by J. L. Beck
I want to question her but decide not to push it. At least not yet. However, by the time we get to the street, and she still hasn’t even looked at me, my patience snaps.
I’m about to say something, but just as I open my mouth, I spot the white SUV half a block down. Again, it’s facing my house. There is no one in the cab, but what the fuck! That’s it, I’m done with this shit. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with Jude right now, and I need to know what’s going on.
Walking into the house, Jude is still silent and tucked in on herself. Her walls are high, but I’m not about to give up.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Did something happen?”
“No, nothing happened. I’m just sick, Lex,” she tells me while averting her eyes. I can’t shake the feeling that I have two problems. One on the street with whoever is following us, and the other in here with whatever Jude is hiding.
“Jude, you need to tell me what’s going on.”
“It’s nothing, Lex.” She wrinkles her nose.
“Oh, it’s definitely something, and I’m concerned about whatever it is you’re not talking to me about. Something is going on, I can feel it, and if you need time or space to deal with it before you talk about it, that is one thing, but telling me nothing going on is another, especially when I can feel it inside here.” I point to my chest.
“I just want to relax and recover from feeling sick. Is that too much to ask?” Jude seems to recoil, her defenses flaring.
“No, but is that really what’s going on?”
She shrugs. “Well, I just don’t do very well with stress, and I started a new job, and sometimes people get sick, and I just don’t feel good. That’s all. Why are you pressuring me?”
Because I’m not fucking stupid.
Her words are not matching the tone of her voice or her body language. She is outright lying to me. I don’t know what about, or why, but I know something is wrong, and I’ll be damned if I let her sweep it under the rug like it’s nothing.
“Did something happen at school today? When you were working? Did somebody give you shit?” I can’t believe Seb would let anyone talk to her, but fuck, what else could it be?
“You just want to go out and beat somebody up. Is that it?” she taunts, with anger in her eyes. I shake my head, even though she is not wrong. I do want to beat someone up. I want to hurt whoever hurt her, but first, I need to figure out who is responsible, and then I’ll figure out how to get even.
Frustrated, I run a hand through my hair. We’re not getting anywhere right now. I’m exasperated, and I don’t know how to reach her. I don’t know how to help her talk to me. Her features pale, and she places a hand against her stomach.
Fuck. Rushing out of the room, she runs into the bathroom, and I can hear her hurling violently into the toilet.
Jesus fucking Christ. I feel like a Class A asshole. I think about going in there and holding her hair back or something like that but decide to give her some space instead.
When she pulls herself together and comes back out, she sits down, and I know I need to apologize.
“I’m sorry, Jude. I didn’t mean to push you and cause you stress. But it is obvious something is up with your body, and we need to see what it is. If you will get your stuff, I can take you to the doctor. The clinic is still open.”
She shakes her head. “No, I’m fine. I don’t need to go to the doctor.”
“If you are worried about money, don’t be. As a student, you have coverage using your student ID. It is one of the benefits of going to school at North Woods.”
She doesn’t meet my eyes. “No, that’s not it, I just don’t see the need. I’m going to be fine. It will pass.”
“Jude, you are not fine. I just heard you hurling your guts out. And you were sick at school too. Be reasonable. We should at least see what is going on. Come on, it’s not that big of a deal, let’s just go. No matter what it is, I will be there with you. I will see you through it.”
“Fine,” she almost yells. Reluctantly, she gets up, grabs her purse, and we head to the door. It is the first good sign that we will get through this. But then she stops right before we walk out. Turning to me, her features pale, and fear like I’ve never seen flickers in her eyes.
Why is she scared?
“Lex, I don’t wanna go to the doctor because I know what’s wrong with me,” she whispers.
“What? Tell me?”
Shaking her head, she walks back over to the couch and sets her purse down. She lets her face fall into her hands and starts to cry. Her shoulders shake as the sob wrecks through her body.
“Whatever it is, Jude, I promise, I will be here with you.” And that’s the truth, there isn’t anything that I won’t do for her.
“I’m pregnant, Lex,” she mumbles into her hands.
At first, I don’t understand. I hear the words, but they don’t make sense. It’s like she is not speaking English. Then the words echo in the room, replaying in my head over and over again. I’m not even convinced I heard her right. But, if she really means it—
I rush across the room and kneel at her feet.
“Oh, my fucking god, Jude! Are you serious? Please, tell me you are serious?”
Lowering her hands, she looks at my grin as my arms go around her thighs, wanting to embrace her but not wanting to crowd her at the same time.
“You’re happy?” She looks bewildered.
“Are you kidding me? Oh, my god! This is the best news of my entire fucking life. Entire fucking life! I could not have had better news. Please, tell me it’s not a joke?”
“It is definitely not a joke. I am pregnant. I’m going to have your baby. It’s growing inside me and makes me sick to my stomach every five seconds.”
I cannot believe this. My brain and heart are exploding.
“We’re going to have a baby,” I correct her. “It is finally my turn.”
“Your turn?”
