To Marian
with all my thanks
CHAPTER ONE
Poland, Spring 1945
A hand closed over my mouth. I didn’t move. I didn’t make a sound. Didn’t breathe.
It was dark. I opened my eyes and I could make out the first knifepoints of dawn spiking through the trees. It left golden markers on the forest’s black trunks in a direct trail towards me. I was lying at the base of an oak, wrapped in my skirts for warmth in the chill night air. The hand pinned me there.
‘They are coming.’
The voice was so close to my ear I thought it came from inside my head, but it belonged to a young girl. I blinked to show her I understood. Her hand lifted. I rolled silently to my feet and leaned down so that my lips were pressed hard against her soft cheek.
‘Where? Where are they?’
‘There.’
She pointed off to the area of trees on our left, barely visible where the forest still clung to the last scraps of the night. Blackness swirled among them, blurring my vision, stealing any sense of what was real and what was not. Shapes shifted. I kept my lips shut tight because I feared that if I opened them, a scream would come barrelling out.
‘Are you sure?’ I whispered.
‘I saw them.’
‘How many?’
‘Six.’ She was breathing fast. Her cheek felt ice cold. ‘Maybe more. It was dark.’
I nodded. Not that she could see it. The thought of my ten-year-old child searching out hunters on her own in the black labyrinth of the forest while I slept made my heart cut loose in my chest. I drew her to me. Placed a hand on her small chest. Her heart was thundering against her twig-like ribs. I could push her behind a tree and run, crashing through the undergrowth, smacking into branches, luring the hunters away from her.
But Alicja was not that kind of child. She wouldn’t stay where I put her. She would come after me. She would yell. She would rip their eyes from their sockets if they caught and beat me. So I dragged her over to a towering beech tree off to the west where it was out of reach of the spikes of dawn. Its roots writhed up from the earth like violent serpents and I tucked her under one of them where she could not be seen. I threw an armful of leaf litter over her and concealed myself behind its ancient trunk.
They came.
How many? I didn’t know for sure. Certainly six. Ten? It was hard to tell. I could hear them, their urgent whispers. Sticks were cracking underfoot. They wanted me to know they were there, they made no secret of it. Fear slid up my throat as they moved constantly in and out of the trees, grey as ghosts, brief flickers in the darkness. Circling us. Like wolves. One laughed, high-pitched and greedy. My skin crawled.
They came closer. I caught a rustling behind me, a scratching among the new leaves. I twisted my head round to confront it and found the barrel of a pistol in my face. A Polish Pistolet wz.35, semi-automatic. One of the finest. I know my handguns. My heart split wide open when I thought of Alicja in her hideout only a metre away. These people were serious about killing.
‘What have you got?’
‘Nothing. I keep alive by eating worms.’
‘Liar.’
‘No, it’s the truth.’ My words stuck to my teeth, welded by rage. I held out my hands, palms up. ‘See? Nothing.’
They were women. No men. Only women. A dishevelled group of all ages, young and old and everything in between. A dozen of them, most in trousers, some wearing skirts, muddy and ragged, greasy hair hidden under scarves. One with scars on her face. The women looked cold and tired, and I could smell the feral odour of them.
Was I like that? Wild-eyed and dangerous? Was that what they saw in me? Was that why two of them kept a gun aimed at my head?
I tried to be reasonable but it is hard to be reasonable when people have tracked you for days, their foul breath on your neck. Hunted you down.
‘We are all doing the same. Trying to survive.’ I spoke calmly to the woman who stood out as their leader, dressed in a man’s heavy jacket and with skin tight to the bones of her gaunt angry face. ‘We are all travelling to the West, fleeing ahead of the Soviet Army.’ I spat on the black earth at my feet at the mention of the brutal Soviets. ‘Their troops are marching through Poland, using rape as a weapon. In Warsaw we thought the Nazis were evil, but the Russians are worse.’
The woman nodded in the gloom. ‘The devil’s army. Stalin’s bastards.’ She spat in agreement.
I nodded back at her. Conversation was my way out of this. ‘How far have you travelled?’
‘Not far enough.’
