A Love Like This

by Kahlen Aymes

  She nodded, her mouth reaching for mine. “That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read,” she breathed against my lips. “Kiss me.”

  “You’re so beautiful. I’m afraid I’ll mess you up.” Having her this close, breathing in her breath, it was extremely difficult not to crush her to me and do as she asked.

  “I don’t care.” Her tongue darted out to lick inside my upper lip. “Please, Ryan. I missed you so much. I’ve been so unhappy.”

  Julia’s words were my very thoughts, and I needed to kiss her as much as she needed me to. With a groan, I let myself fall into it like it was the last kiss we’d ever share. My mouth plundered hers, hungry for the taste and feel of her. Julia’s response was explosive, and she met me kiss for fiery kiss. Our tongues made love to each other in reverence and urgency. My hand curved around the back of her neck, but my other arm still held her tight against me. My heart hammered against hers, and I slowed our kisses to gentle tasting. “I don’t want to let you go, but we gotta go, babe.” I set her gently down and kissed her one last time on the mouth then the tip of her nose. Joy filled me up as I looked down at her brilliant smile. I caught a tear before it rolled down her face to mar her make-up. “You look… stunning.”

  Her hand ran down my bare chest. “You don’t look so bad yourself, but now you have lipstick on your face.” Julia reached up to wipe some of the edge of my mouth with her thumb. I felt so relieved. “Thank you for still wanting to be with me tonight.”

  “Where else would I want to be but with you? Ever.”

  “Don’t make me cry again. I already cried my eyes out when I read the poem. It literally stopped my heart.”

  “I meant every word.” And just like that, we were Ryan and Julia again. I breathed a sigh of relief.

  I took her hand and led her back into the bedroom. Her eyes were teasing when she dropped the robe and underneath had sexy black silk and lace lingerie. It was a strapless corset, matching lace panties, and stockings held in place by the garters on the corset. I could see everything through the lace, but the subtle covering made her body all the more delicious.

  “Are you trying to kill me?” I groaned. She reached for the dress and I bent to kiss the back of her shoulder. I wanted nothing more than to make love to her, but instead, I helped her into her dress, zipping it up and sliding my hands down her bare arms. The diamond hairpins from our wedding sparkled in her hair. I was speechless when she turned to me and started to button up my shirt and then tied the bow tie. The entire time, I stood mesmerized by the perfection of her features, now glowing, and her eyes full of love. I stood motionless under her ministrations. I thought I’d lost that light in her eyes.

  My knuckles brushed the back of her cheek. “Don’t forget to remember… how much I love you.”

  Her face got serious and she cupped my jaw as she nodded. “I love you more.”

  “Do you wanna fight about it?” I chuckled, but love squeezed my heart. I shrugged into the jacket of my tux.

  “I’m done fighting. I’m in the mood for love.”

  “There is a God after all.” My tone was teasing but my intentions were right on point. The evening would begin for me when the gala ended.

  She took the rose that I’d given her and broke it off, firmly placing the stem through the boutonniere hole in my lapel, smoothing the material when she was done. “You look perfect.”

  “I know you’ll be busy tonight, but I want to dance with my beautiful girl.”

  Her white teeth flashed and a low laugh left her when she threaded her fingers through mine.

  ~10~

  Lincoln Center was buzzing. Julia was spectacular. I stood and watched her cool composure with a sort of awe. This was a public event to benefit AIDS research, but many very important people were attending; powerful business leaders, famous fashion designers, celebrities, musicians, the mayor of New York, and several of the big wigs from Condé Nast from all over the world. She looked elegant and so stunning; simply breathtaking. I swirled the scotch around my glass and the ice clinked on the side of the crystal.

