by J. L. Beck
“Roman, are you involved with the Rossi family?” I am treading on dangerous ground, but his implied threats about Jude force my hand. I need to know how far this ran. I have never been one to run from danger, and I will not start now.
Roman looks away, sets his bottle of water on the floor, and stands up. He walks a couple of feet out, rolls and stretches his shoulders as if readying for the starting bell, and turns back around to me–eyes dead on mine.
“I got connections. I got what I need. When I need it. You just keep the girl quiet, and everything will be fine.” There is an edge of danger to his voice. A warning.
I know he is saying something without saying anything, all at the same time. I know that is probably the way of it, but I still wonder if he is an associate or if he is a subordinate or simply an extended arm in their labyrinth of connections. Does he work for them? Does he owe them? Or does he resist knowing them? If I have to guess, he works with them, moving products for them, laundering money, or something equally heinous.
I had seen money exchange hands a couple of times, but it was cash or a duffel bag that looked heavy enough to have cash in it. Maybe they took a cut at the gym. Maybe…who knows.
All I know is that he is making a clear and direct threat. I am going to have to keep Jude close if I am going to have any shot at protecting her.
The Rossi family is huge and powerful. From what I learned online, there are two brothers, and together they run everything. The biggest crime family I have ever heard of. They seem to be part of everything in this town and all of the surrounding suburbs and townships. Hell, across the entire state for that matter, at least to some degree.
Drugs, racetracks, murder, gentlemen’s clubs, laundromats, payday loans, pubs. You name it, they have their hands in it. Lots of folks believe the police are on their dime. There are just too many of them, more even than any department of the police.
They have a family compound outside of town. Hundreds of acres. Rumor has it, every inch of those grounds are under surveillance, and they have labyrinths of tunnels underground between each building to move between them, and to escape if they need.
No, Jude is not safe. Not if he is connected to them. Not at all. Hell, maybe I’m not safe, either.
12
Jude
I have not felt good all morning. Maybe it’s from the spaghetti last night, followed by all the tears. Maybe it’s from the rough sleep I had and the tortured dreams. Maybe it is just all the stress. I don’t know, but I try to shake it off so I can get on with my day.
When I get out of the truck after Lex drops me off, I pretend to walk in the building until I know he is out of sight. Then I make my way left to go meet Blair for breakfast.
I walk in the cafeteria and look around. It takes me a minute to spot her. I motion with my head in a greeting and make my way over.
“Hey, roomie!” She is friendly, chipper, eager to connect with me. I do not know what to do with that. I have never been one much for friends, so it is odd that she likes me before she knows me. I don’t trust that.
“Hey,” I offer back, a little less enthusiastically. I set my bag down on the floor near my legs and look over at the long line. I decide to skip the hot food and go straight for the bakery section, which is faster. “I’m going to get a muffin. Do you want anything?” I look at her.
“No, I ate before you got here since I got here early.”
“Cool. I’ll be right back.”
I come back with a muffin and juice in hand and take a seat.
“How are things with your boyfriend?” She is eager to get to know me, it seems, but it comes across as nosy and callous. Why does she think I have a boyfriend?
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I correct her, flatly, but her enthusiasm is not easily suppressed.
“Yeah, but I meant, you know, the guy you’re staying with.” She leans forward and whispers the last half of her sentence as if we are besties, and she is in on the big secret.
“He is just helping me out while I go through something. That’s all.”
I take a bite of my muffin, and it tastes off. Instantly, I want to throw it up, which is a pretty strong reaction to just one bite. It must be food poisoning.
Blair looks at me questioningly and sees that I am turning green.
“You’re not preggers, are you?” She grins from ear to ear. The big secret just got cataclysmically juicy in her mind.
The word preggers hits me like a speeding train. Now, I really think I am going to be sick. Because it dawns on me that having sex with Lex two months ago, without protection, means I could be. That is all I need.
I stand up, grab my bag, and wave her off.
“I’ll see you later. I just remembered something. I will catch up with you later.”
I run out of the hall as fast as I can and barely get outside before I’m retching. Bending over, I empty the entire contents of my stomach while keeping a hand on the wall next to me to hold me up.
Oh no, this is not good. This is so not good. It can’t be. It cannot be real. I reach in my bag, pull out a bottle of water, swish some in my mouth, and spit it out. Then I search for a napkin, and when I realize I don’t have any, I wipe my mouth on the inside collar of my shirt.
There is only one way to know. I head over to the pharmacy.
Never in my life did I think I would be in this section of the pharmacy, buying one of these boxes. I stare at them without being able to see them. My emotions are running wild at full throttle. I try desperately not to be sick again.
Finally, I pick up the two cheapest boxes and compare them. But I cannot make sense of which one is better because my eyes won’t focus, and it is just too much information for my overloaded brain. I decide to pick the cheaper of the two, walk to the counter, make my purchase, hands trembling, and then head back to the bathroom.
I have to know.
