by Meghan Quinn
“See anything in there that might be interesting?” she said with a smirk.
Realization dawned on him the minute his mom raised her eyebrow at him. She set him up to read Landon’s diary…that sneaky, sneaky woman.
“You know what I found,” Grey said, as he leaned against a box and took the iced tea from his mom.
His mom sat down next to him and put her hand on Grey’s knee for comfort.
“Did you know, Mom? About Landon’s feelings for Quinn?”
She shook her head no, and said, “He never told me, but I assumed. The boy would look at her the way your dad looks at me; he was madly in love with her, Grey. When I came across his diary, it only solidified what I thought when you two were in high school. I was shocked to see how much he really loved her. He goes into great detail about her eyes, her hair, the way she smells, how her face scrunches up when she’s lost in thought, and the way her smile lights up the room. You should really read more.”
Shaking his head, he replied, “I don’t need to read more. I get the gist of it all.”
Mama Cross grabbed Grey’s hand and squeezed it. “Honey, I wanted to show you his diary because it’s not like Landon sought out to ruin your life. Please know, I’m not taking his side, I just want to help you see where he’s coming from. This wasn’t a random thing he decided to do to you one night. He’s been harboring feelings for the girl for years…years, Grey, and he spent day in and day out with you and Quinn, watching her be loved by you, not him. I think the moment you two broke up, it was his breaking point. He’s an honorable man and brother…he truly wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt you…you, of all people, should know that by now.”
“I know,” Grey hung his head low. “Now that all the steam and hurt has left my body, I know he wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me, but I was just so confused. His diary kind of clarifies everything; doesn’t mean I forgive him, though.”
“Sweetie, forgiveness is a powerful thing, not just for the person seeking it, but for the person giving it. To forgive someone is to heal yourself, to move on and start anew. Don’t you want that?”
Grey nodded his head. “I really do, Mom, but I still feel so damn pissed off.”
Landon going off into the sunset with Quinn wasn’t the main reason he was upset. Nope, it was Cruz and Willow that added to the twisted knots in his stomach. Grey knew he had no claim over Willow, none whatsoever, but knowing that Cruz and her were somewhat of an item was killing him.
The memory of Willow kept Grey up at night…her smile, her eyes, and her body haunted him, and the fact that Cruz had access to all of those things any time he wanted was slowly, but surely, eating away at Grey’s sanity.
He admitted to his mom a little bit ago that he knew he wasn’t in love with Quinn…that he loved her, but wasn’t in love with her, that he was holding on to their past when they were really drifting apart in their present. It was obvious from the way they just didn’t physically connect anymore. It took Quinn breaking up with him and some serious Mom therapy to see the truth, but now that he did, he was slowly starting to let go of that pain. But that didn’t mean he forgave his brother; he was still working on that.
“Have you talked to your brother at all?”
Shamefully, Grey shook his head. He’d been avoiding Landon ever since they got off the tour bus.
“Grey, family is forever. When your dad and I pass, we want to know that you boys will be there for each other…”
“I get that, Mom,” Grey interrupted, “But, can we acknowledge the fact that my brother stole my girlfriend?”
“Don’t raise your voice at me, son.” Grey cowered from her stern tone. “He did not steal your girlfriend. You two were no longer together when Landon decided to make his move.”
“For a day, Mom, one damn day was all it took.”
“A day for you, but years for him…”
“Why does it seem like you’re taking his side?”
Grey’s mom squeezed his hand and said, “I don’t take sides; I’m the voice of reason in this house and yes, Landon should have waited and talked to you about his feelings before he went after Quinn, but you, my son, are being an ass. Your brother loves you, and he’s shown how much he’s loved you over the years by allowing you to be happy with the girl he considers his soul mate. If that isn’t selfless, I don’t know what is. It may hurt now, but know this, that boy accepted the notion that you two were on the road to marriage, and he never once tried to break you two up. Instead, he was supportive and was your sounding board. He’s your brother, your blood, it’s time you forgive and forget.”
Mama Cross stood up, brushed off the bottom of her pants, and winked at Grey, then strolled down the stairs, leaving a Mama Cross wake behind her. She sure knew how to disturb the peaceful float of the bitter boat he was sailing.
Chapter Three
**Willow**
“Don’t forget the nacho dip, I plan on heating that up and licking it off that gorgeous body of yours,” Cruz spoke into Willow’s phone as she walked up and down the aisles of the closest convenience store. She wore a hood over her head and giant sunglasses that made the store look pitch black, making it incredibly difficult to see things. She wasn’t too recognizable to many people, but when she went to buy lube, condoms, and nacho cheese, she wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible.
“If you plan on licking my entire body, then I don’t care what you put on it. Nacho cheese, check!”
“Mmm, that’s my girl. I’ll see you in a few.”
Willow hung up, pleased with the fact that she had a sex date with Cruz tonight, and started looking around for her musts.