  The food was incredible; catered by a famous chef whose name I couldn’t remember. I reached for one of the stuffed shrimp the waiter proffered and popped it in my mouth. The concert—a melding of several of the world’s most accomplished classical ensembles—went off without a hitch. I was amazed that six separate groups could practice in different parts of the globe and then come together and be so magnificent. Julia had done her due diligence, introducing me to everyone, but the names started to become lost to me. I didn’t know how she remembered them all, but she did. I made small talk with Meredith and John, sent Andrea a smile and wave from a few feet away, and avoided Turner as much as I could. He was busy snapping photographs. I’d have to make sure Julia got copies of the one of the two of us.

  Everything was perfect. I’d never been more proud of her as I stood beside her and listened to her words. Being so close to her over the years had made me take for granted how well read and educated she was, and how well she carried herself. Maybe taking her for granted was the wrong word, but this certainly reminded me how amazing she was.

  She looked so stunning that I found my eyes locked on her constantly, sometimes forgetting to breathe. Pride swelled my chest like a peacock’s. This was her party, this was her world, and she handled it with calm, elegant precision. Later, with me, she’d alternate between lascivious and loving, tender and taking, but always passionate. She spoke to me without words, when our eyes would connect and the edges of that gorgeous mouth would lift in a sly smile, flirting and letting the tip of her tender, pink tongue peak out to lick her lip or bite her lower one. I was rock hard just looking at her, and I needed to adjust myself badly. I hoped no one noticed.

  Julia was holding an almost-empty glass of white wine in her right hand. She leaned in to excuse herself from the matronly woman she was speaking to and glided toward me. I couldn’t help it, my arm snaked around her waist and pulled her close enough that she could feel the effect she had on me. My open lips found the pulse at her temple and lingered on the warm skin and she sighed. I could feel her breath rush over the skin of my neck, and my arm tightened.

  “When can you leave? I can’t wait to get you alone.”

  “Mmmm…” her fingers curled into the front of my shirt and pressed into my abdomen. I could hear the desire in her purr. “Just after midnight. What time is it?”

  “11:40.” The music playing throughout the room was classical but the din of voices was constant. I longed for when the only sound in my ears was her breathing and soft moans. “We’re almost there.”

  She looked up into my face with lazy, hooded eyes. “Are we?” she teased softly and pressed her hip into my erection.

  “Soon,” I said with a smile and bent to kiss her mouth. I didn’t care if she spilled her wine, or if I happened to drop the glass in my hand; I didn’t care that there were 400 people around us. My tongue pushed hungrily into her mouth, and though our surroundings gave her a second’s hesitation, soon she was returning the kiss in full measure. I pulled her tighter, kissing her deeply. She reluctantly pulled her mouth away, but mine wanted to cling to hers.

  “Ryan. I’m working.”

  “I know. I can’t help it. You’re so beautiful tonight.”

  I scanned the room over her head as her lips brushed my jaw, and my eyes locked with a pair of blue ones not twelve feet in front of us. My heart stopped. What the fuck was Jane doing here? Anger exploded, and my eyes saw red while heat infused beneath my skin like fire.

  I couldn’t believe my eyes. All I could think about as Jane continued to stare at me was that I had to get her out of here before Julia saw her. My heart felt like a tennis ball ricocheting uncontrollably around inside my chest. My jaw clenched and I held up a hand behind Julia’s back, silently communicating to Jane that she shouldn’t approach us. Even if I snubbed Jane in front of Julia, her wall would slam down between us and would ruin the rest of the night. Godda
mn it to hell!

  I tried to keep the panic out of my voice. “Baby, why don’t you go finish up what you need to do so we can go? I have a surprise.”

  “Really?” Julia’s face lit up. “But, what about our kiss at midnight?”

  I nodded and kissed her once on the lips. “I’ll meet you back here at midnight, okay?”

  Her fingers wrapped around the sleeve of my tux. “I don’t want to leave you. I’ve spent most of the night doing that.”

  “It’s okay. It’s only for a few minutes. We have all night.” I tried to reassure her, but I needed her to leave me alone so I could deal with Jane. Panic welled up in my chest. Jane was out of line.

  “Okay. Love you.” Her eyes were big and round and full of love. I touched her chin.

  “Love you. Go on.”

