by Piper Rayne
“How about Friday night? We could meet somewhere?” Jamison offers.
I almost melt to the ground. “Yeah, sure.”
Miles rolls his eyes.
“Cool.” Jamison runs his hand through his hair.
I wonder what that feels like. I clench my hand harder on my notepad.
“Six o’clock at that diner place in town?” He turns to Miles and adds, “I love their pies.”
Miles nods and huffs.
“I’ll be there,” I say.
“Cool.” Jamison steps away. Thank goodness because I might just faint. He stops short. “Sorry again about earlier, lass.”
Omg, he called me lass!
I shake my head. “No problem. I’m fully aware of how Phoenix can be.”
“Great meeting you, Sedona.” His gaze falls down my body once before he leaves, climbing into his host parent’s car.
“Another one bites the dust,” Miles says, tugging on my arm. “I’ll drive you home. But please put your tongue back in your mouth. I don’t want drool all over my seats.”
I climb into Miles’s truck and all I can think about is Jamison. Is this how my mom felt when she met my dad? I’ll bet it is.
Seven
Sedona
Palmer’s favorite thing to do at the park is play in the sandbox. As I sit on the bench watching her, my anxiety increases my heart rate tenfold. Any second, her father is going to show up. Palmer’s always curious about anyone new, and I know she’s going to ask questions.
She scoops sand into the fish mold and dumps it over, all of the loose sand spilling out before the mold presses into the sand. Then she picks up the fish and looks at it quizzically, and her shoulders slump.
She’s so amazing. So sweet and open to anyone she meets. It’s that aspect of her little personality that kept me up late last night. She’ll open her arms wide for Jamison. How will he react?
“Hey,” he announces himself before coming into my peripheral vision.
I inhale and close my eyes for a second. I open them, Palmer’s already ditched the sandbox to walk over to us.
Jamison rounds the bench. He’s dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, and the fresh scent of his soap wafts by me before he sits next to me.
“Hey,” I say.
Palmer stands in front of him and stares.
Jamison glances at me and back at her. Hello, how are you?
Why am I irritated that he can sign? I should be thrilled that I’m finally able to narrow down why Palmer was born deaf. The fact he can so easily communicate with her is a plus, not a minus, but I hate it just the same.
Palmer waves to him and looks at me. Who?
Jamison remains still, allowing me the right to decide how I want to introduce him.
“I’m sorry. I’m just not ready yet.” I don’t look at him when I speak or sign. Friend.
Palmer smiles and turns all her attention to Jamison. Grabbing his hand, she leads him over to the sandbox, where he sits on the edge. Palmer picks up the fish mold and holds it out for him, grunting for him to take it. He smiles and accepts it, then he presses the sand into the fish mold, completing the task she tried to do minutes earlier. Palmer smiles wide, clapping with her mouth wide open in surprise. Jamison beams with happiness as he stares at her, and my stomach twists in knots.
I can’t get over how healthy he looks. How carefree he appears compared to when I left him and the weight of the world was on his shoulders.
I’m not sure how long I sit there, lost in my thoughts.
“Sedona?” Jamison’s hand on my shoulder pulls me back from reliving the nightmare our love affair turned into.
“I’m sorry, what?” I search for Palmer, but she’s in the sandbox.
“Did you want to grab lunch?”
“Oh sure,” I say before I think better of it. Palmer has a routine I rarely stray from. “Actually, we can’t. It’s her nap time.”
Palmer walks over. Hungry. Then she puts her hand in Jamison’s. Jamison raises his eyebrows at me, and my shoulders fall.
I sign back quick and Palmer smiles at Jamison. There goes that gut twist again. It’s like a wet towel that keeps getting wrung out, tighter and tighter.
“Let’s go then,” I say, a little annoyed.
I pack up her sand toys, and we leave the park with Palmer’s hand in both of ours as if we’re a happy little family. I can barely stomach it.