“Yeah, do you know how hard it has been to want a family and children and see my brothers getting theirs, sometimes twice over, while I’m still waiting for what’s going to be right for me? Until you walked into my life, it felt like nothing was ever going to be right. You were the first right thing, and now you’re telling me there are going to be three of us?” My enthusiasm and glee are hard to contain. I want to jump up and down.
It takes everything I have to be still and not swing her around in circles.
“Well, four, technically. And if I can convince you to go back and get Lady Loo, it will be five.” She laughs, and her face finally lights up. We are grinning at each other, eyes sparkling, joy filling the room.
I laugh and throw my arms around her and then pull her into a big embrace.
“Jude, this is the best thing ever!”
“You’re really not upset at all? About losing your freedom?”
“Jude. Listen when I tell you this. You are the most important thing in my life. Period. End of subject. Nothing else matters. Well, I love my family, and I will take care of them and protect them, too, but hear me on this. You could not have told me anything better than this.”
“What about school? What about losing my independence? I’ll be depending on you. I’ll need your help with like… well, everything.” A shadow crosses her face, and I remember how important it is for her to be the woman she wants to be, rather than the one her parents tried to force-feed her.
“The mother of my children, losing her independence? Have you seen my sister-in-laws? No, there is no chance in hell that is ever going to happen. The mothers of our children are always powerful women. And we love them and protect him until the day they die. And then we love them beyond that.”
“Oh, Lex!” She throws her arms around my neck, and I can’t believe my luck. I’m swimming in giddiness. I can’t believe that this magnificent, beautiful creature is going to bring another one into the world for me. With me. For us. One that will bless my entire family. Oh, everyone is going to be so excited. It is fi
nally my turn!
“Can I touch your belly?” I ask quietly as the awe overtakes all the other emotions.
She laughs. “Of course, silly. Only be gentle because I might throw up on you.”
I look down at her tiny belly as she leans back, and I know that this is the first moment in my entire life that I will ever be close to my baby. You only get to touch the belly that houses your baby for the first time once. This is that moment for me. I shake my head, unable to believe my luck.
For a long minute, I marvel at the idea that a tiny seed of her mixed with a tiny seed of me, and at this very minute, they were doubling and tripling and quadrupling to create a new life. A mini me or a mini her or a mini us. Something profound and beautiful and tender and molten.
I glance up at her face, and she sees the awe and wonder in mine. I’m sure there is an endless sea of emotions in my eyes, and I see every single one reflecting back in hers.
Time stops, and I know with utter certainty that I’m in love with this woman. That I’ll marry her and offer her the life she deserves. The one they both deserve.
It is almost too intense. I need to go slow, so I do not scare her away.
“Is there anything I can get you? Pickles? Pizza? Orange soda pop?”
“Well, I would really love some tea, something to settle my stomach. Today has not been good for the baby and me.” She frowns.
I jump to my feet and pull out my keys, grinning like a schoolboy on a snow day.
“What kind?”
“Anything but chamomile. Maybe some mint?”
I lean forward and kiss her full on the mouth as I hold her head.
“I’m the luckiest bastard in the world, to have you, to have that baby growing inside you. My everything, my world.”
With that, I’m out the door. Headed to get my girl whatever she wants.
With three bags full of different flavors of tea, I pull onto my street and feel relieved when I find that the white SUV is gone.
I park in the driveway, and as I walk up to the door, I’m rummaging my mind for lullabies. I realize I do not know nearly enough of them and will need to learn more so I can sing them to my soon to be son or daughter. I’m still grinning, unable to control my joy, until I walk in.
My heart stops beating in my chest and is replaced by a dull, empty ache when I take in the space. A lamp is knocked over, and the coffee table is askew.
“Jude!” I call out, but there is no response.
Dropping the bags where I stand, I run through the house like a madman, desperate to find her even though deep down, I know she is not here.
By the time I make it back to the living room, I can barely breathe. Anger, worry, and guilt weighing so heavy on my chest, it feels like I cannot breathe. Then I see the worst possible thing ever. Jude’s shoes, by the door, telling me she didn’t leave, she was taken.
22
Jude
I’m thrown into an empty, windowless room. The concrete floor is cold on my bare feet, and the smell of mildew and urine invades my senses. Bracing my hands, I’m barely able to stop myself from falling face first. Shivering, my teeth clatter together.
My heart races in terror as the door locks behind me, and I’m thrust into complete darkness. Putting my arms out in front of me, I search, trying to find the nearest wall and then scoot my way along it to get back to the door and to the light switch.
When I reach it, I flip it up, but nothing. No light. No hope.
My mind races back to the series of events, and I try to make sense of them.
The knock at the door. Me, eagerly swinging it open without a second’s thought, assuming Lex had his hands full and needed help.
The two men in hoods, black jackets, and jeans, rushing in and grabbing my hands and feet to hold me down on the floor before I could comprehend anything more than fear.
I screamed before my mouth was forced shut and duct-taped, and a pillowcase was pulled over my head.
Then the sound of something crashing in the room. Rough hands carrying my body as I fought, worried that too much resistance would cost me the safety of the baby.
