by K. E. Young
After a time, I heard slow footsteps behind me. I froze. I smelled Fanul's distinctive incense scent as a fingernail trailed down my spine.
"So lovely. I've missed your dancing, but I would have preferred you did it properly. Clothes get in the way. They hide the performance. Perhaps we can have you give a proper performance… later. For now, you need to learn your place in this world." He pushed my hair over my shoulder to leave my back bare.
He hooked a finger into my collar and gave a tug. "I hope you like your necklace. It's a special necklace. The spellwork cost me a great deal of gold. It keeps you from escaping while you wear it. You can wish for freedom or death as often as you please, but if you try to do anything to bring that about, your pretty necklace will stop you. We have plans for you, and I don't intend to let you free so easily."
A whistling warned me, and the skin of my mid-back reverberated with a loud crack. Pain hit and I almost cried out but the shock of it stole my breath. The next strike fell and my ribs seized, strangling my lungs into silence. Strikes fell across my back, buttocks, and thighs in an unending stream. When I no longer jerked from the blows, Fanul moved to my front and my knees buckled. His weapon of choice was a long, heavy, flat paddle resembling a cricket bat.
He tired of his fun in time and left me hanging there in the silence, gasping for breath. It was a long time before my lungs opened enough to let me cry.
✽ ✽ ✽
I don't know how long I hung there before he came back. Despite being able to put all my weight on my feet, my hands were going numb. Fanul was wiping his mouth with a napkin and smelled of roasted meat and wine.
"Ah. You look so lovely there." He tipped his head, smiled and paced around me in a circle. "I must thank you. Your own desire to stay hidden has worked in my favor. Everyone will believe you're still hiding."
"Your dragonlord doesn't know you're even missing yet my dear. Even if he did, he wouldn't know where to look. Besides, your dragonlord will soon be far too busy to worry about you." He paused and stroked my hip. "So, has your dragonlord tasted your charms? Have you danced for him?"
Panic slammed into me. Not again! "NO!"
Fighting did no good. It never did. Fighting them just made them angrier. It made it hurt more. This time, so did making any noise.
Every time I cried or whimpered Fanul would chant, "A woman is silent," and a blow would fall. I quickly learned to be quiet.
✽ ✽ ✽
They left me alone for a time after Fanul left. This time when I heard footsteps, it was the guards. They clipped on the leash and removed the leather manacles, dropping me to the floor in a heap. One kicked my hip and growled. "Get up."
I pulled myself to my feet and the guard tugged me out of the room and back down a floor. They pushed me into a spartan dormitory. The guards allowed me to relieve myself under their view before shoving me into a bunk.
One studied me before pulling a length of heavy cording out of his pocket. He tied my wrists to a ring set into the wall, then tugged down his trousers. "The lord won't mind. It's your purpose."
I didn't even try to stop him. It was already too late. I hurt everywhere and adding to my hurts wouldn't make it any easier to get away. All I could do was endure it until either I could escape, or was rescued. At this moment, I considered death a means of escape. Fanul wouldn't let me go. I knew who and what he was now. The dragonlords would destroy him if they found out. Fanul couldn't let me live to tell anyone.
After the guard left, the girl sat beside me and stroked my hair as I cried myself to sleep in silence.
Late that night, after the house was silent I tried to force my hands to untie the cording. The collar grew ice cold and my body froze. No matter how hard I tried to force my hands to move, I couldn't. Fanul hadn't lied.
Sara: 28th of Hunting, 3837
The next day the guards gave one of the other girls in the dormitory permission to speak long enough to whisper the rules of the household. "Never look a man in the eyes. When given an order, don't hesitate, just do it. If they want to use you, don't fight them. Above all, stay silent. If Lord Fanul thinks you have become too much of a problem or you are no longer of use, they will either make you disappear or take you to the kitchen and only throw your bones away."
That last bit made me shiver. I believed her. I whispered back. "What is your name?"