We reach Lard Have Mercy and are seated in a booth overlooking the gazebo. We place our orders with the waitress and make awkward chitchat about mundane topics.
“She’s beautiful,” Jamison says, staring at Palmer who’s now draped over my chest, asleep.
Karen comes over, sets our orders down in front of us, and runs her hand down Palmer’s back. Then she kisses her hand and places it on my belly. “I can’t wait to spoil this one.”
I smile. Karen is Austin’s wife’s mom, but she’s also married to my uncle now, so I guess she’s more like my step-aunt. Although I still think of her as Holly’s mom.
“Soon, I think,” I say.
Jamison’s jaw twitches. He hasn’t asked me once today whose baby it is. Good. Let him suffer.
“Karen, you remember Jamison?”
Karen glances over her shoulder and nods. “Hello.”
It’s the coldest hello I’ve ever heard from her lips.
Jamison nods. “Hi. How are you? Enjoying your grandson?”
She eyes me for a moment, not granting him her full attention. “Anything else, sweetie?”
“No. I’m fine.” I smile widely and look at my turkey club. Between my stomach and Palmer, none of it will make it into my mouth.
As though Jamison has been a part of our life forever, he quickly realizes my dilemma. Rising from his seat, he comes to the side of the booth where I’m sitting, hands held out. “May I?”
I leave him standing there with his arms extended. Do I really want to grant him the gift of holding our sleeping child? It’s one of my favorite moments with my daughter. I can just stare at her and smile at the peaceful look on her face, hoping her life is easier than mine—except for those fleeting years we were together in New York when things were good.
The perfect job. The perfect condo. The perfect boyfriend.
My stomach growls and I know I need to eat. This baby needs to remain healthy.
I hand her over, and he takes Palmer to his side of the booth and positions her in his arms like an actual baby, her head tucked into his elbow.
“Your arm will go numb like that.” With much effort, I slide out of the booth and pick her up. I place her chest on his, draping her arms over his shoulders so her face is in the crook of his neck. It’s her favorite position. Palmer sighs. “There you go.”
“Thanks.” He holds her with both hands, one across her butt and the other cradling her head.
“You can still eat if you’d like. She sleeps like a rock.”
“Just like me, huh?”
We fall silent for a moment. Like me, he’s likely remembering the joke between us about how he could sleep through a family of elephants pounding through our apartment.
“Yeah,” I say and pick up my turkey sandwich.
He eyes me. “I hate this, Sedona. This awkwardness that’s never been there between us before.”
I know what he means. Since the first time I interviewed him in high school, we just clicked. And although years passed while I was at NYU and he was playing in the Scottish Premiership, when he showed up on my doorstep in New York, nothing had changed.
“This isn’t some great reunion, Jamie.”
He smiles over his burger.
I scowl. “What?”
“It’s the first time you called me Jamie.”
Rolling my eyes, I say, “Some habits are hard to break.”
“Maybe,” he murmurs.
He puts down his burger and wipes his hand with a napkin, then he runs his hand down Palmer’s back like a concerned father. One who’s been pre
sent in her life.
Shit, anger is pulsing through my veins again. I need to stop this, for Palmer’s sake.
My shoulders fall and my nose tickles. Tears are coming and I’m not going to be able to stop them. I glance around to see how busy the diner is, praying no one snaps a picture for Buzz Wheel right now. The last thing I need is a headline detailing how my entire life is falling apart.
“Do you honestly think you’re staying here?” A tear slips out and I press my palm to my cheek, smearing it away.
“In Lake Starlight or in your life?” he asks.
“I guess I thought they were one and the same.”
He leans back in the booth, balling up his napkin and throwing it on the plate. “I want the two of you back more than anything. But if I’m honest, there’s no job for me here. I’ve applied for some assistant coaching positions back home, not that I’m confident any of them will amount to anything.”
“Where?”
“Manchester U, Arsenal, Celtic,” he says, his gaze falling to Palmer, his hand gripping her tighter. “I’d likely have to start in their youth divisions and work my way up.”
