by J. A. Saare
“What’s wrong?” She lifted onto her knees and scooted across the floor toward me.
“Nothing,” I snapped, closing my eyes, breathing in and out. The haze of outrage returned, hovering over my body, crowding my chest and head until all I could see was red.
“I smell it, Emma. You’re angry. No... You’re positively furious!” She reached for me from across the mattress. “I’m so sorry. Please understand. I would never do anything to hurt you. It’s not easy telling Caleb no. I can’t. It doesn’t work like that. I’m sorry for not telling you before.”
“I’m not angry at you,” I said, unsure if what I was telling her was true or not.
Collecting myself once more, I forced myself to look at Sarah. Her apology was sincere. I could see it written all over her face. The anger I felt suddenly receded. It wasn’t Sarah’s fault, and as angry as I was that Caleb would have her spy, I wasn’t guilt free myself. I couldn’t pretend I was a saint as far as bending the truth was concerned.
Sarah relaxed, her usually youthful face appearing so much older. She lifted her brown eyes and gazed up at me, producing a weak smile.
“I’m not mad,” I repeated, returning her smile.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you are. I would be angry too.” She rose to her feet and walked to the door. Her shoulders drooped in exhaustion, appearing deflated and defeated. I reminded myself she had a terrible day too—a damned rotten one.
“Sarah.” She stopped, peering at me from across her shoulder. “As cheesy as this might sound, thank you for saving my life.”
Her face lifted and her spine straightened. “Just remind Caleb of that when you speak to him.”
“You got it.”
She opened the door, slipped out, and closed it quietly behind her. I stared at the phone in my hands, afraid to call but too anxious not to. I wanted to hear Caleb’s voice. I needed to feel the vibration of his pronounced southern dialect in my ear. My stomach was uneasy as I pressed the numerical pad. I cleared the frog from my throat and lifted the phone to my ear, listening as it rang.
A rustling sound preceded his growl. “Hello?”
“Hey,” I said lamely, unsure of what else he would want to hear from me. I braced myself for his anger, for his disappointment. Instead his breath caught.
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I murmured, aware I had uttered those same words more than I cared to count in a single day.
“I’m with Derek. We’re driving home now. We’ll be there before you wake up.” He took a deep breath, and I knew the reckoning had arrived. “You should know I’m furious with you. You should have told me everything. We’re going to have to work on our trust issues, Emma.”
“I trust you. You know that.” The words sounded as pained as I felt.
He released a heavy sigh into the phone. “I can’t protect you if you don’t talk to me. If something were to happen to you... You need to realize this isn’t just about you anymore. Everything that hurts you hurts me. You are my heart, my other half.”
“I would never hurt you.” The very implication that I would do such a thing wounded me in ways I couldn’t describe.
“Every time something bad happens to you, it hurts me. From here on out I expect you to be honest. You should always come to me first, before anyone else.”
“I know. I’m sorry. You just have so much going on with Sammie and I didn’t want to add to that.”
He didn’t respond, becoming strangely quiet on the other end of the line. I frowned, aware he wasn’t telling me something.
“Don’t tell me I should tell you everything when you don’t do the same thing. What’s going on?”
“I’ll tell you when we get home,” he said, obviously upset.
Tears sprang to my eyes. They had found Sammie, and not in the way I had expected. That was why they were coming home so quickly. My breath caught as I sucked in a gasp of air.
“Calm down,” Caleb said, reading into my reaction easily enough. “It’s not Sammie. It’s something else.”
Relief came in a rush that left me light headed. I said a prayer of thanks. “What is it then?”
“Please don’t make me tell you this on the phone. Wait until I get home.”
“Oh no, Derek.” He had bonded with someone. Sarah would be heartbroken, no wonder he wanted to wait until they arrived to discuss it with me.
“Damn it, Emma,” Caleb growled in agitation. “It’s not Derek either.”
“You said I should tell you everything, well, so should you. If you want us to be honest with each other, start leading by example.” I kept the fury from my voice but not my annoyance.
