We went up to the counter. “Hi!” I said. “Can we have three Happy Meals please?”
The surly cashier raised an eyebrow. “Might need to elaborate on that,” he snorted loudly, looking around him to see if any of his colleagues had heard his hilarious comeback.
Before I could open my mouth, Bel stepped in front of me. “OK then. We’d like three VERY Happy Meals.”
The cashier stared at her, open-mouthed.
Emily and I were in stitches.
I was going to miss my friends so much.
As our final day came to an end, the whole year group gathered on the school field for an afternoon of activities. There was a hot dog stand and some of the students had put out a slip ’n’ slide. People were taking turns to run down it, screaming with laughter as they collapsed in a heap at the bottom. My friends and I formed a small circle on the grass nearby and sat down, throwing our bags into the middle, stretching our legs.
Kat got up to join in with the slip ’n’ slide fun.
As she reached the back of the queue, Greg Spaulding stepped forward and put his arm out to stop her. “Uh, no. This isn’t for people like you.”
She stared at him, open-mouthed. A few girls standing behind Greg tittered.
Kat turned on her heel and marched back towards us. “Did you hear that?” she fumed. “What did he mean, ‘people like me’? God, I’m so glad we’re leaving today.” She put on a dramatic, whiney voice. “I don’t think I can stand being around people like him for much longer.”
“We’re not popular, that’s why,” Bel said, glaring at Greg. “But could we really expect anything more from idiots like him?”
“Don’t let them get to you on our last day, Kat,” I said. “They’re not worth it.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon chatting, snacking on ice cream that we’d bought from the corner shop, trying to ignore the loud comments from Greg and his cohort, aimed in our direction.
Then I spotted Nathan walking towards us and waved at him to come over.
“Ew, get away, you dirty gay!” Greg Spaulding shrieked as Nathan passed by the slip ’n’ slide.
Nathan didn’t flinch. He stared straight ahead and kept walking, pressing his lips together so hard that they turned white.
He reached us, and sat down without saying a word. He breathed out, slowly, staring at the ground. “Only half an hour to go and I’ll never have to see these people again,” he said quietly. The tone of his voice wasn’t one of defeat – in fact, he sounded triumphant. It was clear he no longer cared what anyone thought or said.
I still felt terrible for him. I hadn’t been “out” to the rest of our year group the way Nathan had, and the likes of Greg had made his life a misery.
“We’re going to go further than any of them, you know,” I said firmly, looking him in the eye.
He nodded defiantly. “Yup,” he said. “Just give it a couple of years.”
We looked back at Greg. He’d brought out a bucket of water and unceremoniously dumped it over Colin Berk. They both started hurling water at each other, sniggering. Dozens of people started to join in.
“WATER FIGHT!” someone screeched from over by the slip ’n’ slide, making us all jump.
“I guarantee if we tried to join, we’d get yelled at,” Bel said, half-laughing at the absurdity of it all.
“Shall we just go home?” Becci asked, nervously. “Why stay somewhere we’re clearly not welcome?”
“Because this is our school, too, and we have every right to be here,” Bel said, angrily.
“I wonder why they’re suddenly so open about their dislike for us? Sure, we’ve never really seen eye to eye, but this is blatant bullying,” I muttered.
“It’s because it’s our last day. They can’t get sanctioned so they’re doing what they want,” said Emily.
The last bell rang, and we started packing up our things. As we stood up and brushed ourselves down, we took one last look at the school building in the distance. From where we’d been sitting on the field, it already seemed so tiny and far away.
All of a sudden, I heard giggling from behind me. I turned around to see Greg and Colin sprinting towards us, a bucket of water in each hand. Within seconds, they’d dumped all four buckets over us. We were soaked. They laughed uproariously as we stood there, dripping wet, humiliated.
It felt awful to end on such a sad note. As we walked away, still drenched, I looked over my shoulder to see the school building dipping out of sight. Just as we turned the corner, Bel suddenly spoke up.
