I pull back and begin to stand up as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him. Burying my face in his chest, I simply close my eyes. There is no way I'm going to talk to him about this right now.
What was it I said about showing him who’s in control? I'm pretty sure I'm losing control by the second and I'm seconds away from losing my shit. I feel the walls closing in on me and it isn't helping that he is completely surrounding me.
"Don't you dare." His voice comes out stern and frustrated. "Don't you dare shut me out, Ivy."
"Don't ask me to marry you." My voice sounds weak compared to his, but he better not mistake it as me being weak. I pull away from him completely and tie my robe closed.
"I didn't ask."
"You ass! Who says that during a blow job?"
"I was just reminding you not to get too comfortable being in control, because everything can change in an instant. Why won't you marry me, anyway?"
"Because, I'm not going to marry you."
"Yes you are."
"No, Taron, I'm not."
"Why the hell not? We’re together, we’ll have a family soon and we love each other."
"Yes, we'll have a family and we love each other, but we can have that without getting married. You're just saying all of this because it's what everyone says we should do. Well, fuck everyone else. I'm not doing anything I'm not ready for and I'm definitely not forcing you into something you aren't ready for. For fucks sake, Taron, you're about to finally go back on tour and you have so much going for you..."
"FUCKING STOP. This is bullshit, Ivy, and you know it."
"YOU STOP." Just as I begin to yell more to prove my point, my phone rings. I decide to welcome the interruption and answer it.
"Hey Ivy, I'm going to need you Saturday. We need a photographer for our wedding and I want up close and personal pics....." The irony isn't lost on me and Taron hasn't lifted his glare from me once. I do my best to ignore the hurt and anger coming from this man that I truly do love, but no matter what I do I can still feel him boring into my soul.
"Geez Ivy, can you be a little more excited?" My heart skips a beat when I realize my reaction isn't what it should be. This is a special time for Eaven and this situation is consuming my thoughts so much that I'm not showing her how happy I really am for her.
"I'm sorry. Of course I'm excited for the two of you. You are the perfect couple and I've always been your biggest fan. It will make me so happy to share your day with you. I don’t mean to sound like I'm not excited; I'm just really tired."
"Is my brother there?"
"Yeah, just a sec." I hand the phone to Taron and leave the room to escape his temper.
A hot shower is calling my name. I need to escape from him for a while so I lock the door behind me. Taron has been known to join me in the shower nearly every time I try to take one. Today, I need to think.
The bathroom begins to steam up as I watch myself in the mirror. I run my hands over my stomach and tears fill my eyes. This baby has become my everything and I refuse to let her get hurt by a father who might decide he’s bored with us.
The memories of my mother crying nearly my whole childhood flood my thoughts. I have no intention of letting my daughter go through that. I don't plan to leave Taron but I won't trap him, either.
The mirror is almost completely covered in steam, so I swipe it clean just enough to see my face. I notice the look in my eyes is such a change from a few months ago. Taron has almost healed me. He's been here for me through everything, but I just can't marry him. I can’t bring myself to trust he won't break our hearts in the future.
I move into the shower and let the water burn my skin. It isn't long before the door opens. Despite my efforts to keep him out he always finds a way in. He slides the door open but I don't turn to face him.
"You think locking the door will keep me out? We're in charge of the bachelor/bachelorette party Friday. I'm going out for some things. I'll be back." I hear the door close to the shower only to see him move to the other one closest to me.
"Ivy, don't fucking shut me out. We can table this for a while, but you won't be shutting me out." My eyes meet with his and the disappointment in his eyes makes me feel so guilty. Can I do anything but hurt him?
"I love you, woman. What more do I have to do to prove to you that I'm here for you forever?"
"Taron, I know you do. I just can't marry you." My head falls so I don't have to watch his face.
"Yes you can. You choose not to for whatever fucked up reason. Ivy, look at me." I look and finally glimpse a tiny ounce of understanding from him.
"I'll wait for you. I'm not going anywhere, so take your time to get used to the idea." He pulls my face toward his and stops right before our lips touch.
"Quit fighting the fact that I love you and want to spend forever with you." He pulls me against him even though I'm soaked from the shower. His kiss is deep and powerful, almost like he's trying to prove how much he loves me in this one kiss. He backs away, letting his eyes travel down my chest and stomach.
"I'll be back this evening. I need to get things going with Luke so we can get started on this new album soon."
"Okay. I'm gong to call Eaven and see if we can get some shopping done for her wedding."
"Text me when you head out."
"I will." He turns to walk out of the bathroom but something just feels unfinished.
"Taron." He stops moving but doesn't turn around. "I do love you. Please know it has nothing to do with my love for you. Right now, you and our baby mean everything to me." My voice cracks as tears fill my eyes.
"I know you do, I'll see you tonight." He never looks back, walks right out of the bathroom and gives me all the space I thought I needed. If it’s space I need, then why do I feel this way?
Chapter Three
Eaven
"Sir, you can't go in there." How did I know this would be a disaster? I knew once he saw the skimpy lingerie on the hangers that he'd have a hard time staying out of here.
