan married and provided a home for the children? She swallowed back tears. That’s when all her dreams, all her rational arguments came crashing down. She longed to tell Logan everything. Ached to have him hold her and comfort her. But her mother’s words echoed inside her head. It will ruin your reputation. It will ruin your father. It will ruin us. It will ruin you. Ruin. Ruin. The words occupied her every thought.
She must protect Logan, the children and the Marshall family from the ugliness of her secret.
She glanced at the clock at the back of the temporary schoolroom. It was time to resume classes and she rang the bell, calling the children in from their play.
As she taught and supervised throughout the afternoon, she tried to come up with a plan for her life.
Perhaps she should move, find another position thousands of miles from Montana. But until she knew the children were safe in a loving home, she would not leave.
Could she take them with her? That way they would be safe from their father.
Her shoulders sagged. As Logan had said, the father’s rights superseded all else.
Pain twisted a cruel fork through her insides. She loved the children and could not bear the thought of losing them. She bent over her desk, hoping anyone who looked at her would assume she pored over a book.
Eventually the pain lost its grip on her and she straightened. She’d not be making any changes until the children were taken care of. Please God, I know it’s selfish but I would sure like to keep them. Would it be wrong to pray they would never find Mr. Weiss? Yes, it would. Until he was found, the future would be filled with uncertainty, which was not good for the children.
She had just ended classes and dismissed the students when Logan appeared in the doorway. Had he missed her so much he couldn’t wait for her to cross the
street?
A smile raced to her mouth. It fled as she met his eyes, saw the darkness in them.
“What’s wrong?” She glanced past him. “Are the girls—?”
“I’ve come to take Sammy home.” He reached for the boy, but his gaze held Sadie’s.
She could not miss the heavy tone of his voice and hurried to his side to repeat her question, her voice rising. “What’s wrong?”
“Sammy, please go wait with my uncle. Don’t go outside. I’ll be with you in a minute.”
Sammy squinted at Logan. “No fair. You’re gonna talk about me behind my back.”
Logan gave a tight smile. “You’ve been good, so anything I have to say will be praise for your behavior. Now run along.”
“Can I have a candy stick?”
“Yes. Tell my uncle I said you could.”
Grinning happily, Sammy left the room. Logan closed the door firmly behind him and looked around as if expecting someone or something to be lurking in the corners.
Sadie’s nerves twitched and she looked around, too, afraid yet not knowing why. Had one of the girls been hurt? No. He wouldn’t delay if that was the case. But what—
Logan took her hand and led her toward one of the windows, where he peered out.
“You’re making me nervous.”
He glanced over at her, then resumed his study of the world outside the pane of glass. “I’m not sure what’s wrong, but something is. Beth was playing with Jeannie on the swing. I heard her gasp. She grabbed Jeannie and ran to the house as if a bear were after her. I turned to see what had alarmed her. A man stood on the steps in front of the hotel. Nothing else.”
“Was it Mr. Weiss? Has he finally come to see what had happened to his children? If so, he’d better have a very good explanation regarding his long absence, the condition he’d left the children in and, most of all, the marks on Sammy’s back.” She didn’t bother adding a remark about the way Beth acted. If the girl had experienced anything like Sadie had, it was best if no one knew about it.