“Guys, remember what Miss Bale told the six of us this morning? She said we’re going to have glittering careers. That’s what we need to focus on right now – not these stupid kids from school.”
I nodded.
“Just wait.”
For several months, Becci, Clare and I had been planning a trip to America. It was the last summer that we’d have together before we all left home for university, and after weeks and weeks of intensive planning and preparation, we decided to travel across the west coast, seeing as many places and doing as many things as we could. I’d never been to the States and was bubbling with excitement.
And now, there was another reason for my excitement.
Kaelyn had started her four-year veterinary medicine course at Ross University in St Kitts, a tiny island in the Caribbean. I desperately wanted to meet her for the first time, so right at the last minute, we decide to add another six days to our trip, stopping off in St Kitts before heading back to London.
I was finally going to meet her!
We started out in San Francisco, exploring the city by hopping on and off of trams, and eating hot, salted pretzels and corn dogs by the pier. We visited Alcatraz, played tug of war on the beach with the locals on Independence Day, and walked over the Golden Gate Bridge, completely awestruck.
After a few days, we joined a group tour, which would take us across three different states in six days. The first stop on our whirlwind tour was Yosemite National Park. We hiked along the trails and stood underneath the freezing cold waterfalls, yelping as the water hit our backs. We quickly got to know the other people on the trip, and by the second day, we were chatting and joking together as if we were old friends. We got on particularly well with Leo, an Australian in his mid-twenties, who was travelling around America by himself. The four of us sat at the back of the minivan, listening to music and poking fun at each other’s accents.
“Say ‘water’ again,” Leo would laugh, staring at us in disbelief as we exaggeratedly enunciated each letter at him.
Over the next few days, we camped out by Mono Lake, then travelled down and spent a day exploring Death Valley in temperatures so scorching we could barely breathe. We headed across to Nevada and down to Las Vegas, where we somehow managed to get into the casinos despite being underage (although this may have had a lot to do with us sneaking in using the back entrance). We pretended to gamble (we had no idea what we were doing, which Leo found hilarious), relaxed by the pool and enjoyed the luxuries of a hotel after five solid days of camping.
I was having an amazing time, but I was missing Kaelyn so much it hurt. There was an aching gap in my heart that only she could fill. We hadn’t been able to speak since I’d arrived in America; we had been camping in places so remote that the nearest wifi spot was miles away. To ease the pain of missing her, I kept telling myself that in just over two weeks, I’d be able to see her – see her in real life – for the first time. With every passing day, I got more and more excited. I was counting down the hours, willing every second to tick by faster so I could finally hold her in my arms for the first time.
I desperately wanted our first meeting to be perfect, but the anxious part of my brain kept pointing out how much there was to be worried about. Are you going to click in real life? it shouted. What if she’s nothing like you’d imagined?
I told the voice to shut up. After all, we had talked nearly every single day for over a year – why would it be
any different in person? The rational side of my brain managed to keep me calm. You’ll be fine, it kept whispering, over and over. Absolutely fine.
On one of our last days in America, our tour group stopped off in Kingman, Arizona, and we set up camp by a small part of Lake Havasu. It was so hot that we couldn’t even be bothered to put up tents, so we decided instead to just sleep under the stars. As dusk fell, we sat around the campfire toasting s’mores, sipping on cheap beers, watching the sparks dance and fly in front of us.
As the sky gradually darkened, Leo stood up, a mischievous grin on his face. He brushed himself down and stared round the circle, chortling at our dishevelled, sweat-glazed faces.
“I’m going to melt if I sit by this fire any longer. Anyone fancy a dip in the lake?”
He didn’t have to ask twice. In an instant we were on our feet and sprinting over to the embankment, falling over ourselves to get into the lake as fast as possible. Still fully clothed, we splashed and shrieked as the cool water washed over us, calming our sunburnt skin, easing our tired minds.