"I'll make it quick." The sales lady might as well call the police if she wants him out.
"Hey, you." I lean my head out of the door just as he turns the corner. His smile makes me so happy. This man deserves to be happy and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
"Hey, yourself." The grumble in his sexy voice lets me know exactly what's getting ready to happen and I'm looking forward to it. He hits the door to my dressing room just as I back up to make room for him.
"You're supposed to wait outside for me to come show you."
"There is no fucking way you're stepping out of here looking like that. This...." He runs his finger around the edge of the material on my chest. "And these..." His hand travels south until he touches the fabric barely covering me. "And this....." Both of his hands wrap around me until he has my entire ass in his hands. "And definitely this, is all for me."
His movements and words are so barbaric, yet romantic all at once. I love that he doesn't want to share any of me.
"Then you'll have to sit there and watch. No touching. I guess we'll be buying this one since you practically violated me in it."
"Hell yes we're buying that one. You look sexy as fuck in red." There really isn't much to this 'outfit', which is exactly why he loves it. I had planned to buy it anyway.
"Okay. You sit and just nod your head yes or no. No touching so we can actually leave sometime today."
I reach for the black lacy one. The bra is completely see-through and the panties are g-string with sheer lace in the front. After catching a glimpse in the mirror, I realize it’s actually very sexy on me. I meet his eyes in the mirror as I rotate to examine the different angles of it.
"What about this one?" He lowers his eyelids with a slight movement of his mouth. He wants to say something, but chooses not to. I decide to tease Mr. Sexy just a little by bending at the waist to reach for the next bits of material to try on.
"Mmmmm." I could ask if that's a yes, but the image
of him adjusting himself tells me he likes what he sees. I start to slide each strap down my shoulders and watch his eyes through the mirror. His smile always does something to me and I wonder what he's thinking as I continue to remove the tiny straps.
I slide the panties down and give him a quick view of my slit—his eyes are no longer on mine in the mirror. I'm pretty sure I'm unleashing the beast with every move I make.
"You need to just buy what’s in here so we can go, NOW." Watching his face, I enjoy how flustered I'm making him. Talon never fails to make me feel beautiful and sexy.
"You can wait ‘til we get home." I know he can't and he's getting ready to prove it. The thought of having sex in a 'public' place is completely turning me on. He stands and unzips his jeans, pulling my backside against him.
"I gave you the chance to walk out of here, now we do it my way." His hands move over me and send sensations through my sex-craved body. It's about time he showed me ‘his’ way.
"Bend over, baby. I want to watch your gorgeous ass while I enter that sweet pussy." He turns me to the chair he was just sitting in and I gladly assume the position, waiting for the thrust that I've been provoking. He enters me slowly but completely, filling me up only to pull back quickly. I try to remain quiet with each thrust as he sets the pace.
God, he feels soooo good. The sound of his breathing begins to echo throughout the tiny room. He grabs both of my shoulders and takes me as rough as I was hoping he would. My moaning can't be contained any longer and the sound of my satisfaction fills the building. We both hit our release together and I have no idea if he was quiet or not. My mind is complete chaos and I love every second of it.
His hands begin to roam again. This is the sweet side of my guy; he loves to cuddle and wrap himself all around me. I could live like this forever. People get caught up in the fact that we'll be traveling and never make a home, but they just don't understand. Wherever he is, that's my home. We can sleep in a car and it’ll be home because I'll be in his arms.
"I love you, future Mrs. Walker," his deep voice grumbles in my ear and I can't help but be excited about the wedding just a few days from now.
"I love you, too. Do you think we should buy them all?"
"Sure, but I like you best when you’re completely naked."
"I know you do." I use my own panties to try to clean up the best I can. I guess I'll go commando for the rest of the day. We gather the six nighties and start to walk out. He pulls me back for one last kiss.
"Thank you."
"Thank you for what?"
"For being the hottest girl in the world and saying yes to forever with me." How do you even respond to that? I have no words, so I decide a kiss is the best way to show him how I feel. Our lips connect and I shove him back into the room. This kiss is a deep, passionate, full-on tongue battle with no air until I step back.
"You want to go at it again?" His serious face cracks me up completely.
"Um... no. We need to leave before they call the police on us, if they haven't already."
"Yeah. I don't think I could handle you in handcuffs."
When we turn the corner out of the dressing room, only the two sales ladies are nearby. The smiles on their faces tell me that they heard us. This is humiliating, but so freaking worth it.
"Talon, I can't go up there. You go pay."
"Take my hand and walk with me. Be proud. I promise these people are just jealous of what just happened." He leaves me no choice, grabbing my hand and leading me to the counter.
"We loved these so much, we'll take them all." I watch the girls turn to mush when Talon talks to them. He has that effect on most girls, and there are times I still can't believe he's all mine.
Chapter Four
Ivy
I take my time getting ready. The whole time, all I can think about is Taron and his insane idea for us to get married. Our lives are going great right now. I really can’t ask for anything more because he's been perfect for me the whole time we've been together. It just took me allowing him into my life for him to prove he wants to make it work.
