“Is he friendly with new people?”
Kellan laughed, realizing she didn’t know the answer. “No clue.” She opened the apartment door, ready to find out. “Blue? Blu-ue?” she called out, shutting the door behind them. “The bathroom is just over there,” she said to Ashleigh.
“Thanks. I’ll just be a minute.”
“Take your time.”
While Ashleigh freshened up, Kellan grabbed the cat treats. “Come on, Blueberry,” she said, using her special nickname for him. “Don’t embarrass me.”
“Found him.” Ashleigh walked slowly into the studio space holding the petite gray cat. “He was in the shower,” she said. “I only had a tiny heart attack when he poked his head out.” She pressed her face against his head.
“Look at you two. I think I’ve been replaced.”
“He’s a sweetie.” Ashleigh turned around to take in the space. “And if the apartment comes with him, I’m sold.” She placed Blue on the ground. “Kellan, this place is sick. Look at that view.”
“I’m enjoying waking up to it every day. The apartment is not at all what I expected. Small, but really lovely.”
“I don’t even think it’s that small, really.”
Kellan had almost forgotten that Ashleigh shared a living space with her parents and her grandmother. An empty studio with a sole feline roommate and a view of the Manhattan skyline probably seemed like winning the lottery. For a split second she wondered what Ashleigh’s old apartment was like. Was it sleek and modern like the space they shared right now? Did the aroma of her light perfume and shampoo linger like she hoped it would tonight?
“What do you think so far? Of New York?” Ashleigh interrupted her thought with the question as she turned away from the window.
“I love it.” Her answer was a reflex, but it was honest. What she didn’t elaborate on was that her pleasure had as much to do with Ashleigh as it did with the city itself.
“For real?”
Kellan drew her finger in a square across the surface of the kitchen island, not ready to hold eye contact. “What’s not to love? I live in a great apartment. Rent free, I might add. I have a cool roomie.” She tossed a toy and watched Blue pounce on it. “I’m seeing all the key spots, thanks to my fabulous tour guide. Who even rearranges her airtight schedule to surprise me.” She looked up. “Thank you for that, by the way.”
“You’re welcome.” Ashleigh walked over and reached up to kiss her cheek. “Thank you for being sweet. Let’s go for a walk.”
She didn’t want to overthink it. Truly, she didn’t want to. But was a kiss really necessary? Even as a thank you? There was definite energy between them. No doubt about it. Ashleigh had to feel it too. Their conversation often veered into that gray area that was beyond friendly but not quite flirtatious. And today with the wallet—that interaction felt like a scene right out of one of those rom-coms she hated watching. But fucking Reagan had shown up just in time to destroy their mojo before anything more could happen. Somehow the aura she cast over the day seemed to linger, even still.
She looked at Ashleigh waiting by the door, her expression one of peace and gratitude, but beneath it there seemed to be something else. Maybe heartache, she wasn’t sure. Whatever the cause, she longed to put a smile back on Ashleigh’s face. She pushed away her selfish concerns. If there was a vibe she was picking up between them, it would keep. Right now Ashleigh needed a friend. She grabbed her keys and slipped them into her pocket, then killed the lights behind her.
“Let’s roll.”
* * *
Brooklyn Bridge Park was alive with walkers, joggers, and outdoor diners. It seemed they weren’t the only people jonesing to be outside. It made perfect sense. As the day progressed, the heat had dissipated some, giving way to a cloudless, warm evening. The ideal summer night. As they passed a crowd gathered outside a restaurant, Ashleigh turned to her.
“Did you want to eat?”
It was a considerate question, and Kellan was touched, but she was still full from the afternoon. “I’m okay. Do you?”
“No. I know sometimes I forget to ask. That’s all.”
“I ate way more than you did at the festival. I might snack on something later, but I’m good for now.”
“I knew you’d love Smorgasburg,” Ashleigh said. “I’m glad you got to experience it.” Her voice faded as she looked out over the water. Kellan wondered where her head was. She hugged herself, and it made Kellan long for the contact of her touch from earlier, even if it had been just a guise to escape an awkward situation.
“I am sorry about everything with Reagan,” Ashleigh said, seeming to somehow channel into her thoughts. “You know, cutting the day short. Also acting like we were together. It was stupid.”
“It wasn’t.” Kellan hoped her sincerity came through. “I would have done the same thing.”
“I doubt it.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Come on.” Ashleigh shot her a wry smile, in obvious disbelief. “Like you’ve ever had to pretend to have a girlfriend? Please, I see the way women look at you. Even that woman who passed by with the black schnauzer two minutes ago. She practically broke her neck craning to gawk.”
It was true. She got a fair amount of attention. But she hadn’t had as many significant relationships as Ashleigh seemed to think. “That woman was not looking for a relationship.”
Ashleigh faced her and Kellan saw her jaw drop a little. Right away she realized how it had come out. “What I mean is, a lot of those women, they’re not interested in me. I’m a fun experiment for them. Someone they can live out a fantasy with and move on.”
“What do you mean?”
Kellan struggled for the best way to explain what she meant. She wasn’t being vain. In fact, the opposite was true. “Take Lisa, for example.”