We lay floating on our backs, staring up at the starry sky in silence. For a few short minutes, I stopped counting down the seconds until I would be with Kaelyn, and was able to just live in the moment.
“How has it taken us this long to start travelling? We need to do this every other month!” I said out loud, to no one in particular.
“I know! I’d love to see more of the world,” said Clare thoughtfully, making tiny waves with her hands, swishing them back and forth.
“Hey, you three! CATCH!” Leo shouted, interrupting our thoughts. He was standing way out in the distance, almost up to his neck in water. He threw a beer bottle in our direction and Clare caught it expertly, laughing, and cracked it open on a rock.
“I’ve well and truly caught the travel bug,” said Becci, sipping on the beer as we passed it round. “I just want to see everything!”
I smiled. I was amazed at how much just six short days of travelling, exploring parts of the world I’d never seen before, had changed me. It had given me bounds of energy and confidence, giving me a glimpse of things as a whole for the first time. I could suddenly see the bigger picture. Suddenly, I felt ready to take on whatever was about to be thrown at me.
Everything I had done in my life so far – every thought, dream, idea and action – had brought me to that very spot, on a sweltering July evening, paddling in a lake, star-gazing with some of my very best friends alongside a group of people I barely knew. For six days and six nights, the eleven of us had been to the same places and seen the same things – but we’d each lived it in a slightly different way. And it was at this point – as I lay floating on my back in Lake Havasu – that I realized how much our life stories are constantly crisscrossing. I’d spent years stuck in a spiral of perpetual, toxic hatred for myself and my sexuality, but not once had I stopped to think about how many millions of other stories were being played out in parallel alongside mine. Perhaps it was the full moon, the beer I’d just drunk, or the gentle sound of the waves lapping against the shore – but something about that night made my realisation feel that little bit more profound.
Although there is no way I will ever meet every person whose story has crisscrossed with mine, I know for a fact that because our stories have touched – even just for a millisecond – I will never be completely alone.
The morning of July 16th felt like any other morning. Our group tour was over, and having said our teary goodbyes to all the lovely people we’d been travelling with, we spent a couple of days exploring Los Angeles just the three of us again, exploring the shops and beaches, hiking up to the Hollywood sign, and prancing down the Walk of Fame, batting our eyelashes, pretending to be famous.
At the end of the day, we sat perched on our suitcases outside our hostel, waiting for our taxi to arrive. The air was a little colder than usual, but the sun shone brightly, and we munched on sandwiches and hot coffee from Starbucks.
“Are you nervous to meet Kaelyn for the first time?” Becci asked excitedly, taking a swig from her cup.
I thought for a minute. “Weirdly, no! Not just yet, anyway. I thought I would be, but to be honest, I’m just really excited to finally see her.”
“Awwww!” they both cooed. “That’s so cute!”
Our taxi finally arrived and we piled into it, heading for LAX. We were flying from Los Angeles to Miami, then catching a plane from there to St Kitts. I kept waiting for my nerves to kick in, but they didn’t. I took it as a sign, and told myself to stop worrying. After all, I had no reason to. Every minute was a minute closer to seeing Kaelyn.
We arrived in Miami airport several hours later, exhausted from the flight, but in high spirits. As we checked in, dropped off our luggage and went to find our gate, I could hardly contain my excitement. We sat in a row by the departure gate and people-watched to pass the time, making up little stories about passers-by, trying not to laugh as our anecdotes got more and more ridiculous.
Outside, a storm was brewing.
We watched through the airport lounge windows as the sky grew steadily darker. It began to rain heavily, lashing at the glass, making it rattle. I shivered. Our boarding time came and went, and another half an hour passed. Finally, the desk clerk cleared her throat and pressed the intercom button nervously.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry to announce that American Airlines flight 318 is going to be delayed by several hours. The plane is experiencing some mechanical issues that our maintenance team are currently working on. We’ll do our best to keep you updated. Thank you for your patience.”