“If you want to know that badly, I’ll tell you.” He didn’t sound angry anymore, just incredibly deflated. “We found them. We found the missing girls.”
My forehead creased in confusion. Wasn’t that good news? Why wouldn’t he want to tell me that over the phone?
“Are they okay?” I asked slowly, a sickening feeling seeping into my gut.
“No,” he said flatly, without emotion, “they are not okay. They’re dead.”
Chapter 13—Dreaming of Sleep
I couldn’t sleep, even though I knew the time would pass more quickly if I did. I tried to take solace in the knowledge that when I opened my eyes, Caleb would be there to greet me. But even that didn’t work. Nothing was clear, my thoughts were in chaos, and the future appeared totally uncertain. Each time I tried to force my mind to go blank something new flashed inside my head. It was a battle of me versus the sandman, and he had the home court advantage.
Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured the girls the pack had found, trapped in cages and brutally tortured. Caleb said their bodies were marred with deep pockets where silver had branded the skin, leaving scar tissue behind.
The packs had converged together to tear the place apart but they didn’t find anything—including Sammie. It was nothing more than an empty warehouse that was far enough away from prying eyes and ears not to be of notice, the perfect pit of despair and suffering. It was a blessing not to find Sammie in that cesspool, but it also meant she was still missing, gone without a trace. And none of us had any idea why. I couldn’t escape the images that flashed inside my head, none of them good, none of them comforting or rational.
I turned in the bed, flopping first on my side, and then rolled onto my back. I pulled the covers tightly around me before finding them too stifling and pushed them away. When rest finally came, it erased everything else, sending me into an exhausted slumber.
And I dreamed.
In the beginning, I returned to my childhood. I was nine years old, enjoying the new spring temperature while helping my grandmother plant her annual flowers. It was one of my favorite traditions, something I looked forward to as much as any other holiday. The shade from the nearby trees covered us, making it almost too chilly to be bearable.
“Go inside and get your jacket, Emmaline,” she scolded me good-naturedly. “You’ll catch your death out here!”
“It’s not that cold!” I argued, sticking my tongue out and pulling a bunch of Marigolds free from their plastic container. Shifting my fingers around the bunched soil to loosen the roots, I carefully placed it inside the cool hole I had created just moments before.
“Don’t sass me, young lady! Go get your jacket.”
“Yes, ma’am.” After pushing the plant into the earth and covering it with loose soil, I rushed to do as I was told, eager to please.
I leapt to my feet, rubbing my hands clean on my jeans, and hurried to the backdoor for my coat. I climbed up the small concrete stairs in an energetic burst, yanked on the metal screen door, and walked inside.
My surroundings changed.
It was dark at first, until deep shades of crimson surrounded me on all sides, creating a blood red sky. It was beautiful in its intensity, bright but not overly so. The warmth of the color surrounded me, pushing aside the chill that ran through my veins, bleeding thr
ough my vision completely. I walked into it knowing it was the path I was always intended to take. What waited on the other side was something I instinctually knew I was uniformly meant to discover.
My feet were light, as if I were suspended within the air. My arms didn’t move alongside me, hanging limply as I drifted past the red and into shades of gray. The air thickened, compressing my lungs with substantial heaviness. Time moved slowly, holding everything in a suspended state.
As I drifted deeper the gray faded, transitioning, becoming sky blue. The sun appeared, climbing into the sky and bringing the world to life. The ground beneath my feet found depth and solidity. I glanced down as fresh grass grew from the darkened earth, spreading from my feet and out, creating a lush blanket. It multiplied, growing and expanding, until the blue of the sky embraced the blades of green. My shoes sank into the billowy cushion under my feet, each step springing back up as if the ground were a live entity, returning my energy with each firm nudge of my heels. I paused, glancing down at the spongy ground beneath, gaping in awe.
Flowers grew before my eyes, seeds springing to life from the grassy earth in a variation of yellows, oranges, and whites. Their buds unfurled, stretching upward to the sun, unfolding their silken petals in welcome.