I slide out of the booth, take her out of his arms, and place her in the stroller.
“Wait, that doesn’t change anything,” he says.
“It doesn’t change anything?” I yell and glance around before lowering my voice. “It changes everything,” I whisper-shout. “This is Palmer’s home. Here in Alaska, around people who care about us. Is that why you’re back? Are you going to try to take her halfway across the world away from me?”
Karen comes over. “Sweetie, calm down.” She helps me secure a now-crying Palmer in her stroller. She’s reaching out to Jamison to return to his lap. Another waitress hands Karen a cookie and she passes it to my daughter. “There you go, sweetheart. Eat the cookie.”
It mollifies Palmer enough that she stops crying.
“I’m not trying to take her anywhere. She’s my daughter and I want a relationship with her.” He slides out of the booth. “I’m trying to do this the right way.”
I step up to him, silently cursing that I can’t tower over him. “I’m not going to allow you to be all sweet and endearing like you give a shit about us. I thought you were here to be present in her life. What’s the master plan? Worm your way into our lives and then convince me to move to Europe so you can live out some fantasy of being back on the celebrity circuit again? Then in a few years, I’m tucking my tail between my legs and coming back home to pitying looks. I have a life.” I rub my belly. “In case you haven’t noticed.”
“I have noticed, and believe me, it kills me. Do you have any idea what seeing you pregnant with someone else’s baby is doing to me?” he shouts back.
“Why should I care? You didn’t even give a shit when I was carrying your baby!”
“Okay, you two.” Karen rubs my back.
My gaze falls to Palmer, whose lower lip is trembling as cookie crumbs fall out of her mouth.
“I can’t do this. I just can’t.” I grab the stroller, tears cascading down my face, wishing I could disappear. Damn hormones.
“Sedona,” Jamison calls.
“You gotta give her time,” Karen says. “This is the worst moment you could’ve picked to walk back into her life.”
I circle around to push the diner door open with my back when a gripping pain hits my stomach. Liquid drips down my thighs. Not now. Not now. This cannot be happening.
“Karen,” I say.
She turns from telling Jamison off and her face pales. Another waitress takes Palmer while Karen leads me to a booth.
“I’m fine. When my water broke with Palmer, I didn’t deliver her for hours. Have Austin or Holly pick me up.” I sit down, imposing on a nice older gentleman eating his tuna on rye. “Sorry about this.”
“It’s okay. My wife was pregnant six times and I feel like I should warn you. The first baby, she was in labor for thirty-six hours. The sixth baby was delivered in my truck on the side of the road.” He eyes me.
I look down, half expecting the baby’s head to be poking out.
“I’m driving you to the hospital.” Jamison’s hand lands on my arm and he pulls me to my feet.
“Um… no.” I look past him at Karen, who has her cell phone to her ear. I hope Austin or Holly pick up.
“This is ridiculous. You’d rather wait for your older brother to show up than allow me to take you to the hospital? At least call the dad.” He eyes me as I grip my stomach for a contraction I didn’t think would come on so soon.
Maybe the man at my right is correct and this baby is coming sooner than I thought.
Palmer stops crying due to all the commotion, but she’s looking around, trying to understand what’s going on.
I wave my hand to get her attention. I’m good. Baby.
She signs back. Hurt?
I shake my head. I don’t want her to worry about me. Realizing that someone will need to come get her, I pick up my cell phone and text Liam, hoping he’s at the tattoo shop right now. He can at least get Palmer to one of my sisters.
Karen frantically hangs up and dials another number, staring at me with wide eyes.
Jamison is pacing, asking me if the person I’m calling is the father.
Thankfully, a couple minutes later, Liam opens the diner door and stops short, assessing the situation.
“You okay?” he asks me, and I nod.
I motion Palmer over to me. You go with Liam. Play with Brinley. Mommy is having the baby. I rub my belly.
Palmer presses her lips to my belly, but another contraction comes, and I hunch forward and blow out a breath.