A minute later, and I am peeing on a stick in the handicap stall, feeling like an idiot. I wipe myself and put the butt of the stick in my mouth while I raise and button my pants. Then I look at it, willing it with all my heart to show negative.
A couple of minutes later and all my dreams evaporate.
I can’t believe it. I absolutely cannot believe it. Please, God, say it’s not true, that this is some cruel, awful, terrible joke.
Tears start falling from my face, and I throw the stick in the corner of the stall in a rage. No!
Everything was going so right. I got into school, I got my own place, I got away from my parents, everything was going so great. Now I am going to be dragged back down to hell for the rest of my life!
I wanted to learn to dance. I wanted to get a job that I cared about. I wanted to see the world. All of that is gone now.
I can barely care for myself! How am I ever going to take care of a baby? How would I even know how to take care of one? I have been disowned by my family and the church, not that they’d help me anyway. No one was going to help me.
I would be completely dependent on Lex, the one thing I’ve been trying to avoid. In the same way I had been dependent on my father. Letting them dole out money or attention. Never to have any choices of my own. Chained with a baby at my hip.
This can’t be!
I sob and sob, doubling over, clutching the pain in my belly where this enemy has been growing. I know what this means… I’m trapped, more so than ever before because this one was for life.
There is no way to do this alone. I’ll have to give the baby up, or tell Lex and let him help me. Either way, I will never be free again.
I slip to the floor and sob until nothing but dry air comes out.
13
Lex
The drive to pick up Jude is a long one. For some reason, it feels like I can’t get to her fast enough today. I maneuver around cars, I speed up at yellow lights, my pulse races as I scan the crowds of students leaving the building after their last class, and finally, I spot her.
I move up to where she is
waiting and reach over to open the door for her. Before she steps off the curb, I notice something is off. Her eyes aren’t right, and she doesn’t seem to see me. I put the car in park and quickly come around to see what’s up.
“Jude? Are you okay?” I ask softly, but with urgency.
“Lex, don’t treat me like a child. I can’t handle it. I hate when you do that.”
Her body is tense and leaning away from me, and I don’t know what has happened between this morning and now to make her act this way. But whatever it is, it’s not good. My mind races back to Roman and Luke, and I panic, wondering if they have gotten to her somehow, trying to warn her about something. Or if she was threatened by someone else at school. I have no way of knowing. It is all so far out of my fucking control.
A woman walks up to us just then–she’s wearing a cotton head scarf that pulls all of her hair back out of her face, which is makeup free, and she’s in a long skirt and turtleneck like I had seen Jude wear on our first night together– and when she touches Jude’s arm, Jude turns to look at her and recoils in horror. I can tell that she can’t breathe, and her features pale.
“Mom, what are you doing here?”
Shocked, I suck in a sharp breath of air. She does have a family… a mom. Why would she hide them from me? Why would she pretend to be an orphan? I don’t understand why she is reacting to her this way. I watch the exchange between the two of them, so many things passing back and forth unsaid, a whole lifetime of language that had developed between them that I knew nothing about.
How could Jude have hidden her from me?
The woman looks at me and then looks me up and down. Disgust. That’s all I see on her face. As if I am trash. Unworthy of her daughter.
“You need to come back home.” Her tone is demanding and insistent. “We changed our minds, and we forgive you. There is still time for everything to work out like it’s supposed to. Bartholomew still agrees to do right by you even without you being pure. Jude, he is willing to forgive you and still take you as his wife.”
Jude screams, and everybody around us turns to stare.
“Get out of here! I never want you to come back here again! The day you disowned me, I disowned you! I want you out of my life! You and your husband. There is NO going back. I would rather die!”
It is as if Jude is spitting at her, and I cannot imagine what horrors must have befallen her to have such a strong reaction to this mousy woman.
“Lex, get me out of here.”
Jude pushes past me and reaches for the door that’s half open and yanks it all the way before she steps in and turns to glare at her mother as she slams it shut between them. I have never seen Jude be rude to anyone, much less someone who might be as close to her as her mother. I don’t understand. I have never seen any woman act that way toward their mom, with such disdain and disrespect.
I look at her mother, who looks back at me as if I was the devil incarnate. I reel. I have no idea why she would look at me that way. And what was all this about her purity? And her engagement to someone? What the fuck!
I take long strides around to my side of the truck, get in, and turn it on. I have to get Jude away, at least to find out what the hell is going on.
We drive home in silence, and the pieces start falling into place. She gave up her virginity to me to get away. How bad must things have been for her to do that–just to get away? For her to get out of a marriage? Was she in a cult? Was she a religious fanatic? What did I even know about this girl? I have questions, and she needs to give me some answers.
As soon as the front door is shut behind us, I open my mouth to tell her I have questions, but she flips the script before I can.
Jude turns and pushes me against the front door and reaches for my belt loop to unbuckle my pants.
“No talking, just this, right now. I need you.”
I grasp both of her upper arms and firmly say, “No, Jude, no.”