A rumbling shook my feet and I lifted my face in time to see massive trees growing in the distance. They were spaced out, glorious thick branches expanding and stretching, creating smaller twigs that came forth, pushing out of the arms created along the trunk. Hunter green leaves pushed themselves free from the stems, rolling out and releasing their mass, filling the branches.
The air shifted and I turned into the breeze that swept across the grass and flowers, caressing the branches and the leaves on the trees, creating a symphony of movement and feeling. I reveled in the delicious smells of clover, grass, and sweet spring air, breathing it in.
As I walked along this gorgeous path of creation, I rejoiced in the wonder of the earth and the power that emitted from it. Each step brought the sun closer, and the comforting waves of heat warmed my skin. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, drinking it in.
When I reopened them, my heart hammered in alarm. I stood between two places—one light, the other dark.
To my left was the lush world of creation, full of life. To the right was the crimson I had struggled through to find it. One step would decide which path I followed, left or right, back or forward. But I knew once I made my choice, the other would disappear, and there was no going back.
I hesitated, uncertainty suffocating me.
Lifting my eyes, I strained to see ahead in the distance, struggling to focus in the gray area between light and dark.
Then, I saw her.
John’s grandmother approached, no longer slow or restrained. Her strides were purposeful, strong, and confident. Her form flickered between the two lines of light and dark, coming closer, until she stopped before me.
“Welcome child of the earth. Walk with me.”
She reached for my hand, pulling me along with her. We walked the line together, our footsteps falling into an easy rhythm. Her fingers drifted up, surrounding my wrist, and touched the skin where Decimus had bitten.
“He comes for you,” she said, looking forward, eyes focused on the gray path ahead.
I lowered my face, whispering in response, “I know.”
“That is good.” She bobbed her head in approval. “To be prepared is to accept that which you cannot change.”
“I don’t want to die,” I confessed softly, regret for all those things I didn’t want to miss creating a heavy weight in my chest.
She smiled at that. “The cold one fears his death as well.”
“I don’t want to kill him.” I gently tugged my hand free and pulled it into my chest.
“That which we want, and that which we must see to”—she lifted her hands into the air on either side of her body—“do not always go hand in hand.”
“Can you stop speaking in riddles?”
Eyes growing wide, she shoved close, grabbed my head in her frail hands, and pulled my face down to hers. Her onyx eyes seemed endless as they stared deeply into mine. An elated smile appeared on her face, lifting the lines around her eyes and mouth. She let go of my face, clapping her hands together, and released a hoot of laughter.
“The cold one knows he has met his equal, and he is right to quake. You will find your own path, and you must trust in your decisions.”
“What can I do to stop this?” I asked desperately.
She shook her head, her old eyes warm and seeking to comfort. “One cannot stop that which has been set into motion. You can only play the hand you have been dealt.”
“I can’t do this,” I told her, fear striking like a knife deep inside my soul.
She stepped toward me and reached up to skim her fingers along my face.
“You will come to see me when you are ready.” She patted me gently on the cheek. “Fear not, child. You are alone no more.”
She turned, walking away, and I hurried to keep pace. My feet felt laden and I couldn’t move them quickly enough. I pushed harder, sloshing through grass that felt like thick mud.
“Wait!” I cried out to her departing form. I had so many questions to ask, so many things to understand.
She continued on her journey without hearing, and I felt my chest heave as I drew air into my lungs to call for her, but no sounds emerged. Warm hands gently surrounded my face, brushing hair free from my cheeks and creating a tender path across my jaw.
“Emma.” Caleb’s voice pulled me from the oblivion.
My eyes fluttered open and I blinked rapidly as I brought his face into focus. Blue irises, so like crushed velvet, flickered back and forth between my eyes, his lips hovering directly over mine. His face was covered in a dark shadow, and I knew the hair would be as lush as the most expensive cashmere.
“Caleb.” Pressing my lips against his, I grasped his arms with my hands.