  After Julia left, I turned abruptly and rushed to where Jane was waiting. “What are you doing here?”

  She huffed but her eyes looked hurt. She swallowed hard. “Thanks a lot. It’s a free country.”

  I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I was agitated. “Look, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just… I didn’t expect you to be here.”

  “I haven’t been here long. I was in the city with some friends and Caleb told me you’d be here. I wanted to wish you Happy New Year. That’s all.” She was dressed in some sort of pale blue dress, but I barely noticed.

  I flushed guiltily, glancing over my shoulder to see if Julia was anywhere near us. I couldn’t see her, so I relaxed a little. “Okay, Happy New Year.” My voice was stilted, but I’d be damned if I could do anything about it.

  “Where’s Julia? I should say hello.”

  No! I wanted to shout at her. “She’s busy working. We should let her be.”

  “She was just here.”

  “Yes, but she has to wrap things up.”

  Jane was fidgeting in front of me; unable to meet my eyes and staring off over my left shoulder. “Okay, well… I guess I’ll see you at the hospital.” I could see the hurt in her eyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to comfort her. I needed her to leave. Now. She stood on her tiptoes and slid her arms up mine until they rested behind my neck.

  It was uncomfortable, but I leaned in to hug her briefly, compassion for her loneliness wheedling its way to chip away at my anger.

  “Happy New Year,” I said gently and pulled back. Her arms tightened when she leaned up to place a kiss on my mouth, and my hands fell to her waist in shock. I was motionless; stone-still in disbelief that she’d just done that. I gently pulled her arms away from me, letting them drop to her side.

  I had to make these words count without hurting her too badly. “Jane, this has to stop. Julia means everything to me. If I’ve done anything to give you the wrong impression, I’m sorry, but nothing will ever happen between us.” I tried to keep my voice gentle but firm. “I like working with you and you’re my friend.”

  Something in Jane’s expression hardened but her voice was meek. “I know Ryan. Like I said, I just wanted to wish you well tonight. Bye.”

  I felt like a heel, but there was no way in hell I would let anything cause more of a chasm between Julia and I. After the past few days, I was done letting my guilt about Jane threaten my marriage. I watched her walk a few feet then returned to meet Julia as planned.

  I raced to the bathroom to calm down, weaving and pushing past elegantly clad women and dozens of men in tuxedos. My heart felt ready to implode because of what I’d just seen. Why was Jane here and why was she draped all over my husband? Why had Ryan allowed it? I leaned on the ceramic vanity in the posh bathroom. The toilets were separate from the washroom, and my eyes locked onto my image in the mirror. My face was so red, when combined with the brilliant emerald green dress I looked like a poster-child for Christmas. My head throbbed with each beat of my heart and I was sure I’d have to scream in frustration or I’d literally burst.

  I turned on the cold water and used my hand to scoop some up on the back of my neck. I tried to calm my breathing, but my whole body was shaking. I wasn’t sure if I was just mad as hell or if I was falling apart.

  The door opened, and a brush of light blue fabric passed through my periphery but then I closed my eyes, concentrating on getting my breathing under control so I didn’t hyperventilate. A sob tried to well in my chest and I pushed it down, willing the tears away. I would not let that bitch make me fall apart and look like a fool in front of all my coworkers and guests. Not in a million years. I inhaled again.

  “Why don’t you just let him go, Julia?” Jane’s voice bit into my thoughts and my eyes shot open. If looks could kill, she would’ve been gutted. My eyes met hers in the mirror when I straightened. I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. I reached forward and took a tissue, my back as ridged as my resolve. The person who speaks first, loses. I wasn’t going to fucking lose to this… For the first time in my life, my mind wanted to use the ‘c’ word.

  “He belongs with me. We share the same work, he can talk to me about medicine and I get it. Ryan is brilliant and he deserves someone who does more than make cheesecake and arrange parties.”

  I glared at her in the mirror, wiping my hands on one of the plush towels provided before tossing it in the hamper to one side. I tried to walk around her, but she moved to block my passage, her eye full of hate.