Scanning the aisles, she tried to look like a regular customer, but who was she kidding? She wanted sex and she wanted it now. So, she went straight to the lube and condom section. She had no shame whatsoever in buying lube or condoms; it was kind of fun for her actually. So, when she turned the corner to the correct aisle, she stopped in her tracks as she watched a man struggle with embarrassment as he hovered over the lube, looked around, and then casually read the different bottles.
Because Willow could be a creeper at times, she stood off to the side so the man’s back was to her and she watched him. His hands fidgeted as he held his head low and grabbed a bottle of lube for closer examination. By the way he was pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head as he put the bottle back on the shelf, Willow could tell the poor guy was out of his element. She desperately wanted to help him, but she didn’t want to totally emasculate the guy. She could only imagine the horror on his face if she went up to him and offered her assistance.
So, instead, she continued to watch him from behind, trying to send him telepathic messages about the cooling lube that would not only please his lady friend, but would pleasure him as well.
“Do you always creep at the lube section?” A feminine voice asked Willow, practically whispering in her ear.
The question startled her, which made her yelp, causing confused lube man to turn around and face her with a horrified expression. Willow smiled and said, “Cooling lube, it will be pleasurable for both of you.” She winked, trying to ease the awkwardness.
The man nodded, grabbed the lube with a shaky hand, and ran off to the self-checkout counter. Smart move on his part.
Gathering her wits, Willow turned to face the cause of the disturbance. When she made eye contact with a black haired, brown eyed, goddess, she almost choked in shock.
“Maelani?” Willow asked.
“Eeep! You remember me,” Maelani said, as she grabbed Willow and pulled her into a hug.
“Of course I do! I’d never forget my first girl kiss,” Willow winked.
“I feel so honored,” Maelani held her heart and smiled. “What’s been going on? Are you still hanging with Kaid and Maisy?”
Willow laughed; Maelani was always off the grid and never really paid attention to what was going on in the celebrity world. The girl hadn’t changed.
>
“Oh, you know, just posing for Playboy and working on my second album with Maisy and Kaid.”
With a push to the shoulder, Maelani gasped and held her hand to her mouth in shock.
“You’re kidding me? You guys finally did it?”
Smiling widely, Willow nodded her head in excitement. Being foster kids, they didn’t have anyone to turn to. No one to tell about their accomplishments and have that pride of making it big come from someone else, so to tell Maelani her news, Willow couldn’t be happier and beamed with pride.
“We did. We just wrapped up our second tour as an opening act.”
“Oh, my God!” Maelani jumped up and down excitedly. “That’s so amazing. I’m so proud of you guys. Wow, I knew you three were good, but to see you succeed from where you came from…that is something you should be so proud of.”
“We really are,” Willow said, getting a little choked up about thinking where they once were and where they were now. Willow actually had a cash flow, she had clothes, she had food, and she was never going back, ever.
“And Playboy? Damn, girl.” Maelani leaned forward and whispered, “Did you show pussy?”
Laughing, Willow shook her head. “No, the label made me keep it tasteful, but you know I would have been spreading my legs…”
Maelani swatted her shoulder and said, “Please, you would never show pussy. Your boobs, yeah, you would flaunt those anytime, anywhere, but not that delicate lady garden of yours.”
“You’re right about that.” Willow looked at her watch and said, “Hey, I have kind of a date that I have to get to, but let’s exchange numbers because I totally want to hang out later.”
“Yes, I would love that,” Maelani replied, as they typed each other’s numbers into their cell phones.
“Hey, are you still with that Jared guy?” Willow asked, while Maelani finished typing in her number.
There was a slight crease in Maelani’s brow at the mention of Jared’s name, making Willow think that things must have gone sour. When they were in a foster house together, Maelani actually left the house at the age of seventeen to go live with her boyfriend, Jared, who was twenty-two at the time. That was the last Willow had ever seen of her.
The relationship between Maelani and Jared was always a strange one. He seemed to overpower her most of the time, but Maelani was alright with the way he treated her, so Willow never said anything. But by the way Maelani’s mood changed in a matter of seconds just now, she figured something must have gone wrong between the two of them.
“No, we’re not together anymore.”
“Okay…” Willow felt uncomfortable.
“Sorry,” Maelani shook her head. “We can talk about that some other time, not quite a conversation to have in front of the lube aisle.”
“Understandable,” Willow nodded.
“Are you getting lube?” Maelani pointed to the bottles.
Willow looked over her shoulder at the fun she was about to embark on and nodded. “Yeah, the date is a bit of a sexual one.”
“Please, tell me he’s someone you met on tour,” Maelani said, while her demeanor turned from somber to joyful.
“He is,” Willow wiggled her eyebrows. “He’s so hot, Maelani, like drop dead gorgeous and Latin. He’s really good in bed, but that’s all we really have. It’s nothing serious; we just meet up for a good time.”
“Oooh, you have a fuck buddy.”
“I do, and he is a fantastic one at that. Maybe you can come over later; I would love to introduce you, you’re practically family.”
“Maybe,” Maelani shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t want to interrupt your slippery sexing with all the lube I can see you purchasing.”
Laughing, Willow said, “Yeah, maybe stop by Sunday for brunch then. I’ll text you the address; it’ll be fun.”