‘The German border can’t be much further,’ I pointed out. ‘The American and British zones will be—’
‘What have you got?’
‘Nothing.’
We were back where we started.
‘You want us to strip you?’ She showed me her strong peasant hands. ‘Leave you naked?’
Ice shot through my veins. I knew I had to give them something. My fingers reached for the hem of my skirt and, with a curse that I made no attempt to hide, tore it open. Three rolled banknotes dropped into my palm. Not worthless zloty or Deutschmarks. Good American dollars that had cost me dear. I tossed them on the forest floor, startling a beetle from its hideout. A woman with death’s shadow in her eyes snatched them up, kissed them as if they were holy, and handed them over to the gaunt leader.
‘And the rest?’ she demanded.
‘I have no more.’
She thrust the notes down the inside of her boot and the eyes of each woman regarded me in a way that made the hairs rise on the back of my neck. I tasted bile in my mouth. I’d seen that look before. In a Nazi firing squad. When they shot my dear friend in Warsaw’s Old Town Market Square because he had blown up a Panzer tank and decapitated its crew.
‘Shoot me!’ I snapped into the silence of the forest. ‘I’ve told you, I have no more.’
‘Jewels then. You must have jewels.’
I laughed, a sharp animal sound. This woman had sunk her teeth in me and was not letting go.
‘Do I look as if I have jewels?’ I demanded. ‘Would I be here? Like this? In the forest? If I had jewels?’ My words were breaking up. Jagged and disjointed. I had to fight not to lick my cracked lips.
The woman scratched at her throat with a dirty fingernail. ‘Some people swallow their jewels.’
The darkness thickened around me. The trees leaned closer and the stink of rotting matter rose from the forest floor. I clenched my teeth together to silence the tremor that shook my jaw. These were women, not animals. Not Nazis. They would not cut me open.
That’s what I told myself.
‘I have no jewels,’ I told them.
Believe me. This once.
I turned my back on them and walked away from the beech tree roots as fast as my boneless knees would take me. Every muscle in my back tensed. Waiting for the bullet that would tear into my flesh.
‘Where is the child?’ the leader rasped out after me.
‘What child?’
I kept walking, forcing one foot forward, then the other. I needed to draw the women with me. Branches brushed at my face as I edged deeper into a tangle of hazel trees.
‘Don’t take us for fools. Where have you hidden her?’
I could hear the rustle of their feet behind me coming closer. I glanced back. A young woman with chalk-white skin and deep-set blue eyes that were full of a sad sort of kindness launched herself towards me ahead of the others. A gun dangled from one hand but her arms were spread wide as if to embrace me and her smile gave me hope. I stopped walking. She slammed the gun barrel into the side of my head with a crack that split my scalp and exploded through my brain. I crumpled to the ground as if my strings had been cut.
I woke. Voices crawled
over each other around me, twisting and turning beyond my grasp. But I could make out Alicja’s among them, strong and insistent. I used it like a rope to haul myself up from the black pit I was in, hand over hand, till I could prise my eyes open.
The light. It split my mind into a thousand pieces. I could taste blood and soil on my teeth, but right in front of my nose a pair of filthy brown boots took shape, old and laced with string. I knew them. They were Alicja’s. I tried to touch one but nothing moved, so I swivelled my eyes painfully upwards instead. Her back was turned towards me, her thick blond plait snaking over one shoulder and she was shouting. I could see through narrow slits that in her hand lay a stick sharpened to a point. I felt sickness rise within me. Where had that come from?
I fought to speak. But no sound emerged. I wanted to scream for her to stop shouting but could make no sense of her words, until another’s words took their place. It was the woman with the angry eyes, but her voice was quiet now. As though something in Alicja’s face had stolen her anger.
‘Listen, child. Give us what she is hiding and we will walk away. But if you don’t . . .’
The threat hung in the damp air above my head.
No! No! No! Give the bastard bitch nothing.
