Michelle stirred and he shushed her, but she wouldn’t be shushed. She started talking and he could only sit there and listen in shock.
“…there was so much blood. I’ve never seen so much blood.”
What?! “Michelle, honey, you’re dreaming…”
Michelle shook her head vehemently, “No dream! She killed herself because I couldn’t help her. I left her alone…”
Whoa! “Michelle, honey, you need to open your eyes and wake up. Come on, now. Open your beautiful blue eyes and look at me.”
Michelle slowly lifted her eyes and then looked around her, “Where am I?”
“On the couch. We’re back in Cathedral Hills.” Tyler let the silence hang for a moment and then asked, “What were you dreaming about? You were talking about blood, and someone killing themselves?”
Michelle looked at him in horror. Oh please, tell me I didn’t! I can’t talk about that. I can’t open up those emotions again. I don’t know what to do with them! “You must have…I must have been having a terrible nightmare.”
Tyler shook his head at her. She had been reliving something that had happened, and given what he’d learned from Trey, this could be his only chance to break through whatever walls she’d put in place to protect herself. “Not buying it, sweetheart. Talk to me. Who killed themselves?”
Michelle sighed and tried to push herself away from him, but he held firm. “Tyler…just let it rest, okay?”
“No. Everyone’s worried about you, and you need to talk about it. Talk to me. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere and I won’t say a word to anyone else if you don’t want me to. Whatever happened is eating you up inside. Let me shoulder some of the burden for a while.”
Michelle felt tears spill over the edges of her eyes. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, but I don’t know what else to do. She felt Tyler wrap his arms around her once more and lean his chin atop her head. She cried until there were no more tears left, and then she still lay against his chest, listening to his heart beat in rhythm with her own.
A handful of tissues were pressed into her hands, and she dried her eyes, realizing she’d soaked Tyler’s t-shirt with her tears. “Sorry,” she whispered, pushing herself up to a sitting position once more.
“Don’t ever be sorry for feeling strongly about things. It’s one of the things that made you so good at your job. You actually cared for the people you were trying to help.” Tyler knew that whatever had sent her running home had to do with her job as a social worker. He wasn’t completely discounting the fact that their breakup, or whatever she wanted to call it, had played a part in her emotional state, but this hurt was fresh and new. Now if he could only get her to talk about what had caused her tearful outburst.
“Caring doesn’t do much,” Michelle softly told him.
“Sure it does. Talk to me. Did one of your clients kill themselves?”
Michelle was so tired of hiding all of her pain inside, she slowly started talking, letting bits and pieces out into the light, “Yes. Her name was Celia.”
“How old was she?” Tyler asked, reaching over and clasping her hand in his own.
Michelle looked at their hands and squeezed his tightly, “She was twenty-five when I first met her.”
“How long ago was that?” Tyler asked, hoping she would soon start offering up information and he wouldn’t have to ask for each little bit. She’d always been reluctant to discuss her clients and cases with him, not wanting to bring such negative things into their limited time together. Now, he wished he had been more insistent on getting her to talk about her job.
“A few months before the State rodeo finals.” Michelle turned her head and looked at him, “She was a wife and a mother.”
Was? The State finals had been the beginning of their ending. No wonder she’d been acting different. “What happened to change that?”
“Her husband was a closet adrenaline junky. And a cheater. He and his girlfriend took his son out for a day of boat racing. He told Celia they were going to the amusement park. He lied.”
Tyler racked his brain back to that time, trying to place any incidents that had involved speedboat racing. He remembered there had been a devastating accident at one of the reservoirs… Suddenly, he knew that the little boy who had drowned had been Celia’s son. “They died.”
Michelle nodded her head, “Yes. She lost both son and husband that afternoon.”
“So, how did you two meet?” Tyler asked, knowing that while working in the Denver office her focus had been primarily troubled kids. Not adults.
“The new office was smaller, and there were only two of us to handle all of the clients. Celia tried to kill herself and they called us to see what kind of help we could get her.” Michelle shrugged her shoulders, the futility of everything the State had been able to offer the grieving woman hadn’t been clearly shown in the outcome.
“It wasn’t enough. She tried counseling, but that didn’t work. I gave her my number, and she called me several times a week, just needing someone to listen while she vented. I prayed for her, and listened. There didn’t seem like much else I could do. I mean, she not only lost her husband and son, but she also found out her marriage was a sham. And it was spread across the front pages of the newspaper for all to see.”
“That’s horrible!” Tyler couldn’t imagine facing that kind of loss all at once.
“It’s the worst case I’ve ever dealt with. I mean, she was doing everything right! She didn’t have a clue that her husband was cheating on her. And she knew he liked to take risks, but he’d never done so with their son around. Her entire life came crashing down around her ankles that day and she couldn’t figure out how to pull it back together.
“When she tried to commit suicide a second time, they wanted to send her down to the State psychiatric facility for a few months. She begged me to intervene, but I was so afraid she would try again…I moved her in with me. It was only supposed to be for a few days while I found a halfway house for her to move into.”
