His hand cupped the back of my head, pulling the hair from my face, and he then kissed my forehead.
I closed my eyes at his touch because no man had ever kissed me like that.
He pulled away so he could look at me again, his hand returning to my waist.
Without thinking, I spoke my mind. “You can have any woman you want…and I’m not your type. How did this happen? And why does it feel so right?” I used to call him my friend, and that was true, but in reality, he had always been much more. I just wouldn’t allow myself to acknowledge it, to admit that I’d found the perfect man and he would never be mine.
He stared at me for a long time, taking one of those extended pauses that stretch for an eternity. His dark eyes looked into mine like he was reading my thoughts in companion to the words I’d already spoken. “They aren’t my type. I was only with those kinds of women because I didn’t want anything real. They aren’t thinking about marriage and kids, anything serious. And I certainly didn’t want anything serious either. It’s just easier that way. But with you…I’m ready to feel again. I need someone who satisfies me intellectually, understands my complexity, who accepts me as I am, and knows I think differently than other people. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen. But a beautiful soul is a diamond in the rough. You are smart, beautiful, unique…and that is my type.”
It was such a romantic thing to say, to have a beautiful man who wanted me for more than my looks, that everything I had underneath was more than enough to compete with the younger women he usually preferred. It drove away my self-consciousness, made me less insecure. Not only was I nearly a decade older than Fleur, but I had a child…and I still had scars from the child. Most men would think I was damaged goods.
I noticed that Derek was dramatically different from the moment we made love. Even when he’d told me he wanted to be with me on the couch, he’d spoken like we were having a business meeting. But once our naked bodies came together, he became a whole new person. He was affectionate, warm, visibly happy. It was as if our intimacy took down the final walls around his heart. “You said you were in a relationship ten years ago?”
His eyes moved down slightly, like that was a topic that bothered him. “Yes.”
“What happened?”
He didn’t pull his head away, but the warm affection in the air started to wane. He took another long pause, but this one was so long, it didn’t seem like he was going to give me an answer. “I don’t want to talk about the past. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m with you now, and there was never anyone before worth mentioning.”
I didn’t think that was an acceptable answer when he was so angry about Lizzie’s existence, but I didn’t pry. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it now, but in time, I was certain he would feel differently. “We only have about forty minutes… What do you want to do?”
The warmth returned to his expression, and his arms tightened around me to bring me close, turning anxious. “You know what I want to do.”
Derek stuck to his dark jeans and gray hoodie, not interested in dressing up for his televised appearance. He never put a lot of thought into his clothing, definitely wasn’t a fancy dresser, but it didn’t matter when his strong physique filled out his clothes and made him naturally magnetic. He was such a beautiful man, and it really didn’t matter what he wore.
He met a few people backstage and then had a conversation with Dr. Salazar. The audience filed in, and their voices were audible from where we stood backstage. I didn’t have a lot of purpose other than offering support, so I was quiet most of the time.
The two of us were alone together backstage, standing side by side while Dr. Salazar sat in the armchair on the stage and did a few technical checks.
I stared at the side of Derek’s face, trying to decipher his feelings. He was a stoic man, so he wasn’t always easy to read. Since no one was around, my hand moved to his arm, and I came close. “You’re gonna do great. I’m not worried in the least.”
Without looking at me, he moved his arm around my waist, and he pulled me to him. The stage crew walked around and could see us sharing affection, but Derek didn’t care. He turned his head to me and looked down slightly to meet my gaze, his arm pulling me even closer until our lips touched. “I’m not nervous.”
“But I know you don’t want to do this.”
He kissed the corner of my mouth and then pressed another kiss to my jawline. “It’s not so bad when you’re here.” He rested his forehead against mine and held me there, like we were alone together and had been for hours. For a man who could barely extend a handshake to strangers, his warm affection was still surprising, like it was an urge he couldn’t control. He wasn’t good at expressing himself verbally, but he was good at expressing himself physically, wearing his heart on his sleeve, showing his feelings rather than stating them. It’d only been a few days since we’d agreed to make this work, and in that time frame, he’d made me feel more cherished than I ever had in my life.
The assistant stage manager interrupted us. “You’re going on in two minutes, Dr. Hamilton.”
It was strange to hear people call him that because to me, he was Derek, my Derek. “I should go take a seat. I’ll be in the front row if you ever need to see a friendly face.” My arms wrapped around his neck, and I gave him a soft kiss before I let him go.
When I pulled away, there was a slight smile on his lips.
I could see how happy I made him, and I wondered if he knew how happy he made me.
If Derek was uncomfortable, he didn’t show it. He sat with his knees apart, his arms on the armrests with his fingers falling over the edge and gripping the leather material. They didn’t need to put makeup on his face because his complexion was already flawless, and with the meticulous lighting, he looked like he belonged in a magazine, not a lab. He was laid-back, calm, and after a couple questions, he seemed to forget about the audience altogether. It was just two scientists having a conversation.