The smells of forest entered my nose, the strong scent of pine, dirt and leaves raging under my skin and out, ravaging all of my senses. I shoved closer to him, desperate to feel his body locked against my own, to feel his weight pressing against me.
Thrashing, I managed to shove the blankets free of my legs. I urged him to place his body over mine, inviting him to merge into me. I wrapped my hands around his back, guiding him to my body. His weight was not nearly enough, I wanted more.
He opened his mouth and his tongue ran along my lips. I mirrored the movement, enticing him to do more, and when he did, I lost myself in the sensation of kissing him. My hands came around to the back of his head, and I ran my fingers through the silky strands. Tugging on his neck, I shoved my breasts into the cotton T-shirt covering his chest.
“Emma,” he groaned against my lips.
He wanted this as badly as I did. We both wanted to feel each other. Being apart had been devastating, but the reunion made it all worthwhile. I’d forgotten just how good he felt and just how delicious he tasted.
“Where’s Sarah,” I asked huskily, remembering she had slept on a pallet in his bedroom the night before. As he was leaning over the bed with his feet on the floor, I was sure she was gone.
“She’s with Derek.” His voice thickened, his lips finding my ear and blowing warm air inside, creating a wave of heat that wound inside the canal and traveled down my spine.
“Lock the door,” I panted, uncaring about where we were or who was downstairs. I pulled away and looked into his face. He looked breathtaking like this, his short hair spiked around the temples by my fingers, the full stubble that had been left to grow pervading the contours of his face.
“We can’t.” He lowered his mouth and groaned against my throat, pressing a soft kiss at the sensitive hollow just below.
“Why not?”
I tried to tempt him, reaching through his arms and lifting his shirt. When my fingers met the hot skin along his back, I raked my fingernails up and down his shoulders.
<
br /> “Remember my built in birth control?” He lifted away and peered down. “The alarm is sounding.”
“No.” I groaned against his chest, pent-up sexual energy demanding release with nowhere to go.
“I know,” he grumbled in agreement, brushing his soft, whiskered face against my neck. “I’ve missed you too.”
He pressed his face into my nape, breathing deeply. His entire body stilled and he abruptly moved way, staring at me strangely while shaking his head. He cleared his nose in a snort, lowered his face, and tried again.
“What’s wrong?” I laughed at his perturbed expression. He looked mildly confused, as well as a tad unnerved. Deep pools of blue took me in, flickering anxiously across my face and neck.
“You smell different.”
“Is that a polite way of telling me I stink, Caleb? If it is, you really need to work on your approach and delivery. Otherwise I might get offended.” I rolled my eyes, pretending to be annoyed but finding myself totally amused.
“I’m serious, Emma,” he said in obvious concern. “It’s so faint, but it’s there, and it’s different.”
“I did share a crap load of energy with Sarah yesterday.” I stopped, remembering my dream. I looked at the window. The sun was shining outside. It wasn’t too early to call, although it might piss John off. “I need the phone!”
“What—”
I couldn’t push past Caleb’s solid body, so I used another method. Climbing around him and scurrying off the end of the bed, I hauled ass from the bedroom. I ignored his confused request that I come back, striding quickly down the hallway. My socked feet slipped on the wooden flooring and I righted myself at the stairs, tumbling down them frantically while making a beeline for the kitchen.
After dashing to the phone, I pulled it free from the receiver and scrolled through the memory. John’s number was there, it had to be. I clicked down until I scored pay dirt. There it was, stored on redial. Exhaling in relief, I pushed talk and pressed the little button that would dial his number. I listened as it dialed out, pressing the phone against my ear.
Caleb appeared in the doorway, his broad shoulders nearly as wide. He was still frowning at me, but his face was lovely nonetheless. He looked incredible in his wrinkled black T-shirt and blue jeans, exactly as he was the first time we met, and I knew I wouldn’t have him any other way. I gave him an impish grin as I raked my eyes up and down his frame.