"I don't have a name anymore. None of us do. Not even you." At those words, she fell silent once more. They were the last words I heard in that house from anyone but Fanul, his guard captain, Dagresh, or the guards.
After Fanul had eaten his breakfast they strapped my protesting arms once again into the leather manacles and Fanul began his tortures all over again. This time he used a whip. The cracks were sharper, like fire and I could feel the trickle of blood down my back and thighs.
I collapsed and sobbed as silently as I could.
When his arm grew tired, he raped me again then sprawled on a padded platform to one side. He spoke as he sipped his wine and I sought to muffle my tears. Carlos had wanted my screams. Fanul didn't. He wanted me silent as I suffered.
He spoke of how a 'proper' woman behaved. From what Hegall had told me our first day, even the Dogaren weren't as bad as Fanul. To him, I wasn't a person. I was an animal. Animals were for labor, service, and food. If it pleased Fanul to see me bleed, then I would bleed.
After he had informed me of what he expected from me, he laughed. "I'll introduce you to my wife. If you behave, perhaps I will let you take her place." He laughed as if someone had told him the best joke. "Ah, no. I lie. We have other plans for you. Still, the lesson may be salutary."
He called the guards and had me taken down. Fanul clipped the leash to my collar himself and dragged me stumbling out of the room. We hiked up another flight of stairs to a section of the house decorated with finely carved paneling and rich fabrics. He pulled me into a bedroom.
At the foot of Fanul's bed, there lay a woman, or rather, what remained of her. Fanul had removed her hands, feet, and tongue. Her scars were every bit as bad as those I had sported before the Goddess brought me here. Her eyes bore a familiar dead hopelessness I recognized from the mirror. She had lived in her hell for too long too. I thought, from what Fanul had said, she would find her escape soon.
Inside, I wished her good luck. She would need it. Her collar matched my own.
As I had looked into her eyes, Fanul had continued his monologue. I couldn't remember what he had just said, and I panicked until I remembered he wasn't expecting a response. Finally, he kicked the woman and dragged me back to his playroom. Once again, he strung me up and left me to wait.
My shoulders burned, my ribs were seizing up, and I was having trouble breathing. When I was in college, I had read about crucifixion for a medieval history assignment. The text mentioned some victims suffocated simply because they hung by their arms for too long. I had enough slack to move my arms a little so I could get a little relief, but it wasn't enough. My shoulders were in bad enough condition I couldn't move my arms well and my fingers had gone numb again.
Eventually, guards arrived and took me down. One muttered into my ear. "The Lord is occupied for the rest of the day." They directed me back to the dormitory and tied my hands to the ring again. One of them forced a wad of bitter leaves down my throat. They coated my tongue with the same medicinal flavor that was in my mouth when I awoke in the sewer.
Once more, I suffered the rutting of a guard. After a few minutes, the vague sense of the earth that was creeping back drifted away again and I knew the one hope I had for regaining my magic was if I could empty my stomach of the leaves before they took effect. It was something I would find more difficult when my stomach was so empty.
After the guards left, I stared at the ceiling. On the way down to the dormitory, we passed a room where someone had left the door open. The window showed a view of a pretty courtyard. The sun told me it was afternoon. In a few hours, it would be nighttime. That simple glimpse of su
nshine was my undoing. I couldn't hide anymore from the knowledge I would die here.
Fanul would never let me go. I was in pain and exhausted. I had been here for a day and a half, and I hadn't eaten since yesterday's roll and tea for breakfast. Nor had I drunk anything. My lips were dry and burned with the tightness that comes before they crack.
A shadow stirred and the mute servant girl slipped to my side. She smiled and held a cup to my lips. I greedily sucked down the tepid water. At that moment, it was better than the finest wine. When I had emptied the cup, she scurried away and returned after a few minutes with more.
It wasn't enough, but I suspected it was all I would get.
I tried to sleep but the old nightmares of Carlos interfered. I ended up dozing in and out of the nightmares. Once, the girl woke me by holding her hand over my mouth and I knew I had cried out in my sleep. I got no real rest.