It took no more than five seconds to destroy all my hopes and dreams. Alicja swung around and bent over me. Her tears dripped on to my face as her penknife sliced off the tip of my coat collar and threw it into the hands of the huntress. The woman upturned the tiny pocket of material on to her palm and two diamonds slipped out. Even in the gloom of the forest they glittered and shone like fire. I rolled my head violently to one side and retched up my rage in a scalding stream of bile on to the earth beneath me. By the time I looked back, the women had vanished. My diamonds were gone.
‘Alicja,’ I murmured.
Through my damp lashes I saw her young face float over mine. Her huge blue eyes were filled with tears as her hand gently touched my head and came away covered in blood.
‘What have you done?’ I whispered. ‘You have given away our future.’
‘Shh,’ she crooned, ‘stay still.’ She kissed my forehead and her lips turned scarlet. ‘We’ll survive.’
‘No, Alicja. We will starve.’
CHAPTER TWO
Germany, Autumn 1945
The camp for displaced persons was called Graufeld. It’s German for Grey Field. Exactly the right word for the grey world that swallowed us here, a twilit existence suspended somewhere between day and night, its edges blurred. We lived in a fog of hope and despair. There were 3,200 of us in Graufeld. Millions more had been crammed into holding camps throughout Germany by the Allied Military Government since the war ended. VE Day on 9 May had triggered the biggest mass migration in world history, as half of Europe struggled to find homes.
We were refugees, a costly and intractable problem that no one wanted. I couldn’t blame them. I wouldn’t have wanted us either. We were the dregs of Europe.
But Alicja and I didn’t starve as we dragged ourselves into Germany. I’d found ways to feed us, ways I didn’t care to think about now. And we’d finally crawled on empty bellies to the barbed-wire gates of Graufeld where we’d been swept up with the dirt and the sentry’s cigarette butts like the postwar bomb debris that we were.
If you’ve always been safe, you don’t know the meaning of unsafe. That it changes you. I thought I was safe. Here. In this camp. With bread on the table and a roof over our heads.
But I was wrong.
All it took was an open doorway and the world crashed around my ears. My heart cramped. I became a creature whose every breath was made up of fear. Because in the split second that it took for me to glance at the open door of one of the hundreds of barrack huts, I decided to kill a man.
Don’t think of me as bad. You don’t know me, not yet. You don’t even know my name. It’s Klara. Klara Janowska. Half Polish, half English. I’ve saved a man’s life. That counts in my favour doesn’t it?
It was the usual kind of dull morning in this camp for displaced persons. That’s what they called us, the arrogant ones in their crisp British Army uniforms; they labelled us DPs for short. I am a DP. A Displaced Person. The kind of label you’d give a dog. I called the camp a hellhole, an overcrowded rats’ nest, hating it. But yes. Fool that I was. I thought I was safe.
Until I saw the man in the doorway.
I’d been walking through the camp with Alicja, discussing lathe turning, when my gaze wandered to the figure in the nearby barrack hut as we passed. I immediately dropped to one knee, hid my face. Pretended to tie my bootlaces and straighten my skirt. My thin fingers were shaking but on my shoulder I felt the soft fearless weight of Alicja’s young hand. We had been heading over to the metal workshop at the end of the row and Alicja was skipping at my side, eager and focused. I had finally agreed she could make a knife for herself. Which was not allowed under Camp Committee rules. The day was warm and sultry for autumn, the sky stripped bare to a blinding white that bleached our grey dispossessed world. It turned the sandy soil under my feet into false shimmering diamonds, as worthless as my false shimmering hopes.
I risked a second glance at the tall man in the doorway of Hut J. He looked ordinary. I was shocked. I’d never thought of him as ordinary.
Cruel, yes.
Evil, yes.
Powerful, yes.
Ruthless, certainly.
But never ordinary. Maybe it was his workman’s shirt. Or his cracked metal-rimmed spectacles. Or his threadbare corduroy trousers. Or the string binding his shoes. Maybe. But I think it was his dirty fingernails, black as his soul. He had always been meticulous. I should know. I had sat on a stool at his side and groomed his nails. His blond hair was shaved to almost nothing. It’s what they did when we first arrived, to rid the camp of head lice. It made newcomers look defenceless.