All at once, my stomach started doing backflips. Delayed? How much longer was this going to take? I didn’t know how much longer I could bear it. Kaelyn and I had spent thirteen long months apart, and several extra hours shouldn’t have made much of a difference, but it did. Every minute that went by felt like a whole extra day. I told myself to remain calm, but my nerves were starting to get the better of me. I tried to connect to the internet so I could text Kaelyn, but the message wouldn’t send. After several attempts, I stopped trying. All I could do was hope that she was tracking the flight status online.
American Airlines had given every passenger a voucher for free slices of pizza as an apology. Becci, Clare and I scoffed our pizzas down, keeping busy by reading or looking out of the window, trying not to think about how long we had left to wait. The anticipation was getting to me. I could feel myself starting to panic. My stomach was churning and I felt like I was going to be sick.
Six hours and countless slices of pizza later, the desk clerk announced that they were ready to start boarding. I breathed a long, heavy sigh of relief. I had thought the moment was never going to come.
We finally took our seats – we’d been lucky enough to get a row of three. Clare squeezed my hand, and Becci smiled at me sympathetically. I was so grateful that they were by my side to help calm me down and keep me sane.
The plane’s engine kicked in and the pilot asked us to fasten our seatbelts. I peered out of the window, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth slowly, trying to relax. It was finally happening.
The pilot steered the plane out on to the runway. It was completely dark by now, and all I could see beyond the rain-soaked window were the bright yellow lights on the tarmac below us, whizzing by as the plane gained speed. Within seconds, we were up in the air, and as I looked out, everything already seemed minuscule.
The plane journey was only four hours long, but by the time we landed, I felt like I’d been stuck up there for a lifetime. St Kitts airport was tiny – one room for security, one room for luggage, and one large waiting area with a couple of vending machines. There seemed to be one lone official running everything, so going through customs took another two hours. My nerves were at breaking point, but as we finally got through security and the three of us collected our luggage, I got a sudden surge of confidence. In a few seconds, I would be with her.
We turned right out o
f the double doors, and there she was, standing smiling at me, her eyes sparkling.
I ran into her arms.
“Hey sweetheart,” she whispered in my ear. “What took you so long?”
I felt tears of happiness swelling in my eyes, but I bit my lip and held them back, smiling at her, trying to take it all in. I couldn’t believe it. Here she was, standing right in front of me, for the first time ever. I could tell she was thinking the exact same thing. I wanted to sing, and scream, and jump up in the air with excitement all at once.
Kaelyn had brought her friend Belinda with her, who gave us each a huge hug.
“Kaelyn’s told me so much about y’all,” she gushed. “It’s so awesome to meet some real-life Brits!”
We were all starving, so we bought chicken nuggets from a local takeaway, then bundled into Belinda’s car. Kaelyn’s apartment was extremely small, so Clare and Becci were going to sleep at Belinda’s house across the road. We parted ways, with plans to meet the next morning for breakfast and a day on the beach.
I couldn’t believe it. This was real. This was happening.
Being with Kaelyn in real life was exactly how I had imagined it would be: easy. I had been worried it might be uncomfortable or awkward, but we just picked up from where we had left off on Skype without batting an eyelid. We spent the rest of the evening watching movies, eating chicken nuggets, and cuddling with Alfie, a black kitten she’d adopted soon after moving to St Kitts.
I felt like I’d known her my whole life.
The next six days were like a dream. St Kitts was stunningly beautiful – the entire island was made up of rich, dark rainforests and long, white beaches dappled with sunlight. The sea was warm and the air was hot, and it felt like we’d stepped into paradise. Together with Becci and Clare, we hiked through the mountains, sunbathed by the water, sipped on cocktails, ate lobster fresh from the sea, and stuffed our faces with sushi each night. I’d brought my video camera along with me (I’d been filming little clips every day since we first arrived in America), and Kaelyn and I decided to film all our adventures, so we’d have something to look back on when we were apart again.
Girl Hearts Girl Page 9