Love you.
She signs back. Love you.
We hug, and Liam squeezes my shoulder before taking her with him out the door.
“Savannah will meet you at the hospital,” Liam says and walks out with Palmer in one arm and pushing the stroller in front of him.
“This is ridiculous. I could’ve had her at the hospital by now.”
I stand, and Karen is finally talking to someone. “Tell them to meet me at the hospital.”
“Why do you care so much about Austin and Holly?” Jamison asks.
I allow him to help me because at this point, I have no choice but to accept his strength.
This is a totally different feeling than I had with Palmer.
The tires of Austin’s Jeep screeches to a stop along the curb.
Karen sighs. “Thank goodness he made it.”
Jamison glances around. “Why is Austin so important right now? Where the hell is the dad?”
Karen laughs. “Austin is the dad.”
The other waitresses laugh, as do most of the people at the nearby tables because it’s not a secret here in Lake Starlight—except, of course, to my ex.
Jamison’s face pales. “Your brother is the father of your baby?”
Eight
Jamison
What the hell? Someone needs to wake me up. This must all be a dream. Sedona’s baby daddy is Austin?
Speaking of, Austin swings open the door, taking Sedona from me and leading her to the passenger side of the vehicle.
“I can walk,” she says, swatting him away. She glances back at me, then at her brother. “Where’s Holly?”
“She’s going to meet us. She was at a meeting up in Anchorage.”
I feel like an idiot standing here watching these two.
“I’m waiting for Nancy to come and cover, then I’ll meet you there,” Karen hollers out the door then disappears back inside.
“I think we have to bring Jamison on the off chance that the baby comes before we reach the hospital.” Sedona buckles over in pain, but I don’t react this time.
Austin opens up the back door for Sedona to slide in and turns to me. “Let’s go, Jamison. I guess you do get to experience Sedona in labor. Who would have thought?” Austin leaves the door open as he rounds the front of the Jeep.
“What?” I’m still so confu
sed. I know my feet should be moving, but it’s as if they’re stuck in crazy glue.
“Let’s go!” Austin yells, hanging out of his Jeep.
I run to the back and get in beside Sedona. She’s breathing heavily.
“Remember your classes,” Austin says, peeling around the corner.
“Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” I ask.
Austin glances at Sedona through the rearview mirror and she looks at me. Her hands are on her stomach and she’s breathing in and out—hard. Is this what it was like for her when she had Palmer? Damn it all to hell, I missed so much, lost in an empty bottle of self-pity otherwise known as Glenfiddich.
“You okay?” I put my hand over hers. She doesn’t immediately pull away.
“Ahhhh!” She moans when Austin turns a corner and hits the gas. “Hurry, Austin!”
“I am.” His phone rings in the center console, but he glances down and doesn’t answer it.
“Are you really pregnant with your brother’s baby?” I whisper.
She turns to me and nods, biting her lip. I blanch.
“She’s coming. I know it,” she says.
“Jamison’s going to need to check.” Austin’s Jeep stops. “A row of ducks is crossing the road.”
Sedona groans.
Someone honks their horn over and over before pressing on it for a long time.
“Okay, do you want to lie back?” I offer. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for down there, but I guess if a baby is coming out, it’ll be obvious.
“No!” She swats my hands away. “You’re not seeing me deliver a baby.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because.”
“I would’ve if I’d been here for Palmer,” I say. “I would’ve watched her come out of you. Hell, I’ve gone down on you how many times in my life?”
“TMI, buddy,” Austin says from the front seat. Once the ducks have crossed, he turns the wheel to go around the other vehicles on the road but stops short, rolling down his passenger window. “Grandma!”
Sedona and I look out the window to find Dori at another driver’s window, lecturing them about honking their horn. “Imagine you were trying to get across a highway and people were honking their horns at you.” Then she looks over and her eyes widen. She scurries over and opens the front passenger door. “Ethel, meet me at the hospital!”