They placed me inside the back of a big van or SUV without rear seats of some sort, and then came a gruff, oddly familiar voice, warning me to stay still or I would be hurt.
I recall the long ride over train tracks and highways and side roads. The sounds of church bells and wind and other vehicles whizzing by. The bumps and jolts as we crossed road humps and made sudden turns. I tried to mentally remember the way, how many turns, and how many minutes, but honestly, fear had my mind too jumbled.
After they dragged me out of the car, they silently walked me barefoot through the cold night air, across a gravel lot into something large and ominous and abandoned, that echoed with the sounds of wind like an old steel mill or manufacturing plant.
Then, they ripped off the hood and tape, a second before tossing me in here. No time to look around at their faces either.
Nothing. Not one detail to clasp onto that would help me understand why I’m here, what they want, or how I could possibly get out.
I slide to the floor in the corner and hug my arms to my chest to help ward off the chill, but if there is anything I know about pain or suffering, it’s that it never really ends. The cold will not disappear. I will simply become more accustomed to it.
Sitting there in complete darkness, I think of Lex. He’ll come for me. I know it. He’ll arrive at the house and know that something happened, and then he’ll save me. I hold onto that thought, knowing it’s the only hope I truly have.
Somehow, after a while, the cold doesn’t bother me anymore, and my eyes grow heavy. My stomach churns, but I don’t vomit. I do my best to remain awake, but it’s impossibly hard, and soon my eyes are drooping, and I’m sagging against the wall.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but I jolt awake when I hear the lock disengaging on the door. I scramble to my feet and squint my eyes as light filters in from the hallway, momentarily blinding me. A masked man steps into the room, a tray in his hand.
“Eat,” he orders, and I shiver at the darkness in his voice. My bladder is screaming at me, but I’m too afraid to ask to use the restroom. When I don’t reach for the tray of food, the man tosses it to the ground. “If you don’t want to take the tray like a human, then you can eat like a fucking dog.”
Food splatters against the floor, along with a bottle of water. Flinching, I wrap my arms around my middle afraid that he may try and hurt me.
“You want to piss in the corner, or you gonna use the bathroom like a big girl?”
“B-bathroom,” I somehow manage to get out.
“Let’s go then,” he growls, and motions for me to walk ahead of him. On shaky legs and with my arms tightly wrapped around my middle, I walk out the room and into the hallway.
“Don’t be stupid and try to run.”
I wasn’t planning on it.
The masked guy leads me to a bathroom down the hall and shoves me inside. “You got two minutes, sweetcheeks.”
I close the door behind me, quickly realizing that there is no lock. If I didn’t have to pee so freaking badly, I wouldn’t go, but I’m literally about to pee myself. Tiptoeing on the nasty tile floor that probably hasn’t been mopped in years, I quickly pull down my pants and underwear.
Not wanting to touch the equally nasty toilet seat, I simply squat over the toilet and relief myself. Unbelievably, there is some toilet paper and even a roll of paper towel next to the sink.
After I do my business, I wash my hands and my face before drying it off. Just as I finished, the door flies open. “Let’s go, time’s up.”
Nodding my head profusely, I clutch the balled-up piece of paper towel to my chest and scurry from the room. I speed walk back to my cell, not getting away fast enough from my captor.
As soon as I’m back in the room, he shut the door behind me without a word. The room falls in darkness once more, and I carefully make my way back to the corner
of the room. I almost fall over the water bottle on the floor but catch myself at the last moment.
Leaning down, I grab the water before sitting back down with my back against the wall. Opening the bottle, I take a few sips, letting the cool liquid soothe my dry throat.
I use the paper towel to wipe off my dirty feet as best as I can before tossing it onto the ground next to me. Feeling just a tiny bit better now, I let my head fall back and lean against the wall.
Closing my eyes, I imagine Lex’s face. I imagine him holding me, stroking my hair, and telling me that everything is going to be okay. I’ve never yearned for anything so much.
For weeks, I’ve been pushing him away, being obsessed with being independent, and taking care of myself. Now, all I want is for him to be there and take care of me, protect me like I know he is going to.
He will come for me, I know it. And when he does, I will let him have every part of me. I will never let him go again.
23
Lex
“Roman, it’s Lex. Someone has Jude. I need your help,” I speak into the cell at rapid-fire speed as my eyes scan the streets.
“First, what happened? Who took her and from where?” he asks calmly as if this is not the first kidnapping situation, he’s dealt with.
“Someone came to my house while I was out getting some groceries. They came and took her from the house about twenty minutes ago,” I answer as I’m pulling out of the driveway. Once on the road, I speed down it, making my way to the gym. Adrenaline kicked in moments ago, and I’m in mission mode, full stop. All my training rises out of nowhere, and I click through the pieces.
Get armed. Check.
Secure support. In process.
Identify the target.
Scope the logistics.
Set the infil/exfil plan.
Execute.
If I had buddies and the right equipment here, I would have knocked this list out in under three minutes. As it is, I know it will take a bit longer.