That's all great for now, but there will be a day that he'll regret tying himself down. I want him to understand that he isn't tied down and can leave whenever he wants. In absolutely no way do I want him to blame me for bringing this baby into his life.
I answer my phone when I see Aiden calling. Taron finally came to accept Aiden sometime during the trial. He realized that Aiden and I are strictly friends and eventually the two of them started getting along very well. It's definitely funny to see a cowboy hang with a group of rock stars, but it happens all the time now.
"Aiden! How's it going?"
"Just checking on my favorite pregnant friend."
"I'm your only pregnant friend, but I'm doing good."
"You'd still be my favorite. You sleeping any better lately?"
"Not really." Without Aiden, my story would have ended so differently. He literally saved me from a terrible disaster. The situation was bad enough when it happened, but would have been so much worse if he hadn't shown up when he did. We created a strong bond that night. I know, without a doubt, that it needed to be him that saved me instead of Taron. Had Taron shown up that night, all our lives would’ve been forever changed, and not in a good way. Aiden has been here for me since then.
"You need me to sleep on the floor next to you so you can get some rest?" His laughter through the phone forces my first smile since my fight with Taron.
"Yeah, that would probably help. Taron won't have a problem with that at all."
"I'd do it. I can kick his ass if I need to."
"Nah. I'm just up a lot with the baby. The nightmares are getting a little better."
"I'm glad that fucker is gone forever. You know he won't be bothering you again."
"I know. It'll get easier."
"You about ready to be a momma?"
"Yeah. It'll be soon. I feel like I could bust right now, I'm so freaking huge."
"It's all baby in that basketball belly of yours."
"Taron proposed to me today." The fact that those words just popped out of my mouth surprises both of us.
"How did you answer?"
"I told him no."
"Still pushing him away, are ya? Ivy, you're going to have to give that man your whole heart one of these days." His words bother me but I know he means well.
"He has my whole heart."
"No he doesn't. If he did, you wouldn't hesitate to say yes." I choose not to argue with him; he’s usually right when it comes to how I feel about Taron. We've always been honest with each other and he’s always been able to see how I feel and what I’m up to.
"I just can't trap him, Aiden." His laughter fills the phone.
"That boy’s so whipped he can't see straight. Don't worry about trapping him, that’s already been done."
I listen to Aiden continue to tell me why I need to rethink the marriage proposal. His words make sense, but I still can't shake the memories of my mother being devastated when my father left us. She reminded me often that I was the reason he left. The stress of a baby made him leave her all alone to 'raise' me. I'll never be like my mother. She taught me how not to be as a mother and I thank God everyday that Ev's mom took me in and showed me what it’s like to have a real family.
"You know Taron is not like your father and you aren't your mother, right?" Damn if Aiden doesn't see through my shit every time.
"Yeah, I know."
"If you know, then you know what you need to do. It'll feel right one day and when it does, Taron will be there, or I'll have to whip his ass." Aiden always manages to make me feel better.
"I'll let you." Our conversation ends and I decide it's time to have some fun with Ev. I need some girl time with her and I need to make sure she knows how excited I am for her. I shoot her a quick text.
Ivy: What ya doin?
Eaven: Shopping with Talon.
Ivy: Want to meet up soon?
Eaven: Sure! Wh
ere?
Ivy: You need a dress!
Eaven: Lol. Yes I do!
Ivy: When can you meet?
Eaven: I'll pick you up in a few.
Ivy: Sounds good.
The next thirty minutes drag by and I try to distract my thoughts by focusing on wedding picture ideas. Eaven will make a gorgeous bride and I'm so thrilled to be able to capture her big day for her.
We’ve always talked about how we would manage being the photographer at each other's weddings and still be a bridesmaid. It'll be a different experience, but neither of us would have it any other way.
I can't wait to see her because I know she will be so happy to make it official with Talon. They really are meant to be together. The way he takes care of her and the way they fucking look at each other is almost sickening. Everyone around them can feel their chemistry and I knew from day one that those two would end up together.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. I move as quickly as my pregnant self can to open the door and find my best friend in life looking happy as ever. The reason for her happiness is standing right behind her.
"You guys look obscenely happy today." The blush on Ev's face tells me to push for more details.
"So, tell me you didn't just get it on in our driveway."
"Nah. We couldn't wait that long. We took care of it in the dressing room." I laugh loudly because this is so unlike my friend, but I'm so proud of her. Ev has come a long way in the self respect department and Talon is completely responsible for the monster he's creating. I love her new confidence and sometimes need her to remind me of my own. It's funny how people change over time and how we still need each other. I can't imagine my life without her.
"You did not!"
"Oh yeah we did!" Talon is very proud and Ev won't look at me. That's all the verification I need.
"I'm fucking jealous. I haven't even had sex in a dressing room yet. I need to step up my game. Guess I should wait ‘til baby girl is born first."
Banded Together (Rebel Walking #2.5) Page 2