“Wait. My Lisa. From school?”
“Yes.”
“You slept with her?”
It was the second time Ashleigh seemed irritated at that particular possibility, and while that intrigued her, it derailed the message she was trying to convey. “I did not have sex with Lisa. Once and for all.”
“But you just said—”
“I was trying to make a point.”
“That you could have slept with her?”
“No. Yes.” She shook her head taking another stab. “No. What I’m saying is the Lisas of the world see me as their shot at a guilt-free one-night stand. I’m not a guy, which somehow makes it less real, if that makes sense. Also, I’m not a jerk. I enjoy spending time with them. And they get to have their fantasy, their experience.” She emphasized the word to make her point clear. “But then the novelty wears off. They go back to their boyfriends, their husbands. It rarely turns into anything real.”
“Rarely? Does that mean sometimes it does end up being something longer?”
“There have been a few serious relationships.”
“Will you tell me about them?”
Kellan wanted to tell Ashleigh everything. But the truth was tricky. Yes, she’d had girlfriends in the Army. She’d even had a steady hookup in Vail when she visited home over the last decade. But if she was being honest, none of those relationships felt as effortless and exciting as the connection she felt whenever she was with Ashleigh. That knowledge made her head spin, forget about what it did to other parts of her body.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Ashleigh said, misreading her extended silence. “You’ve done so much for me today already. I didn’t mean to pry. I just thought…I don’t know. If I could return the favor, somehow.”
“There’s no favor to return. I had a great day.”
“Even when I forced you to be my pretend girlfriend with no warning?”
“Who said that wasn’t my favorite part?” It might have been the truth, but she was playing it for laughs, and it made her feel good when Ashleigh giggled.
“God.” Ashleigh let out a loud sigh through her laughter. “I do not know how I let her
get to me so much. I don’t even want to be with her. I swear.”
“I believe you.”
“I’m honestly fine. But then I see them together, and I don’t know. It gets under my skin.”
“The boyfriend. Josh.” Kellan didn’t want to push, but she had questions. “Is he the reason why you split up?”
Ashleigh took a minute and Kellan worried she’d overstepped. “Ultimately, yes, I guess he was the reason we finally got divorced. But our marriage was over way before he was in the picture.”
“What happened?”
They were walking slowly near the water’s edge, the sun was just starting to set, and Kellan almost couldn’t get over how beautiful the sky was. Without discussing it, they both stopped to lean against the railing under the shadow of the Brooklyn Bridge. Ashleigh folded her pale, slender fingers together and leaned her arms over the railing. She bent her head all the way forward against the bend of her elbows.
Kellan touched her back gently. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m not upset.” Ashleigh turned her face toward Kellan. “I just have no idea where to start that story.”
“Well, I know you met in college in Ireland. So you can skip the beginning.” Kellan winked as she joined Ashleigh in leaning over the railing.
“We were so young.” Her smile was nostalgic, the worry lines softening in the late day breeze. “Sometimes it seems like forever ago. Other times, like it was yesterday.”
“I get that.”
“We were crazy about each other. We did everything together. Attended the same graduate program, applied for jobs at the same school. Took great vacations.”
“Did you get married right away?”
Ashleigh tapped her light pink fingernails against the thick railing, stopping to inspect them as she spoke. “Not right away. We moved in together straight out of college, though. We got married a few years later. We were twenty-five. Actually, I was twenty-four. I turned twenty-five on my honeymoon.”
“Wow. That’s…very young,” she said. But then, she’d already been in the Army six years by then. And made arguably the biggest decision of her life, but they weren’t talking about her. “But you two were happy for a long time, I assume. Your divorce is recent, right?”
“We were happy, yes. Actually, I wouldn’t say we were ever unhappy. It’s not like we fought all the time or anything. But I think because we were young when we got together, when we grew up, or changed—which is natural—we simply evolved in ways that made us not as compatible as we once were. There was no hero, no villain.”
“Eh, I’m going to label Reagan the villain if that’s okay with you.” As far as she could tell, Reagan was at fault for making Ashleigh feel responsible for the way everything had unraveled. It clearly still caused her stress, and where Ashleigh might be willing to give her a pass, she wasn’t so forgiving.
Ashleigh rested her hand on Kellan’s forearm. “That’s truly not fair. If anyone is the villain, it’s me.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“You should. Reagan acknowledged the truth about what was going on in our relationship long before I was willing to.”
“What do you mean?”
“We were living separate lives under the same roof. She addressed it. She wanted to break up. Like, a full five years before we did.” Ashleigh shook her head almost dismissively. “I insisted we go to therapy.”
“Did it help?”
“Yes and no. It felt like we were trying. I considered that progress. But the problem wasn’t fixable. We loved each other. We just weren’t in love anymore. But I fought to stay together. And Reagan, to her credit, she stayed. For a very long time. In a strained, sexless marriage. But then she fell in love with someone else.”
“Josh.” Kellan’s heart broke to see Ashleigh assume all the blame for things. “I should have known he’d be the bad guy.”