“How long ago was this?” Tyler asked.
“A little over a month before I came home. A few days turned into a few weeks. She seemed to be doing better. She was attending these grief sessions for parents who had lost their children and I thought maybe things were going to turn the corner for her. It had been over a year since the accident.”
“What happened?”
Michelle shook her head, “I got comfortable. I’d fallen behind on some reports and I stayed late one night to finish up the paperwork. She was supposed to have gone to a meeting and I figured I was good to work late.” Michelle felt a shudder go through her body as the images of what she’d found when she’d arrived home filled her mind. “She slit her wrists in the bathtub.”
Chapter 10
An awkward silence invaded the living room. Tyler was at a loss for words. He could see the toll her client’s death had taken on her, but there was still something else there – something beyond the mere loss of a client. Before he could figure out what to say or what to ask, she took a shuddering breath and continued speaking.
“She’d tried that method once before, but hadn’t done it correctly. I just happened to have come to the hospital after that second attempt; as I approached her room, I overheard several of the hospital employees talking about how she should have made the cuts if she really wanted to kill herself. I’d been livid! I made sure those employees paid for that lack of judgment.”
“I take it she was listening?” Tyler asked, amazed that anyone who worked with suicidal patients would be so dumb as to enable them with the information needed to complete the job the next time they tried!
“They were standing right outside her room, so I guess so. She was gone by the time I got there. A life completely wasted. I should have…”
“Whoa! Stop right there. Tell me you don’t think for one minute that there was anything you could have done to prevent that.”
“I could have…”
T
yler was angry. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly, “Michelle, if she was determined to end her life, that was not on you. You didn’t slit her wrists. You gave her a place to live and all of the support she needed to live again. She’s the one who chose a different path. That is not your responsibility.”
“But if I’d not stayed late, I would have known she needed someone to talk to…”
Tyler shook her a little harder, “Stop it! Is that what sent you running home? You feel responsible for not having saved her?”
Michelle looked at him and the tears started up again, “I just…why didn’t God help her?! I prayed so hard for her, and look at what happened! She was devastated because her entire life was consumed with her love for her husband and son. And when they were taken away, she had nothing!”
Tyler suddenly saw what had been bothering her a year earlier. She was afraid of falling in love with you because of the risks you took every time you climbed on the back of a bull. She was afraid of losing herself and falling apart!
Tyler turned her head with a gentle hand beneath her chin. He wiped her tear stained cheeks with his thumbs and then softly told her, “Michelle, you know better than anyone that just because we pray for something, doesn’t mean we’re going to get the answer we want. Celia was in charge of her own destiny. I’m positive it wasn’t God’s wish for her to take her own life, but that was the choice she made.”
Michelle looked at him and shook her head, “But if she hadn’t loved so deeply, she might have been able to recover after losing her family. If her husband hadn’t been so reckless…”
“Like me?” Tyler questioned softly, needing her to verbally admit that she’d been afraid of losing him.
“Yes! Exactly like you! That rider died, and you had to undergo surgery, but you still wanted to climb back on another bull. You knew the risks…”
“What’s going on in here?” Trey asked, entering the room and frowning at seeing his sister obviously upset.
Tyler sighed and closed his eyes. We were just starting to get somewhere! “Michelle and I were just talking.” Tyler pushed himself off the couch and then looked at her for another moment before shaking his head and walking away.
“Michelle?” Trey asked, question and concern in his voice.
She shook her head at him and closed her eyes.
Seeing that he wasn’t going to get anything from her, he stalked after Tyler, catching him before he could get out the front door. “What’s going on?”
Tyler turned and looked at his friend, “Let’s just say your sister’s in a bad way. Something happened with one of her clients, but I promised her I wouldn’t say anything until she was ready to talk.”
Trey thought about that for a moment before he asked, “Is she going to be okay?”
Tyler shook his head, “Honestly, we didn’t get a chance to talk about everything. It’s more than just one thing. She’s scared. And now, she’s hurting. By the way, she really is a lightweight when it comes to narcotic painkillers. She can have two of the pills sitting next to the kitchen sink in another hour.”
“Are you sticking around?” Trey asked, hearing Jenna talking to Michelle in the other room. He looked over his shoulder and then frowned. Michelle was crying again.
Tyler slapped him on the shoulder, “She’s going to be okay. I won’t let it be any other way.”
“Thanks for taking her in to Montrose.”
“No problem. The doctor said she’s supposed to stay completely off her ankle for the next seventy-two hours.”
Trey shook his head, “Great – she’s never going to adhere to that. Not without someone around to make sure she stays put.”
“Won’t you be around tomorrow?” Tyler asked.
“No, and you won’t be either. At least, I’m hoping we can count on your help. The camp was supposed to be winterized tomorrow and the horses brought down. Since Michelle’s out of the picture, my dad’s making some calls tonight to get a crew up there first thing in the morning.”