Dr. Salazar sat with his notepad in his lap, regarding Derek with an intriguing gaze. “What do you want for the future of this world?”
Derek stared at him for a long time, using one of his signature pauses, and then turned his eyes away to look at his knee. “In what regard? Environmentally speaking? Technologically speaking? Or do you want a straight-up fortune reading?”
Dr. Salazar chuckled at the joke. “Technologically.”
Derek went quiet again as he considered what to say. “In my world, things go fast until they go slow. It’s easy to come up with an idea but very difficult to execute it. It’s trial and error, failure after failure, and then what little success you have is usually minuscule compared to what you’re trying to achieve. So I think our future in technology will be much different in ten, twenty years unless…more people are involved. The pool of scientists, engineers, mathematicians is so small. People care more about being rich, being famous, being an athlete, whatever the case may be. But if you care about the progress of this world, you should consider one of these disciplines. Our society is obsessed with fame and fortune, but it’s important to have an altruistic world view, think about the next generation, to think about the world outside of ourselves.” He didn’t raise his voice, but he also didn’t possess a level tone, which he sometimes did when he was bored or annoyed. It was his tone that showed his interest in his discipline, and he talked about it with moving his hands, really getting into the conversation and the topic. “If nothing changes, I see us making progress as we go forward, but not enough progress.”
Dr. Salazar was quiet for a few seconds, as if he needed to process Derek’s words even after he was finished. “Enough progress for what? It sounds like you’re racing the clock.”
“Because I am.” Derek stared at his interviewer, those dark eyes a little lighter under the stage lights. When he was focused, he was so deadly handsome. He was serious most of the time, but so passionate about the things he enjoyed. He was passionate about his work, passionate when he was i
n bed. “I can’t do it alone. The rest of the scientists in our community can’t do it alone.”
“And you teach a course at NYU?”
He nodded. “I do. I have some very bright students.” There was pride in his voice, like their success was as important to him as what he was doing in his own lab. “But there’re only twenty of them. And of that twenty, there’s only one woman. We’ve got to change that.”
A round of applause filled the auditorium.
Derek didn’t seem to notice it because he was so focused on Dr. Salazar. “I’ve been working with my company to figure out a way to have an internship program geared toward all kinds of students, but especially women. Through scholarships and additional resources, we can get more women into this field. Since the dawn of time, women have been told that their place is in the home, and even in the twenty-first century, women don’t always feel welcome in this field. We’ve got to get these numbers up so that unease goes away for good.”
Another round of applause filled the audience.
I was mesmerized by this man, so proud that I worked for him, that he was my friend, and that he was my man…
“I think that’s a great goal, Dr. Hamilton. And I’m sure you’ll execute it.” Dr. Salazar looked back over his notes. “Some people may not know this, but your father is the Nobel Prize-winning oncologist, Dr. Deacon Hamilton. It seems like brilliance runs in the family.”
“And I think altruism does too. My father has always been committed to helping humanity. It doesn’t matter who you are, what your socio-economic status is, or where you come from, he wants to help anyone who needs help. I know that’s where my drive and ambition come from, and having such a strong role model like that really solidified my identity. My dad was my hero, and I wanted to be just like him. Obviously, I’m not a physician, but I’ve dedicated my life to something bigger than myself.”
I smiled at the way he described his father. As a parent, it was really touching.
“So, tell me what you’re working on now.”
Derek rubbed his fingers over his shadowed jawline for a few seconds before he found his words. “I finished a new prototype for a rocket. I intend to submit it to NASA, so they can consider using it in one of their upcoming missions. But my newest project is a collaboration with NASA for a rover that will be sent to Mars next year. My other departments are working on different things, like advancements in prosthetics and disability technology.”
“So, you still have a strong working relationship with NASA?”
Derek hesitated for a moment, his eyes switching back and forth as he processed the question. “There are a lot of brilliant and motivated people working for NASA, people I want to collaborate with. They nurture young minds, and they are committed to exploration and beyond.”
Dr. Salazar looked like he wanted to address Odyssey 3, something Derek never publicly mentioned since it happened years ago. But he didn’t. “The fact that you accomplished all this by the age of thirty is truly remarkable. They say Einstein, Niels Bohr, Tesla, they all did things at a very young age, but your accomplishments really make you spectacular. You should be very proud of everything you’ve done.”
Everyone applauded.
Derek dropped his gaze, like he didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m a private person who rarely leads any kind of a public life, but I realize the only way to grow this discipline is to inspire people. If you find me inspiring, then I’ve done my job. I hope to nurture the next generation of scientists and engineers, to teach them there’s only one way to do things—the right way. My students say I’m rough on them because I don’t offer partial credit for their exams, and that’s true, I am rough. But all it takes is one error, one decimal point, and lives are lost.”