  “Does the truth make you speechless? I saved his life. He saved mine. That’s a bond you can know nothing about, Julia. His blood flowed into me and mixed with mine. He reached inside my body and held my life in his hands. He belongs with me.”

  My heart pounded in my ears and throat. I could barely breathe. My mind insisted that she was a lying bitch, but I’d seen Ryan’s arms around her and the kiss they shared, the soft expression on his face. I whirled on her and slapped her as hard as I could across the face, snapping her neck back. I hoped it hurt like hell!

  “RYAN IS MINE!” I screamed at her. “He’ll always be mine!”

  I ran from the room as if hell were on my heels, gasping for air and feeling faint. I pressed a hand to my head. I could scream that Ryan was mine all night, but my heart was cracked open and bleeding like it had never been. I wasn’t able to breathe as my eyes searched for Andrea through the crowd. I had to be pale; the glances that were cast in my direction were concerned. I was stopped twice, first by the mayor’s wife and then by one of our assistants, to ask me if I was all right. My throat was tight with the effort not to fall apart, and all I could do was nod and keep moving.

  I never thought Ryan would allow another woman to kiss him. Not that kind of kiss and not at my work function. Especially when he knew Jane wanted to take him away from me, and after everything that we’d fought about. I intentionally avoided the area of the room where I knew Ryan would be waiting and then scoffed at myself. Maybe he wouldn’t be waiting at all.

  I told Andrea I had to go and ripped the bracelet off my arm with trembling fingers. R & J. How fucking ironic.

  “Julia, what?” She shook her head in protest. “You want me to what?”

  Mike Turner burst into the room. “What’s wrong?” He was genuinely concerned.

  “Just please, take it to Ryan.” We were in the coatroom, and I struggled to throw mine on. I was finally beginning to lose my carefully constructed façade. My eyes pleaded with her, and the first tears fell. “Please.” I begged. “I can’t face him right now.”

  “Julia… he’s your husband.”

  “I have to leave before I completely lose it, Andrea. I’m sorry.”

  “I’ll take you home. Come on,” Mike said gently, his fingers closing around my elbow. “Its okay, come on. Let Ryan know,” he instructed Andrea.

  “No! I need time alone.”

  Mike and Andrea talked softly together but I didn’t hear a word they said. I ran out of the venue crying, Mike chasing behind me with my coat. It was storming, mostly icy rain mixed with sleet. In the end, I didn’t have the strength to protest when Mike thre
w his jacket over my shoulders and ushered me into a cab. I no longer cared if Ryan would be pissed at my choice of escort. I prayed Mike would get me home before I turned into a sobbing mess.

  *****

  My heart was aching and my face was covered in a deluge of silent tears. I’d left Mike dumbfounded in the lobby without so much as a thank you and now slammed my apartment door behind me. It didn’t matter what Jane said to me, I had to believe what I’d seen myself; the image of Jane clinging to Ryan still burned behind my eyes. I felt sick to my stomach. Could it have really happened? I knew that tender look on his face. I’d seen it directed at me more times than I could count. His eyes were so soft and gentle as he looked at her, and jealousy turned my soul to ashes. I gasped and clawed at my chest as my lungs constricted. I was suffocating. My heartbeat thundered in my ears until I finally let go of the torrent of tears that had been threatening for the past thirty minute trip from Midtown Manhattan.

  I stopped in the middle of our living room, turning around in circles, clenching and unclenching my fists in desperation, unsure of what to do with myself. I was transported back to the many nights in college when I’d been alone while Ryan was out with some faceless woman. All the torment I felt then was magnified a hundred times, because this time, it wasn’t in my imagination; I’d seen it with my own eyes. Finally, a broken sob erupted from my chest as my shaking legs refused to hold me up. I slowly sank to the floor.

  I wrapped my right hand around my now empty left wrist. Herculean sobs racked through me, and I fell to the carpet in front of the sofa. This couldn’t be happening. He said they were only friends, but I knew too well what friendship with Ryan meant.