A few hours later, there was a ruckus. Dagresh was back with a little girl about seven years old in his grip.
He tossed her limp form onto another cot and barked orders to the guards. While they stripped and chained the child to the wall, Dagresh drifted over to stand over me. "I see his lordship has been keeping you in line. Don't worry about him. You won't have to deal with him for long. We have other plans for you."
His eyes drifted over me, noting the bruises and welts, and he smiled. His hands moved to his belt as he admonished me. "Now don't forget. A woman is silent." It was the only warning he gave me.
I never noticed when the guards left. Dagresh did everything in his power to make me scream. His fingers dug into the slashes from the whip, he bit me hard enough to draw blood and slapped me hard on my worst bruises.
After he finished, I shivered and wept in reaction, but I was silent. I had already learned that lesson with Fanul.
Dragos: 29th of Hunting, 3837
His instincts screamed at him to hurry back to Therysal but he was still the Emperor's man and Urash hadn't given his permission yet. Admittedly, Urash was busy right now dealing with the transitioning of the Empire into his hands, taking the oaths of the nobles, and all of the stupid ceremonies involved.
Dragos doubted Urash would have allowed him to leave before today anyway. It was near dawn but Dragos still hadn't been to sleep yet. In fact, he was still a little drunk. Today was the funeral.
Emperor Rhal may not have sired him, but he had been Dragos' father in every other way and Dragos already missed him intensely.
Rhal had been a good man scarred by the events that had killed so many of his people twenty-four years ago. Many of whom would not have died if he hadn't broken. Dragos' real sire was among those who died that day.
The guilt had weighed on Rhal even more than his injuries had. Dragos had heard stories of his stepfather's youth. Before that terrible day, Rhal had been a brash, volatile youth much like Kaio. Everyone expected his father to be Emperor for a long time so he had still had plenty of time to grow up. Unfortunately, circumstances forced Rhal to learn restraint and caution the hard way and at great cost.
Rhal became Emperor far too soon. His injuries had kept him from fulfilling his new duties for a long time and he was forced to rely on his brother Ren for aid despite Ren's utter lack of political ability. Despite the rocky start, he had made a good Emperor. He was beloved by his people and the tears on the faces of the onlookers were real.
As the first sliver of the sun crept over the horizon, Rhal's pyre blazed into heat and fury, consuming the remains of the only father Dragos had ever known.
Sara: 29th of Hunting, 3837
My night was rent with nightmares of Carlos although he sometimes bore Dagresh or Fanul's face now. I knew I could never forget. Even if I somehow escaped, I would never be free of them any more than I was free of my stepfather or Carlos. The weight of memory, nightmare, and pain was more than I could bear before. What would it be like now?
This morning, the guards hauled me out of my cot early and hung me as usual in Fanul's playroom. The room was cooler than usual and a brazier was lit.
Fanul arrived in high spirits. "Ah. The lovely Lady Sara awaits my attention." He laughed. "We shall have to make the most of our time together, my pretty. We haven't much of it left. Plans move apace."
He picked up the long paddle he had used the first time. He didn't hit me as hard as he did that day, but in my current condition, it had as great an effect, perhaps more.
When my knees collapsed, Fanul grabbed me by the hair and hauled me to my feet. "Don't you dare. I'm not done with you yet. You must do better. All you have to do is stand there and receive whatever I wish to give you. It is your duty and my right. Now stand up or be punished!"
Be punished? Wasn't he already punishing me? I remembered Carlos though. When what he did no longer caused me to react, he found something new to torment me. What would Fanul do?
I tried. I honestly tried, but my head was swimming and my muscles no longer followed my commands.
Fanul grunted in disgust. He went over to the brazier and thrust a small poker into it. "Weak. I should have known."
Memories of Carlos doing something similar swamped my mind and I almost cried out. For those few moments, it was Carlos' voice, not Fanul's.