“That’s just it, though. I don’t think he was.” She touched the corner of her eye and Kellan wondered if she was crying. “I don’t think he was anything but a friend to her initially. Reagan and I were together for such a long time, and we had the same circle. I think he was someone she could talk to, really talk to, who wasn’t in our group.” She leaned all the way back, gripping the railing as she shook her head toward the evening sky. “I honestly don’t even think she cheated on me. She said she didn’t, at least. I’m inclined to believe her. She was so miserable at the end. I don’t imagine she was being fulfilled in any respect. I feel guilty about that.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“I should. I do. Logically, anyway.” Ashleigh rubbed her forearms and seemed to steel herself with the small action. “What I mean is, when they’re not right in my face, I can see things clearly. For what they were. What they are now. And I’m fine. I care about Reagan. She was a huge part of my life and I’m happy she’s happy. I want that for her. But, I don’t know…” She made a noise that almost sounded primal. “Ugh. It just irritates me when I see them together.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“I’m embarrassed. It all feels like a failure.”
“Come on, you don’t really feel that way. More than fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. It’s a statistical fact.”
“It’s like…” She closed her eyes and Kellan wondered if it was a type of self-protection as she spoke. “I feel like Reagan being with Josh now, somehow it invalidates our relationship.”
“It doesn’t.” Kellan was trying to be supportive, even though she understood where Ashleigh was coming from. She might feel the same way in similar circumstances. But Ashleigh was special. Over so many years with her, Reagan had to have experienced what Kellan had seen in such a short time. “You don’t really believe that.”
“I don’t know. Maybe she never loved me.”
“Ash…” She looked at Ashleigh, but her eyes held so much sadness, all she wanted to do was pull her into her arms and hold her. Fold her in her embrace and kiss her and make her feel loved and valued and complete. She was so overwhelmed with the thought that whatever she’d planned to say fell right out of her mind.
“What?” Ashleigh asked.
“She loved you,” Kellan said, fighting to keep her own desires in check. “You know she did. And hey, she was even jealous today. You heard her make that little dig about how you hate stuff like we did today. Which, by the way”—she leaned in to press her shoulder against Ashleigh’s—“really meant a lot to me. I enjoyed being your fake girlfriend today.” She leaned closer. “You’re the real deal, Ashleigh McAllister. Never doubt that.”
Ashleigh looked right at her, and Kellan watched her eyes go to her mouth for the briefest moment. But then she looked away, diverting her glance back to the water. “Thanks, Kellan.” Ashleigh leaned her head against Kellan’s shoulder as the last of the daylight turned to darkness. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
Chapter Ten
“You ready, Gran?”
“You look lovely today, Ashleigh. Is that a new dress? And you’re doing something different with your hair.” Her grandmother studied her for a moment. “I can’t put my finger on it. But something’s different.” Granny hooked her arm through hers as they left the family brownstone and walked in the direction of the senior center. “I don’t suppose your new friend has anything to do with this? The one you spend all your time with. No, no. That would be ridiculous.” She brushed the thought away with a swipe of her hand, just to be dramatic.
It was nice to see Granny still had wit to match her energy, even if she was fishing.
“Look at you, trying to get the skinny.”
“Heaven forbid.” Granny fake gasped. “I’m just taking an interest in your life.” Her grandmother patted her arm. “There does seem to be a spring in your step these days. I suppose I’m just curious if Kellan doesn’t have something to do with it.”
Granny wasn’t wrong. The days she spent with Kellan were nothing short of divine. The
y went sightseeing, they talked. And not just about the mundane. Sure, some of their conversations were small talk, but they also chatted about their lives. Just the other day she had opened up to Kellan in a way she hadn’t with anyone else either before or after her divorce. To her credit, Kellan had been wonderful and kind. And yeah, sexy as hell, but that wasn’t the point.
“I don’t know, Granny.” She held on to her grandmother’s arm as they crossed Sixth Avenue. “I’m having a nice summer with Kellan—it’s true. But it’s not like you think.”
“And why not? It’s a long time since I’ve seen you smile that way you do when you tell me about your adventures together. Why not…kick it up a notch? Is that the terminology you kids use these days?”
“Granny!”
“Oh, please. If I were your age and single…” Granny waved her off again. “What’s holding you back, dear?”
“For starters, Kellan’s only here for the summer.” Was she really testing these waters with Granny?
“And then she returns to Colorado, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Do they not teach math in the Southwest?” Her grandmother’s response was loaded with sarcasm.
“Now you want me to leave Brooklyn?” Ashleigh decided to play along. “I think you’re just after my room.”
“But you forget.” Her grandmother raised a crooked finger. “It’s technically my room. I’m not dead yet. The house may be in your father’s name, but if I ask for your room, who’s going to say no? I’m a feeble old woman, after all.”
“Ha! Far from it.” As witnessed by this conversation, she wanted to add. But Granny was yapping away.
“All I meant to say was that every relationship starts somewhere. If you and Kellan hit it off, geography shouldn’t stop you.”
“You are way ahead of yourself. We’re just friends. Honest.”
“Friends do not get all dolled up like this. With the dewy cheeks and perfect mascara.”
“We’re going to see a Broadway show. I wanted to look nice. And you should talk. It took you a half hour to get ready today.”
Brooklyn Summer Page 10