“Sounds good.”
Maelani reached over and pulled Willow into another hug. Willow wrapped her arms around Maelani and relished the comfort of someone familiar other than her bandmates.
“I’ll see you Sunday,” Maelani winked and started to walk away.
Willow called out and said, “Oh, and by the way, you look damn fine, girl.”
“You do too,” Maelani waved and walked toward the registers.
Feeling elated, Willow walked over to the lube with confidence and grabbed her favorite kind, as well as a pack of condoms that would be pleasurable for not just her, but for him as well.
Her phone beeped in her pocket, letting her know she got a text message, no doubt from Cruz. She pulled out her phone and was surprised to see it wasn’t from Cruz, but from another man.
Declan: Hey, gorgeous, I’ve been thinking about you. You want to meet up sometime, get a drink…
Smiling to herself, she texted back because, frankly, she could. She and Cruz were just fucking, nothing more, and they allowed for themselves to be with other people, so she had zero guilt in texting Declan back.
Willow: Hey, handsome. I’m game. Let me know when and where. Tonight, I’m occupied, but I’m open Friday.
His text back was almost instantaneous.
Declan: Friday it is. Wear something sexy, I have plans for you.
Willow: Mmm, I can’t wait.
Feeling spicy, Willow grabbed extra nacho sauce and headed for the checkout counter. She was in for a treat tonight, and then Friday, she was going to dabble in a little Irish eye candy named Declan.
**Rook**
Journal Entry #162
The smell of rotten trash and decrepit flesh keeps permeating my senses, to the point where I find myself dry heaving over a toilet most of my day. My therapist has strongly encouraged me to leave this house. He has told me that all it’s doing is stirring up deep rooted emotions that we are trying to overcome.
We, funny that he used that term. He acts like we are some kind of team, battling the demons that have been haunting me ever since I can remember, but all he does is talk to me, gives me his shit-tastic opinion of my life, and then sends me a bill. Yeah, he makes me talk about things I never want to talk about, but that’s all he does. They say talking is supposed to help, well fuck that shit because all talking has done in the past few months is fucked me up even more.
Nightmares of my dad beating the ever living piss out of me run rampant through my head every night. I wake up in a sweaty mess, reaching for that one person who will give me comfort, but she’s not there. She doesn’t love me anymore, and I should stop thinking about her, but I can’t; she owns my heart, my fucking soul. I feel so God damn lost without her.
And what is so Goddamn funny about my fucked up life is that, for once, I put someone’s happiness, someone’s safety before mine, and even though I knew I was doing the right thing, I hurt her. I hurt her so fucking bad there is no way she will ever take me back, and to top it off, the reason I hurt her, pushed her away, saved her in my own mind, died a few days after, so I fucked up everything in my life for nothing, for fucking nothing!
Fuck, this headache won’t go away, maybe it’s because I sleep on the floor, in the closet of my old bedroom because it’s comforting. It was my space when I was younger and trying to hide. Maybe it’s because I’m slowly letting myself wither away. I wouldn’t mind dying, it would end the stabbing pain that is in my chest, and I doubt anyone would miss me; she surely wouldn’t.
There’s a pile of cocaine and heroin in the chest downstairs. I could do it tonight. I could end everything…join daddy dearest down in hell and be done with it.
The thought is tempting, almost too tempting…
**Maisy**
“That doesn’t even rhyme,” Maisy said, as she put her pen in her mouth and shook out her hair. She was going to drive herself crazy over lyrics with Kaid helping her.
“Blow and load rhyme,” Kaid defended himself.
“They actually don’t at all, and blow and load…really, Kaid?”
Kaid looked at her for a second, and then realization hit him, causing him to throw his head ba
ck and laugh from the pit of his stomach.
“I guess talking about blowing a load in a love song isn’t the most appealing thing.”
“You think?” Maisy said, full of sarcasm. “Why do I feel so blocked? I’ve never had a problem with writing lyrics, but the past six months have been torture trying to pull anything together.”
Kaid nodded his head as he looked at his fingernails, clearly avoiding eye contact with her.
“What? Just say it.”
With a gentle pat to her hand, Kaid looked up at her and said, “Baby girl, I hate to say it, but I think there is something you have to deal with before you can move past your writing block.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Rook.”
With the mention of Rook’s name, Maisy’s stomach flipped upside down and a light sheen of sweat started to coat her skin. Even though the man ripped her heart out, stomped on it, and left it bleeding in the parking lot where their buses were parked, she still reacted at hearing his name…because he was the one for her, the one man who could make or break her, and he took the opportunity to break her.
“I’m not going there,” Maisy said, while shutting her notebook and leaning back on the couch. “I can’t go there, Kaid.”
“Maybe you have to, baby girl. You have to close that door.”
“I have closed it; I’m with Cole now.”
“But, are you?” Kaid asked. “I know you’re physically there with him, but mentally, are you really there? Because I see the way you are with him, and I remember the way you were with Rook…they’re not the same, they’re not even comparable.”