In a panic, I tried to force my muscles to do what he demanded. I failed. It was too late to stop what would happen next even by following his orders. I knew how it would feel, how it would smell. I knew it would excite him as it had Carlos. There was no way at all I could keep silent. Fanul would punish me for that too.
I was right. I was right about all of it.
When Fanul finished with his little hot poker, he didn't rape me. He pissed on me instead then walked out. I almost preferred being raped, the piss burned like acid in my wounds.
The guards who came to collect me this time expressed disgust. They summoned the mute girl to clean up the mess before they would move me. When the area was clean enough, they hauled me out, dumped me into a tub, and scrubbed me clean with little regard for the damage I had suffered.
I was still soaking wet and bleeding when they tied me to the cot again. Their usual rape barely registered with me. It was another hurt in a sea of pain.
I repeated to myself that Carlos had paid for his crimes and Fanul would too. All of them would. I had to believe that. I had to.
The mute girl brought me water again. It was bitter but she forced me to drink it anyway. Soon afterward, the pain faded a little. It didn't go away, but it became more bearable. After an hour or two, she gave me another cup of water. I slept.
A slap from Dagresh woke me. He held a cup in one hand. Grabbing me by the jaw with the other hand, he forced the contents of the cup down my throat. I attempted to open my throat so it would go into my lungs instead but the familiar chilled locking of my muscles told me the collar wouldn't let me go so easily.
Dagresh was laughing. "I don't know what you tried to do, but it won't work. Don't worry little Nakairu. It's almost over."
The drug he had forced down my throat took effect quickly on my empty stomach. It made me dizzy and I couldn't think. On the positive side, I didn't hurt anymore either.
I hardly registered when Dagresh clipped a leash to my collar. He had the terrified and bound little girl draped over his shoulder when he dragged me out of the room and down to the cellar. Fanul was waiting for him dressed in a heavy, hooded cloak. Dagresh dumped the girl at his feet and said, "Here, take this. It takes both hands to get the damned door open." He thrust my leash into Fanul's hands, taking the extra cloak Fanul was carrying, and swinging it around his own shoulders.
My mind refused to function and that scared me. Dagresh's words haunted me. I feared what they were about to do. The little girl confused me though. They hadn't abused her, merely bound and gagged her. A cold stinking draft told me we were going back into the sewers.
Dagresh pulled me through the door and into the lantern-lit darkness before I could orient myself. I struggled to remember the turns in the path we took. Fan
ul carried the little girl.
I shivered from the cold and my feet were numb before we arrived at our destination.
Our destination was a large round room with several tunnels branching from it. In the center of the room was an odd twisting shimmery curtain of air fenced in by a channel carved in the stone of the floor. It looked like a desert heat haze without the heat. In the shadows around the room, I saw other people in heavy hooded cloaks like Dagresh and Fanul's. The air was redolent with the incense smell I had associated with Fanul. The curls of lazy smoke drifted in the cold, dank air.
Dagresh forced me down and tied my wrists to a grate set in the floor with a leather belt then helped Fanul unbind the little girl and tie her on top of a sturdy wooden table placed outside the ring carved in the ground. Small basins rested on the ground at either end of the table. A hooded man stepped out of the shadows and put his hand on the girls head. After a few moments, he nodded and Dagresh smiled in satisfaction.
The one who had checked the little girl stepped up to the shimmering curtain in the air. He held his hand against it. He was doing something with magic but the sensation I got was so blurry I couldn't identify it. I reached for the earth again and failed. It was there, I could feel it, but it stayed out of my grasp. When the mage pulled his hand away, I saw a brighter patch of shimmering that swirled in a vortex. He stepped back into the shadows.
When they removed the child's gag, she pleaded with them to let her go. I could have told her it was in vain. They wouldn't listen to her. There wasn't anything that would save us now, we knew too much. I dropped my eyes so I didn't have to watch.
My mind drifted until I realized I was trying to count the men in the shadows. Then I got distracted and I couldn't remember why I thought it was important so I gave up. I could feel something was wrong and fear made my heart pound. I started sweating despite the cold.