He was not defenceless.
His face was thinner. Good. He had gone hungry. His mouth and eyes had softened. Loosened. To make him look harmless.
He was not harmless.
As he stepped out of the hut and moved away without a glance in my direction, he shuffled his feet in the dirt. A good imitation of a beaten man.
But I knew better.
That’s why I needed to kill him.
I seized Alicja by the wrist and ran. She tucked in beside me, asked no questions, just ran with me. She was well trained. I heard her quick breath, saw her bony legs flash, the tip of her knees honey-gold. I chose the dirt path that squirmed through the undergrowth down behind one of the endless rows of barrack huts. It took us out of sight but kept us moving parallel to the main walkway – named Churchill Way by the British Army – within the camp, so that we were tracking in the same direction that the man from Hut J had taken. I glanced to my left each time we reached the end of a hut, eyes fixed on that walkway, but I didn’t spot his shuffling figure in a patched flannel shirt. That worried me. Where was he?
I speeded up. Another hut. We raced through its shadow and through a gap of white light between the huts. Then another hut, another gap. I frowned. A huddle of men had gathered on Churchill Way, their voices reaching us, raised in dispute, their heels kicking up swirls of dust. But not a patched shirt among them.
‘No further,’ Alicja said.
She spoke in that soft whisper of hers but it made my heart jump. I could hear the tightness in her throat. I jerked my gaze from the men to my girl at my elbow. We hid behind the corner of the hut, and I registered with a jolt the huge size of her pupils. A stark warning sign of her fear.
‘We should go back,’ I agreed reluctantly.
‘Yes.’
I ruffled her tufty crop of blond curls that had started to regrow. To reassure her. To reassure me.
‘It’s dangerous in this part of the camp,’ I admitted.
‘Yes.’
Graufeld Camp was not a place to let your guard down. I had learned that much in the few months I’d been here. In the flat autumn light it looked innocuous eno
ugh, huts freshly daubed with battleship-grey paint, now that the Allied battleships no longer required it. But looks can be deceiving. The place didn’t just smell of overcooked cabbage and leaking latrines. It reeked of desperation and need. Of sickness. Of souls gone bad. Of displaced persons made homeless – and even stateless – by war. Certain people here would steal the skin off your back if they thought they could get a price for it.
We were all dispossessed. The dregs of a devastated Europe with nothing to our names except shame. It showed in the way we walked, in the way we looked at each other, quick brief glances. Turning away our gaze. Sliding our lashes down like a portcullis, keeping others out in case they saw in us what we saw in them.
‘Let’s move,’ I said, her wrist still in my hand. I forced myself to abandon my hunt.
Down this end of the camp it was not safe. Graufeld Camp was constructed in an L-shape and in the foot of the L were the huts where the single men were housed. Hundreds of them. They prowled the camp like lone wolves, lean and hungry for more than food. Eyes stripping female forms. Hands touching where they shouldn’t touch. Drugs. Drink. Danger. Hell, what was I thinking?
I should not have brought Alicja here.
I spun around to retrace our steps. But a man was charging towards us from the far end of the barrack huts and he was big, the way a bull elephant is big. His massive shoulders were almost too wide for the narrow path and his hand was stretched out like a shovel in front of him, as if to pick me up and toss me over the three-metre-high concrete boundary wall that ran alongside us. Like other people toss an apple core.
‘You!’ he shouted.
I stood my ground and pushed Alicja behind me. He rumbled to a halt so close to me that I was forced to look up as he towered over us. His broad chest was only partially covered by a filthy vest, and the black stubble on his head and huge jaw glistened with sweat. I could smell him. He looked like the kind of bastard who trampled through life, fists swinging, thoughts trailing in the dirt somewhere behind him.
‘What?’ I demanded.
It wasn’t the ferocity in his dark eyes that scared the hell out of me, it was the tattoos on his face. The image of five drops of blood spilling down one cheek. They meant five murders. My eyes flicked quickly away from them and noticed the two scrawny DPs behind his bulky figure. They were nobody. Pilot fish. I ignored them.
The Survivors Page 1