Oh my god…he was going to talk about it.
Dr. Salazar was quiet, like he expected Derek to move into the territory he had said was off-limits.
Derek took another pause, like he was trying to talk himself out of it before he said anything. His gaze dropped for a moment before he looked at his interviewer. “I built a rocket for Odyssey 3…” He lost his confidence for a moment as if he were reliving it. “I did the best I could. I checked everything a million times. But then I realized there was a temperature variance that hadn’t been addressed. That was all it took…a few degrees. That’s why I push people, not to be the best, but to be perfect. Because even perfection isn’t enough sometimes. We’re giving kids trophies and ribbons just for participating, just for showing up. That’s not enough. We need to be unafraid of failure as a learning process so we can know that we will succeed later. And that success is perfection, no errors, no lives lost. I’ve never really moved on from what happened with Odyssey 3, but I’ve come to a place in my life where I’ve found peace. I did the best I could to stop it, even lost my job over it, but I tried. A lot of things have changed since then, and the collaborative spirit of those settings is different too. We’ve learned from that mistake, and we will be better. But none of my students, none of my engineers, will ever repeat that mistake.”
Applause erupted, longer than all the others.
My eyes were actually wet because I could see Derek’s progress right before my eyes. He was growing, changing, healing, and it made me feel good to know I was part of that.
Dr. Salazar waited for the applause to die down before he asked his next question. “Is there any animosity between you and NASA at this point?”
Derek considered the question before he shook his head. “There wasn’t a single person in the room that day who wanted that rocket to explode. There were tears, sobs, overwhelming sorrow…pure devastation. We try to be right one hundred percent of the time, and we usually are, but this one time…we weren’t. The problem was the chain of command, not the people. No, there is no animosity on my part. There are good people there, brilliant people, and the fault only lies with one person—a person who is no longer there.”
Dr. Salazar gave a subtle nod before he moved on. “I have one last question for you, and after all the deep things that we discussed, I thought we could change direction. So, Dr. Hamilton, what do you do for fun?”
The audience laughed.
Derek took a slight breath, like he was relieved by the change in subject. “I work a lot. That is my hobby.”
“No vacations?”
Derek shook his head. “No.”
“Do you see yourself ever settling down? Or will you always be completely dedicated to your work?”
“There’s no doubt I will always be working, just the way my dad is still working, will be working until it’s his time to pass on. But I can see myself settling down…with a woman who understands how important my work is to me.”
Eighteen
Derek
I sat at the dining table with my laptop and paperwork laid out in front of me. The chef left my dinner in the fridge, so after I reheated it in the microwave, I ate it while I continued my work. Every day after work, I hoped that Emerson would join me, that we would have some time together away from the rest of the world.
But I knew she had her own priorities.
I couldn’t hog her all the time.
I had just taken a bite of my dinner when someone knocked on the door. Very few people stopped by my penthouse for a visit, unannounced. It was reserved for my family and Emerson because even my friends didn’t have the code to access the building’s elevator.
I walked to the front door, wearing my sweatpants and zip-up sweater. While I wished it were Emerson, I knew that was unlikely. She would text me beforehand, and if she didn’t, she would just let herself in.
My home was practically hers at this point.
After I checked the peephole, I opened the door. “Hey, Dad.” I smiled at him, seeing him standing in the hallway in his signature jeans and t-shirt, what he wore to the lab all day long. That was where I got my fashion sense from, the most casual billionaire I’d ever met.
He stilled at the way I greeted him, h
is expression hardening and tightening, like I’d said something that actually offended him. His eyes burned into mine without blinking, a pause that lasted an eternity.
I’d seen him react that way to strangers, but not to me. “Dad, you alright?”
He cleared the catch in his throat. “Yes. I just… I haven’t heard you…call me that in a long time.” He moved into my penthouse and wrapped his arms around me, giving me a tight hug, a full-body embrace that we hardly ever exchanged. He squeezed me as he let the air leave his lungs.
“I call you Dad all the time.”
He released me and pulled back so he could look at me again. “Not like that.” He moved past me and entered my penthouse.
I closed the door behind him and turned around.
He helped himself to a beer from my fridge before he took a seat at the dining table. There was a slight smile on his lips, like he was thinking of a fond memory stored in the back of his head.
I returned to my seat and closed my laptop. I pushed everything to the side so there wouldn’t be a pile of crap in the way.
He leaned forward over the table, his arms on the surface, his fingers wrapped around his beer. “I saw your TED Talk.”
My heart immediately picked up in pace, pounding a little harder against the inside of my chest. If it was available on YouTube, I had no idea because I didn’t check. It was easier for me to believe the interview was a part of the past, that it was done and over, not living in infamy on a website. “How did you even know about it?”
He shrugged. “It’s a Dad thing…”
I rolled my eyes.
The Boy Who Has No Hope (Soulless Book 6) Page 18