“Count me in. I thought I’d have a few more weeks before the stock needed to be brought down.”
“Early winter storm coming in a few days. The weather forecasters issued a winter weather storm watch for the mountain a few hours ago. I heard you were going to take over the ranch…”
“Yeah. My folks really like it down in Junction and are planning to stay there at least through the winter months. When I told them I was coming home, they drove down a week earlier than planned. Peter’s been staying at the ranch for the last week to keep an eye on things.”
“I heard Nash had been helping your dad out. Have you seen your mom lately?” Trey asked.
Tyler nodded his head, “I met up with dad for coffee before I drove here. They’re trying out a new facility that caters to folks with Alzheimer’s. Dad has assistance right at his fingertips anytime he wants it, their meals are prepared, and it even comes with housekeeping and laundry service.”
“Sounds like a good place. It’s been hard on your dad, watching her slowly forget everything around her.”
“She didn’t really recognize me. She thought I was her baby brother, and kept calling me Darrell.”
“Didn’t her baby brother die when he was seven?”
“Exactly. Anyway, I’m really grateful Peter stepped up to the plate and has been so helpful. I always thought he would become part of the family.”
“I think everyone around here had the same thought when we were in high school. He and Brooke were like peas in a pod. Inseparable. Speaking of Brooke, the girls seem kind of worried about her. When was the last time you spoke to her?”
“Months. She answers my emails, but I haven’t spoken to her on the phone in months. I’ve tried her cell phone several times, but she doesn’t have voicemail service connected on it anymore. Guess she must have gotten a new phone. I figured once I got everything settled here, I’d spend some energy on finding out what’s going on with her.”
“Jenna mentioned that Stephanie was heading to New York in a few months to begin preparing for the spring fashion shows. She’s planning on trying to physically check up on her then.”
“I don’t think I’m wanting to wait two months to speak to her. Dad is pretty worried about her as well. I’d like to know what’s up before the holidays set in.”
“Well, you just let me know if there’s anything I can do. Brooke’s one of our own and I’d personally like to know that she’s okay.”
Tyler nodded, his thoughts mulling over his wayward sister’s actions. This was so unlike her, but then again, the last time she’d been home she’d been acting strange, getting lots of late night phone calls, and hadn’t stuck around more than a few days. He’d chalked it up to their mom’s medical condition, but now he was beginning to worry something else was going on.
“So, you want the herd taken to the ranch?” Trey asked, trying to keep one ear on what was happening in the other room.
Tyler pulled his thoughts back to the present, tabling the decision on what to do about his sister for the moment. Nodding his head, he agreed, “Sure. Hey, I’m gonna get out of your hair. I’ll talk with Jenna. Maybe she can muster the girls together and have them come over here tomorrow and keep Michelle company.”
“Sounds good. I don’t know if Jenna could keep her from trying to do too much.”
“Consider it done. See you first thing in the morning.” Tyler looked towards the other room once more and then shook his head and headed out.
Trey headed back to the family room, hoping that Michelle had quit crying by now. He’d never known what to do with her tears. When he heard her still crying softly and Jenna’s soft murmuring, he turned and headed out of the house after Tyler. There was a lot he would do for his sister, but consoling her when she was this upset – not unless he absolutely had to!
Chapter 11
Jenna finished hanging up their wet towels on the clothesline and then entered the house by way of the back door. As she exited th
e kitchen, she saw Michelle sitting with her ankle propped up on the couch.
“Hey, so I heard the good news.”
Michelle looked at her, “What?”
“The news about your ankle. It’s not broken. That’s good news, right?”
Michelle shrugged, “I guess.”
Jenna took a seat on the chair next to the couch, “I’m glad it’s not broken.”
Michelle nodded her head, “Where have you been?”
“Trey told you…”
“No, not for the last few hours. Where have you been the last seven years? I tried to find you, but no one would tell us anything.”
“That’s what Trey said. It’s a rather long story, are you sure you’re up for it tonight.”
“Please tell me where you’ve been. Take my mind off of other things.”
“Like your ankle?” Jenna asked, glancing down to where it was still being iced.
“That. And other stuff.”
Jenna watched her for a moment and then nodded her head, “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you my story, but then you have to share yours. Trey said you’ve been moping around here since you came home. And it’s obvious you’ve been crying. I’ll share my sad story with you, but you have to do the same. Deal?”
Michelle looked at her, “That’s blackmail.”
“Yes. It is. Do we have a deal?”
Michelle appeared to consider it for a moment and then she nodded, “Fine. But you go first. And don’t leave out anything.”
Anything? Dear friend, Trey’s the only one who has been privy to some of the worst of it, and he still doesn’t know it all. You couldn’t handle the bare-naked truth. Not being in social work yourself. Jenna really didn’t want to ruin such a nice relaxing day by bringing up the horribleness of her past, but if it got Michelle to talk about what was bothering her, she would willingly tell her most of it.
Michelle and Tyler: Christian Romance (Cathedral Hills Book 2) Page 5