“Yes, please. I need this. I need you,” she pleads, her small hands on my zipper, now lowering it, making my cock spring forward. There is something about her needing me that bad that makes me hot for her all over again. The fight in me is gone in an instant. I bury my hands in her hair and bring her mouth up as high as I can, pulling her up onto her tippy toes before I lean down to kiss her. She is so tiny, so frail, and so filled with power right now.
She’s intoxicating as fuck.
She kisses me back, moves her tongue into my mouth, and seems to know exactly what she wants. Her hands reach in my pants, under my boxers and grabs my cock as she moans into my mouth. I’m on fire. And she is matching me toe to toe.
The energy swirls around us as our heat flares and expands, layering itself one atop of the other until there is no seam between us. We are one raging fire. One ball of energy and light searing everything in our path. Burning the house down around our ears.
How long have I waited for this moment? How many aching nights did I wish for her to come back into my life, and now, here she is offering herself up to me and taking what she wants from my body. I’m always the top, but right now, I’ll have her any way she’ll take me. This is the woman that has reached in and wrapped herself around my psyche. This feels too right. And she is too fucking hot.
Her hands begin to stroke me up and down, but I realize that she doesn’t know how to do this, so it’s awkward and stilted. I save her by pulling her hands out and clasping them behind her back with my left hand while my right mauls her chest. She moans and throws her head back, and I need my mouth on her. But she is so tiny, that standing up I will never get there.
Falling to my knees, I watch her as she whips off her top and bra while I lower her pants as fast as I can get them off of her. Putting my mouth there. At the core of her apex. I need to taste her. I need her to know how much she means to me already. I need her to stand here and take this. Her hands bury themselves in my hair as she rises against my tongue.
I glance up, and she is beet red, not accustomed to this. This is the first time any man has had her in their mouth. I bathe her core, licking every bit of her juices. Flicking my tongue and then backing off, making her gasp, making her want me as much as I want her.
But soon, that is not enough. I need more.
Taking her hands by the wrists, I pin them behind her back again, cupping her bottom on either side while holding her wrists at the same time as I drive my tongue upward and into her. I release her hands and bring mine around and between her legs to open them further, forcing her thighs apart to rest on each of my upper arms as I open her fully to my mouth. I press my hands up to hold her back and leverage that position to lower her down to the floor.
I need her to come in my mouth. I need to know that she will give me this. I need to know that she wants it that much.
Her hands grasp my hair again, and I let her have it. I let her push my face into her. I let her buck her hips against my mouth. Driving and groaning and crying out until the last cry, and that is when I feel her wetness soak me. I feel her release, my eyes watching hers. And I see the tears form and fall out of the sides of her eyes.
Yes, that’s my girl. That’s it, baby girl. Give it to me.
She’s still reeling from her high, and I know I have to be inside of her.
Standing up, I pull her into my arms and carry her over to the couch. Not romantically, just in raw need, in a hurry to get to the next piece of what we have to share. A place we have to connect. A place inside of her I need to get to.
I need to get in there. I need to feel her speared down onto me. I need to know that she gives me that as well.
I want her over the edge of the couch from behind, but it is too soon. Another time. Right now, she needs power too. And you can’t take a virgin that quickly. Not like that.
So, I sit on the couch, and I straddle her across my lap, aching to have her down on me as quickly as I can, as deep as her tender pieces will let me go.
Not all the way yet, that comes next. I have to warm her up
first. To know that she is ready to take it. I have to know that she is with me. I have to know that she feels the heat and the intensity as much as I do. I need to know that she is not scared. I need to know that she wants me. That she wants this.
She leans forward and kisses me aggressively, and I know in an instant that she’s there, wanting it too.
I growl into her mouth. Ready to ravage her. It takes every ounce of my strength to pace myself. Breaking away from our kiss long enough to explain what’s coming next.
“Jude, I want you all the way down on me. I know that I’m too big for you right now, but I want you to move with me. Until you can take it all. Will you do that for me?”
She nods, and that is all I need.
My hands cup her beautiful ass and roll her hips backward, down, and forward onto my cock as she brings her tight nipples to my mouth.
I am so fucking hungry for her. For this. For us, like this.
She takes another inch. Then another. I’m losing my fucking mind. Then two more before she cries out, and I almost come. The need to shove her down overtakes me, and I almost lose myself.
I bring one hand around and thumb her clit. She moans, and I encourage and praise her.
“That’s it, baby girl. Ride it for me. Take all you can. I’ve got you.”
And she does. Oh, my fucking god, she does.
She squeezes me so tightly my eyes roll to the back of my head, and I swear I stop breathing for a second. All I feel and smell is her, she controls every one of my senses, and still, I need more.
Grunting, I thrust up harder and faster, holding her firmly in place against my body, using her until I can’t anymore. My muscles ache and sweat beads my brow, and still, I push on. I can feel another orgasm building, a distinct fluttering in her pussy.
“Come again, Jude, come for me,” I growl, tightening my grip on her hips and grinding her against my cock.
